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Getting over your boyfriends past...
Well to make a long story short, my boyfriend of 2.5 years had these group of girls that he was all best friends with BEFORE we were together. I've always hated these girls because they're stereotypical, well to put it nicely, home-wrecking sluts. Well, when we very first started dating, he broke up with me after 3 weeks because I didn't like him talking to them still, and he knew I hated them. The night he broke up with me he hung out with all of them, and they posted pics of him and them on facebook, with the girls all over him. I later found out he lost his virginity to one of them, like a year before us getting together. 3 months after this we got back together, and have been on and off since. My question is, how do I get over this situation? I know I'm better than these girls in more ways than one, so jealousy isn't the answer. I just really can't get past the crap that happened, and I know I really can't be mad for stuff that happened before we were even talking, so don't bash me for that. I really just need some advice on how to put this crap behind me? It's really tearing us apart.
Thank you.
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You know... a lot of young people ask a similar question of "how do I move on or get past" a particular issue with your significant other.
The reality is... you may not be able to. The whole point of dating is to learn what kind of boy you like and what you really dislike. Hypothetically- you date one boy and he is a real gentleman but doesnt like to be social. You KNOW you like the gentleman part of him but you would rather be with a gentleman who also loves to go out a lot. The next guy does both of these things but is an avid hunter and you are an animal rights activist. These are just silly examples obviously but my point is this... though you did not state your age I will take a guess based on what you have told me that you are young. You may like almost everything about your boyfriend but you cannot accept his past.
You know in your heart and your gut what sort of man you want to eventually settle down with. Perhaps the true love of your life isnt meant to have a past with, as you put it, a group of slutty girls with whom he lost his virginity. And to top it off... he was able to "get over" you easily enough to be in compromising situations with these girls immediately after breaking up with you.
I suggest you explain your feelings to him including the fact that you simply do not want him to have anything to do with these girls anymore. And bottom line- that may not be enough either.
You should never remain in a relationship that makes you miserable. If you are looking for something better than what your current boyfriend is, you should not be in the current relationship. You have higher standards than what he is presenting and as much as you care about him- you want better for yourself.
I certainly do not know if this is exactly how you feel. You two have been together for a long time. But you arent completely happy or you would not have posted your problem here.
You also mentioned you have been "on and off since". Clearly this is not a completely deep and committed relationship. Maybe you should consider calling it quits with this guy and finding someone who you don't HAVE to "move past the crap" of his past.
Also, hate is such a strong word. The emotional stress that hatred puts on our bodies is just not worth it. If you have that much hatred and anger regarding these girls, and these girls are perpetually a part of your life because of your boyfriend, it would be emotionally healthier for you to rid them of your life which consequently could mean leaving your boyfriend.
If he is willing to completely rid his life of those girls and is willing to be ON but NOT OFF again... he might be worth the effort of staying with. Otherwise, as I stated before, you know in your gut something is not completely right. Maybe it is time to find someone who is a better fit of the man you actually want to be with.
Good luck.
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sometimes you shouldn't let other people get in the way of things, but everyone is the same; we all get slightly jealous, some more than others. don't worry about it, I have been through a similar situation (there was only 1 girl not a group) and I feel like I have overcome it. you need reassurance from your boyfriend. you need to know exactly how he feels about you and how he feels about them. once it's in your head, it's going to be pretty hard to get it out. I hate to say it but sometimes things like this can't be resolved. it's not your fault, it's the whole situation. the best thing to do is to completely ignore those girls, and pretend to your boyfriend that it doesn't bother you... eventually you'll believe it yourself that you aren't bothered by it.
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