I'm 31 year old male and I've had many experiences with boyfriends, crushes, friends and family,drug abuse and mental health. I know quite alot about sex and sex related issues, so feel free to ask me anything about that! I can definitely give advice on drug abuse to. I'm going to be blunt and honest, because that's how I would want someone to be towards me. If you drop one in my inbox, please try to be as detailed as possible (like your age and gender) so I can be as helpful as possible.Look forward to hear from you. Check out my blog at asktimsandiego.blogspot.com
Website: ASK TIM
E-mail: TLBSANDIEGO@YAHOO.COM
Gender: Male
Location: SAN DIEGO
Age: 31
Yahoo: tlbsandiego@yahoo.com
Member Since: April 19, 2009
Answers: 34
Last Update: January 18, 2010
Visitors: 3194
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27/Female. Friend is 36yr/Male
Recently an old friend of mine made contact with me after 3 years of not speaking, and we have casually began talking the last couple of months.I have received care packages and even flowers from him in the last month. He expressed that these gifts were for congrats on my move to Chicago and flowers being a get well because I was recently injured. He also confessed his band just recorded 8 songs that were written about me. Last week my roomate posted some pictures of me on Facebook and the next day I received a late night drunken email from him telling me how beautiful I was and how he couldn't wait to see me again. I never responded to his email and a week later he wrote me another email saying I was being distant (since I hadn't responded) and how unfair it is that I am "drawing lines in the sand." A little background: We were friends for 2 years and one night he got really drunk and professed his love for me. This came as a complete surprise because I never so much as hugged him before. Next day I told him how I did not share his feelings and that we could only be friends. A month later we were at a wedding and he was drunk and got really mad at me because I was talking to a guy and he shouted in front of other guests "you are my date! you are suppose to be my date tonight!" The next day I called him and told him that I needed space and that he could no longer call me. 6 months later I left the country and received an apology email from him during my travels. 3 years later, I thought enough time had passed that maybe we could be friends again. I don't want to be friends because he obviously still has feelings for me that will never go away and I find his recent actions to be inappropriate. Although he has taken the passive approach of emailing me, I feel like I should call him and be direct, erase him from my Facebook and never speak to him again. Problem is, I don't know what to say. I don't want our phone conversation to go round and round in circles. How do I break this off for good?
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My dear first off I think you are on the right track, but before I tell you how to break this off I want you to think about this, have you ever had feelings for this guy ? And over the last three years has he changed. And sometimes when your are in love with someone sometimes they express it in different ways, and when there is alcohol involved, people instead to speak there mind more. So are you not wanting to try being friends after three years because you are afraid of what he has done in the past or because he had feeling for you at one time? These are just a few thinks to think about before you
decide to make that move. And if you do decide to delete him from your life. Be honest with him tell him how you feel and this is why you want to cut the friendship off DON'T let him control the conversation you take control from start to finish. When done with that delete him from face book and were ever you have him saved as a contact. Send me a message to tell me how everthing works..
Thanks
Tim
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i am a female and im 14. im still in love with my ex boyfriend. im going out with his ex-best friend. and im not at all comfterble with it because i still love my ex. i want to get back with him. but i dont know how he feels about me anymore. and im just confused and dont know what to do anymore. any sugestions? (link)
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Well love is hard to beat trust me I know, so the best advice I can give you is, if you still love him I would suggest talking to him and see how he feels about you still. And it sounds like you’re not ready to get into another relationship yet, so I would wait until you are comfortable be loved again. It will hurt and it will not happen over night but be patient it will be time again...good luck
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what does it really mean to "open up" to someone? is it just telling them your secret? why does some people someone open up to someone even though they havent known eachother for long?
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Well there are different ways to open up to someone You can open up to someone by telling them your deepest secret or by telling them what your goal and dreams are. And the some open up sooner because the connect right away..I hope this helped.
