Good day everyone.
I am a nursing student. My ultimate goal is to be a travel nurse.
I am happily married for over 12 years and have 3 children: ages 6, 4, and 2. Family is the most important thing in the world and I want to help families work out problems so they do not have to be torn apart.
If your family is as important to you as mine is to me, get the help you need. If you do not like my advice, I respect that but look for someone that works for your needs.
Your family is worth it!
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio
Occupation: Home maker/ nursing student
Age: 31
Member Since: October 26, 2007
Answers: 223
Last Update: September 27, 2011
Visitors: 32454
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Well to make a long story short, my boyfriend of 2.5 years had these group of girls that he was all best friends with BEFORE we were together. I've always hated these girls because they're stereotypical, well to put it nicely, home-wrecking sluts. Well, when we very first started dating, he broke up with me after 3 weeks because I didn't like him talking to them still, and he knew I hated them. The night he broke up with me he hung out with all of them, and they posted pics of him and them on facebook, with the girls all over him. I later found out he lost his virginity to one of them, like a year before us getting together. 3 months after this we got back together, and have been on and off since. My question is, how do I get over this situation? I know I'm better than these girls in more ways than one, so jealousy isn't the answer. I just really can't get past the crap that happened, and I know I really can't be mad for stuff that happened before we were even talking, so don't bash me for that. I really just need some advice on how to put this crap behind me? It's really tearing us apart.
Thank you. (link)
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You know... a lot of young people ask a similar question of "how do I move on or get past" a particular issue with your significant other.
The reality is... you may not be able to. The whole point of dating is to learn what kind of boy you like and what you really dislike. Hypothetically- you date one boy and he is a real gentleman but doesnt like to be social. You KNOW you like the gentleman part of him but you would rather be with a gentleman who also loves to go out a lot. The next guy does both of these things but is an avid hunter and you are an animal rights activist. These are just silly examples obviously but my point is this... though you did not state your age I will take a guess based on what you have told me that you are young. You may like almost everything about your boyfriend but you cannot accept his past.
You know in your heart and your gut what sort of man you want to eventually settle down with. Perhaps the true love of your life isnt meant to have a past with, as you put it, a group of slutty girls with whom he lost his virginity. And to top it off... he was able to "get over" you easily enough to be in compromising situations with these girls immediately after breaking up with you.
I suggest you explain your feelings to him including the fact that you simply do not want him to have anything to do with these girls anymore. And bottom line- that may not be enough either.
You should never remain in a relationship that makes you miserable. If you are looking for something better than what your current boyfriend is, you should not be in the current relationship. You have higher standards than what he is presenting and as much as you care about him- you want better for yourself.
I certainly do not know if this is exactly how you feel. You two have been together for a long time. But you arent completely happy or you would not have posted your problem here.
You also mentioned you have been "on and off since". Clearly this is not a completely deep and committed relationship. Maybe you should consider calling it quits with this guy and finding someone who you don't HAVE to "move past the crap" of his past.
Also, hate is such a strong word. The emotional stress that hatred puts on our bodies is just not worth it. If you have that much hatred and anger regarding these girls, and these girls are perpetually a part of your life because of your boyfriend, it would be emotionally healthier for you to rid them of your life which consequently could mean leaving your boyfriend.
If he is willing to completely rid his life of those girls and is willing to be ON but NOT OFF again... he might be worth the effort of staying with. Otherwise, as I stated before, you know in your gut something is not completely right. Maybe it is time to find someone who is a better fit of the man you actually want to be with.
Good luck.
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I have a boyfriend that I've been with for a year and just last week i was with my best friend. We were in my room just talking and i leaned over to kiss her. Then we started to get frisky. We started to touch eachother everywhere. I liked it better than when my bofriend touches me. How should I tell him?? Im 16 and a girl. (link)
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I am not sure it is any of his business that you did this... but you should certainly stop seeing him. Regardless whether you were with another boy or another girl you went somewhere else for intimate experiences- and you enjoyed it more than when you are with him. This means you don't respect your relationship with him enough to be faithful and he doesn't please you the way you want to be pleased.
Beyond that- I suggest you do some real soul searching and figure out what it is in a relationship before you get involved in another. If you turn out to be gay- you should not be getting involved with another boy. You could end up hurting him when you stray with a girl. OR you could get your best friend interested in you romantically and you may begin to feel thats not what you want- you actually like boys- and now your best friend is hurt.
Either way you should back off from any romantic involvement and decide what it is you want out of life before anyone else gets hurt.
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I recently began to realize that I really don't feel much emotions. When I do though, it is usually anger for a short period of time. Or I will feel stress, but nothing more really. Is there a term or word for this? How do I feel again? Is there a reason I may be feeling this? (link)
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I used to be like this. It is because I grew up with emotionless parents. They are still like that to this day! And I am like that with them- but I have escaped that in every other aspect of my life.
The way I was able to break out of it was by forcing myself into situations where emotions were heavy, like in sports, art, etc. I had a really hard time showing happiness because I found it embarassing!!! I cant explain why. So I would force myself to go to a "game" with friends. Then I would get completely out of my comfort zone and for a few minutes I would "whoop and holler" like everyone else. I felt like an idiot. It took a few years of getting out of my comfort zone but now- I don't show a lot of emotion in front of my dad. But I am in my 30's. I have a husband and kids and a bunch of friends. I laugh. I get silly with my kids. I bark. My kids pretned to be dogs and I bark at them!
