Rebekah's advice column

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Q: ok well i have a friend and she is really sweet. But i recently found out she had been cutting her wrists, so i told one of my teachers and she reported it to the office as an annonimous report. So she got called down to the office today to be talked to and well lets just say she was really upset. Shes not aloud back at school untill she goes to a shrink atleast 6times! So anyways well she keeps e-mailing me and im scarred shes going to find out it was me because someone told her that they saw a girl friend taalking to one of our teachers about her. So how am i suppost to approch her in a way that dosent hint to be proven it was me? Did I do the right thing? I really dont want to loose a friend i have already lost so many this year! I go threw school with only 3 friends! And i dont want to walk arond alone! Helllp

Alyssa 13

You are a true friend for risking your friendship to help her! And I think in time, she will realize that. But a way you could approach her is by just being really supportive, be as positive as you possibly can. This is going to be unimaginabley difficult for the both of you, whether or not she figures out it's you, and if she does, whether or not she can accept that you were only trying to help.
Having few friends hurts, it flat out sucks, but at least you are a TRUE friend to the ones that you DO have. That will pay off throughout your life, don't lose that quality. Fight for it with everything you have, like you are fighting to help your friend.

Q: im 14/f and my boyfriend is 15/m (im almost 15 hes amlmost 16) and we have had sex.we have known eachother for 13 years and been going out for 3. and i really care about him but lately hes been..."aggresive" and he yelled at me a few times..he NEVER did this before and im scared there is somthing wrong..what should i do??!!
(should i break up with him)

This is when you've got to take a step back and look at the whole picture. It might be a miscommunication or him suddenly realizing that he is afraid of serious commitment or something like that. Try to analyze this with a neutral point of view; start about a week before this started happening and try to think it all through up to now. Maybe one of you guys took something wrong?

Q: English is my a second language. I don't know how I can improve my skils?

talk to people. it's uncomfortable at first, and for a while, but that's the best way to learn any language - talking to the people who speak it. You'll even pick up on slang pretty quickly.

Q: ok to tell it all short my brothers going to court and may be sent away .my moms in the hostpital she has been for 3 days .my other brother is named the good child.my family has 5 people in it and im the only girl so i clean cook and do laundry.i cnat believe my mom has done it for 20 years ive done it for 4 days.i have so much gratitude for her and ill never mesure up.i am slipping on my grades at school witch i was already strugiling and is at resk of failling my grade.i dont want to have my mom as an excuse for my homework.i stayed home today to catch up and no one knows that.

im under my head and no one to turn too.
what do i do.

plz help me sorry its so long
katie

Katie,
It is so hard (for a lack of a better term) to be faced with having your brother taken away, and trust me, it scares you to death. With that, you will just have to see how it goes and hope for the best. Although it is great that you have stepped up to the plate and taken over the house hold duties, everyone needs to help. You have school, and other things that you need to deal with just like they all do, so I would bring it up with them. Tell them that you are trying your best to do it all, but you need help because there is just too much to do. They should have been helping all along, especially with their own messes.
You are definitely in way over your head, but the only way you will come out a bit is by sharing the load.

Q: A friend of mine told me that she heard that if you have a light period, then you will have a harder time becoming pregnant when you are trying to conceive! So if your period lasts for 2 days while other girls have it for 7 days, you will have more trouble becoming pregnant! Does anyone know if this is true, or is it just some kind of a myth? Just wondering... I thought it was kind of interesting.

I think that, that is an exaggerated myth. I don't think that it really makes that much of a difference.

Q: I was in class today and these guys that I know were taking stupid pictures with their cell phones. Like, doing things that looked sexual (like taking a pic with 2 fingers together).

Well anyways, two of them came over and sat with me and my friend. We didn't think anything of it because we're all okay friends and they always come over to talk to us.

One of them pretended to be texting and the other one had his finger up to the camera and he took the picture. I didn't even know they had taken one until someone else said something about it to me.

I asked to see this picture and it looked like my mouth was open (because I was talking) and about to give oral (the guy's finger).

That really pissed me off because I was like ummm wtf, ya know? So I told they guy to delete it because it was such an asshole move. He said no, it's his cell and he can do whatever he wants.

So my real question, if I go to my AP and tell him what happened can my AP look through the guy's phone and get him in trouble becuase it's such an inappropriate picture?

Yeah, that's sexual harassment. And it's worth a shot. Personally, if it would have been me, I would have broken his nose.

Q: I have a question, and i don't know if it can be answered. But i will give it a shot.

Is there anyway possible to make yourself most creative? I like to write, but i find myself not being about to, it's like i can't come up with anything good. I try really hard, and nothing sounds right, it seems to be a bunch of just random thoughts put in one, with no thought. I really would like writing a lot better if i was more creative. How can i make myself be more open to new ideas that would help me be more creative, and more "neatly" with the way i write?

Thanks in advance

You just have to write a lot! And if you get into a writer's block where you can't think of anything to write, then force yourself to just sit down and write continuously for ten minutes, without letting the pen stop writing words. It's hard at first, but it works.

Q: well you see i am soooooo guilty of what i have done i well... looked at porn all different kinds and i feel so guilty should i like bow down to my parents and like tell tem or shoul i live with it? I'm going on a trip in like a couple weeks and i dont think its going to be any fun being guilty. but i realized if i tell them i might not get to go on the trip!!!! HELP ME PLEASE!!!

If it is becoming an addiction then you need to tell them. Trust me, I know it's hard, but sometimes a clean conscience is the only cure.

