ask ellen537



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I'm an ordinary person who likes the following things: writing, helping people, movies, reading, jogging, animals and teaching.

I don't like: stress, confusion, people who do not drag their weight and laziness.

My good qualities (I think) are patience, open-mindedness and the ability to write and speak in public with ease.

My weaknesses (I'm always working on these!) are the tendency to take on too much, from time to time; the tendency to not get enough sleep and my eating habits could be a lot better than they are now.

I will try to answer questions in an honest, open way, involving what I think is common sense. If I don't think I can answer a question well, I will skip over it.

Go ahead....try me! Ask me a question!
E
Gender: Female
Member Since: November 12, 2009
Answers: 97
Last Update: May 17, 2010
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17/f


So this morning, I sent my tutor an email asking whether we were going to have a tutoring session tomorrow. He replied telling me to be on standby, because he needed to check to see whether he was busy, and he would get back to me later on today.


Well, I waited around, and it's nighttime now, and he didn't get back to me, and I need to know really badly whether or not I'm going to see him tomorrow so I can plan out my day accordingly.

At 8:57pm, I gave him a ring on his cell phone and left a message.

Was that an okay thing for me to do? Or was it excessive and disruptive? (link)
I think you were just being assertive. That's different from being agressive or excessively disruptive. Assertive means speaking up for what is rightly yours; advocating for yourself. In this case, you did exactly the right thing. He didn't call you when he said he would. He shirked his duty. It then became your responsibility to follow up and that's what you did. You certainly weren't bothering him. He should have held up his part of the bargain and he didn't.


my life has been really hard lately just around father's day of last year my best friend died and then this Thursday my Granny died and now the guy that I was seeing broke up with me about 3 days after I found out my granny died I just don't know what to do anymore please help me. (link)
I know this from having gone through it. You are in mourning....and the only thing that is going to get you through all the sadness is time. For most people, it will lessen as the months go by. Whereas you might start with very deep sobbing and sadness and an inability to even think of the person or people who died without really just losing it.....in a while, those times may become less frequent and a little milder. Unfortunately, you got hit with several losses, so it will be a little harder and a little longer for you to go through the mourning period, I would think.

But mourning is a natural process...as natural as breathing for us humans. Let yourself cry....hard if you need to....and don't try to choke down the sadness. Let it come out. But take comfort in the fact that time will heal.

I hope this helped.


my mother is an alcoholic, she goes on and off being sober like ny other alcoholic. Well now that im getting older ive started to relize the severity of the situation. She has no license and has so many criminal records its not even funny. She will never be able to find a job where she can support herself and she will never be able t live alone. I will not spend the rest of my life taking care of her. I need to get out and create a life for myself. She hasnt gotten alot worse and has currently been drunk for five days now. I wont be able to afford putting her anywhere and she wont go willingly anywhere, my family and i have tried many times. I live in Indiana, i there anyone who can help me or have any information that could be of use thank you. (link)
First of all, let me say that I am so very sorry that you have these circumstances in your life to deal with. You have been dealt a very difficult hand. From what I understand, it is extremely hard to see someone....your mother at that, have their life totally ruined by either alcohol or drugs.

From everything I have read and learned about alcohol and drug abuse, the abuser has to be told that if they do not go to get help, they will be shut out of the lives of those who love them and are doing everything in their power (including having their own lives ruined) to keep the person alive. While I say that, I can only imagine how very difficult it would be to have to say that to your mother and then just leave her. But if you and other family members do not, she will continue to kill herself with alcohol and pull you down with her.

I am wondering if you have seen the A & E Television series called Intervention? I have watched it over the years that it has been on....and it seems to me that they have the key, which is...through an intervention meeting with people who love her, your mother would have to agree to go through rehab, or those who love her will not let her live with them and will not aid and abet her addiction. The thing is...you all have to be ready to abandon her to her own devices, should she refuse to go...and mean it.

I am wondering if your family together can afford rehab for her. Or if you could call your county mental health agency and ask for advice on your options if you cannot afford rehab. You should also ask for advice on what to do next for yourself....because it seems to me that you could use someone to talk with who has been through this (such as AA).

I have found online numerous hospitals and outpatient programs in Indiana, but without more information, I wouldn't presume to know who to tell you to call.

I'm sorry if this isn't much help. I wish you the best in this terrible situation.


Ever since I was a baby, I've had a large white birthmark on the back of my leg. It is basically just discolored skin. It's not raised or bumpy, just a birthmark. Recently I felt it and it seems sort of dry? And sometimes when I get dry skin on my feet, the dry skin is a shade darker than my natural skin color. The color on the birthmark is the same color, only seems darker since the birthmark is so white.

Is this anything to worry about? Or is it just dry? The dry skin has a greenish tint. (link)
I am wondering if what you call a white birthmark could be vitiligo? I suggest you Google the word: vitiligo and see if that is what you have. If so, you might want to learn more about it. It may not be vitiligo, but worth seeing if it looks like it.


My husband and I haven't been married a year yet. I dont know if its because I am 34 weeks pregnant but I feel depressed alone confused. I am 18 years old and he is 23. He has a 6 year old son who lives with his mother and I have a 3 year old son. Then one on the way he doesnt work. I finally got him to put in several applications today. He spends money like its grown on trees. We lives with my father which I can stand. I was working a job were I was making good money but I had to leave for medical reasons during my pregnancy. He and my son fight all the time he is always yelling at him. My son cant play in the living room be infront of the tv. watch cartoons in the living room cant be to loud. etc. My husband gets fustrated with him and seems like he takes it out of me. Im 34 weeks pregnant and started dialiting my doctor wants me to rest and take it easy but my husband doesnt clean anything he doesnt help he cant handle my son who is a pretty good kid. just has a attitude like most 3 year olds. I just dont know what to do i feel depressed and unattracted. I dont know what to say to my husband. I love him I just feel like he doesnt want to work and support his family but then complains all week he is bored. (link)
First off, let me say I am so sorry that you are in this situation. You are young, pregnant, living with your father and trying to cope with many, many things....not the least of which is a husband who doesn't work and isn't trying to get work.

But with all these things...I think FOR NOW, you have to concentrate on your baby. You are at 34 weeks. You have been told to REST. You started dilating. I know it is easy for someone like me....who isn't there with all these things happening to you to say this....but you have got to think about the baby now. Try to close out all the other stuff. Do things with your boy while you are resting....like reading to him or playing games with him. Leave the house be....if it is messy or dirty, just forget about that now. You have to rest so that you can have a healthy baby when the time comes....which is just around the corner.

Now that I have said that...I do want to add that AFTER the baby is born, you probably need to think about your situation with this man who isn't getting a job. You will have to assess if he is right for you and your children. But all that comes AFTER you give birth. Until then....try to not let all of the things in your life get to you. Try to rest and have a successful birth. After the birth, you will have plenty of time to think about your life and decide on what will be best for you and your kids.

I hope this helped. I wish you the best.


heyy i was wondering if you know anything about green tea and diet plans, i wanted to start a diet to lose close to 10 lbs in a month. and I heard green tea was a good way to burn fat.
Do you know a good diet plan? and Im 16f and a vegetarian. (link)
No, I am sorry, I don't. I have bought green tea before and drank it for health benefits, but never to lose weight. I'm one of those people who don't really have to worry too much about weight, so I probably am not a good person to ask about that. Have you tried Googling green tea fat burner or something like that? Someone I know told me fiber helps you lose weight and fills you up and they are taking Benefiber in their drinks three times a day, but not sure if it is working.

I wish you luck with this. Let me know how you are doing, k?


16/f

i'm in a high school program where i'm a junior in high school and a freshman in college. i will be able to graduate with my associates degree and my high school diploma. the thing is, many people tell me that i have enough time to chose a major. but the thing is, the principal and the teachers here says that they won't worry if we don't chose a major yet. until, next year (my senior year) and i still don't know what they will worry about us. the thing is, i want to be able to have a major where in the future i can easily find a job, something i enjoy doing. i was thinking about majoring in web design, graphic design, or consoling (help relationships or such). what are the possibilities about finding a job that hire those people in california or texas? (link)
Our U.S. government Bureau of Labor Statistics puts out a yearly Occupational Handbook online. It is GREAT for statistics on different careers, *the training and education needed
*earnings
*expected job prospects
*what workers do on the job
*working conditions

In addition, the Handbook gives you job search tips, links to information about the job market in each State, and more. You can also view frequently asked questions about the Handbook.

I suggest you go here:

http://www.bls.gov/OCO/

Good luck!



I'm female and from what I can tell I am getting a mustache, which isn't very attractive. I've seen questions about female mustaches on here and they have suggested waxing, bleaching/dying, shaving, and cream.
Shaving is out of the question.
Waxing, well it isn't really bad enough to start waxing.
Bleaching/dying is an option but I don't know what kind of dye you would you use? Like normal hair dye or is there special stuff?
Also, I hear Nair works well but I also heard it can cause really bad burns, is that true? Do you recommend using it?
What would you do? (link)
Try Jolen cream bleach. It is made especially for facial hair. It comes in a jar and you mix a small amount of the cream part with a little of the dry accelerator with a little spatula that comes with it. Then apply it and leave it on for the amount of time given in the instructions, then wipe off and wash the area with soap and water. It works really well.


Ok I am just going to be blunt with this whole thing. I am constipated and I haven't been able to poop for almost a week now. I usually poop at once every two days or so. I am really unhappy and it's making me feel AWFUL! I have sat on the toilet for a long time trying but am unable to just do it.

Please, help me! What food helps you poop? And what makes you constipated anyway so I can try to avoid that again? (link)
Fiber makes you move your bowels. If you aren't going, it might mean that you need more fiber in your diet. However, you need to get your bowels moving right now and concentrate on the fiber after you go. There is an over-the-counter medicine called Miralax, which is gentle and safe. It is a powder and you mix it with water and drink it. It is slower working than other laxative pills, but it is much, much safer and better for you. It takes about two days for it to totally work. The laxative pills are harsh and could be habit-forming.

Once you go, add more fiber to your diet. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables and eat bread that says 100% whole wheat on the package. If it just says "wheat," it is not whole wheat. You need whole wheat bread. Some other foods that are high in fiber are: blackberries and raspberries (fresh); bran muffins; popcorn; almost any kind of beans; peas; corn; broccoli; bran cereal.

Foods that cause you to have constipation: white bread; processed cereals; ice cream; meat; chips; pizza; instant mashed potatoes; frozen dinners; cheese.

I hope this helps. Good luck.


I want to be a biology major at one of these 5 schools I want to apply to
UNC Chapel Hill
Rochester U
George Washington U
Drexel U
Stony Brook U

All of them require SAT's, but do any of them require ACT's, SAT 2's, or any other exam I don't know of? How do you prepare for them? I hear for particular majors you must take particular subject tests, and depending on your major for particular schools you wont have to take the ACT's or SAT 2's. I'm so confused with the whole proccess so if you have any idea, help! I wan't to take tests that will help me get in for my major, but I don't want to potentially waste money and time if I don't do so well and I don't need it. Thanks! (link)
I suggest for you to be absolutely sure, you should call or email the admissions departments of these universities. Tell them the degree that you wish to major in and ask them which test(s) they require for the admission process. This way you will be getting the information from the source. Good luck.


I need help overcoming depression and an eating disorder. After everything, I still think I'm fat. And I feel so alone. People care but they abandon me sometimes. I thought if I just went out with my friends I could escape this. But here I am, still in my Bell Jar. (link)
Maybe this is too obvious, but you don't say in your question if you are in counseling. If you are, the things you brought up in your question seem like things you should bring up in your counseling sessions. If you are not in counseling, I would say you may need to be. If you have ended counseling, I suggest you talk to your counselor to see if he/she thinks you still have issues that need to be dealt with. I don't think you can or should try to deal with these alone. It seems to me that a trained professional would be able to help you overcome some of the things you have recently been feeling. Please consider counseling. I wish you the best of luck overcoming these issues.


i have a bit wrong with me but latly the pains gotten alot worse iv had it a month and they thought it was my pancreas? the pains left and to front side of my stomach area from under my ribs to almost my hip and its to the point it even hurts to laugh or shiver. what could it be or what could i do or anything of that sort? i dont want to go back to the hospital iv ben out for a month :) ..15/f (link)
But if the pains are still there, then don't you think you need to let your doctor know? Sometimes they aren't able to find out things the first time. They expect and want to know if the pain is still there. I would suggest you go to a family doctor and tell him/her what is happening....that you were in the hospital and they didn't find out what is wrong, but the pains are still there. Maybe you need more tests (some can be done outside of the hospital) to figure out what is going on with you. This isn't something you want to ignore. We never know what is going on inside of our bodies....it could be nothing, or it could be something more serious. Good luck!


I am living where no one speaks english and I really need some help editing my essay:

On the evening of August 12, 2009 I stepped out of a taxi and into the one place I had been longing to go for the past twelve months. The high altitude made the air seem almost too thin to breath, and the huge volcano, Misty, that overlooks the city was disappearing into the twilight. Ignoring my dizziness, I ran up to the first girl I could see and knelt down. I am sure that the grin I had on my face was the largest and goofiest she had seen in her life. “¡Soy Katie!” I blurted, “¿Cómo te llamas?”
“A-Audrey,” she answered hesitantly, not quite sure what to make of this overjoyed stranger who acted like meeting her was the most exciting moment of her life. As a matter of fact, it was.
It had been my dream to volunteer at the Casa Hogar Torre Fuerte ever since I fist heard of the program a year before. Located in Arequipa, Peru, the Torre Fuerte is a home that takes in girls who can no longer stay with their families. The fifty-three girls who live here come from a variety of backgrounds: everything from poverty, to abuse, to the parents being in prison or no longer alive. Most of these kids have been treated like dirt and told that they are worthless. As a volunteer here, it is my job to act as a big sister. I live with fourteen girls, aged eight to thirteen, and I pretty much do everything an older sister does: help them get ready for school, clean up after them, help with homework, provide encouragement, referee squabbles, and, most importantly, love them unconditionally. Even though my daily life consists of simple, every-day tasks, I have gone though an incredible amount of growth during my past five months here.
During my first weeks at the Casa Hogar, I found my circumstances very different than what they had been in the United States. Instead of a student, I quickly became a teacher responsible for the education of my fourteen new little sisters. Encouraging and helping them to do their homework is a daily challenge. I soon found that getting an unwilling elementary school student to write five sentences can be harder than writing a five page paper on my own. My life changed in other ways as well. As an adult volunteer and staff member, I am now completely responsible for myself for the first time in my life. Getting things done such as my laundry and college applications without anyone reminding me took a little bit of getting used to, but suddenly being without parents was not nearly as great of a shock as becoming one myself. My volunteer position here had been described to me as that of a big sister; I cannot help but think, however, that “mom” would be a little more accurate. In my daily life I am responsible for the behavior and well-being of the girls that I live with. Making sure they do their chores, take a shower, and keep their beds organized are all a part of my job. After all of this, I am looking forward to getting back home and cheerfully obeying my parents. They will not have to wait until I have a family before I understand and appreciate what they put up from me for the past eighteen years.
The time that I have spent here at the girls home has also made me a much stronger and more independent person. Much of this has come from my new responsibilities, but there are other reasons as well. The past five months here have been my first time completely separated from all of my friends and family for an extensive length of time. This aspect of my journey has been even harder than I expected it to be. Living so far from everyone who I had once looked to for emotional support means that I must now rely more fully upon myself. It has also given me endurance. Working here at the Casa Hogar was, and is, a very big dream of mine, so when things get tough and I am tempted to pack up and go home I am faced with a choice that will probably be presented to me throughout my entire life: do I take the easy way out, or do I follow my dream even when it is hard? The longer I stay here, the more I learn that it is always worth the effort to fight for what you want.
The way that I view the world has been completely turned on its head since I left the United States. I could talk a lot about how the poverty in this country has struck me or about how I used to always take education and literacy for granted. I could even talk about how my idea of which foods are edible has been expended, but these things did not affect me nearly as much as what I have found inside the hearts of the girls themselves. I suppose the stealing was the first hint I had that the children here were not as innocent as I had always imagined. Little things, like chocolate, and eventually money began disappearing until I learned to keep everything locked up. As time went on, I found myself lied to, manipulated, and disrespected more than I had ever experienced in my life. Before the end of the first week I began to learn that almost all of the girls have lost their childhood. Their pasts have taught them dreadful things, and many were forced to give up their innocence just to survive. Their integrity has been torn to shreds, and when they finally come to the Torre Fuerte they are starved for love and have a hard time trusting anyone. This lesson was a difficult and painful one to learn, but it is also acting as the driving force as I set my goals for the future and move towards them.
It is my dream to become a doctor. Not only do I want to help others by finding cures to illnesses and healing the body, but I would like to focus on bringing health to the entire person: mind, body, and spirit. Many of my ideas I draw from Patch Adams, a doctor who travels around the world bringing joy, laughter, and healing to those who are suffering. His long-term goal is to create a free “fun hospital” where the patients and doctors are part of a community that incorporates friendship, trust, and fine arts into the healing process. When this hospital is built, I would like to work there. Until then, I would like to live and work as if I were already a part of that community.

The last paragraph is especialy challenging. I don't feel that I am getting my point across at all. Any help would be appreciated, thanks. (link)
First paragraph, second sentence: change breath to breathe. Second paragraph, third sentence: change 'fist' to first.Second paragraph, third sentence: change "girls who live here" to "girls who live there." Third paragraph, first sentence, change "than what they had been" to "from what they had been." Third paragraph, second sentence, add a comma after teacher. Fifth paragraph, third sentence, change "expended" to "expanded."

Let me say that as I look at the essay as a whole, the paragraphs flow very well. Each has a topic and expands on that topic. I do agree with you about the last paragraph. The main thing that jumps out to me about it is that it doesn't seem to be a concluding paragraph to the essay you have written. It is almost as if it is an essay unto itself. Try rewriting it to both sum up your essay, but tying in your goals for the future. I am not sure you have to mention Patch Adams in the last paragraph. Summary paragraphs should be a conclusion/summary of your essay and not introduce new information as much as you do.

I hope this helps. Good luck!


im 21 female and my bf is 23.im on holiday at the moment.i flew out 3months ago and met my bf here while being on holiday with my family.we really clicked at the beginning and since ill be back next year we decided to have a long distance relationship.we both got eachother promise rings and i really do love him but the thing is im having problems trying to read him.im afraid hes gone off me.
at the beginning of the relationship he was all really sweet and loving and kind and cared about me.he use to always call and want to see me and send me txt messages telling me he misses me and loves me etc.
Now 3months have gone by and about a week ago (same time he brought his car)hes been acting distant.i go overseas in 6days and i thought hed want to be closeer to me but hes distant.i havent been getting txt messages from him and hes hardly been calling me.i mean we still see eachother and its fine when were together but when i go home its as if i never met up with him.i dont hear anything from him until i txt him first or until hes about to sleep to send me a goodnight txt.I was also thinking that because he got a car hes driving and cant txt or call or hes with his friends picking them up etc BUT STILL!!
i spoke to him about this about 5days ago and he said its because hes trying to prepare himself for when i leave so that it doesnt hit him hard when im gone.
but love is human,you need to feed it to keep it alive.
i spoke to him again about this 2nights ago and he said its because hes scared of saying soemthing ill take the wrong way.(we got into an arguement over soemthing he said and he didnt mean it the way i thought he did)
now im scared hes gone off me...what do i do?what does this sound like?

thank you for your help! (link)
I'm afraid you are experiencing the heartbreak of a long distance relationship. Having one is very, very difficult. I would think it is even harder since it sounds like the two of you didn't have a very long time to make a foundation for your relationship in the beginning. In other words, you and he are trying to FORM your relationship over a long distance, which is doubly hard. Of course you will have misunderstandings and arguments.....you only have calls and texts with each other.

I can't say from what you told me what is going on.....it is hard to tell....but the thing is....even IF he still wants to be yours, the circumstances might be getting in the way. You and he have to discuss your relationship. Talk about what is hard about it....what is good about it. And then, discuss whether you want to keep trying ....or give up. I'm so sorry for you. I wish I could say something comforting, but can't. I wish you luck with this heartbreaking situation.


19/f
I've been with my boyfriend for about two years. We recently broke up for a few days but decided to get back together and try our hardest to solve our problems and change things. While we were broken up, he told me that if we didn't end up back together, he was going to join the air force. However, he wouldn't if we were still together, since he didn't want to be away from me for that long. I really think being in the air force would be good for him, and there's nothing else he really wants to do with his life. I love him a lot, and I want to do what's best for him and not be selfish.
So what's the right thing to do? End things now (I think we're just not ready to be in a relationship now anyway, we need time) so he can do what he wants? (I would wait for him no matter what.) Or do the selfish thing and stay with him? (link)
Well it isn't as though you HAVE to break up for him to be able to join the Air Force. Have a heart-to-heart talk with him and tell him he can have BOTH. Many, many people every day live with partners that are in the service. Is it easy? No, but they do it. It is possible, or no one with a partner would go into the service!

Tell him you will be here to support him and be with him through the whole experience. Tell him to do it for BOTH of you...because he will be getting valuable training that will prepare him for a career. What a great thing to do for a relationship! PLAN FOR THE FUTURE!!!

Go for it!


two nights ago i developed a stye and now it's so swollen that i can't open my eye.it on the bottom part of my top eyelid. i've read that the only thing i can do is wait it out and put warm washcloths on it but i don't think it's doing anything. i stayed home today and i missed a final tomorrow if i stay home i will miss two, and three in total. i don't know what to do and i need help fast. (link)
Could you go to the drug store and buy a patch that you put over your eye with tape? You can't miss finals! Wear a patch and go! Your stye will likely go away in a couple of days.

My original answer is above. However, when you answered me back, you said that what you had was cellulitis of the eye. I just googled that and Wow! That is TOTALLY DIFFERENT from a sty! If you had said that is what you have in your original question, I would NEVER have recommended you try to go to school for your finals. Periorbital cellulitis is a serious condition with pain and from what I have found, could be contagious and is treated with antibiotics. Definitely stay home until it clears up!


Next month, our school is having its version of a Sadie Hawkins dance, where the girls ask the guys.

The guy I'm planning on asking is one of my good friends and I like him, and I think there's a pretty good chance that he also likes me back. I'm a year ahead of him in school but that's not really important.

Anyway, this is the way I might ask him and I was just looking for some opinions before I go ahead and do it.

I have a small jar/bowl about the size of a bowl you would use for a beta fish. I tied ribbon around the rim and inside, I filled it with origami lucky stars.

I'm going to put a note with it saying:
"These are origami lucky stars; a jar of them is supposed to bring good luck.
They've already done this for you: you're getting asked to Winter Karnival. I was hoping that maybe they'd bring me some next and that you would say yes to going with me."

I might also put stickers on the outside of the bowl that spell out the name of our dance.

If I don't do the note, I would put the stickers on some of the stars and have him find the ones with stickers and unscramble them, but I personally like the note idea better.

Anyway, any opinions on this would be helpful. (: My plan isn't set in stone yet, so chances can be made.

Thanks in advance! (link)
Wow!!! Impressive! Who could top that? That's a really, really awesome way to ask someone to a dance. Go with it!


so iv been goin g out with this guy for 2months now and we ve both fallen for eachother.yes i know it didnt take long to fall for him but it is how it is.anyway we started to get physical about a weeks ago.were not having sex yet but i gave him head and he sucked on my tits and rubbed himself against me etc.i have a few questions...

1. why am i not turned on?i should be,hes touching me and feeling me up and i think hes extremely hot and all but im just not turned on!like weve been physical almost everyday for the past week...
2.it kinda feels like now he just wants to hang out to get physicla.i mean every time we hang out he takes me out for a drink then we go and get physical and do all that stuff and then we hang out abit more.but before when we werent physical it felt like he actually wanted to spend time with me for me,not for any physical action.am i being used?

overall whats to do?please just advice nothing judgemental

im 21/f (link)
It is called chemistry and it doesn't happen between just anyone. It is something special that even scientists can't put a finger on. Even if you really like a guy.....you might just not have "chemistry" with him. It takes "chemistry" or sexual attraction, to be turned on. And sometimes, it just isn't there.


what kind of paint do people use to paint on their car windows? (link)
It is water-based poster paint. You can get it at craft stores. It is in little plastic or glass jars. Make sure it says water-based or clean up with just water.


okay, so i'm pretty good friends with this guy i like.
and sometimes i get the feeling he may like me but othertimes i feel like it's just friends.
last night, he imed me and said i should call him, so i did and we ended up talking for 4 hours, until 2am.
and like we just chatted and discussed things while he played call of duty and stuff.
i don't know if i should just think this is friends, or if there is a chance it's something more? (link)
Sounds like it may be something more. I would say a guy who asks you to call and talks to you for four hours is interested in you. He thinks you are interesting enough to talk to you for a long, long time. That's a very, very good sign, I think.




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