I don't know if there is a word for this problem. I know I used to get jealous a lot of others. Jealousy and anger were the only things I felt. I had a very difficult childhood and that had a lot to do with it. If I showed happiness, someone would come along and say or do something that would make me feel so terrible. I finally realized that if I didn't show happiness- then no one would have to say or do anything to make me feel bad. I eliminated all that from my life. The people I was jealous of... I decided to start paying them compliments. I hated it at first but telling a girl I really didnt like that she had a pretty dress or I liked her new hairstyle... then she would be nice back and offer me some of her snack or invite me to hang out at the park or something. Over a very long period of time- I began to have enough friends that were different from anyone else I had previously known and being nice to others became easier. As being a friend became easier my jealousy started going down. With that my anger also began to diminish.
Now that I am in my 30's I actually have a happy life. I don't show that happiness to the people who used to repress me. I don't know why this is either. It is odd how our emotions work and how past experiences can really shape who we are for years to come. I am afraid to show too much happiness to my dad because I know he will make a comment- probably sarcastic suggesting it is only a matter of time before life is crummy again.
It is important to surround yourself with people who ARE like YOU want to be. Eventually they start to rub off on you. It is not easy. Sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone, "lose" your pride so to speak. But give it time, practice, and in a few years you will look back at yourself today and see how much you have changed.
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And I wasn't always afraid. I was as a child, and then I managed to accept it and find comfort spiritually.
But I've been going through a rough patch in my life, and suddenly, I find all my faith in regards to death to be a bit shaken, and also just afraid. I mean, I still have faith in a lot of things, I don't want a big spiritual discussion. It's just... I'm afraid of how sudden I could die, without knowing why or saying my farewells to my loved ones, and what happens afterwards, and if anything I've done matters when I die. And even if it's not my death, I'm afraid of the day when I lose the people I care about, especially the ones who help support me in my times of emotional need.
Someone, help me accept my mortality and that of everyone else without it becoming a "Join this faith" speech or a nihilistic rant on the meaninglessness of life. Other than that, I'll accept a lot of help from as many as I can get.
Male, 27 (link)
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I hope it helps to say your are normal.
There are a few things here that helped me come to that conclusion :)
1. You are a 27 year old male. That means your are right around the time that your brain is coming to full maturity. The average adult brain matures around 25 and a bit later for males. As adults, our "developmental milestones" tend to be less significant than learning to walk and talk and teens feel they can win world peace if they could win the lottery and build a big hotel to house the world's homeless.
But at 27 you may be at a point in your life where you realize... you are going to die. We all hope it will be 100 years from now. For most of us, especially in this country we will make it to a fairly nice old age. Children are so impulsive and wreckless because they don't realize how fragile their bodies are. They see on t.v someone jump from a roof holding a few bird feathers and assume they can fly too. They don't understand that, not only will that not work but when they hit the ground... they will be seriously hurt. We reach a point in our life when bungee jumping, sky diving, those really risky things look like a lot of fun but... I think I'll pass. I am mortal and have concerns that I may not be the same at the end of the day if I go through that activity. You may have just come to realize your mortality.
2. You have been going through a rough patch in your life. I have no idea what this means but it certainly seems significant! You are approaching 30. You could be seeing many of your friends married and having children. If you are single, you may be wondering what is going to become of your life. You may not even be dating someone right now but you know you dont want to be alone forever. This can lead to a feeling of urgency to find that special woman to settle down and have a family. The more urgent the need to find someone becomes you the more you get upset at the idea you are getting older and "may not have enough time" to find her... a vicious cycle.
3. You may have something missing in your life. If you are at odds with someone you love perhaps it is time to be mature and end the hostility. I once heard a good piece of advice regarding not speaking with a member of the family for years because of a falling out. "If that person died tomorrow- would they die knowing you love them?" I think this is a good piece of advice even if there hasnt been a falling out- to be sure you tell and show the people you care about how you feel about them on a fairly regular basis but particularly if you are at odds with someone, it may be time to repair the situation. Maybe you are unhappy with work. It could take a lot of schedule changes, financial hardship, and overall life difficulty but... go back to school. Study something you love and get a great job. Maybe you dont feel you have "served your purpose" yet. You asked to not get involved in a spiritual conversation but spirituality is real. Maybe you need to do something with Habitat for Humanity, or volunteer once a month for a soup kitchen, or take a week off work and go help clean a beach at the Gulf Coast... these are all just hypothetical examples. But it we arent being fed spiritually we do not feel whole. Many people dont understand this or try to deny it. They are the ones who go through life never "finding themselves".
I am not asking you to join a particular faith. And life is not meaningless. But life IS what we make of it. If you are afraid of dying you should eat healthy, exercise, avoid risky activities. Be interactive with people. Don't sit around your house. Get out and take a hike. Listen to the birds. Get involved with some sort of project. Eventually I think you will find you are busy enough ENJOYING life that you don't really put a huge focus on the end of life. If you are afraid you will die before anything you have done matters- wake up tomorrow and do something, or at least start something that matters. Take "matters" into your own hands. You don't have to just let life pass you by!!
