stargirl51's advice column

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Q: what do you think of this?
im a skinnyish girl with butt and boobs.
so i was wondering if this costume would look good.
[brown hair blue eyes too if that means anything]
f/13

Ok, first of all, you're 13. I can understand wanting to show off the goods and wanting to be accepted/recognized/viewed as an adult.

But...that costume's a little too risque for someone your age, don't you think?

If you're dead set for something like that, try this:
http://www.halloweenexpress.com/strawberry-girl-teen-costume-p-16915.html

But my personal suggestions are:
http://www.halloweenexpress.com/witch-teen-costume-p-2558.html

http://www.halloweenexpress.com/mod-girl-teen-costume-p-15885.html

cheers,
stargirl

Q: i want to stop losin weight, i used to be overweight and i lost alot of weight but now i wont stop losing, i eat really good, not too much junk and not too much but i eat good amounts of food but i still workout, i used to power walk for an hour but now i cut it down to a half hour[running] so i could stay in shape, but i just keep on losing weight..Help ? haha.
I Dont wanna lose anymore from my legs cause they arre skinny the way they are but i have a little tummy, and i dont want to do situps cause they say it builds muscle, i just wantto get rid of the fat,,help? :d thanks!.

ok just so we're clear:
You want to lose weight some places but don't want to in other places?

Have you tried sports that increases muscle to your legs? I.E. Kickboxing, fencing, etc. It would pack on the muscle and pounds and shape to your legs.

With a bit of muscle on your legs, it'll give your legs shape and wouldn't make your tummy look like "a little tummy"

cheers,
stargirl

Q: im 18/f
within the past couple months i have realized that there has been a weird smell coming from "down there" i dont know what it could be. i wash it everyday and i have never had sex before, i dont know if that could affect anything but i have alot of discharge and i went to the doctor to see if anything was wrong and she said that its normal to have discharge and it means that your body is just cleaning itself and there isnt really anything i can do. but i discharge so much that i have to wear a panty-liner and that i have to wear a tampon everyday because if i dont it will get all over the place and it feels disgusting. i just dont know where this weird smell is coming from and if and when i decide to do something with a boy i dont want it to smell down there...gross. any suggestions or comments to why this could be happening? thanks!

It could be that your body just happens to discharge a lot or that you have a different pH balance than most other females. To be sure, ask your health care professional because they would have more knowledge about this than anyone here ever would.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: I sit Right infront of the guy i like in skewl like he sits sideways and i sit straight so wer pretty much right next to eachtoher,., i rlly rly like this kid since last year, but i have a hard time talkin to him sometimes, like i do talk to him but not SOO much.
But we do talk
Can anyone please tell me how to talk to him more or gimie some tips,, not things like "so whats ur fav color" nah nothing like that,,i have my friends next to me and he has his friends next to him so i dont want myself to look like an idiot
can anyone like help me or tell me how i should approach him ..
anyhting would be helpful thanks a whole lot

Try just asking what's up. How's his day. etc. What his plans for the weekend are. Pick up the hints in what he's saying. Really pay attention (even if he is cute =P)

This way you get to learn his interests and maybe are able to strike up a conversation about one of those interests.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: My fiance dumped me one year ago. We were together for 3.3 years. How long does it usually take to get over it. I have moved on somewhat it is a complicated story and there is not enough room here to say. I am currently dating someone else and have been in two other relationships since. I am expecting a child in dec from one of the relationships and would love to get back with the guy from the other relationship but overall I still have feelings for my ex fiance.

Sometimes it takes a few days, sometimes it takes years.

Especially if you were in a relationship with someone for so long, it might take even longer.

But every morning, you need to take that deep breath and say: "Ok, I'm having a kid. This kid is going to be my whole life from now on." Once he/she is born, you're going to look at that little face and realize that...you have someone to take care of. To love. To have by your side until they leave the nest.

And I think that will help you leave that ex of yours behind. It gives you a new focus.

cheers (and congratulations!),
stargirl

Q: 16/f

i'm normally an honest person but about recently i just got a new boyfriend. he's amazing and i could never wish for a better boyfriend. i want to keep him with me forever!! but i told him a lie and i regret doing it! and its a pretty big lie too. I told him that i finger myself but i really don't. I havent even worn a tampon yet! and i really really really really REALLY do not want to tell him that i don't finger myself because he will get mad that i lied and he told me that he really wants to finger me and if i tell him that i've never done it then it will all just crash and burn. we've been talking that when we are going to hang out again soon, that he wants to finger me but i'm not sure what to do. help!!! i don't know what to do!

If this new boyfriend is the perfect boyfriend, you should be able to just be honest with him.

