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Hey..sorry its soo long i hope you can help im the one usually giving advice if you ever need some ask me!
I hav been going out for this guy let's call him Josh for almost 10 months. We hav an amazing relationship and he really is my best friend. We have one problem his ex girlfriend is insane. She is obssesed with him and there is a long story behind that but just to make it short she is jealous and she wants him and her and I got into a big thing. I don't liek to start things and i do stand up for myself but i don't liek having enemies. About 2 weeks ago. My boyfriend started treating me like crap. This is 2 weeks ago: Saturday night we got into a fight because his ex's friends were starting stuff with my friends. I told him that i didn't know if i cood take i anymore. We weren't on the best page. Since it is summer we don't see eachother that much he went to camp before these 2 weeks and now he's on vacation. SO back to Saturday so that happened then on Sunday we talked and he was mad and upset. On monday we were planning to see eachother on tuesday but my friends messed it up. Also on monday we had a long talk about his ex and hwo i feel like he doesn't stand up for me like he should. When our plans got ruined for tuesday i was upset but it seemed like he didn't even care. On tuesday he called me at night and we didn't talk much but i asked him what he did today and he said nothing and that he's been thinkin about alot. I got a little worried. Well anyways Wedneday came n i went to my friends house with him and all my friends.I decided to just forget about everything because he was leaving that friday and i thought it would be the last time i would see him so i wanted it to be good. It somehow came up and he wanted to talk and said that i don't feel like he is really intersting and all that and he simply told me that he was just thinking that the relationship is getting too serious as in commitment wise. I understood because we are still young but how could he tell me he loves me if he doesn't wanna be with me. Well anyways on thursday i found out that on wednesday night he slept at his friends house and he did a camera thing with one ofmy friends theyw ere all joking but he told her to pull her shirt down more so her boobs would show. It's so hard to even write this because he's so not like this. On thursday night i found out earlier that day his ex adn her friends came over to swim with his friends. Just to amek it short on friday i saw him for 2 minutes and i was planning on talking to him about it but he could opnlys tay for like 5 minutes. He was being an ass and he just left and said i love you bye. He's on vacation right now and i don't know what to do when he comes back. Thanx for reading this .What should i do? I'm 14 and a girl.lol
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Now, obviously I don't know what your relationship is like, but I think it is safe to say that you are no longer happy.
As for his ex-girlfriend, if he wanted her back, he would take her back. Boyfriends cannot be stolen. Boys make a decision and go with it. If he wants his ex, he will choose her. Nothing she says or does will ever "make" him do anything he doesn't want to do. So if you trust him, she means nothing to your relationship.
It seems to me that he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. He is displaying this by cutting you out, not talking to you, and doing things that you feel invade your relationship. His friends are fighting with your friends, you're fighting with him, he's fighting with you, his ex-girlfriend is fighting with everyone. Doesn't this seem like a toxic relationship?
Every relationship takes work. There are ups and downs, but if you are struggling to keep a relationship and it makes you unhappy, one must wonder why one keeps going. Being with someone should be easy and make you happy. Sure, there are moments that you have to work through, but you should not be constantly fighting.
If someone really loves you, REALLY loves you, they want you to be happy and they will do whatever it takes to make you HAPPY. Love is selfless not selfish. It goes both ways. And we have to be strong individuals in order to maintain healthy relationships.
If you're not happy and he's not happy, and he's telling you that he doesn't want a committed relationship, I think it's safe to say that you should let him go.
This will be most disappointing to hear, but the truth is, we are humans who make up our own minds and nobody can force you to stay in love with him any more than you can force him to stay in love with you. If he wants out, let him out.
A guy who really wants you, will let you know he wants you and only you. If he doesn't do anything about past girlfriends that keep popping up, then he obviously is alright with them being around, otherwise he would say something.
As for your friends and yourself, leave him, his ex, and his ex's friends alone. Separate yourself from them as much as possible and be as polite and pleasant as you can if you HAVE to be around them. Stay as far away as you can so you don't continue this toxic environment. Because let's face it, it's toxic: For you, for him, for his ex, for her friends, and yours. Nobody is happy. Be the bigger person and get out of it all.
If he really wants you, he will come around on his own. If he does, let him know that you're not okay with his ex hanging around because you feel like it inhibits your relationship with him. Leave it at that. If he doesn't make the problem go away, don't stay in the situation. You have a right to be happy. If you stay in it just to keep him happy, you are feeding his selfishness.
Stand up for yourself, even if there isn't a confrontation. Prove that you don't need someone to be happy. You will find that while it may not be as exciting, it certainly is not as toxic.
Hope that helps and hope everything works out for you.
-Charlotte
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