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Cutting
This is really difficult and i dont know whats wrong with me. Well the thing is i cut myself. twice. I know why and stuff but i wanted to know if that actually makes me a 'cutter' the thing is this isnt like me at all. I dont want to die i just get overwhelmed with emotions sumtimes. i am a very (normally) happy person and im outgoing. no one would ever suspect me to do this.
Last year i got a belt and hit my thigh with it until it was red and really sore but it was fine the next day. i did this a few times. then i stopped. this year i pinch myself sometimes for certain reasons. but then i cut myself. its not with a knife or ravor what i did is i took a mechanical pencil (fixed it so the lead wasnt sticking out of the point) and at first i poked it hard on my arm twice but it didnt really help then i started making a little indent in my arm by scratching it back and forth. its pretty small but it did break the skin and hurt. It just helps me. now there is a scab. I feel relieved and my head gets clear and im ok again. Thanks so much and i will rate ur posts!!! :)
Today i wanted to cry so bad on the bus so i pinched my arm really hard but i dont have sharp nails so it wasnt good enough to help. so then we have a church we hang at for like 10 min. while we wait for our other bus (i take 2 school buses to get home) i went in the bathroom and cut myself with my pencil again. it helped. I dont know whats wrong with me but i know WHY i do these things. I think im gonna tell my friend cause i know she can help me but i dont really want to.
is this actually like being a 'cutter' tho? i know its self-injuring. and i thought of other things to do instead but on the bus it was cry or hurt myself. and i dont really think of it as hurting myself. more like relief. i also do it cause i want attention but i would NEVER tell anyone except my one friend or maybe someone else i know at my church (hes a leader there) but def. not my parents (who i want attention from) my bgf is the other person i want attention from but i wouldnt tell him either. well idk.
i have A LOT of things going on in my life right now and i just did it. can sumone PLEASE help me!? i dont know what to do. i really dont know what to do. i have looked at sites and what they say is right about why people do and stuff but i dont know what to do. i know i have cut myself and that im a self injurer. i know that and im not ok with it but i dont want to stop. please help me! im also a bit worried about if sumone asks why i have a couple red marks and cuts on my arm. its only one arm. i have pinched my side before too but not lately. just my arm. i know this is long but please HELP!!! and i know God doesnt want me to too but i still do!!!!!
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I definitly can't even come close to the answer that the catlovers user has given you, but I can agree with everything that they say and let you know that I too have been in the same situation as you.
Not everybody understands what it's like to have been there and gone through all of that; it's hard!
I never really understood why I did it... it was just a temporary relief for my pain. It made me feel better. I don't think I ever really wanted to die, the cutting just felt right. It helped, but it was also very scary. I didn't get very far before people noticed. I would kind of daze out and start cutting anywhere, any time, any place. A few teachers noticed the cuts and tried talking to me but I didn't want to listen. One of them (I still don't know who) went to my school guidance department who went to my parents. Eventually I sought help from one of those teachers and she basically helped me.
Unfortunately I relapsed not too long ago. I'm ashamed of what I've done, but I don't hide the scars. I used to tell people who I knew that cut what I had gone through and how it wasn't worth it. These scars will last for a long time. My cuts were never very deep, I only ever used "safety" pins. I thought I was strange because I would ALWAYS clean my "weapon" before using it. I never wanted infections, I just wanted to feel some physical pain to make up for the emotional pain I had been dealing with. I knew why I did it but I just couldn't stop. It becamse an addiction. I'm still working on it so the sooner you are able to get help the better it will be for you.
Since you are religious I suggest you pray for help. Pray that God can help you understand this and get you through this. Also pray that you can get the courage to come forward and seek help.
I can give you a few good links that would help.
I don't know if you have a facebook, but if you do I'm apart of an amazing group that was created by guys whose friend came to them wanting to kill himself. They are not about to bike from wherever they live to Alaska for suicide prevention.
If you have a facebook and let me know I can give you the link to the group - if you don't have a facebook you can't see it though.