Explain to him that you haven't done all that yet. He'll understand. If not, there's a better guy out there.

Do you want to wait? If you feel uncomfortable with him potentially doing that, tell him that you're uncomfortable and that you want to wait. Like I said, if he's perfect, he'll understand and will want to move at your pace.

Cheers,
stargirl

Q: How can I stop my negative behaviors?

I am at a weak point in life right now and am only becoming weaker. Life was always difficult. I've experienced an extraordinary amount of loss of various types--deaths, break-ups, a broken home, etc. I suffer from depression and low self-esteem, but I have never really seen a therapist about either of these. I crave love and acceptance from others but not openly because I fear being completely rejected. I carry myself in a way that nothing seems to bother me but I'm hurting deep inside.

I have been having sex with this man that is a little older than myself. He is not my boyfriend and I know he is really just using me. This is purely just sex with no intellectual connection what-so-ever (it's gotten to the point that we no longer even make small-talk before engaging in the sexual activity). I have told myself that I am with him only to feel like I am still desirable at some standpoint, even though I know he just wants what's between my legs--nothing more. I wish I can have a man who's mine and who will love me, but I feel completely undesirable and giving my body to this man is the only way I know how to "fix" that. This situation is only making me feel colder inside, and it's getting to the point where I feel that my soul is truly dying.

I feel like right now my self-respect is dwindling and I'm acting like a completely tramp. I KNOW I'm a whore for doing this (and I KNOW this so there is no need to spare my feelings in your response). I feel like garbage and, in the end, I know I will be played like I'm a piece of meat, used and discarded of when nothing more can be pulled from the bone. I just don't have any friends or anyone else around me that seems to CARE about anyone but themselves. I'm lonely. I feel terrible. I know I'm making a bad situation incredibly worse. I don't know how to stop, how to fix this, or how to be different.

What can I do to help myself?

Ok. Since you asked to spare your feelings in our response, I'll get right to the point.

First step is to suck out the poison in your life. Get away from the man you've been having sex with. I know. It's going to be scary because you might feel like that you're severing the last piece of somebody that cares for you (even though you know it's a false care). He's only feeding into this negative behavior.

Second, get your own personal life in order. Are you in school? Do you have a job? If not, work towards getting one or both of those. It'll also be hard but use this mantra: "Today is a new day." With each sunrise, we have another chance to live our life. Just say it whenever you feel a bit down. "Today is a new day."

Third, go get therapy. University campuses usually offer a psychological health facility (aka therapist office) for rather cheap. It'll be the best thing you've ever done. It might not make you completely reverse what you think of yourself but it will definitely start the change.

Optional Third: find religion. Personally, I'm not a religious person. But I've found for people who feel/are in a very low point of their life that religion could be a good thing. It offers a support system to help turn their life around. Find some local new age churches (i.e. The Rock Church) and show up to a congregation to see what they're about. Speak with the pastor, tell him that you're on the road to recovery and you would like the support of God. Or if that's not your cup of tea, try other places out there. There's bound to be a coven or temple or synagogue that will welcome you and help you through your ordeal.

I wish you the best of luck with this. This was a good move. The first step in turning your life around.

Cheers,
stargirl

Q: hii.
Okay, so homecoming weekend i had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. This was the 27th. Then we did it again a week later on oct. 5th. i was pmsing at the time and actually surprised i didn't have my period at the time. exactly 28 days after my last period was the 6th. it's now the 8th. I don't feel like i'm pmsing anymore at all. I talked to my friend and my brother about it (he's one of my good friends) they both said it's normal for your period to be late right after you lose your virginity. There were absolutly no complications with sex at all. we used a condom and it didnt break or anything. it was all fine. but i'm getting really worried. any information you have or advice will be wonderful.
Thank you so much.

Calm down. Just relax and it will come to you. Your cycle isn't on the dot all the time (unless you're on the pill).