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hopefully someone out there can help me. i know some of the symptoms of appendicitis but im not positive. im 14/f and probably about the end of June or the beginning of July i started getting this random pain out of no where in my middle back on the right side. hurts so bad like a knife is slicing my back open but at the same time it feels like liquid pain surging through my back in a line at light speed. then starting around august 30, i just felt, ick. i was dizzy, nauseous, tired and weak. however it went away the 6th and hasn't been back since. during it i was active and went on with my life. on the 5th i left for vacation and i just got back and i was fine. now im getting this sharp pain on my right side almost like a cramp. i want to think its just hormones or puberty but something just doesn't feel right. my friend just got his appendix out and it partly sounds like his case. please help. if it is appendicitis i would like to know because i am not completely sure that i can afford the surgery. and what happens if my appendix bursted inside me? thank you sooo much! (link)
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It does not sound like appendicitis. Appendicitis is a severe medical condition that needs immediate treatment. If your appendix ruptures it allows the infectious matter inside of it to spill into your abdomen which can be fatal if not treated immediately with a strong antibiotic. Since your problem has been going on for a couple of months- this suggests another problem.
Your abdomen is divided into quadrants. Your problem is on the right side so is possibly located in the right quadrant. The right upper quadrant which is above the belly button contains your liver, gall bladder, stomach, part of your intenstines, your right kidney, just to name a few. Your right lower quadrant contains your appendix, an ovary, part of your intestines, among other organs.
If your pain is in the back above your belly button this could suggest a kidney problem such as infection. Kidney infections can be quite painful. It could also be a muscle problem. You described it as a liquid pain. Don't let this get you confused. If your appendix ruptures, for example, you are not going to fell the fluid "flowing" from the appendix. It almost sounds like you may be describing a pain that seems warm or hot and "flows" across your back. This describes many muscle pains.
The fact that you had dizziness, nausea, and weakness does not strictly suggest a muscle problem. You may even have more than one problem.
This is something you need to talk to your parent/guardian about. You are only 14. It is not your job to decide what medical attention you can and can NOT afford. There are ways that adults figure these things out. Hospitals allow reductions in price to those with financial hardship. They offer payment plans. There are even sources available to give temporary medical cards... that is not something you are expected to know about and know how to obtain these services!
Your job as a 14-year-old is to go to Mom, Dad, Auntie, whoever and say listen... I have been having this problem since June. It has me scared. Can I go see a doctor? There is a good chance it is nothing to worry about. As humans we have aches and pains all the time. Most of them are from us doing something we dont even remember and then we wake up the next day paying for it with back pain or our arm hurts. At 14 you unlikely have something terrible wrong but if has you that concerned- let the adults in your life figure out how to pay for it. You be a kid. You only have a few years left. Get your health taken care of and someone else (for the next few years at least) will decide how to pay for it.
To recap: Highly unlikely to be appendix. Appendicitis is serious, however, and needs immediate medical attention. Once it ruptures you will die without medical attention. Highly unlikely it is anything "serious" - though it is clearly making you uncomfortable enough to seek out advice. Tell your mom. Forget the cost. That is mom's problem.
Best of luck.
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Let me first start by giving you a little back ground information. My ex wife became pregnant when she was 20 and I was 19. Even though it was earlier than we both expected to become parents, we were thrilled and so excited to start our family together. We got married shortly after she gave birth to our son Matt. Soon after that, we had another son, and then a daughter. From my perspective, everything was great. That's why I was so blindsided when my wife came to me 9 months after our daughter was born claiming she wasn't ready to settle down and be a mother with divorce papers in her hand. Almost overnight, I became a 23 year old single father with a 4 year old, 2 year old, and a 9 month old. After the divorce was final, I rarely heard from my ex wife. She had begun living a life that I didn't necessarily approve of filled with drugs and alcohol and, while I wanted to keep my children as far away from that as possible, she was their mother and I didn’t feel like I could entirely keep them away from her. The last straw, however, came when I let my daughter, Alyssa, (who was 6 at the time) stay with her when I took my sons on a hunting trip. I was supposed to pick her up at noon the Sunday we got back. I spent the entire afternoon calling my ex wife’s apartment with no answer. At 5 that afternoon, I finally just went over to her house where I found her front door wide open and her passed out on the couch from mixing a few too many drugs with alcohol. Her neighbor came over to the apartment and told me that my ex wife had taken Alyssa out one night and come home completely plastered. Thank god her neighbor had woken up and decided to take Alyssa back to her apartment. And this is just one example of many. After that, I told my ex wide that I didn’t want her to see our kids anymore which devastated her so much she entered rehab. She got clean and for the past ten years has seen the kids a few times despite my hesitance. My kids and I have been living a great life together away from my ex wife. A few years ago I began dating another woman whom I am now engaged too. She gets along great with my kids and is an amazing person who I know will be a good influence on my kids’ lives. My oldest son Matt is now in college, but Colton (my middle son) and Alyssa still live with me. Since I have become engaged, my ex wife has become crazy about spending time with the two of them. She wants them at her house every weekend and doesn’t want my fiancé to parent them at all. She is trying to tell my daughter all kinds of lies about why she left, and how I am a horrible person for trying to keep them from seeing her. She tells her that the entire thing was my fault and all kinds of horrible rumors about my fiancé, who went to high school with my ex wife. She has asked both of my kids to move in with her. Colton told her absolutely not, but Alyssa is confused about the whole situation and doesn’t know what she should do. I have full custody of them so essentially it is my choice about whether or not she can see them. I don’t want to take them away from my ex wife, but I don’t want to lose them myself. I am still worried that she will resort back to her old ways and put my kids in danger like she has their whole lives. Am I right to not let my daughter move in with her mom? (link)
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You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT in keeping your daughter in your home.