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normally i don't like questions about guys but now i'm the one who's stuck between a rock and a hard place. this will probably be long & confusing & i'm sorry.
i'm 18/f.
i dated this guy [A] for 2 years. he's 19. we were each others everythings, first loves, etc. broke up once for a year, went back to each other, were completely perfect, wanted to live together, planned to get married, everything. and it wasn't just like teenage fantasy talk, we were dead ass serious. well about a month and a half ago we started having big problems, he totally changed with me, stopped showin emotion, suddenly there were other girls in the picture, and just really became an ass towards me and started doin things that he knew good & well would hurt and upset me. i tried to explain myself SO MANY times but it never got through, so we had a hard break up. i thought i was over it. enter guy [B] i've known him casually for about 4 years. he's turning 20 in a week. we were friends till about august then we started kinda talkin. at the end of september he got sent to chicago for the army and we lost contact so nothing happened. but then he got discharged bc of broken bones. he lives an hour and a half away from me and last weekend he asked me to come down to see him. everything was like normal again, he basically treated me like his girlfriend and asked me if i wanted to start talkin again because he does and that he got pretty jealous when he saw i was back with [A] after being broken up. the problem with him is that not only does he live an hour and a half away, but he doesn't really put forth effort to see me. when i'm with him, you can tell we like each other and it feels right with him, but he's only come to see me once where i live, every other time i go down there and we don't even really talk regularly. but i still can't help the fact that i like him. so guy [C]. he's 17. we met at the beach on spring break, and my group of friends and his hung out the ENTIRE time. and we were basically a couple on spring break and have been talkin ever since, so we've known each other two weeks but it feels like a lot longer. he lives 45 mins - an hour away from me and i've been down there to see him once and he's come up here both by himself and with his friends [to see me and my friends] about 5 times so far since we got home from the beach. we talk all the time and i can tell he really likes me and i do like him so we're talkin/datin. okkk well today my ex [A] came to visit me and ended up kissing me. THEN he sends me this recording via text msg of this song he wrote/played/sang for me whenever we were having probs and stuff right before we broke up, and it was soo sweet about how all he wants is another chance and he'll prove to me he'll make right, that this can't be the end and we can't be saying our goodbyes, please forgive me i'm just begging for one more chance.
so i'm stuck. [B] is most likely not the smartest choice & yet i still like him. [A].. well after we broke up i swore i was done, although he said he did want to eventually get back together in a few months or so down the road. the problem is he's working two jobs, i'm in school and i work, and i'm going to college 4 hours away in august. so i don't even know how we would work, but at the same time, he's my first love, and even though i've been saying i'm over it this whole time, after i got that super sweet message tonight, it kills me to think we might really be over and i'll hate it if this really is the end. at the same time though, i'm really starting to like [C] and i and everyone else can tell that he likes me and he does actually put forth the effort. but at the same time, i feel bad "dating" him when i have two other guys in the picture. i'm not neccessarily looking for a serious relationship any time soon bc [A] and i haven't been broken up even two months, but i feel this is such a mess already that i don't want it to get worse.
ugh, sorry for the length, but any tips? =/ (link)
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Well I would look at this experince like this,girls meture quiker and faster then
boys do,so with that being said when boys are at a younger age they reach aross road in there
life, were they end up leaving what they have like a relaniship,to go out and find them self.
If that means having mutiple female friend or what ever it maybe.So you need to thing if
you go back with (a) then there is a chance that he may turn around and do the samething
again,but you still love him an you know him better then any of these other guys,you only
live once so why not give (a) a 2nd chance.You need to do what your heart tells you.Know one
else can tell you how to live your life,life is full experince good and bad. Good luck...
