ask SAMzasis



read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators



Hey everyone! I haven't been active for few years but now I'm back, wiser than ever! So if you want my advice, let's make magi happen and fix this problem together.... or just, you know, take the advice.
Member Since: February 25, 2005
Answers: 95
Last Update: March 15, 2009
Visitors: 7701

Main Categories:
Random Weirdos
View All

Favorite Columnists
russianspy1234
ChemicalDan
yeahhh56458
They come big in random spots- under my hair- in my eyebrow- under my eye. They're huge. They don't go away. It feels like there are lumps inside of them and they stay for months. When they finally do go away they leave a big old hole that you could stick a pin into with a black old cloud underneath. Crap squeezes out of it until it bleeds and scabs over. This whole thing can last for like three months. It's so weird.
What the hell is wrong with me and how do I make them stop??? I eman there's never more than one of them at once but they're ugly and they hurt and they suck. (link)
My Brilliant answer:
Um.... I'm starting to think that you're talking about acne...? I mean, some are huge, and some are small. The size varies, from person to person. Yea.... I'm re-reading your thing the third time, and now, I'm 90% sure you're just talking about acne. First off, it's a sign that's saying that either you're not washing your face good enough, or just that you don't wash your face, which is even more gross, since hygene is VERY necessary now in today's Teen society. Okay, so there aren't really "cure" for acne. All those wonderful looking formulas and stuff you see on TV? Well, yea, they work, but they're not exactly "Cures." What they basically do, is (to make EVERYONE understand) help water and soap get into your pores, and take all the dirt out. They then chemically (magically) have a formula, to be in the place of dirt, so nothing else can get in. Your skin would feel soft and all. However, sometimes, your skin gets used to the same thing, if you use it too often, or use the same thing over. So, this is what I'd do, if you want it a daily thing. Buy three anti-acne thing, from three different companies(any will do). Then, alternate using them, so you use different ones each day or so. Yea, too weird and easy? Yea, I thought so too. To be honest, I don't have too much of a skin problem, so the most I used, was this Japanese skin care product, which my mom made me put, and that thing worked pretty good... Anywho, toodles!
I wasn't funny in this, so I'll just add a side note thing..... Eat Veggies!
~SAM


i juss bouqht nair lotion remover thinq and im not sure if its qonna be qood.. on the back of the bottle it said stuff for like the leqs.. the bikini area and stuff but i wanted to use it for my face.. do you think its qonna work for ma face? and when the hair qrows back.. is it qoinq to be thicker.. one LAST question.. sorry ! how lonq will the hair qrow back?? (link)
Um.... let me break this down.... too many questions, without them numbered... and improper grammar gets me.

1) "do you think its gonna work for ma face?"
Yes, Nair DOES work on every skin type. It's that strong. So it will work on your face. But since it's really strong chemical in it, I wouldn't do it. But hey, if you want to risk your skin, go ahead. I'm just saying that's really risky...

2) "is it going to be thicker"
Um, that's a half-and-half. See, everyone talks about that, and is afraid to shave/wax/zap whatever. But here's the thing; If everytime you shave, and when it grows back thicker, by the time you're 30, your hair would be REALLY thick. But you'll say "But it does look like it!" Yea, well, see, the whole getting-thicker thing is only when you shave the first few months. Later on, your body would get used to it, so it'd stop growing thicker hair. Tah-Dah~!!!

3) "how long will the hair grow back??"
See, I'm not really sure what you're saying here... "long" as in the length of your hair, or time??? Well, if it's length of your hair, then well... if you let it grow (which is disgusting), that's how long it'd grow back... well, your body would stop growing it when it reached certain length, I think. If it's "time" you're talking about, then I wouldn't know, cause all bodies produce things, at different rate. So... meh, I dunno.

Yes, so I answered your three questions. Cool. I didn't really ridicule you, or write anything funny... I just realized, that I wrote all this, assuming that you're a girl. If you're a guy, just freakin' shave man. Don't be lazy and use Nair. Please. I beg you. Ugh! Well, yea, I hope you learned something. I hope I was actually helpful with this... Toodles!!!

~SAM


I waas wondering if anyone knew where there would be cheap and cute/hot clothes cheapp like shirt:25-30$ etc. thanks website is what i mostly need because we don't have any great stores here. thanks (link)
Hmmm, I know this store, run by some asian people ( I think) and it's called "Xi" It's so awesome. I got an awesome suit jacket(for business) for $20. and I got a shirt for $5. It's great. Um.... what else... You can find great things at "The Dollar House" for... a dollar.... Um... "Generation X" and "Generation Y" is cool, and if you go at the right time, they have cheap stuff. And There was one store that sold a suit jacket for $10. I can't remember what it was called though... I remember buying a "FUCK!" shirt as well. Yea.. That's still my favorite shirt. Anywho, if you wanna know more specifically, give me that private-messege thingy. I'll tell you where it is and what not... actually... which state/city are you in...?

