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manateelover141Member Since:
May 18, 2007Answers:
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about
Hi everyone! My pen name is Hannah and I am a 17-year-old girl. I like languages, friends, cats, and many other things. I really love giving advice, and I am studying psychology now. My favorite questions have to do with mental health. As I said above, I am taking psychology classes now, but I also do a lot of outside research, so chances are that if you say something to me about a disorder or anything like that, I will know what you are talking about. Although I am not a licensed psychologist, I hope to someday be one and I would love to get some practice here. Also, if you ever have a problem and you like my advice and would like to talk with me, I have many messenger services so I would be more than happy to set up a time to talk with you about whatever you need.
I hope to here from you soon!
advice
16/f
I'm looking for places where i could volunteer on a regular basis. I live in Pennsylvania, and the options I have are the YMCA, the SPCA, a local hospital, nursing home, soup kitchen, etc. How would I get involved in any of these activities? Also, something I am also interested is not only reading to older people but little kids as well. Just helping out little kids in general, but I'm not exactly sure where I could do this around where I live. Basically I'm just looking for a rewarding volunteering experience and would like to know what I would be doing in these different options. Also any recommendations to where I could volunteer from anyone who has experience, that would be great! :)
Thanks!
I know this isn't what you said you really wanted to do, but I have a few ideas for you that I have done. The first thing is writing cards to children who are in the hospital for a terminal illness. This is great because you can do it right from your home and it is relatively easy.
www.makeachildsmile.org
Another thing I do is the Red Scarf project, which sends hand-knit scarves to homeless people. All you have to know is how to knit.
I also do Operation Christmas Child. You buy little toys for children and put them in a shoe box, which is sent to poor children who wouldn't receive anything otherwise.
Anyway, it's awesome of you to want to volunteer. Hopefully you will find something that works for you. Good luck!
Hannah
I have no idea what to do for these questions: HELP!
"Perpendicular to 2x + y = 4 with an x-intercept -1"
What do you do?
And for
"Perpendicular to x + 2y = 8 and has y-intercept 4"
"with x-intercept -1/2 and through (-2,5)"
HELP ME
1. You need to get Y by itself, to turn it into y=mx+b format. So:
2x + y =4
-2x
y=-2x+4
In perpendicular equations, the slope (m) is the opposite reciprocal. The opposite reciprocal of -2 is 1/2
So far we have y=1/2x + ??
You also say that you have the x intercept of -1. "X Intercept" means that it crosses the X axis. For this to happen, the coordinate would have to be (-1,0). Plug that coordinate in for x and y. -1 is x and 0 is y:
0=1/2(-1) + b
Solve:
0=-1/2 + b
+1/2
1/2=b
Plug this into your equation:
y = 1/2x + 1/2
Make sense? It's kind of hard to explain this over the internet, but if you need anymore help you can have my AIM. Anyway, here's the next one:
2. x + 2y = 8
Again, you have to get the y by itself. So start by subtracting the x:
2y = -x + 8
Divide both sides by two so the y is by itself:
y = -1/2x + 4
Now, you say the y intercept is 4. In y=mx+b, b is the y intercept. You already have a four there, so you are good.
3. Remember in #1 when I talked about x intercepts? Same thing here. You have an x intercept of -1/2. X intercept means that it is a point on the s axis. Therefore, the y coordinate can't go up or down. It has to be zero. So your two points are
(-1/2,0) and (-2,5). Remember how to find slope (besides doing rise over run)? The formula is:
Y2-Y1/X2-X1 (Those numbers are subcripts. They should be written in the bottom right corner of the number).
Let's start with the Y's:
5-0=5
And the X's:
-2 - -1/2 = -1 1/2
Don't forget to divide:
5/-1 1/2 = about 3.33. This is your slope (m).
y=3.33x + b
To find b, plug in a coordinate for x and y. It doesn't matter what you pick, but I will choose (-2,5):
5=3.33(-2)+b
5=-6.67 + b
Add 6.67 to both sides to get b by itself:
11.67 = b
Your complete equation is y = 3.33x + 11.67... Don't you just love decimals?
Anyway, I hope this helps you. Let me know if you need anymore.
If anyone has gone there, could you please tell me things about the college that isn't on the website.. Like, things they have during the year that you dont see but is a really good asset. Also, is their food good? How were the housing halls? Anything you'd like to tell me?
I haven't been there, but in case no one here can help you, here is a site you can use:
www.studentsreview.com
It is a place where students write things about various colleges, including positives, negatives, and advice on how to get in. It also shows a graph of how many students would return there if given the chance to go to college again. It sounds like it would be something you would be interested in, so take a look when you have a chance.
Good luck in your college search!