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I have a 17-year old daughter who is currently a senior in high school. All her life, she has never had a boyfriend or even a friend that is a boy. This specifically is not why I am writing, because she is free to be friends with whom she wants. However, she has confided in me that she is afraid of men and boys and has been her whole life. I am not sure if it is getting worse as she gets older or is just manifesting itself in different ways. I was never like this so I am not sure what would be considered 'normal' feelings for her to have. I have talked to a few close friends about this and they say that I should look into her past to see if anyone could have hurt her in any way. I can think of nothing, except for things that I don't think would still have much of an effect on her now, although maybe you think different (if so, please tell me). What I am thinking of happened during preschool. There was a group of boys that used to chase her and scare her all the time at recess. She was very afraid and for this reason she spent time hiding from boys and staying physically very close to her female friends. When she got older she always feared them. Although she is a shy person, it isn't a fear of rejection. She is afraid that they will do something to her to harm her. She can't even watch the news because of all the rapes and things of that nature.
I just don't know what to do or how to make it better. I would just like to find out what happened to make her this way and how to help her get past her fears. I appreciate any input you can provide. (link)
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There is a number of reason why she could be afraid of
male's She could have witnessed males in her life being
physically or verbally abusive. Which caused her to have
trust issues. Besides for that she could have not necessarily been
abused but neglected or lost an important male figure in her life
which causes the fear. Signs you maybe want to look for would
be recurring nightmares or flash backs of UN explained incident
I would maybe suggest a councilor that would be better trained
to figure out what the issue maybe. I hope this helped please
feel free to send me a message if you have any further questions.
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Okay. I'm 25yrs old. Married. I came across this site while googling "How do I know if I was sexually abused". I've wondered for years. The details are fuzzy. I don't know what I really remember, or what I've made up to cope with it, or cope with myself. I've only told one person in my life EVER. My mom always told me she thought I showed signs of being sexually abused. I always assured her I wasn't. Too ashamed I guess. After reading tonight I've kind of decided that the answer is most likely yes, but I don't know what to do now? Do I really want to know ALL the details? I do want to deal with this... Everything just says "Talk to a professional". For one, that cost money I don't have. I just don't think I could ever talk to someone face to face. My biggest fear is being judged or analyzed even. The thought just makes me cringe. Or if its a guy, what if he hits on me or something? I know that's probably stupid to think, but how can I trust someone I don't even know? What if I see them somewhere? I know they are taught to be professional, but they are only human. I work in the medical field I know just how "professional" some people can be. Is there like phone counseling or something more anonymous? Recommend any books? I don't know... (link)
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When someone has been abused at a young age it is common for them to
Block it out and when you get older starting to have dreams and flash backs
Of bits and peaces of that experience, is the mind way of try to work it out.
This is something that know one should ever have to go through alone there are multiple
Sites that you can goggle that can help you http://www.pandys.org/,
http://www.dmoz.org/Society/Support_Groups/Sexual_Abuse/ here is
Two very good sites that can help you through your experience, please feel
To send me a message if I can help you further
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Ugh. He was perfect, but ended up cheating on me with his ex.
I just can't get over him. I broke up with him last Saturday and EVERY night I dream about him-- us getting back together, arguing, or being happy together. I know he doesn't want me back because he HASN'T called or anything. I can still smell him (in a good way, lol), I can't get his kisses out of my head or the way he held me or the laughs we had, and especially his smile. This is my first heartbreak it SURE hurts a lot. I'm SO SICK of love songs, every song reminds me of him. I'm athletic and try to stay busy, but nothing is working. I do NOT want to talk to any other guys because I'm not over him/I'm scared of getting hurt again. I don't know what to do!
What should I do? I just want to be done with him. (link)
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Ok my best advice for you is that it will take time to get those thinks out of your head it will not happen over night.You need to keep thinking of other things to keep you busy.I know when i broke up with my first love, i went through the same thing.The love songs and the romance movies all made me said.After awhile it all went away and i was ready to give my heart again.Be patient it will work out.Good luck feel free to send me a message if you have any more questions....