~SAM


Hey, I'm 13/F and I just got my period in January. I had it for 6 days. I haven't gotten it since!! It's the end of March now which means I skipped two months?? I know I'm not pregnant (I have no idea how to spell it)
Is something wrong with me??? (link)
No worries. Since you're young, you're basically hormonially malfunctioning. No, seriously, you're young and you're body is probably trying to get used to your body's system. Yea, pretty weird. That would stop after few years. Don't worry. It's alright. I remember that happened to me. Of course I'm pretty laid back at things like that, I figured I wasn't in a bad condition or anything. No worries, kid. You can take my word for it.

~SAM


My girlfriends bummed because I'm down on myself. She's wondering how she could boost my self-esteem. Any ideas? (link)
My brilliant answer for you is.....
- Put a smile on your face
- Eat Hershey's (no, don't)
- Don't be down. Psychology studies(Yea, I minor in shit load of things, but have only one major) says how positiveity spreads. But negativity spread easier.
- Do something fun together
- Just.. don't make fun of people
- Make something.
- Eat together. That's always fun.

I hope I helped.
~SAM


I really like this one girl called Nicole but from what i hear she hates my guts i want to ask why but shes a bad girl always skipping school and stuff (nadda really bad no durgs that i know of) it could just be because shes Goth i dunno. anyways my query is how do i make on friendly terms not a relationship without doing something corny, cheap or expensive(sp?)

thanks a ton
13 male
Solemnstar
(link)
Guest speaker (S.B.)'s Brilliant Answer: Whoa! You're name's Solemnstar? I bet she'd love you. From how I look at it, I'd totally be going out with a guy named Solemnstar. I mean, just look at it. It has "star" in it. And "Solemn" is pretty cool. But I think you should give her a bunch of flower you stole...uh... I mean... PICKED from some... random... garden. Or just go the the graveyard. They tend to have a whole bunch around them. I don't know why. I get all my flowers for my girlfriend there. Especially around holiday season


MY brilliant answer: First off, ignore S.B. Second, just BullShit talk to her. Improvise. Say that you like to listen to Rammstein, and say how you like the song "Ohne Dich" (Pronounced Ona dish). If that doesn't work, I'm sorry. Just start off by just being nice to her. Even if it SEEMS like she has a negative affect, just keep doing it, until she turns her heart towards you. I can't say how long of a process that is. Just.. you know... don't go stalking her around. Yea... toodles! I hope I helped.

~SAM


Hey, I'm a girl and I'm 14 years old. Okay I'm sure I love guys and everything, but I'm attracted to my best friend and my best friend is also a girl and 13 years old. I know I'm not attracted to any other girls, but her. It's weird because I feel if I could be with her it would be less complex then with a guy and since I know everything about her and she knows everything about me I feel we could be very happy together. I don't look at other girls or watch porno to see girls at all. I flirt with guys but just a lot less now because I'm focused on my best friend and I. I know for a fact if she doesn't want to be with me that way I'll go back to guys and I'll have no regret in my life becuase i went for her. We've experimented 3 times now and liked it time. One time she's wanted me so badly she's licked her lips at me and at the same time stared deep in my eyes craving to touch me. We do have a plan to try to go to college together and live together and get a big house together. We feel very relaxed and happy around each other. My life couldn't feel anymore complete without her. It's like guys are a last resort because I know if I can't have be with her then I'll go for guys. I'm very scared to tell her because if I do she'll be freaked out and wouldn't wanna be best freinds with me anymore or just be around me anymore. Please help a girl out! (link)
My brilliant answer is this...

GO FOR IT.

I'm pretty sure she feels the exact same way.

~SAM


Ok, I have a b.f. in Arkansas, and we met once and i really love him. He has no email, and i can't call guy's. I don't know if we should still be together or not. I mean i've only had fealings for him, out of all the boys i've met, which iz like three. Wat should i do. I love him.

HHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP

I rate 5's for anyone who reply's
Thanx (link)
Rate of 5 eh??? LoL, I'm kidding. Um.. well honestly (like I ever lied to the others) I think you shouldn't make a relationship with someone you've met only once. Also, do all of us a favor, and don't write "HHHHHEEEEELLLPPP" It's just annoying. I'm sorry. But it is. We all get the point. I'm just going to tell you this...

Truth hurts. And so do wounds. I know this is tough for you, but long-distance relationships just doesn't work very well, especially if you are at a young age, which I'm guessing you are. But here's one thing you can do. Do activities that would make you forget about him. Like.... whatever you like to do. Hiking, kicking-butt, shopping, or whatever people your age do. Just have fun while you're young. Don't get relationships be blocking everthing.