The history that you just gave me sounds almost exactly like my life with a few minor detail changes; I was Alyssa. My mother was not on drugs but was an alcoholic. She started out with custody of me but when I nearly ended up in foster care my dad and grandparents swooped in and saved my life. While I was still in my teens my mother ended up marrying a man who a few years later was imprisoned for child molestation. My mother asked me when I turned 12 to return to her care. I had been living with my dad for over a year and was able to recognize that her lifestyle was less than desirable and chose to stay with my dad.
Because I was raised by my dad and grandparents my life has turned out quite lovely. I live in a very nice community, am an active member of a large church, have many respectable friends, have been married to a great man for almost 13 years and we have 3 awesome kids together. My husband is a professional with a master's degree and I am on the road to finishing my degree in nursing. If I had been raised by... THAT woman I cannot bear to think too hard about what my life could have turned out to be.
To this day my mother wants to have a relationship with my own kids. I look at it this way: If my mother was a stranger, or aquaintence even would I want her low-life, immoral, alcoholic self being a huge influence on my kids? No! So why would I let her be that influence just because she was my personal human incubator? She was never a mother to me. She did not teach me to love and have respect and be a productive member or society. It was my grandma who did that. The only lessons my mother taught me were the hard ones.
Your ex-wife should not get any more than an occasional supervised visit with your kids. You should have very open conversations with your kids (they are old enough now) allowing them to ask questinos and give them complete honest answers. This will help build trust and understanding between you and as they get older and more mature they will better understand who their mother is and what she is all about.
I was devastated when removed from my mom's care. I went into a terrible depression, cried all the time, and even suffered symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder at the age of 9 to 10. I have only about 5 memories of those 15 months of my life. Your daughter may be upset initially at not living with mom or seeing her too often or whatever your personal situation becomes. But as a survivor of that type of situation I can tell you that your daughter's quality of life will likely be much better the less influence her mother has on her.
Assuming your ex wife is in fact sober- good for her. But the fact that she is trying to control your kids by telling lies and spreading rumors means that she still has not grown up. She should be made clear that unless she can become more mature than the children- she cannot continue to have regular contact with them. Your kids are at ages (their teens) when they need to have intelligent, reliable, mature, "healthy" adults steering them through these hormonally emotional times. Not a woman who has never developed a firm grasp on reality telling childish lies to, under false pretenses, control others into doing what she wants done.
Your daughter may get sad and confused. This is going to have an affect on her for years to come. The best thing for her is to learn to make the adjustment with having a step mother. Especially if what you said is accurate- that your fiance is a great lady and will make a great mom. I had my grandma. That was the best thing ever. She died almost 5 years ago and that has been incredibly difficult as my "mom" is no longer around to give me advice and recipes and play with my kids and go shopping like we used to do. If your daughter can form a bond with your new wife she will be much better off than ANYTHING she would get with her own mother.
So your main question "am i right to NOT let my daughter move in with her mom?" You are 110% correct. You should NOT let her move. You should protect her FROM her mother and do not give in. You have been a great dad to her for all these years and you are all she needs- with perhaps a little extra love and support from your new wife. Keep the incubator out of it.
And feel free to contact me if you need to discuss anything else regarding this situation.
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I am a woman 25 years of age. My menstral cycle began when I was 12 years old. Since the beginning of my cycle, I had always had irregular periods. Last month (July 2010) I had a normal period which last for 5 days. This month (August 2010) its very light ( brownish color). Usually I bleed for 5-7 days. This month I bleed for 10 days as of today. Also, I'm experiencing nausea and fatique. I love to eat but some how I've lost my appetite. The last time when which I was sexually involved was May 2010. I took a pregnancy test and the results were negative. Is there a chance I could be pregnant? (link)
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I am pasting some highlights here from a medical website as well as the link to the website itself should you desire further information:
"Sometimes you may notice that your menstrual blood becomes dark brown or almost black as you near the end of your period. This is a normal color change. It happens when the blood is older and not being expelled from the body quickly.
Temporary thick heavy flow isn't necessarily cause for concern. However, regular heavy periods justify a trip to the doctor to check your blood counts. Many women become accustomed to heavy periods, considering them to be normal. Over time, though, the excess monthly blood loss leads to anemia, potentially causing weakness or fatigue. If you ever feel something's not right with your period, see your health care provider.
Changes in color and thickness of menstrual blood are often normal. But there are a number of problems that might cause abnormal clots to form in your menstrual blood or lead to the changes in color or thickness during your period. Remember, it's important to discuss any concerns you have with your doctor. Problems that can cause changes include:
Miscarriage. Women who have miscarried may pass blood clots or gray clumps of tissue from the vagina. If there is a chance you are pregnant, be sure to check with your doctor immediately if you notice excessive bleeding or clotting.
Fibroids. Uterine fibroids are also called leiomyomas. These are non-cancerous tumors that form in the womb (uterus). Fibroids do not always cause symptoms. In fact, increasing research information suggests that most women with small “fibroid” tumors have no symptoms at all. But women with fibroids may notice greater than usual amounts of menstrual blood. If you have fibroids, you may have more clots in your period than you had in the past.
Hormonal changes. Your body relies on a delicate balance of the hormones progesterone and estrogen. These hormones regulate the production and shedding of the uterine lining. When this balance is disturbed, it can lead to the development of an excessively thick uterine lining. This thickness can contribute to more bleeding than usual. It can also cause clots in the menstrual blood when the lining is shed."
http://women.webmd.com/menstrual-blood-problems-clots-color-and-thickness
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I don't know why it's bothering me so much, but does anyone know, or can guess what this song means in all seriousness? I've been pondering for days.