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18, f.
how can you tell someone you want to be sexual with them if you dont know 100% they feel the same? i dont want to make a fool of myself but everytime we hangout it's so intense, we flirt like crazy but he gives mixed signals. i know we're both attracted to each other but we've also been good friends for awhile now too so its hard to tell. how can i let him know i really want him, and to please him haha okay that sounded kinda stupid but you know what i mean. i need some suggestions when i'm with him and when texting without completely saying like i want to have sex with you or something as of that because if he didnt feel the same i would feel extremely dumb. but this has been going on long enough, he turns me on everytime i see him!!! (link)
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Well the problem i see is that you have been friends,with this guy for awhile if you come forward and say that you intrested in having sex with him, and after you stay friends it can make things a little ackward.so my advice to you would be ask him how he feels about you and if the feelings are the same then maybe look at having a relanship then bring the sex topic up.I have seen some of the best and strong relaniships are based on friends first so you have somthing that most people dont have.Good luck I hope this helped.
Tim
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Im almost 19, and saturday my boyfriend broke up with me. He's 20 and honestly he was my first love. I dont know what to do, we were both crying so much, and he kept saying how much he still cares about me, and how he just does'nt want to be in a relationship, at all right now, and that he could be making a huge mistake, but he just does'nt know. but that he just needs time, that he wants to still talk to me, and hang out with me. I am so lost. it hurts so bad, but im just going to wait it out and see what happens.
but can you guys help me out, what can i do to make him want to work this out again? to make him miss me so much??? please help out with any advice.
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Well love and relanships are one of those things that you can’t rush,
Sometimes when you are young you are scared to make that commitment
To one another, don’t get disgorged. I know it’s hard to go from a relanship
To just wanting to be friends. I was in the same situation I really liked this
Guy we spent a lot of time together watching movies going out on dates,
But one day he said that he was not ready for a relanship that he wants to
Just stay friends. I took it hard because I fell for him really hard, but after
I got passed being sad and upset with him; I realized that I would rather
Have him as a friend in my life then not have him at all in my life. And
Now we are really good friends. And the great thing about that is that you
Never know what the future hold's. I have learned that you can’t rush love
It will take time, but stay friends with him it will hurt at first but when
You get passed all that, you will see the big picture. And you never know
What may happen with a little space he may come back to you. I hope this
Helped take care and good luck…
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so i'm 18 years old, female
whenever i'm with my friends who are all younger than me, everyone thinks i'm always the youngest!! it's like an insult to me. once my friends were talking about going to the club and this one guy asked if i was going and he was like wait, are you old enough to go? and one of my friends was like ha ha she is the oldest one out of all of us! it just makes me feel sad. i don't want to look like a little girl, who would want to? to me, i don't think i look so young but everyone else seems to think so. it's not like a wear young girl clothes and i wear make-up and do my hair? it's just something that bugs me and it's kind of an insult everytime someone thinks i'm the youngest when realy i'm older than everyone else ! is there anything i could try, or anything i could do to try and look my age? (link)
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So I am in the same boat as you I am 31 years old and I look like I am 18
Every time I go to the store or go to the bar I get carded. When I was
Younger it bothered me that I looked younger then I was, but now I am glad
I look young because when I am 40 I will look like I am 30 and that’s a
Great thing. Don’t worry about how old you look just go out and enjoy life
Because in know time at all you will be happy that you look younger then
You are. And all your friends will wish they had what you have, take care
And good luck.
Tim
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Okay I dated this girl named Lorri for about 3 1/2 yrs when I was like 14. We broke up for 2 years and now we're back together.
It all started when she asked me to go to prom with her after her and Luke broke up. Well I figured since me and him hated eachother she was only trying to make him jealous so I was like okay.
But 3 weeks before prom we were talking one night and she told me she still had feelings for me but didn't expect me to care. At that exact moment I told myself I was just getting to the point where I could live without her, but then my heart sank. It was like every emotion I've ever felt for her struck a different nerve in my body.
In that instant, I realized every mistake of my life. And since then every moment I've spent with her has been like stepping stones to heaven. Like a dream to good to be true...that's when everything changed.
3 weeks ago I lost my job because my boss refused to pay me for the 46 hrs I worked that week. (I worked for a tree cutting business) I've put in 76 applications in the past 3 weeks but still can't get a job because of the hiring freeze. I lost my car because my step father totaled it and I'm ready to get my own place so me and Lorri can have our own life. Her mother's is causing too much stress on her life and I want her to be happy.
I feel like I'm loosing control of my life and I can't get a grip on anything anymore, like I'm going crazy.
Hope you can help. (link)
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Well first thing i can tell you is life can but alot of stress and obstacle's in are lifes,that's lifes test to see how us as people will handle and deal with it,before you do anything else you need to but it out there that you are an control and everthing will work out.It sounds funny but you will be surprised how things will start working in your favor.One thing you dont have to worry about is your girlfriend because from what you say she loves you very much and you do as well,somtimes it not being the man, it's letting who you love help you through the issues that you are going through.Don't let anyone tell you diffrent.Life has a funny way of working its self out.... good luck feel free to send me a message if i can help you further..
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I really honestly am stuck on what to do..... Im so short money and I still need to pay my phone bill.. I have to get all my stuff to deadwood before the end of march when my lease ends in my apartment... my car just broke down and i still owe about 2800 dollars on that... thank god for my mom letting me drive her car.... I jut feel like everything is falling on me at once and its just too much. I know im not the only person out there with these problems but I need some advice to let me know what i can do so i dont end up in the nut house!!!! (link)
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Ok first thing is you need to put it out there that everthing will work out,this sound crazy but trust me it works.Life is a road of obstacle's,everthing that we go through,bills not having enough money,break ups these are life's test,and the way you pass the test of life and dealing with everday problems,is tell your self that you will not let not having enough money or over due bills keep you for keeping control.Everyday when you wake up say to your self it will all work out and i am an control if you keep putting it out there,you feel feel better and you will be amazed how things will start working in your favor.
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(20/F) I'm the kind of girl that gets along better with guys than girls. I make guy friends quick and easily and I enjoy talking to them. The problem is, every guy friend I make now has an ulterior motive! Even a few days after meeting, they call all the time and ask me out on dates. I don't get it and I don't like any of them that way. I don't flirt, lead them on or even dress provocatively. I don't want to lose friendships by hurting them, but what are some ways I can stop this before it starts? How should I handle it when they do try to get closer? (link)
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My advise to you is be up front from the begining, tell them that you are intrested him them as a friend be up front be stern if you have to to get your point acrossed.And then if they dont listen and they keep presueing further then a friendship then i would advise you to cut your ties.I hope this helped you...
Good luck
Tim
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Okay. So as my precious question. How to get my boyfriend back. I got him back. A week after he broke up with me. We got back together. Im the happiest person alive. I love him with all my heart. Its been almost a week. We spend every minute of every second possible together. But he still has his doubts that I might be talking to that guy from LA. And im not. I told him that I didn't want nothig to do with him.
But I want to know how can I prove to my boyfriend that im being faithfull and honest. It hurts me to see that he doesn't trust me. I know its only been a week or so but how can I prove that im not talking to anyone. I love him wit all my heart. And I don't plan on loosing him ever again. (link)
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Is there a reason why he feels like that did somthing happen in the past to make him feel like that.If so then you need to keep reminding him that he is the only one for you, and there is no one else in you life but him.And if there is someone in LA then you need to cut your ties.Now if nothing happened in the past to make him feel like that,then there maybe a jelious issues on his part and possible security issues that have nothing to do with you.If thats the case then you need to sit down and talk to him about that,if it is security or jelious issues and if it is not a adressed then there is a chance of more issues in the future.I hope this helped..
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