Hannah
I have a long story and at this point i've resorted to advicenators to try and help me sort it out...pathetic, i know but hey...i'm not above it haha. it's really long and all and I sort of prefer to keep it private so let me know if there's any way you can help!
you can IM me on aol instant messenger. my screen name is bubbly1282
I agree with the person who wrote before me. It isn't pathetic to come here at all for advice. There are some really smart people who are very happy to help you with whatever you need.
I added your screen name to my buddy list so I can wait for you to be online. However, could you send me a message in my inbox (or in feedback, if you give it) about the general subject? I would like to help you, but I would like to know the general subject area to see if it is anything I know about.
Good luck!
if anyone have done relay for live can you let me know what you do exactly and what should i bring?
I have done Relay for Life twice. I can tell you whatever you need to know.
First of all, you raise money for cancer on your own, such as asking friends, relatives, or going door to door. People usually like to receive $100, but there is no set amount. Get whatever you can.
After you pay all your fees, and you are ready to go, here are some things you might want to bring: comfortable walking shoes (they like to have one person per team walking all the time, but no one checks, of course). You might also want to bring a tent, sleeping supplies, etc if you are planning on staying overnight. Bring money for food as well as games and other things that teams may use as fundraisers. Maybe your team will want to think of a game or sell food to raise money as well.
Basically, what you do at Relay for Life is walk around the track as much as you want. You can stop at various teams' tents for food, games, raffles, and other things. It is a really fun event and I hope you enjoy it. If you have anymore questions feel free to ask. I would be happy to answer them.
Hannah
16/f
For whatever reason, when I am home(after school, weekends, and breaks) all i want to do is eat! After I figured this out, I changed my snacking habits from unhealthy snacks to healthy snacks. Some of my favorite snacks are fruits and vegetables with peanut butter, dairy products, and nuts. But it didn't help! Now, i crave unhealthy snacks more than ever. I don't know what to do! We don't really keep unhealthy foods around the house, just for my little brother, but I want to eat them. I can't figure it out. Maybe if I could get to the root of the problem, it would help me conquer it.
This is a very common problem, so don't feel bad because you have it. Actually, feel good about yourself because you have been trying to substitute unhealthy foods with healthy alternatives. Don't be upset if you make a mistake, no one is perfect.
One way to help the problem is to allow yourself to have sweets everyday. When you deprive yourself, you crave them even more. Allow yourself to have one or two sweets a day. Make it at a certain time of day so you expect it then, not at other times in the day.
If you eat because you are hungry, it is ok to eat the healthy things. If you are finding that it spoils your meals, drink water. This helps to make you less hungry.
If you eat because you are bored, try to keep yourself as busy as possible.
Another helpful thing is instead of thinking of taking away the food, think of what you are getting out of it. What are your goals? Be healthier? Lose weight? Whatever it is, keep it in sight and it will be easier to eat less sweets.
Good luck!
Hannah
im kinda a quiet person in general and i dont really know what to say around guys.. i try and be myself but nothing really comes out.. so i have a date with a guy soon and i was wondering how do i open myself more? like be more talkative because im not very talkative.. thanks
Hi!
I am also a very quiet person and I struggle with this problem too. You could think of things to say beforehand, like if you and a guy are getting to know each other you could think of what you would say if he asked what music you like, where you like to go for fun, etc. Although it won't matter to the guy if you are unsure what to say, it may make you more nervous. Feeling prepared would make you less nervous.
Another thing you could try is pretending you are a specific famous person, or try to act somewhat like them while still being yourself. What I mean is, give your own honest answers about things, but say your answers in the way that the famous person would. If you decide to do this, watch interviews with the famous person on Youtube. It is best if you like the person, not if it is just any random famous person. Then, when you talk to the guy, pretend you are the famous person during an interview.
Sounds a little strange, but it's worth a try.
Good luck! Feel free to drop a message in my inbox anytime. =]
Hannah
Does anyone know of any place where you can see a therapist/psyciatrist (sorry if that's not the correct spelling) in the Annapolis, Maryland area without your parents knowing ? My parents are completely against that stuff and I really need someone to talk to because my friends and parents aren't helping much, so that's why I ask. Any help would be appreciated ! Thank you !
Depending on your school, it is possible to see the school psychologist without your parents knowing. They have the same degree as any other psychiatrists and therapists, and chances are, you wouldn't have to pay.
There is also something called "internet therapy" in which you can talk online to a therapist (again, with the same degree as another therapist). It costs money, but depending on your financial situation it is possible for your parents not to have to know. Here is a website for you to take a look at:
http://www.metanoia.org/imhs/
Also keep in mind that if you are in danger of hurting yourself or others, it is necessary for your parents to know, no matter who you choose to talk to. Therapy sessions are confidential except in the cases of possible harm.
I have done extensive research in psychology and know about a lot of things. If you ever have any specific questions, feel free to drop a message in my inbox.
Good luck!