It's called "The Kids Don't Stand A Chance"
A devastating backstroke
All the way from France
With shiny, shiny cuff links
A shirtsleeve to enhance
The pin-striped men in mourning
Are coming for to dance
With pure Egyptian cotton
The kids don't stand a chance
You criticize the practice
By murdering their plants
Ignoring all the history
Denying them romance
The pin-striped men in mourning
Are coming for to dance
Forty million dollars
The kids don't stand a chance
I didn't like the business
But that was at first glance
Your pillow feels so soft now
But still you must advance
The pin-striped men in mourning
The partners in the dance
The paper's shot to pieces
The kids don't stand a chance
Help? (link)
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I am not familiar with the song, the artist, etc. so I don't know what the writer was thinking when he came up with these lyrics. However, there are a lot of ideas that are surprisingly similar at this particular website. There is a good chance that if you read through their guesses I you might get a pretty good idea.
http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858704458/2/ASC/
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OMG I totally can't remember when the Shark Week shows is suppose to be on Discovery Channel (I think it is that channel). I remember seeing the commercials and my friends talking about it but I can't remember if it was this week or next. When is Shark Week on? The times and hours, I mean? And will they do any reruns if I miss a show? THANK YOU (link)
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I can tell you it started Sunday night at 9 (August 1st) so it is in session. As far as times and hours... it looks like shows are just sporadically on all day every day for the week with the majority being primetime (8-11 pm).
If you are able, here is the 2010 website:
http://dsc.discovery.com/tv/shark-week/
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omg thank you so much . the reason am asking you is because i broke up with my boyfriend. its been 7 months already , and i dont think about him so often , now i listen to music more and i have more fun but i really dont know whats wrong with me, and am only 17 yrs old ;) . we dated for 2 yrs and 3 months. (link)
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Thats a LONG time to be with someone at 17! No wonder you are heartbroken.
I have 16-year-olds ask me why they are so heart broken when they end a relationship after 2 months...
I know the cliche is annoying "time heals all wounds" but it really is true. At 17 it is hard to put yourself in another's shoes and therefore put your own problem into perspective. There are two things I think about with your story:
1. is My grandpa became a widower 4 years ago. They were married for 59 1/2 years but dated for 5 years before they married and knew each other for years before they started dating. They were high school sweethearts together from beginning to end for approximately 70 years. HE deserves to be heartbroken. 70 years... that takes a LONG time to heal. He still gets teary-eyed and it has been ... actually over 5 years! I cant believe it. The perspective is that 5 years after 70 years of togetherness... that is nothing. He has the right to still be sad. You are 17 and spent almost 2 1/2 years with him. You have the right to be sad. You need to still live your life and certainly should not rush into another relationship... but you were with him for a long time- considering your age.
2. Consider 2 people in a hospital room. One in a full body cast, the other with a sprained ankle. The guy in the full body cast is certainly in pain. This doesn't make the guy with the sprained ankle hurt any less just because the other guy is worse off!
What I mean by this is just because you were ONLY together for a little more than 2 years doesn't mean you should be fine by now. You loved him and spent a lot of time thinking about him, being with him, sharing life with him. Take your time healing.
Have fun just being YOU for a while. You dont need- at 17- devoting another several years with a guy only to have to deal with this again. Date. Go out with boys and enjoy fun and friendships but the serious stuff... hold off for a while. Then in a couple of years you will be more ready to find a man who is ready for a long term relationship like you and you can dive into those waters again. But don't sit and fret over WHY you are still emotional over your ex. I am in my 30's. I have been happily- and I mean happily married for almost 13 years. I had a ... boyfriend?? my junior year in high school. We just dated for- maybe 4 months. I was not sexually active in high school. We literally just dated; dinners, amusement parks, after school functions, etc. He and I are both married now (not to each other) and have children. He doesnt even live in this country anymore!!! We are Facebook friends. Once in a while I see a picture of us together in high school and get this little twinge of emotion. And I havent seen him face to face in... 15 years!!!
Humans are not made of stone. When you are ready to move on your heart will tell you. Until then, take the time YOU need to allow yourself to emotionally heal. All too often our friends get sick of hearing about and fuss at us to "move ON already!" Ignore them. Maybe they heal faster. You are you. Dont compare yourself to others. Be yourself. If you love yourself you can better love another. And I think that is enough ramble for one post LOL.
Good luck.
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thanks , ok so what will you do if you got your heart broken ? (link)
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It would be easier to answer that question if I had more to go on.
Assuming you are asking "what do I do if my boyfriend/girlfriend breaks up with me"... this question alone suggests you are young. My advice to most young people is this: You should know who YOU are before getting seriously involved in a relationship. You need to know what you like and want out of life. Knowing where you want to live, go to college, study, have as a career, what steps you want/are willing to take to accomplish these things... these are many things that teens do not have sorted out. When you know yourself really well, you have the strength and confidence to accept a relationship as well as a breakup.
If you have a more specific question or situation I would be happy to help more. As far as that broken heart... it just takes time.
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thank you so much. this really helped me alot.
hey i have another question.. am sorry. (link)
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I would love to help you again... I don't see a question right now so I hope you havent actually posted one. The alternative is that I am less computer literate than I thought!!!
I will check advicenators later to see if there is another question :)
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I'm a male and I have this problem its kinda weird. But when I go pee instead of one sream of urin its like two or three and it goes crocked so it like goes on the floor on the tolie seat and I have to clean it up everytime I use the restroom anyone know what the problem could be and my penis has a curveture also (link)
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I am not sure if this is your issue but... you may want to try going more often...