If there were no complications and the condom didn't break then you are going to be just fine. Wait out the rest of the week and see if it comes by saturday or this sunday. If it doesn't come by monday or tuesday, then go get a pregnancy test.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: ok, so, my house is a wreck! it always has been, within the last few years its hit rock bottom. stuff is everyyyyywhere. literally. everything is clutered. you cant even walk in our dining room, our spare room, only in about half way in the living room, barely in my moms room, you can barely even use the kitchen counter.. i mean you get the idea. my room is pretty much the only room that stays clean. its just me & my mom here. she works 5 days a week for 9 hours, and i work a part time job and am in school, so were not here to clean very often. she is a packrat for sure & cant get rid of anything. its like one of those houses you see on doctor phil or oprah, where the whole house is just FILLED with stuff. except its not dirty, we dont have pets in the house so it stinks and we dont have old pizza boxes or dirty dishes lying around, its just cluttered. my friends are always asking me why the cant come over and asking if they can, but i cant really tell them how my house is so theyll shut up! its embarrassing, so usually ill just say we have to clean before anyone comes over. but then they either say well i dont care about that! or well then clean it! but this is NOT a one day job, and if you know the kinda mess im talking about, you know what i mean. like i said, either of us are hardly ever here to clean, especially at the same time. and really the only time we have is weekends, and i work almost every friday and saturday. its just not that i easy. 95% percent of it is my moms stuff, so really i cant do anything bc i cant move her stuff or throw anything away without her looking at it first, so its alot easier said than done. most of my friends have NEVER been to my house, and im running out of excuses why! what can i say to them!? ugh, please help.

clean a little bit every day (though I think it might be that you already do that) but expand to outside your room. do some dishes a day. Set small chores for yourself and your mom.

In response on how to tackle your mom's mess, get a few boxes (from your work or whatever) and toss in things that you can't organize or have no idea where it goes. That way she can sort it out when she gets home.

And just tell your friends the truth: Your place is literally a mess and tell them that you would be uncomfortable if they were there. If they're really your friends, they'll understand.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: what is the best diet that you have tried and had the best results

eating kids meal portions through the entire day for breakfast lunch and dinner then a healthy snack in between each meal.

alongside a bit of excercise every day.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: Im trying to loose weight so Im cutting soda and energy drinks out of my diet. Im usually really tired at work and have an energy drink to wake up, are there any other foods or anything i can have before work to get some energy?

Good strong japanese green tea will perk you up. Along with a snack of dark chocolate. For an added health benefit, go for the dark chocolate with almonds.

Or even regular home brewed coffee without a ton of cream or sugar can do the trick.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: Hey yall,

i was walking alone with my boyfriend & he had his arm around my waist & he started breathing kinda funny so i asked him what was wrong & he just hugged me. It was a rly long cute sweet hug though.

Why was he breathing so funny?

Thanks!

Nervous, athsma attack, or he was turned on. But that last one would've been obvious because you would've felt something when he hugged you.

Q: I'm thirteen 5'0 and 130 pounds. I really need to lose weight. I have stretch marks on my calves and hips. I want to know a way to lose weight asap. i hope to lose twenty pounds.

Diet and excercise.

If you don't have access to a gym, try jump-roping or curl ups for 15min a day, every day. that's 15 min straight, not throughout the day. Or jog. But whatever physical activity makes you comfortable, make sure it's 15 - 20 min a day, everyday.

for dieting, watch your portions. Like how much you actually eat. If you eat a lot, cut down the portion to something that'll get you mostly full. The thing is, we don't really register being full until about 5 - 20 minutes after we eat.

Cheers,
stargirl

Q: how can i get rid of arm fat fast??? please help

First of all, you can't get rid of fat fast. Fat is fast to get, but very slow to lose.

Push ups put your arms in shape and will help trim the fat.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: ok this might be a little weird but,

what feels better for a girl?
just sex .. or getting oral first then sex?

also..would there be any differnce in the feeling for the guy?

ps. what are some oral tips for a guy to perform on a girl?

thanks in advance.

It really depends on the individual. Some might like one over the other. The best way to figure out which one feels the best for you is to explore.

Your PS is a bad question to ask on hereparts. Have you tried a google search?

Cheers,
stargirl

Q: well recently, ive been dating this guy all summer and what made me so attached to him is we had sex. i found out while i was away at camp; he had sex with his ex girlfriend. i immediately broke up with him.. he is 18 and i am 15. i cried for days; lost ten pounds in a week; couldnt eat and couldnt sleep.the ex that he cheated on me with has been texting him everyday all summer. still getting mad that me and him wwere together. instead of hating him like i shouldve i cried in his arms.i was going to go to a frat party with a friend on friday; but he got really upset and nervous so i didnt. he hung out with the ex that he cheated on me with one night, and he took her home because i called him terribly upset crying and really scared. i felt so hooked to him. i told myself i can get through this im strong and ive been through worse. and now im talking to my other ex and starting to catch feelings again.. ive never loved anyone more than him nda he took my firsts.. should i keep trying to be with the one who cheated on me.. or should i go back to my first love.. its hard because ive spent so much time with the one who cheated on me & i feel like he deserves another chance.. pleasee helpp!

Get rid of the guy that cheated on you. It's likely that he'll do it again. It's not fair that he got upset when you were gonna go to a party with a friend when he slept with his ex and texted her all summer.

The ex that you're feeling for again might be a good transition to get you back onto the dating scene.

You've got a ton of choices. And that guy that cheated on you is obviously not a good choice. There's a million guys that are better than him who wouldn't do that to you.

Cheers,
stargirl

Q: I live in upper Darby, PA and my dream is to be sponsored by Nike (the shoe company) in tennis (just like Michael Jordan was sponsored by Nike in basketball). I know Nike is pretty popular and I think it would be neat to be sponsored by Nike on the court, especially since I always wear Nike shoes. I am currently level 3.5 and I am 16 years old. I know I'm probably too young to be sponsored by Nike right now, but I want Nike to be interested in me later. Do I eventually have a shot at getting sponsored by Nike, and what do I need to do to make Nike look at me? What level should I be in for Nike to notice me? I train 3-6 hours every single day. I always wear Nike shoes on the court. I know I don't necessarily need to be world-famous yet for Nike to be interested in me because Michael Jordan wasn't when Nike started to sponsor him.

I will do anything so please help me make Nike interested in me!

Are you a pro tennis player? More than that, are you a pro tennis champ?

When it comes to sponsoring, companies want people that are just becoming recognizable by the general public. They want people who are successful in the sport that they're in and popular so that they can get their name worldwide.

So my advice is to keep playing and play as hard as you can. Once you go pro and start seeing your name in quite a few places, THAT'S when you should worry about how to get Nike to sponsor you.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: i'm 15 and i've struggled with bulimia for like 2 years. i was just wondering if people ever truely overcome them and don't do it anymore?

i mean i am not nearly as bad anymore because summer wasn't very stressful, i didn't over eat because i was at my friends house all summer so it was good. now i'm back home, back in school, and stress is back. family problems are also getting worse, so to deal i use bulimia. it may sound weird but it feels like a release. i don't want to let go of it.

also i just always have my mind set in it. like even if i'm not throwing up as much i still think about the calories, when someone says diet i think that means i shouldn't eat, and when i'm walking i think about the calories being burned. it always invites itself into my mind.

so do people ever really get over this? i have a feeling i will be this way the rest of my life.

People do get over things like eating disorders. They just need to give it time and lots of support form friends and family.

You gotta walk before you run. So at first, it'll seem hard to give up and that you never will give it up but with the constant support of your friends and family, each day will help bring you closer to finally getting rid of bulimia from your life.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: Me and this girl have been seeing each other for awhile but i dont know if were dating or just fooling around i asked her about it once and she said we would take it slow but its been a couple weeks and now were pretty hot and heavy but im still not sure. and when shes at work i've heard her say that she was single but im not sure if she's only saying it cause she works at a bar and gets better tips that way.

You should talk to her about it.

It could be that she's not very serious about the two of you and has you around to have a good time with and not a serious closed relationship.

It could also be that she wants to take it slow because you're a break from the type of guys she encounters at work.
Best way to find out anything is to just ask her about things. Ask her where you both stand as a couple. Let your feelings be known to her.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: ever since i can remember i've felt like i'm living in the wrong time..like i feel like i shoud live in the 80's or 70's. i am obsessed with everything from back in those times and always wish so hard that i could live then instead of now. i feel like back then everything was much easier and relaxed and there wasn't as many world problems and stuff as there is now. all of my favorite movies, music, and actors are from back then but then it sucks becuase the actors are older now so it's weird since i'm just a teen..i just feel like iwas meant to live back then. sometimes i even get depressed about this and people ask me what would make you happy? and really what would make me happy is living in the 70's or 80's but i know that's impossible now. it just sucks because i totally hate this time era. i feel like techonology ruins everything and lets people know things they aren't meant to know, and that's why everyone fights so much. i just feel like all this technology is unnatural, and i feel lke in the 70's or 80's it was at the perfect balance. in my dream world i would be a child in the 70's and a teen in the 80's...i would be so happy. because i feel like techonology and the new world now ruins everything. can anyone help me? i just want to feel better about the time i'm living.and has this happened to anyone else? or do i just have problems?what can i do to feel better about the time i live in! i just love the 80's and 70's so muchh.

It's not completely impossible to live in a previous decade.

Check out these ladies:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1042702/Time-Warp-Wives-Meet-women-really-live-past.html

Turn your life into 1988 at home. Dress in 80s clothes. Use a trapper-keeper!

Just live your life like you would in the 80s, no matter what people think. No one would really be able to stop you from living an 80s life.

The ladies in the link I posted were able to turn their lifestyles into that of the 50's, 40's, and 30's even. Hopefully that will inspire you to turn your life totally wicked and plaster Wham! and New Kids posters on your wall.

Cheers,
stargirl