Hannah
My sister and I are seriously wondering if our mom has some mental illness or something. Every day she gets pissed off about something and screams at us about it, threatening to do something in order to make us do stuff. Pretty much, she fights with at least two out of us three [my dad, my sister, and me] about something.
She's OCD about us getting good grades and not wasting time playing sports. One minute shes all happy and fine with us playing sports, the next minute shes all screaming at us about how we spend too much time playing and not enough time doing hw and studying. Plus she hates how we go online, saying that the internet is sucking us in and shes tried numerous times to rip out our internet connection or break out computers.
When we have guests or shes on the phone, she can immediately go from angry to all sweet and polite and stuff. And she screams on the phone so much! She calls us while my dad's driving us to school every day for pretty much no reason and always leaves screaming voicemails if we dont pick up the phone, saying how we're purposely ignoring her and stuff when we either just forgot to turn the phone on or were busy with sports or something.
When we fight, she always says how she wished we weren't born [my sister and me.. mostly me], and how if she knew that i would turn out the way i was, she would have choked me to death after i was born. She probably did that out of anger, but after saying that pretty much every other fight we have... ones gotta wonder.
She also thinks we're like conspiracing against her or something. She's always yelling how she knows we all hate her and want her to die. And shes always saying how shes going to divorce my dad and go back to her ex-husband whos still waiting for her or something. She also goes on and on about how she knows we're just trying to provoke her and make her angry and make her die 'at a young age'. it's just like... are you a little too paranoid? I don't even know if paranoid is the right word.
She gets angry so easily and when shes mad, she starts ranting on and on to some invisible person [or herself]. Shes prone to violence and doesn't hesitate to destroy stuff in her anger. who knows how many dishes and whatnot she's shattered and that folding chair she broke... we think she might be mentally ill, but we're not exactly sure what or how... or if shes just.. like permanently PMSing or something...
I'm just wondering if anyone has any slight idea about if she might be mentally ill or something, and if so, with what? We've checked and figured that she doesn't have multiple personality disorder and isn't bipolar.
Please Please help. Her tirades and rants are ruining our family and driving my dad, my sister, and me crazy.
Here are a few POSSIBLE disorders that you may want to look into:
Borderline Personality Disorder: very irritable, upset much of the time (anger and irritability last only a few hours at a time)
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder.shtml
Paranoid Personality Disorder (the closest match I could find for you mom): believing that people are out to get her, planning conspiracies, talking about her behind her back, etc.
http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis/p20-pe01.html
Bipolar disorder: This one is unlikely for your mom unless the bouts of anger last at least a few days and her happiness lasts for another set of days, not all in the same day. Bipolar disorder includes extremely severe mood swings.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/bipolar-disorder/DS00356
Now I have a few questions for you: Does you mom experience any type of amnesia, such as being in a place that she doesn't know how she got to, finding evidence of doing things that she doesn't remember doing, or anything like that? If so, message me back for a few more disorders that you might want to look into. I am not including these here because they are slightly more rare and unless she has been experiencing some sort of amnesia or feelings of unreality, it's impossible for her to have them.
Here is a general personality disorder test that you might want to fill out for your mom. It shows how closely symptoms match up with your mom's experiences. I highly recommend it. It doesn't take long, and you will probably learn something in the process:
http://similarminds.com/personality_disorder.html
Remember that if your mom has any disorder, she has an illness. It is just like any other illness, like an ulcer, diabetes, or anything else. It has a cause, symptoms, and treatment. I know that the things she says and does hurt you, but if she does have a disorder, it is important to remember that your mom has a sickness. What she is doing may not really be her fault. Treatment will make it better, if you can convince her to get help.
Also, even if you don't think she has any of these disorders, help is still advised because she seems to be having problems in her life now that could use some outside help.
If you can add more detail on exactly when, where, and why (if you have any idea) she is experiencing these symptoms, it would be easier to pinpoint exactly what is wrong and in what direction you should turn to for help. If you would like to give me more information, I would be happy to take a second look and help you in any way that I can.
Best wishes,
Hannah
I am a senior in high school and i find that i havnt gotten as much fun out of it as i should. Starting freshman year i hung out with the popular kids but i felt like i was the last person of the group i always came along with someone else. I think its because i have a hard time carrying on good conversation. Ill forget things instantly, like ill be having a conversation and most of the time i find my self saying "wait what was it called?" & "ummmm..." ill forget the dummest things like the name of a type of cell phone & it makes it hard to have a good conversation becasue ill know exactly what i want to say but it comes out totally wrong. In a group of people someone always has something interesting to say or something to keep the convo going, sometimes i will but people would rather talk to others since im not really fun to talk to most of the time. Its usually only when im at school ill think alot about one thing just incase it comes out stupid because i used ot say dumb things and people would tease me about it. Its hard, i live with my mom and sister but then dont talk to me or eachother. I just wish that making conversation could come naturally its a big deal for me so say the right things i try hard but i end up not saying anything at all becasue im scared people wont like what im saying. if its not social anxiety then what is it and how do I become better at this?
