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lack of emotions
I recently began to realize that I really don't feel much emotions. When I do though, it is usually anger for a short period of time. Or I will feel stress, but nothing more really. Is there a term or word for this? How do I feel again? Is there a reason I may be feeling this?
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I used to be like this. It is because I grew up with emotionless parents. They are still like that to this day! And I am like that with them- but I have escaped that in every other aspect of my life.
The way I was able to break out of it was by forcing myself into situations where emotions were heavy, like in sports, art, etc. I had a really hard time showing happiness because I found it embarassing!!! I cant explain why. So I would force myself to go to a "game" with friends. Then I would get completely out of my comfort zone and for a few minutes I would "whoop and holler" like everyone else. I felt like an idiot. It took a few years of getting out of my comfort zone but now- I don't show a lot of emotion in front of my dad. But I am in my 30's. I have a husband and kids and a bunch of friends. I laugh. I get silly with my kids. I bark. My kids pretned to be dogs and I bark at them!
I don't know if there is a word for this problem. I know I used to get jealous a lot of others. Jealousy and anger were the only things I felt. I had a very difficult childhood and that had a lot to do with it. If I showed happiness, someone would come along and say or do something that would make me feel so terrible. I finally realized that if I didn't show happiness- then no one would have to say or do anything to make me feel bad. I eliminated all that from my life. The people I was jealous of... I decided to start paying them compliments. I hated it at first but telling a girl I really didnt like that she had a pretty dress or I liked her new hairstyle... then she would be nice back and offer me some of her snack or invite me to hang out at the park or something. Over a very long period of time- I began to have enough friends that were different from anyone else I had previously known and being nice to others became easier. As being a friend became easier my jealousy started going down. With that my anger also began to diminish.
Now that I am in my 30's I actually have a happy life. I don't show that happiness to the people who used to repress me. I don't know why this is either. It is odd how our emotions work and how past experiences can really shape who we are for years to come. I am afraid to show too much happiness to my dad because I know he will make a comment- probably sarcastic suggesting it is only a matter of time before life is crummy again.
It is important to surround yourself with people who ARE like YOU want to be. Eventually they start to rub off on you. It is not easy. Sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone, "lose" your pride so to speak. But give it time, practice, and in a few years you will look back at yourself today and see how much you have changed.
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I Have Been Told IHavee No Emontionsss Eietherr. && Iht Really Hurtss Too Knoee! Like YUU Feel Happy In Sidee But YUU Dntt Knoee How Too Show Ihht In Thee World Lifeee. && Yuu Probalay Keep Everythinnq Insidee. Iff YUUU Doo Imm Just Like YUU ! Imm Here For YUU ! If YUU Need Any Support !
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