You know what a garden hose does when you have no spray nozzle on it, and then you cover the end with your thumb and the water pressure causes the water to "fan" out? This may be whats happening. If you are waiting too long... your stream may have so much pressure on the way out that it is being "fanned".
You did not mention if this is a "problem" meaning something new. If this is new or is associated with pain, redness, a fever, or any other issues you may want to have it checked out. You probably DONT have an infection or a kidney stone if you havent been having pain or other symptoms... but try urinating more often so there is less pressure and less urgency to go... and if that doesnt work and especially if you have other symptoms, have a doctor check it out just to make sure there isn't something going on.
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am going to start college in the fall and am going to dorm there. i was wondering if i can go and visit my family every day, will they let me?. am going to be in umass lowell. (link)
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Your question took me by surprise as I had never thought of someone being "forced" to stay on campus.
I did a lot of searching for this including reading what feels like hundreds of blogs at the UMass Lowell website. While I cannot give you an answer that is absolutely certain I can tell you what I think...
I read loads of blogs about people heading to the mall after classes, going to sporting events, etc. I do not know if these people were freshman or upper classmen but if you can go to the mall for a few hours... why couldnt you go home for a few hours?
I am in college myself but I am HARDLY a freshman. I think I have been in college for 70 some years (im only in my 30's but it feels like forever). There are at a minimum 5 universities close enough to where I live that people take classes and commute home. There are 2 unis within 10 miles of my house and "back when I was a freshman" they did not have a housing requirement though that could have changed over the years. Even with the housing though the students were never "locked" in their dorms. You take a class from 8 am until 10 am, another from 10:30 to 12, another from 2pm until 3:15 and then you are done. The rest of the day is yours! If you want to go home at 3:30 and have dinner with your parents and then come back before bedtime... or as far as I can see if you even wanted to spend the night with your parents, have mom or dad drop you off in time for your 8 am class... I mean... do they do roll call before lights out?
I can tell you that there is a big difference between a student right out of high school and an adult learner. As a student just out of high school you ask questinos. Can I? May I? Is it okay if I? As an adult learner you say "Here's the thing... I am a devoted learner. I get good grades and work my butt off... but I DO actually have a life beyond these school walls and if something more important comes up you are going to have to deal with me being out for the day". Now this could mean that you come in to school for an evening for a makeup session or you have to cancel plans for the weekend... but an adult learner does not ask "can I go home to see my family?" they say "my family is more important than this institution... When I am done with class for the day I am going home to see my parents for a couple of hours. If you need me... I'll be back by 7".
Listen... I don't know much about Umass Lowell... Im from Ohio. But I can tell you that college is a very scary thing to START. But once you are there for a few days, maybe a week or two you should get into a routine and may discover between classes, studying, and new friends you dont have time to head home every day. Maybe every weekend, maybe 2 or 3 days a week. If you are there for a while and still don't feel a flow, are homesick, talk to mom and dad. If you spent your life growing up going to Billy Bobs pizza parlor and you have now been at school for a couple of months and your friends ask you to join them and you spend the ENTIRE time you are there fighting back tears because you would rather be back at your dorm crying and you just wish you were home... you definitely need to talk to your parents. There may be something beyond homesickness going on... you may need to take a semester off or you may not like your program of study and it is making you miserable... you may not have the social life you had hoped for...
You obviously have concerns about being a new college student but the fact you are asking if you can visit home everyday... you obviously have a lifeline outside of school- people who you love and who love you. Discuss everything you feel with them because you shouldnt be miserable at school.
I was never miserable going to campus. I love what I am studying... it has just taken me a long time to get where I am because of basic life situations. My husband went away to college 100 years ago and was miserable every second of every day the entire semester. He never fell into a routine... he never met anyone he could be friends with... he was rooming next door to his own brother and could not get comfortable enough to enjoy it... and to this day he recalls it as the worst 4 months of his life!!! He has eventually gone on to get his masters degree and loves what he is doing but he does not have a master's in accounting which is what he was at that college for. It just wasn't "right" for him. I loved almost everything about my campus. I love studying nursing, I love the social atmosphere, making friends, a sense of belonging outside of my home...
It will be ok. I remember how sick I was my very first day of class. That was all it took though. I realized after the first day that it was no big deal. Everyone was so much more mature than the jerks back in high school and I could really enjoy myself without having to worry about the "high school" pranks.
I wish you the best of luck. College is going to be great- once you get past the first day jitters :) and if it isnt... open up to mom and dad. And one thing I like to tell anyone asking me questions about college... EVERYONE changes their major!!! If you are studying something for a year or two and realize you hate it but have learned to absolutely love something else but dont know how to tell mom and dad... it is OK!!! I started in nursing, switched to psychology, then pharmacy, and realized nursing is where I wanted to be all along. I am loving every second of my studies (and an thrilled I am on the cusp of finishing my degree after ALL THESE YEARS LOL) My husband started in accounting, switched to computer science, then to english which lead him to library science which is what he got his masters in and loves it!!!
My friend was a teacher and is now studying respiratory therapy... my pastor was a school teacher before going into ministry. Another friend was a psychology major before switching to education... "they're ALL doing it" so it is ok.
And I think that is all my fingers can take for one post! And looking back I still couldn't answer your question... but I hope my rambling helped. You sound nervous. You sound normal! You sound like you have a loving family who you don't want to loose in the hustle and bustle of college life. Good for you :)
Need more rambling, shoot me a post anytime!
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Can anyone please tell me the signs of getting your first period? I have not got mine yet and im 13.... I just concerned about it. (link)
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Ok... here comes "the talk" lol...
Around the age of 10 (give or take a year or two) you go through thelarche. This is the beginning of the signs of puberty. You begin to have breast budding which can be somewhat painful. You will likely have other obvious signs of puberty as well as begin to have discharge.
You need to remember that everyone is different- but typically within a year or two after thelarche you will have your menarche or first period.
There are rare instances when girls actually start menstruating without going through telarche and even instances where it is a number of years AFTER telarche before they have their first period.
Now, you asked for specific symptoms of your first period:
The symptoms are generally the same every month, especially once you have been on your period for a long time (a year or so). WHen you first start it is not uncommon for it to be sporadic- you have one this month but not next month, and then you have it three months in a row and then not the next.
For your first time you may realize that you dont feel good. You cant really explain WHY... your "tummy" is kind of bothering you. You just want to lay around. You have a bit of a headache and your lower back is bothering you. You may get a bit snippy toward friends or family. You may not know why but they are really being irritating!
You can experience ALL or practically NONE of the symptoms. Some girls only problem with their period is the inconvenience of having to use pads or tampons. Other girls it can become so painful and debilitating that they really need to take a day off from "life" to just suffer in peace. Only once you begin your period will you know how YOU will feel.
Basically, at the age of 13 you probably already have the general signs of puberty and can expect to begin menstruating literally any day now!
Good luck.
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when i was 15, i had the babybug. it was almost aching, i wanted to have a baby so bad. it lasted for about 4 months and then disappeared for a while. now i'm 17 and its back, but its much worse. i have a boyfriend and we're active. we use protection sometimes, but most of the time we don't. everytime we dont, i have this instant spark of hope that maybe this might be the time that i finally get pregnant. i know, i'm young. i'm almost in my senior year of highschool and i know it'd completely ruin my life if i had a kid now, but i don't care at all. i'd be a great mother. i'm at the point right now where i don't even want to live anymore unless i have something to live for, and in this case, that something would be a baby. i keep having urges to trick my boyfriend into thinking i'm on the pill, but i love him too much to do that to him. he doesnt want a kid.
why am i like this? any why so young? my friends are all scared for me, my boyfriend, too. i'm starting to worry a little, myself. (link)
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I cannot tell you why you are like this. There is a possibility you do not have the relationship with your parents that you desire and thirst for so you want a baby in order to be the parent to your baby that you don't personally have.
You could actually be having hormone fluctuations. If you have, say an elevated estrogen level... you may be feeling that "biological clock ticking" feeling.
I just want to offer you a different way to LOOK at this situation. You say you would be a good mother and this would likely be true. But you said yourself that you are young and this could totally ruin your life. So what would it do to your baby's life? You would have to work extra hard to finish high school/ college. You must go to college if you are going to get a decent paying job. Does your boyfriend want to be a father right now? Is he going to be able to get a great job to support his family? Where would you live (parents are not a great option because YOU are living in THEIR house and would need to follow THEIR rules but would feel that you should be able to live your life the way you want because YOU are the parent of this baby)
If you wait until you are out of high school/college (even having kids in college is not impossible if you REALLY want one that quickly. I have three and am completing my degree as we speak! Now it is very hard... but I have quite a lovely life)... picture the following scenarios:
1. You have 2 months left of high school and you just gave birth. Your boyfriend is resentful because he kinda wants to be a father to his baby but he really wanted to live out the rest of his teen years AS a teen... not have all the responsibilities of a dad. Unfortunately this means he breaks up with you and does what he can to help you but isnt really "into" playing family. You have finals coming up very soon. You have a newborn who needs your constant attention and getting back into school to finish off the year is not going well so you end up taking the test for a GED during the upcoming summer. You are up all night because you are having difficulties getting baby onto a schedule... you ARE a first time parent after all so EVERYTHING is new to you and very overwhelming and you question EVERYTHING hoping you are doing this right because you love this baby SO much that she deserves the world... and you don't know how you are going to give it to her. So the school year passes. All your friends graduated and are about to go off to college. You are studying for your GED. Suddenly your baby comes down with a terrible cough and fever and is diagnosed with RSV. She ends up in the hospital for two weeks because her breathing isnt optimal. Everything turns out ok... but this is a TREMENDOUS amount of stress to deal with along with studying and wanting to get to college in the next semester or two. By the way... where's daddy? He went to college several hours away and hasnt been home to see you or the baby in 4 months. Meanwhile baby is going to have to be spending lots of time with your parents, his parents, various babysitters because you have to work long hours at work... You know there are better days ahead... but this is NOT what you had in mind!!!
2. You have been dying for a baby for several years now. You either stayed with Joe, your high school boyfriend, or else you two broke up but soon after met Bob. Either way you are in a very loving relationship. JoeBob is great. He works hard. You two completed college and got married two months later. You went on your honeymoon and would you believe... you came back pregnant! Thats ok because you and JoeBob could not be happier. He is flipping through the "What to expect" books because he wants to be the best father EVER. He already has a pair of knitted baby booties hanging from his rear view mirror of his car because he just cannot wait to see his new little bundle of love in a few months. The two of you go about your day but in the evening you cuddle on the couch to watch your favorite tv show. Then you turn off the telly and begin making a list of favorite baby names. As it gets closer to the D day you realize you might want to quit work and be a stay at home mom. JoeBob thinks this is great and it is OK because he has such a well paying job... you may have to put off buying the boat you wanted or go on smaller, less lavish vacations for a while. But thats it... you have decided to devote your life and time to this baby. You get to watch her every milestone; holding up her head, rolling over; walking, waving, etc. And at the end of the day once she is tucked safely in her crib, you and JoeBob can cuddle up in bed and realize what a great life you two have made. Wanna make another baby next year?