Here is the phone number for suicide prevention. You don't seem suicidal or anything, but I'm sure they could help you with this. 1-800-784-2433. If you're really afraid of someone finding out then find a payphone and use that. I honestly don't know if it shows up on the phone bill or if your parents would call a number they don't recognize, etc. I have never called the hotline and can't personally tell you how it is.
Also, I asked a question similar to this three years ago when I was going through what you are. I was given a website that really helped me. It gave me alternatives to cutting and other people shared their stories. Here is the link [Link](Mouse over link to see full location).
Also, I realized you asked if this makes you a "cutter". I don't like labels, especially on such serious topics. If you label yourself a "cutter" than you are letting that title define yourself making it much more difficult for you to seek help. Labeling yourself as a jock or prep is much less dramatic and has less of a painful result. If you label yourself a cutter it could define you for the rest of your life. To get help you need to label yourself something more optimistic such as a survivor.
If you ever need help or need someone to talk to, just let me know.
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Hey,
I am an ex-cutter, so maybe I can help you.
First, it really isn't a good idea to label yourself, especially if you want to stop doing something. When you label yourself, you actually take on the characteristics of your label. These are things that you wouldn't do if you didn't label yourself. It is a psychological process that I could go into further if you wanted me to, but since that wasn't your original question, I will move on!
Many people who cut themselves don't know why they do it, so since you do know the reason, you are one step ahead! And since you haven't done it a lot, comparatively speaking, it will be that much easier to stop. I am not saying it will be easy, just easier than if you had done it a lot for a long time. I know that when I had been cutting for a week, it seemed hard to stop. But you really do need to catch it while it is relatively new. This will prevent your brain from associating self-injury with relief. Once this happens, the behavior becomes like an addiction and it is that much harder to stop.
By the way, there is a common misconception about cutting. Most self-injurers do not want to commit suicide. They are just trying to feel relief from their pain. A suicide that happens from self-injury is usually accidental, caused by not being able to stop the bleeding or accidentally going too far.
I know that it will take a while to stop, and everyone has setbacks. Work as hard as you can, but know that there will be times that you won't be able to stop yourself. For this reason, here are some safety tips. Please be aware that I am in no way condoning self-injury.
1.) When you self-injure, use something that it clean. You say that you make sure the lead isn't showing on your pencil, but it still could have some graphite and germs on the tip. Make sure you clean the area after you cut, and try to stop the bleeding. If you can't stop the bleeding, you will need medical attention.
2.) Don't ever cut too deep because you risk cutting a nerve.
3.) If you ever lose feeling in the area that you cut, you may have cut a nerve. You will need medical attention.
4.) Before you cut, remember that if you have scars, they will last for a long time. A few seconds of relief isn't worth months or even years of having to hide that part of your body and having people ask why you have so many scars. Believe me, I know.
I understand perfectly why you don't want to call a hotline. I do highly recommend them because it is a way to orally let your problems out, but many people don't feel comfortable sharing things with strangers. I also had this problem. I would suggest message boards or chat sites where you can find someone to talk to online. It is safer that way, and you will be able to talk to others who are going or have gone through similar situations.
Here is a site with a message board for self-injurers:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Here is a tip that you see in many places: Ice. Ice can be used for a few things, but here are two uses.
1.) When you want to self-injure, put the ice on your skin. It is very uncomfortable, but it doesn't leave any scars. This is perfect for when you are trying to stop self-injury.
2.) When you are angry, many people like to throw things. Throwing ice outside or even inside in certain areas won't hurt or break anything. If you do it inside, you may have to mop up so water, but it is better than broken glass.
It seems like you have a religion that you may feel strongly about. There are many Christian websites that lend support in a variety of areas. Check those out and maybe you will have support more tailored to you and your beliefs.
Here is a Christian web page on self-injury:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Here is a general page that provides links to other self-injury websites:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
A great site that I use for a variety of things is:
dailystrength.org
I highly recommend it, and you should definitely check it out.
Good luck with everything. I'm here if you want to talk; Just leave me a message in my inbox and I will get back to you as soon as possible. I check my e-mail often. =]
Best wishes,
Hannah
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