I am not a professional, but I have studied social anxiety. It does not sound like something you have, but it is hard to tell when I don't know you in person. Social anxiety disorder is more debilitating than shyness. People who experience it are so nervous about social situations that they have physical symptoms as well, such as sweating, shaking, racing heartbeat, etc. In some cases, people even experience panic attacks, which can sometimes make people feel as though they are dying. People with social anxiety often avoid social situations or endure them with much difficulty.
Please also realize that at some points, most everyone will have the above symptoms. When they occur daily or at least several times a week is when it becomes a real issue.
Visit these sites to learn more about Social Anxiety Disorder and whether or not you have it:
http://panicdisorder.about.com/library/quizzes/blsocialanxietyquiz.htm
http://www.socialphobia.org/
You are probably a shy person, and that's okay. Are you shy around a certain group of people? Maybe a group at school or a certain age group? If you are, figure out exactly what it is about them that makes you nervous. You may find that it doesn't exist at all once you start thinking about it. If it is general shyness, pretend that you are a famous person that people want to meet and talk to. Don't act stuck up or anything, but just speak confidently. Do you admire an actor, actress, or singer? Watch an interview on Youtube and act like he or she does.
I also have another tip for you. When you have presentations at school, notice things like colors. Say in your mind, "That's a blue vase" and things like that. It sounds crazy, but it distracts you and makes you less nervous. I recommend trying it. What can it hurt?
I am also very shy, so if you ever want to talk, leave a message in my inbox. =]
Best wishes,
Hannah
at school i have to do a project in front of the class dressed as a colonial man! (im a girl)and im so nervous!
What can i do to calm my nerves and prepare for this project?
First, don't worry about what people will think about if you are in a different costume. Believe it or not, you actually look better when you get involved and do something entertaining. It makes you look more involved and even "normal" depending on what your presentation is.
To calm you down, think to yourself, it will be over tomorrow (or in an hour or whatever) and then I don't have to do it again. Or tomorrow at this time I will be at home and it will be all over. Thinking about something good that will happen after something hard will help to calm you down.
Another thing that might calm you down right before the event, look around the room and notice things like colors. Like "There is a blue clock." It sounds really odd, but try it. What does it hurt? You may find that it works for you like it works for me.
Good luck with your presentation! I am sure you will do great. =]
Hannah
Anyone have any good experience with pen pals or with chatting? I can't seem to find someone to talk to... Where to look/etc would be helpful. Thank you in advance! :)
There are lots of great places to look for pen pals. It all depends on what you are looking for in a pen pal.
Are you looking for in a pen pal?
If you want to practice a foreign language, here is a great place to check out:
www.sharedtalk.com
If you are just looking for general pen pals, you can go here:
www.kidsmc.com
I know many more pen pal sites. If you are looking for something specific, message me back and I can find you something different.
Have fun with your pen pals!
Hannah
Obviously I'm a newbie...
so I was just wondering::
how do you get ratings?
are they a good thing?
is it bad if you're not rated?
thankks for any answers! :]]
~Topaz
Hey! Welcome to Advicenators!
How you get ratings: You give advice, and whoever asked the question can rate you and give feedback. They don't always do this, so don't be upset if they don't.
It isn't bad if you aren't rated because it doesn't do anything to your overall score.
If you always get really low ratings nothing will happen to you. But if you give really good advice, people will eventually notice and you will get questions from people directly to your inbox.
Getting high ratings (4-5) is not too hard. You should try to give advice on a subject you understand so you can give the best answer. Then, just make sure you don't sound obnoxious. Both of these may lead to low ratings.
Another note to add: Your average score is based on all the ratings you get in a month. After that month is over, your average starts all over. This is good because if you have one bad rating it won't affect you forever. You can still look at past ratings if you want to, they just won't count towards your average.
If you have anymore questions or if anything I said confused you, you can write back anytime. Good luck!
Hannah
I need serious help
Im always sad and i havent stopped crying in like 3 weeks
i have thought of suicide alot before
and im thinking of it agian
there is so much stress in my life right now
i feel worthless
useless
unloved
lonely
and incredibly empty
im missing something in my life
and i dont know what it is
im afraid of myself because of my constant upsetting thoughts
i keep having horrible nightmares and i cant stop thinking that i have no future
i dont know what to do
my parents dont seem to care
and they made everything worse when i told them how i felt
please help me
im desperate and really afraid
It is awful that you are thinking about suicide. I know how hard and scary that can be. Suicidal feelings in themselves can be traumatic because you are afraid of yourself, your thoughts, and your future. Adding what causes the feelings in the first place makes things worse.
I nearly attempted suicide once. It was the scariest thing I have ever done. It felt like I could not control myself and I couldn't think straight. People often think that if they ever feel that way, they will just calm themselves down. But you don't think that way when it is happening. The best thing is to not let yourself get in that position in the first place. I started using common sense when I had the blade against my skin. Others aren't so lucky.
This is why you must remember not to do anything to upset you. In my case, one small thing set me off because of all the big things that were in the back of my mind. Be as nice to yourself as possible, even if you don't feel like you deserve it. You DO deserve it! You are a very strong person, even if it doesn't feel like it now. So many others have gone through what you are going through now, and they have fallen long before you have. Take comfort in the fact that you have lasted so long.
If you haven't talked to anyone in person, I understand why you haven't. Although they may be able to get you the help you need, many suicidal people do not want to get professionals involved. Know whether you need it or not, but do not take any chances. Even if you pay for an online psychologist. These people are professionals and can help people who are going through what you are going through. There are many other places to go to for help. The following link speaks directly to the suicidal person and provides links to other help sites, including online psychologists if that is what interests you:
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
Another link is also very good for advice given by elders. All people who give advice are older than 60.
http://www.elderwisdomcircle.org/
If you ever want to talk to me, send me a message in my inbox or go to my page. I have my Yahoo e-mail there. I can also give you my AIM screen name. I would be happy to talk with you.
Best wishes for a beautiful and strong person,
Hannah
who is my gf name???pls answer my question
Hi,
I'm sorry, but I don't understand your question. If you explain to me what you mean, I would be glad to help you. =]
Hannah
I really want help for my cutting but i dont know how to get help. besides my friends should i tell someone? i CANT let my parents know and most people would go and tell my parents. and without my parents knowing i cant join a support group or see a counselor. what should i do!?!?!?! Thank you SO much!!!!!
Haley :]
Hi Haley!
I would only tell people that you trust. I understand why you don't want to tell your parents, and if you are able to get over it without them knowing, then there isn't a reason to tell them now unless you want to. But you be the judge about that.
Do you have a school psychologist? I don't know if they would tell... I know that they are obligated to tell if someone's life is in danger, but you check out what your school says about that.
There are many support websites for cutting in which you can contact other people who self-injure. Here are a few that might help you:
dailystrength.org (Did you check this out? It has message boards, private messages, online journals, hugs from other members, and other features. Cutting is one of the groups.)
http://www.golivewire.com/forums/groups.cgi?action=group&id=415 (more message boards)
http://gabrielle.self-injury.net/
(mostly message boards)
http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html
(information and help)
http://christianforums.com/f478
(Christian forums for self-injury)
Those are the best websites I found. If you can't tell you parents, it is really hard to do anything in "real life" so online is the next best thing.
If you are interested, here is a good video from Youtube about self-injury:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KV_ulfRTOs
-Hannah =]
Hi, its me ocne again haha. btw my name is Haley i dont know why but it just seems right for you to know my name since i keep saying its me again! haha Well one of my best friends used to cut and she is so strong cause she already went through this and understands the struggle and has found a strong relationship with God through this. I have a small group of extremely close friends and we are all like a little family. i can tell them anything and they will understand and hug me and tell me its ok. Well one of the girls is named Ashley and on Sunday she is gonna be at youth group along with my other friends. I wanted to tell her then just so sumone could know and help support me (cause she also goes to my school but shes a junior and im a freshman so we dont have classes together just lunch) i really want to tell her but for sum reason im not sure if i should. do you think i should?
And yeah i guess cutting is comforting like knowing that i have cuts that represents my problems makes me almost happy. lately i havent needed to cut and yesterday i wanted to but said haley wait and i cried instead and then thought "do you really want another cut to try and hide and worrry about. another cut scarring your body?" so i didnt and watched a really good movie instead.
its just so hard cause with moving the pain wont just go away its there until i move. and with my Zach (boy i want to date who loves me) we are best friends to begin with and i dont want to leave him! i wont see him for years possibly. though my friend said i have to come visit during summers :) but now he probably wont want to date me because we wont want to get hurt more. he tends to close up but with me i hope he wants to spend more time with me cause i want to spend as much time with him as i can. he works at a christian youth help center helping kids with addictions and stuff but i am so afraid to tell him because i thought about it. but he might think there was sumthing wrong with me! or at least not want to date me or be close because of my cutting and like needing help or sumthing like that. i dont actually know but i dont think i can tell him. i want to tell my friend ashley though like i said before.
and with my parents i am always getting in trouble or being disrespectful and i try not to but sumtimes my mom just wont listen! i feel like they are so strict sumtimes! they wont listen to me either which makes me SO much more mad at them. i cant try talking to my mom about listening to me cause it wont work, trust me i have tried. but after arguing with her all my anger and rage comes out. cutting brings relief and makes the feeling go away at least sum what. i keep an online private journal but it doesnt really help as much because i still feel mad afterwards. this actually makes it go away. because then i focus on sumthing else and then sumhow it goes away and then im better. i guess.
but i've been trying not to and crying feels good sumtimes. i just think about how much more worried i would be if i had another cut. and i hate having to wear long sleeves always and stressing about it. i am going to tell them i cut it when i tripped and fell into our kitchen table but that sounds pretty dumb to me.
as always thanks for your amazing advice!!! :)
Hi Haley,
First, I am really sorry that it took me so long to reply to your message! I have a really big test, debate, and tutoring job that I am preparing for tomorrow, so I have had a lot to do this week.
I think it is really great that you have a good support system. If you have one person that you feel you can tell anything to, you are certainly very fortunate. As for telling Ashley, think about it with your mind, not just what you would like to do. Is she the type of person that would accept this and try to help you? It is sad to say, but some people are scared off by self-injury because of the many stereotypes that society has. If you feel that she would take it well, then I would say go for it. You need someone who you can trust and support you through this. That is one of the best ways to overcome it.
Be proud of yourself for not allowing yourself to cut. It is definitely a step in the right direction and it is often very hard for the first time. But it does get easier as time goes on because eventually the brain stop associating pain with relief. Just keep at it and you will overcome this, I'm sure. =]
It is very hard to move and leave a friend behind, especially when there is romance involved. Zach sounds like a very nice boy if he helps people with addictions. He doesn't sound like the type of person who wouldn't want to be close to you for that reason. If he is devoting some of his time to help strangers with their problems, it isn't likely that he wouldn't be able to help a close friend.
As for whether or not to date him, it really depends on you (and him). Some people like to date, even if they know the relationship won't work out or will have to end soon, like when you move. They don't mind the hurt so much at the end because they got so much enjoyment out of it while they were dating. But most people wouldn't want to set themselves up for heartbreak. If this is you, there is a higher chance that things could be awkward if you break up after you move. And if you don't break up, well, you know about long distance relationships and how well they work. ;)
When you are a teenager, sometimes communicating with parents is difficult. Since you have tried just talking to your mom, maybe you could try a different approach, something that will touch her heart. Did you have a good relationship with her when you were little? Did she bake cookies with you, take you to the park, teach you how to do something, etc.? Maybe you could write a nice letter to her about that, acknowledging that your relationship isn't the best, and that you really miss the way it used to be. Take your time and make it special. Put your feelings into it, but don't be accusing. You might even want to attach a gift to it. For example, if you and your mom used to bake cookies together, maybe you could bake some yourself and give them to her, or make an invitation to make them with you again sometime (like those gift coupons that say "one free hug" or something like that).
In your online journal, get your feelings out, but maybe at the end you could add something positive. Like "Although I was really hurt by this experience, I really learned a lot about how much things affect people. It is in a way a good thing that it happened because I am a much better person for having gone through it." Eventually, you may feel better about your troubles. Remember, the greater the conflict the greater the triumph.
Crying is good. It isn't a good idea to suppress your tears, unless you are in public and don't want people to see you. But other than that, if you feel like crying, cry! It has been proven that it makes you feel better.
How big are your cuts, and about how many do you have? Chances are, if only one or two are able to be seen, no one ask you about them.
Hannah =]
Hey! its me again. you answered my ? about cutting and you helped me so much! now i have another question. you see now if i cut myself it really doesnt seem like a big deal. like yesterday i cut a tiny cut on my tummy up by my ribs. just a tiny one but sumtimes i like knowing its there and will like press it and feel the little pain it gives off. why is this? i am SO afraid of my arm being noticed by my parents. i put on a bandaide but they could still ask and i dont know what to say! so i keep wearing my jacket. i could easily cut myself all up and it like wouldnt matter, do you understand? like know that i have done it its like it doest scare me or matter. but i know i shouldnt so i havent.
one thing i did is outlined a heart on my ancle which i wanted to cut but didnt and now im happy cause it isnt actually there.
the thing is i have these 3 cuts and they represnet different things going on in my life. fighting with my parents and them not understanding or one if feel extremely alone and rejected. the one on my tummy is about moving and leaving my friends. im moving this summer. and i wanted to do a heart for the boy i really like who i have to leave i have to tell him i might be moving cause we were gonna date when i was ready (soon!) but now probably not cause im leaving and he probably wont want to get hurt. he already told me he loves me. anyways i know this is kinda unorganized but can you try and help me? thanks!!!!!
Hey! First, thanks for your feedback. You left a really nice note! =]
If cutting doesn't seem like a big deal to you, it could be just that you don't want to think about it, so you sort of push it out of your mind without realizing it, using the excuse that it isn't a big deal. Sometimes when you over-think things and try to figure things out too much, eventually you just get tired or worrying about it and pretend it isn't there or just try to push it out of your mind, sort of like giving yourself a vacation from the thoughts. I'm not entirely sure if that is what is going on with you, but if you write back and give me more details on this, I might be able to help you more with that.
Another possibility is that cutting really is meaning less to you. Are your cuts smaller or less frequent? Even though you still feel like you need to cut, is the urge smaller, even slightly? Sometimes cutting helps in the beginning, but as time goes on the urge gets less for some people (In general, as time goes on it gets larger. But in my personal experience, once I realized that there were other ways to feel better I didn't want to have scars everywhere. I still felt the urge to cut, but the more I ignored it, the less I needed to do it. Have you been trying to ignore the urges?).
As for the fact that you like to know that your cuts are there, there are a variety of reasons for this. Many times, seeing the pain that events have caused is helpful in feeling better. That is part of the reason why people start cutting in the first place, to make the pain more visible. This happened to me too, as I'm sure it has for others, so I would say that is a relatively common emotion for people who self-injure. The cuts that represent what is going on in your life are also most likely for the same reason as liking to know that the cuts are there. You know what they represent, and having them in the form of physical pain and something that you can see is comforting.
When people do something they know is wrong, like stealing money from their parents, aren't they always afraid that their parents will find out? Even if it was money that was somewhere that their parents wouldn't even notice right away, people are always nervous. Have you ever done something wrong, and your parents call your name and say that they want to talk to you about something? You may have overreacted only to find that they only wanted to ask you what you wanted for dinner that night. The same thing is happening with you now. You are very aware of what might happen, but chances are they won't even notice. The chances of them asking is small. The only reason why I would think they would ask is if you had that band-aid on for several weeks, if it was a large band-aid, or if you start putting a lot on your body. But if it is a normal band-aid, I would take the jacket off when you don't need it. Having it on all the time without an excuse will raise more suspicion than a band-aid will.
You seem like you are going through a lot of stress right now. Moving always brings a lot of stress, and having the feelings about your parents and your boyfriend will definitely complicate matters. Having even one of those things is hard to deal with, but having all three is definitely a challenge! I think that you should be proud of yourself for making it this far. You may feel that because you cut yourself you are weak, but cutting happens because there is a lack of an adequate support system. Maybe you have a small one, but it isn't enough to help you with everything you are going through now. I suggest pen pals from support websites such as the one that I gave you last time (http://dailystrength.org), but sometimes it helps to verbally talk about it. I know you don't like hotlines. Is that because you don't like phones in general? If not, maybe there is someone else you can call. If you get close with a pen pal, maybe you would feel comfortable calling him or her.
If you don't think that my answers fit you very well, feel free to send me some more information. The more you give me, the easier it is to find out what is bothering you. I would like to be a counsellor someday, so ask me as many questions as you'd like. It helps you, and it is great practice for me.
Thanks again for writing!
Hannah
This is really difficult and i dont know whats wrong with me. Well the thing is i cut myself. twice. I know why and stuff but i wanted to know if that actually makes me a 'cutter' the thing is this isnt like me at all. I dont want to die i just get overwhelmed with emotions sumtimes. i am a very (normally) happy person and im outgoing. no one would ever suspect me to do this.
Last year i got a belt and hit my thigh with it until it was red and really sore but it was fine the next day. i did this a few times. then i stopped. this year i pinch myself sometimes for certain reasons. but then i cut myself. its not with a knife or ravor what i did is i took a mechanical pencil (fixed it so the lead wasnt sticking out of the point) and at first i poked it hard on my arm twice but it didnt really help then i started making a little indent in my arm by scratching it back and forth. its pretty small but it did break the skin and hurt. It just helps me. now there is a scab. I feel relieved and my head gets clear and im ok again. Thanks so much and i will rate ur posts!!! :)
Today i wanted to cry so bad on the bus so i pinched my arm really hard but i dont have sharp nails so it wasnt good enough to help. so then we have a church we hang at for like 10 min. while we wait for our other bus (i take 2 school buses to get home) i went in the bathroom and cut myself with my pencil again. it helped. I dont know whats wrong with me but i know WHY i do these things. I think im gonna tell my friend cause i know she can help me but i dont really want to.
is this actually like being a 'cutter' tho? i know its self-injuring. and i thought of other things to do instead but on the bus it was cry or hurt myself. and i dont really think of it as hurting myself. more like relief. i also do it cause i want attention but i would NEVER tell anyone except my one friend or maybe someone else i know at my church (hes a leader there) but def. not my parents (who i want attention from) my bgf is the other person i want attention from but i wouldnt tell him either. well idk.
i have A LOT of things going on in my life right now and i just did it. can sumone PLEASE help me!? i dont know what to do. i really dont know what to do. i have looked at sites and what they say is right about why people do and stuff but i dont know what to do. i know i have cut myself and that im a self injurer. i know that and im not ok with it but i dont want to stop. please help me! im also a bit worried about if sumone asks why i have a couple red marks and cuts on my arm. its only one arm. i have pinched my side before too but not lately. just my arm. i know this is long but please HELP!!! and i know God doesnt want me to too but i still do!!!!!
Hey,
I am an ex-cutter, so maybe I can help you.
First, it really isn't a good idea to label yourself, especially if you want to stop doing something. When you label yourself, you actually take on the characteristics of your label. These are things that you wouldn't do if you didn't label yourself. It is a psychological process that I could go into further if you wanted me to, but since that wasn't your original question, I will move on!
Many people who cut themselves don't know why they do it, so since you do know the reason, you are one step ahead! And since you haven't done it a lot, comparatively speaking, it will be that much easier to stop. I am not saying it will be easy, just easier than if you had done it a lot for a long time. I know that when I had been cutting for a week, it seemed hard to stop. But you really do need to catch it while it is relatively new. This will prevent your brain from associating self-injury with relief. Once this happens, the behavior becomes like an addiction and it is that much harder to stop.
By the way, there is a common misconception about cutting. Most self-injurers do not want to commit suicide. They are just trying to feel relief from their pain. A suicide that happens from self-injury is usually accidental, caused by not being able to stop the bleeding or accidentally going too far.
I know that it will take a while to stop, and everyone has setbacks. Work as hard as you can, but know that there will be times that you won't be able to stop yourself. For this reason, here are some safety tips. Please be aware that I am in no way condoning self-injury.
1.) When you self-injure, use something that it clean. You say that you make sure the lead isn't showing on your pencil, but it still could have some graphite and germs on the tip. Make sure you clean the area after you cut, and try to stop the bleeding. If you can't stop the bleeding, you will need medical attention.
2.) Don't ever cut too deep because you risk cutting a nerve.
3.) If you ever lose feeling in the area that you cut, you may have cut a nerve. You will need medical attention.
4.) Before you cut, remember that if you have scars, they will last for a long time. A few seconds of relief isn't worth months or even years of having to hide that part of your body and having people ask why you have so many scars. Believe me, I know.
I understand perfectly why you don't want to call a hotline. I do highly recommend them because it is a way to orally let your problems out, but many people don't feel comfortable sharing things with strangers. I also had this problem. I would suggest message boards or chat sites where you can find someone to talk to online. It is safer that way, and you will be able to talk to others who are going or have gone through similar situations.
Here is a site with a message board for self-injurers:
http://self-injury.meetup.com/boards/
Here is a tip that you see in many places: Ice. Ice can be used for a few things, but here are two uses.
1.) When you want to self-injure, put the ice on your skin. It is very uncomfortable, but it doesn't leave any scars. This is perfect for when you are trying to stop self-injury.
2.) When you are angry, many people like to throw things. Throwing ice outside or even inside in certain areas won't hurt or break anything. If you do it inside, you may have to mop up so water, but it is better than broken glass.
It seems like you have a religion that you may feel strongly about. There are many Christian websites that lend support in a variety of areas. Check those out and maybe you will have support more tailored to you and your beliefs.
Here is a Christian web page on self-injury:
http://www.christianitytoday.com/cpt/2004/004/9.34.html
Here is a general page that provides links to other self-injury websites:
http://psychcentral.com/resources/Suicide_and_Crisis/Self-Injury/
A great site that I use for a variety of things is:
dailystrength.org
I highly recommend it, and you should definitely check it out.
Good luck with everything. I'm here if you want to talk; Just leave me a message in my inbox and I will get back to you as soon as possible. I check my e-mail often. =]
Best wishes,
Hannah
ok so i have a school french project with a partner where we have to put our personality types, likes, and dislikes, and in the middle we have to write what we have in common.. me and my parter have a hot pink poster board and we are planning to take pictures of all the things we wrote and then developing them and putting them on the board...but the thing is, to me it doesnt seem good enough...it seems to boring, because everyone elses is really good with popups and themes (ex ocean) and a whole bunch of stuff..i/we want something different from somebody else, but still cool and makeable in about 5 days (thats our deadline) any ideass?? btw im in grade 8 if thats helpful...
If you put your names on each side, maybe you could make the letters out of something that you like. For example, colors or animals.
You could also put hidden things on your poster. If you glue a picture on the poster, you could put another piece of paper on top of that, but it could open like a book. Only the very end of one side could be glued down. You could do this with all your pictures. You could put a title on the cover, and have the pictures on the inside.
Tell me if you don't understand something. It is hard to explain without a picture of what I'm talking about. Good luck with your project!
À bientôt!
Hannah