So it is not exactly my life but scenario 2 comes quite close to my experience. I have known several people go through number 1.
I understand your desire to have a baby. We are actually trying very hard for a 4th!!! But there is a time and a place for everything. You need to understand that having a baby right now would be fun and you would have someone to love... but it is completely unfair to the baby. The best thing for you to do now is to practice being a good mother by being selfLESS, not selfISH. Children deserve a mom and a dad. Children deserve a safe place to live. Children deserve the world!!! And until you are better able to give that to your baby you should wait.
I hope you made it through this long drawn out post... but more importantly, I hope it makes sense and that you are different from all the other teens in that you love your baby so much right NOW (even though it is just a twinkling in your eye) that you are willing to put off her conception until you are able to give her the world... or at the very least a very comfortable life and a loving daddy.
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When IM on my period my vagina hurts like is sore. I thought maybe its a maxi pad rash since I wear pads?? Is that normal? what causes that? can I stop it or the pain or whatevers? Why does my vag hurt during my period anyways? thnx (link)
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This is very common and you can control the pain by using warm or cold compresses (this can be tricky as you have to sit on them or straddle them) or you can use an over the counter pain relief such as Tylenol, Motrin, Advil, Midol, Pamprin, etc.
The nature of your period is swelling and inflammation of your reproductive organs (uterus and vagina) and hormonal fluctuations. These fluctuations in hormones actually cause cramping around your cervix similar to contractions in childbirth and the fact your cervix dilates both during menstruation and childbirth.
When you have a headache, pain in your arm or leg, etc. your instinct is to hold it to give counter pressure. This is what I sometimes feel like doing... except the discomfort is far up inside enough that there really isn't any way of giving that counter pressure. I generally use tylenol or advil for this but be a little cautious with advil. Its main ingredient is ibuprofen which is a mild blood thinner which can cause issues given you are bleeding to begin with. I have never had a problem with Motrin on my period but you should understand this is you decide to use Motrin while menstruating.
The good news is you are normal. The bad news is it is a part of female life and you have to learn to live with it to an extent... or use comfort measures.
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Me and my parents have been through A LOT over the years, and they are letting me get a tattoo for my 16th birthday in september. Since my mom is pregnant and wants to wait until she loses the weight to get a tatto, I'm getting one with my father. I'm looking for a good quote to get as a tattoo, probably on my right shoulder. If you have mother or father quotes, or both, it'd be great! Thanks! (I'm also already looking online!) (link)
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The greatest gift I ever had
Came from God; I call him Dad!
~Author Unknown
“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.” -Jim Valvano
• "Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad." -- Anne Geddes
"A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty." -- Unknown
• "A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet where his money used to be." -- Unknown
I found loads of others but many were... well not what I would have as a tattoo, if i were a tattoo kind of person.
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Ok uhh so when is it normal that when i use a tampon on my period it like doesnt last a whole week? it seems like it goes by alot faster..idk how to explain it ahha but is that weird or is just me idk! ahah thanks (link)
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It helps that the tampon is soaking up the blood from up inside you and the drainage can take a few days to work itself completely out of the length of the canal.
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I have been seeing my boyfriend for almost 6 months now and we started having sex more than a month ago. Things have been going great but now I'm in this situation where I don't know what to do.
He asked me if I was on birth control pills and I had told him yes because I REALLY wanted to have sex with him right away when we started discussing it. I'm not on birth control pills though. I know it isn't good to lie but at the time I didn't think it was going to matter a lot.
We were still using condoms every single time but last night he said he wanted to do it without a condom. I convinced him to wear one anyways but afterwards he was talking about not going to use one next time since I'm already on the pill.
What do I do? I am not on the pill and I can't just tell him I lied to him about it. I don't know how to convince him to keep wearing the condoms when he obviously doesn't want to. I can't afford to get on birth control pills right now. What do I do now? (link)
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You owe him the truth. Your boyfriend is concerned about getting you pregnant because it is clear that neither of you are ready to be parents. There are three things that came to mind when I read your post.
1. You should NOT have sex with your boyfriend without a condom. It is not safe. If I had to guess I would say you are not his first and until you are ready to get married and are completely certain there are no diseases being transferred... no condom, no sex.
2. What a terrible way to start a relationship; with a lie! Especially one that could end up with you forcing parenthood upon two people who are not ready to be parents. If you love this boy and want to have long term relationship with him he deserves a girl who is honest with him so he can trust you.
3. If you had gotten pregnant it is the baby who would be suffering and as a mother... this is the highest level of selfishness I can imagine. Sex is MEANT for reproduction. It may be a fun pasttime... but you cannot tell this to your ovaries and other reproductive organs. They are on this earth for the purpose of reproduction and that is what the act of intercourse is for. Women have sex and then get shocked that they are pregnant!!!
Think about your safety and use condoms. Think about you, your boyfriend, and your so far unconceived child and be honest. No relationship will last if it is based on lies. You'll be a better person for telling the truth. A life lession.
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