~SAM


people told me about squats and lunges for toning legs.. what are those? please explain..

plus.. spring break is a week and a half. i want to get up every morning, weight lift a little, stretch, and go walking. approx. how long should i fast walk, to tone my legs, how far, and how fast will it work?

i need to look better in a swimsuit in other words, please respond fast, ill rate high!! (link)
Okay, here's what you do. Come to my column. I've written few exercises to two people. Those who wants to look good in a swimsuits and whatnot. There's a thigh exercise, that works pretty good. Check it out.

~SAM


you have 5 favorite columnists 4 of whom are relative assholes, so i assumed youd know. actualy i wish i was that smart, i jsut forgot to add my username
~russianspy1234 (link)
Don't ridicule other columnists. Okay, I lied, you can. Go ahead. But I am not part of this.. Okay, so long story short, I think you're cool, honest, and you put your face on the column thing, AND you go to UCSD. So, if you total up the points, and the bonus points, you get a score, that will enable you to be in my "favorite columnists" But anywho, so yea, I just thought you were worthy enough to be in my "favorite coumnist" thing. Yea... that's all. Did I answer your question?

~SAM


hey, ok, well my room always seems to get EXTREMELY messy. i straigten it up, but then it just gets dirty right away. there's always clothes on the floor, desk cluttered, dishes everywhere, the works. so, this is a pretty general quesiton, so anything constructive i will rate 5's! so, plz give me some tips on how you keep your room decent! (link)
Oh My GOSH!!! We should be like twins man... seriously. Okay, so here's one thing I do with my messy room. I don't clean it up. BUT, only when I know I have five minutes to clean it up, before someone comes in. So that's where my handy-dandy blanket comes in. See, I have this Happy Bunny(c) blanket, which I use as a rug, since I already have 4 blankets. and so, whenever there's stuff on the floor, or I throw it, I just throw it towards the blanket, few minutes before the guest comes in, I grab each end of the blankey, lift it, and throw it into the closet, and Ta-Da~, a clean floor. It keeps the floor clean too. Also, I'm not sure why you have dishes everywhere, but I won't touch that part of your question. I use this method all the time. Trust me, It works like magic. Hope I helped!!!

~SAM

Seriously, this IS what I do 99% of the time. And that 1% is just, not doing anything...


hey i noticed i was listed on your favorite columinsts, cant see what youd like in my column though i sugar coat quite a bit. (link)
I'll be mean to you for the fact that I'm in a bitchy mood right now.

First off, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!? I have more than ONE favorite columnists, so I have no fucking idea who the hell you are. LEAVE your god-damn User name! Geez! I can't answer your question, dumbass. Try again later, leaving your fucking name... GAH!

~SAM, the Pissed-off


ok im 15 yers old and weigh 180 lbs and i look obese plz can u help me to loose the weight in my stomach i need it by summer! im sic k of not bein able to aswim in frnt of my boyfriend but excersies i can do at home thanks (link)
Whoa! What's with all these "I'm fat, help me" questions? Since when was I, Richard Simmons? Oh well, I'd just like to tell you, read the stuff I wrote earlier, to someone who needed a diet or something. I don't remember. Personally, I don't care. I'm just telling you people what works with me, and how I lost few pounds....

Okay, Crunches are VERY excellent. They work pretty well. But I don't do it too much, cause I have a weak stomache, and stomache acid goes insane. Yea... Oh, one thing I LOVE doing is what people in my martial art team calls "Backward sit ups" I don't know why. It's not really backward too... So here's the instructions...

1) Lay on flat surface (Don't do it on hard floor, cause you'll bruise if you do it on a hard wood floor)
2) Bend your knees, so your heels are touching your toes(or as far as it can go), and your legs are together. You would look something like this...
o___/\


Ive know this guy since i was born and were really good friends. We were on vacation with them one year and my brother keept stealing him away from me! I dont like him as a boyfriend but he is like my best friend and my brother is taking him away from me! what should i do? (link)
My Brilliant Answer:
Steal him back. Just, steal him like your brother stole him from you. Oh, and just to make things fancy, if he complains about it, start crying, and talk about your stress, and emotional problems, and start being "You think I'm ugly!!!" And just run out of the room. I'm sure the guy would care about you, and your brother would be confused... I don't know if this helped or not. If it did, woot! If not.... I'm sorry, I tried....

~SAM


ok in my english class I have to write a paper on a assigned topic. My topic is abortions. I need opinions and any information that is good and bad about abortions. Please I need help on this. I have my own opinion but I need more than just what I think. (link)
Here's a very helpful web site, that will help you.

http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=regressive

He is like... someone we should all worship. Use this info wisely, my child....