Q: Well its been about 2 weeks sense i had sex, we used a condum and everything we were so careful even after we had it for the first time we checked and made sure there was no hole and i'm suppose to start my period right now at end of the month well didnt come and i took 2 test to see both came back negative and i still havent started my period. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for like a year and 3months first time we did it! i just need help i fit doesnt start soon by this week were going to the doctor well i live in san antonio i dont know were to go because if i do they might tell my parents???
please help

This is something you and your boyfriend need to discuss. What if you are?
But in my opionion, you almost certainly are not. You took 2 tests, and you checked the condom. Even after a few times with sex, your cycle can be thrown off, just another fun trick our feminine bodies like to play. If you still don't get your period in another week, take another text, it will be basically absolute by then. But try to relax, doctors are tied with a doctor-patient confidentiality, and if you ask around, if the need arises, you will find a good doctor that will respect that confidentiality.

Q: i have a girlfriend and we have done smooches and physical contacts. but she isnt ready to do sex. tell me what shud i do to make her do so with me??????

You should not at anytime make her do anything she is uncomfortable with. It will put up untrusting walls faster than anything else. Talk to her about (yes i just said talk to her) like really talk to her. Find out her opinion and feelings on sex. It might be that she doesn't want to have sex until she is married or it might be just first time with you jitters. Talk to her, but do not pressure her into it. (and you might want to say during your talk that you don't want to pressure her into it. just fyi)

Q: Well, there is this guy that I work and go to school with. We'll name him Bob. Anyways, I've liked him for months .. really since I got to know him. &he is a MAJOR flirt .. most girls love him. But, every time I "talk/date" another guy, I always think of Bob and Bob will never talk to me when that guy comes to visit me &if he does talk to me .. it's very brief. Well, I'm not talking to anyone anymore and I told Bob that this guy named Joe said he liked me last Friday. Joe also works with us. So, Bob started giving me kisses on the cheek and stuff all Friday night at work even though Joe left at 9 and Bob and I left a little after 11:30. He stayed, even though he had somewhere to go, because I asked him to leave with me. &Saturday, he kept giving me kisses on the cheek and telling me I was pretty &stuff. Which, btw. I gave him my number the Monday before last and he called me everyday, but Monday. &today, my friend asked him on the phone if he liked me and he told her I was there next to her, but she said I wasn't and he said he didn't like me and proceeded to laugh a little. I don't understand him .. at all. Help!

This might not be what you wanted to hear, but I am going to give you my most honest answer based on personal experience.
Do not date Bob! He is a major flirt now, and that will not change if/when you two are dating. For a while, if you take my advice and abandon your pursuit of Bob, he will constantly be on your mind. You will probably find yourself comparing other guys to him, and you will want to go back and flirt with him. Please, please, PLEASE don't! Not all guys are like this, but those guys that are, aren't worth your time - because once dating them, you will find that they don't think that you are worth their's either, unless you want to make out. Bob is a one night stand that lasts for a week, but will always disappear at the faintest hint of any committment of any kind. He does not like you for you. He likes you for what he thinks he will be able to get from you with a little manipulation. My advice in summary: Kick him in the shins and RUN!

Q: So.. my friend, whom we'll call stacy, and her boyfriend, whom we'll call sean is what this is about i think. Not so much with sean..but i could be wrong. Stacy for the past 2 months, i just found out has been throwing up her food , and lately she can't hold it down..its a natural thing now, and because she does this, she cuts herself, and cutting herself makes her eat..its a vicious cycle. She wants to tell her mom, but her pregnant sister ran away and her mom is under a LOT of stress, so she doesn't want to put that load on top of it. She knows she has a problem, and i want to help her. But i know i can't do it by myself, she's stubborn. Would it be okay to talk to our schools couselor about this? thanx for any thing you can help w/. Oh, and where sean comes in, i think she's throwing up because of him, she thinks she's too fat? or something maybe? i hope not because he isnt like that. but plz help me. I'm the only one she's told about the cutting

First of all, she obviously trusts you to have told you these things. And it's the first step for her to realize that it is a problem. Stuff like this is impossible to give an answer that will work for every situation, but in this case, talking to your school counselor is a WONDERFUL idea! And you're right, you can't do this by yourself, and neither can she. So the most important thing is to be there for her, and support her in trying to overcome this. You are obviously VERY mature, that is clear by the way you are trying to handle this situation. But stay in there! You might want to read up on other cases like your friend's on the internet or in health magazines for more advice.I must say this, however, THIS WILL NOT BE EASY! But I promise that it will be worth it. Her revealing this to you is a way of her asking for help. Turning away would be the worst thing to do, but you already know that...otherwise you wouldn't have asked.
Just don't give up, and don't let her give up either. Best of Luck!

bio

I'm a very openminded person who loves to have fun and figure things out. I guess you could say I am a "deep thinker" because I actually enjoy thinking about the kind of things that no one else will mention because they're afraid of offending someone. I hope to one day, for at least a while, be an Advice Columnest for a large Newspaper or Magazine. And I figure, what could be a better way to learn how, and be truly comfortable with it then doing it?
I'm not here to judge you, I don't care if what you believe in isn't exactly the most widely accepted, or what your sexual preference is or anything like that. The only reason I'm here is to give advice.So ask me any kind of question, I am not specific on any particular topic, and then I'll tell you what I think.

Or, if you would prefer, you can e-mail me at Bekhales@yahoo.com