~SAM


in your answer, you said you needed to know how much i wanted to loose, i want to loose like 15 pounds by the summer. any ways i can do that? (link)
Um... yea... Do the math. Let's say you have about 100 days left until summer. (April, May, & June). That's 15lbs in 100 days. That's 0.15 lbs every day. Um... you can TOTALLY do that. That's about a little over a pound, a week (1.05lbs). If I am able to lose 2lbs per week, just by going on the water diet, and the "chase the mouse" game, you might be able to lose even more by summer...

~SAM

I wasn't funny in this too. I'll start saying random things now... Tomato, plastic, compass, hat, book, magnifying glass, tie, lotion, Popcicle, asians... etc.


i need to loose weight. i am 5'4" and i weigh 138. i really want to loose 15 pounds by the summer. Yesterday i started a 900 calorie diet adn i have been doin 200 crunches. Is there anythign else you can think of? (link)
Um... I know this may sound rude(like that's a surprise) but I need to know if you look obese, or just big-boned. Cause if your bone was dense from the beginning, then there's not much you can do. On the other hand, if you were simply obese, I can help you. Also, I sorta need to know how much you want to lose, and if you have any specific area you'd want to lose your fat of(thighs, arms, etc.) Here are few, things that worked for me.

1) Play the game I invented, "Chase the mouse." which is very simple. Think of the game as tag. You're it, and there's only one person you need to chase, the mouse. The mouse has to be someone, that's smaller, weighs less, and can run faster than you. Here's the catch, once you chase them, you can beat the crap out of them, for as much as you want. It's REALLY awesome. I played it with my brother, for the past few years, and at one point, when I played it every day, with that ONE week, I lost 5lbs.

2) NEVER drink soda, caffine, sugar, etc. Drink ONLY water. This really works. Not only that, but it also affects your skin as well. Acne would start to decrease, and it keeps your skin soft. (touches own cheek), I have nice skin, cause I drink green tea (water and leaf, basically).

3) There's this one exercise, that I can guarantee that would work, but it's for your thighs. First, get a table/wall to keep your balance on. stand 2 inches away from it and face toward the standing table thingy. Without using your own hands lift one leg backward, and push them as far high as it can. Once it reaches it's highest point, drop it an inch or two, and then just bounce it up again. Keep doing this for two minutes, on each side. It'd crap up maybe, if you don't exercise a lot, but you'll get used to it.

Those three are very useful. Use it wisely, my child. Or just.. ignore it. I STRONGLY suggest the second one. Yea, hope I helped. If you want to know, I'm 5'2" and 98lbs. Like I said, these three are great. Use them. Seriously. Um... I wasn't funny in this, so I'll just start putting random words in it....TREE HOUSE! PORCUPINE! BAGGIE PANTS! BROOM STICKS! CAKE! DINOSAUR! BANANAS!

~SAM


I need a girlfriend... please help. (link)
This is by far the most ridiculous question, in every aspect, I've ever recieved. The fact that there is no info on who this person is, why he/she may need it, nor do I know if they're straight or not(Hence the "he/she"). However, instead of deleting it, I'll simply ridicule it a little like now, and then help. "Please help" in what? Getting a girlfriend? Giving you one? Downloading one(Hey man, it's possible in the future)? What IS your question.
Please help" just doesn't cut it, kid

Ridiculing, over. Okay so um... gah, I don't even know where to start with this one. Um... I'll just guess that you're the following...
- a guy
- a teen (senior year in HS, or freshmen in College)
- average looking
- never had a girlfriend before
- very desperate
- need one to love, not for boasting for pride
- don't have a "crush" or anything

Okay... um... go to somewhere you usually hang-out with, and look for a specific girl that you like, or something, which constantly go to your "hang-out" place. Then after a while, start talking to her, and just start showing interest in her, but don't flirt. NEVER flirt. That's just too dumb and immature to do. Um.... she'd eventually would have to get closer to you, and after that is really up to you, since I don't even know you. If you don't like her, kill her. Or just kill yourself for the hell of it. I don't know. I don't like people who can't give me enough info, to solve their problems...

~SAM


is it wrong to lose your virginity at 14? whats so wrong about it and will it hurt? im scared to do it cuz i think it will hurt but i really really want to...so will it hurt for my first time?? (link)
I have two choices for you.

A) Don't do it. You're an idiot if you're doing it or planning to do it. If you're smart enough, you WILL take my words, and not do it
B) Igore A and do it. Then keep doing it, get addicted to it, have AIDs or herpies or something, then just die.

I strongly suggest A. But if you're going towards "stupid" ideas, B would be perfect for you.

~SAM


As a seventeen year old female who is oober tired of stupid highschool guys and would like to move on to more mature ones... how old is too old for me? (link)
Okay, you see that last question, which is the one I'm suppose to be answering? That there, is a stupid/retarded answer, and so someone like you, shouldn't really have the "more mature ones." Infact, you shouldn't even be dating. Just... don't think about it too much. You'll get over it.

~SAM




read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker