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May 16, 2008Answers:
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about
I was on this site before recording my first single. I will stay a member of this site. I am asking that each of you support me by visiting my webpage. I have posted music that I have written and recorded. Check out Wildside featuring Father Jah, and I want, created in memory of 2Pac.http://www.reverbnation.com/Venomtheonly1
I am open, honest, truthful yet also insightful and understanding. I am a Strong woman with morals, belief, and character. I value life, myself and life of everything, everyone and all. I am mature, caring, giving, straight up and real!
I am not harsh, rude, or disrespectful but I am going to tell you the truth because you are asking for that. If you want a lie or support that you know is invalid because you question it yourself, please don't get mad at me for the truth because that is what sets us ALL free!! Peace, Venom
advice
Alright. I have this friend. Lets say, Ed.
Ed is a nice guy. Ed's the kind of guy whom every girl always calls "A nice guy" He's also the kind of guy who can't get a date to save his life.
No advice Ive given him has worked for him, no advice anyone else has given him has worked for him. No matter what happens, by the end of the night he's alone and no one accepts his date invitations.
So now he really likes this girl. This girl is really into another friend of mine, who isnt into her. But shes chasing him and Ed's chasing her.
Ed has no idea. This girl accepted an invite to a Karaoke bar, he thinks its a date, she thinks hes a really nice friend.
My room mate asked her bluntly if she was interested in him, and she made a face that said "hell no" to us.
As friends, we arent sure if we should tell him. She has a very obvious lack of interest in him and once he notices he's going to be really hurt, and his confidence will sink that much farther.
But if we tell him, he'll call off the plans. If we don't, he's going to think he's on a date, and all that implies.
And he's probably going to be even worse off.
Advice?
You have to tell him.. tell him so he doesn't feel stupid, get used or be inclined to think that the outting is more than it really is. He's too nice of a person to be betrayed or misled. OR since your female friend is so blunt, perhaps she should contact him to make sure they are on the same page and allow him to make the decision of he is interested in still going or not.
I am not sure of why he can't get a date, perhaps he has insecurity issues and it shows when he is asking someone out. NO one wantst to talk, date or befriend someone who has insecurity issues or may be shy or may not have confidence needed to secure a relationship. There is someone out there for him, he just isn't going to the right places to meet them, especially if he is only staying in your inner circle. Encourage him to go places and do things. I am not really sure of his interests, but if he is kind of "geeky" meaning that he has no conversation, has no interest and is just boring then that could be a factor.. he has to find out some things about him that aren't really regarded as attractive and push females away from him and change it.
He must be patient so that he doesn't just jump on anything or let anything jump on him because he will end up hurt, used, betrayed and disappointed. He must be selective, cautious and aware.
My ex bf sent me a text telling me he "broke away" from this girl he liked even though they weren't officially dating- and he was all proud of it and sayin' how much he hated her... and honestly I don't really care what he does. I don't want anything to do with him anymore because he was a jerk to me. Do you think since he's moved on from this other poor girl, he's gonna move onto me? because he's talking to me a lot again, and I really don't want to deal with him again. What do I do?
Ignore him. If you don't want to talk to him, don't talk to him. He is only testing you or trying to use you as a rebound since he and this girl broke up and he needs someone to talk to so that he doesn't call her. He probaly didn't call you when he was with her and before they broke up. If he was a jerk then he is still a jerk now!
Continuing to communicate with him is misleading and confusing for him and yourself too, girl so don't even entertain the game!
I'm 19, and I just started getting over my ex of nearly 2 years. I just started an internship at this business and there's this guy that is so incredibly cute and he's so nice to me. He makes me laugh and he's kind of the first guy since my ex that I have started to crush on. However, this is BAD. My workplace is very professional and we always have to keep on task. The problem is, when I start liking someone, I get really flirty (sometimes unintentional!) and I just can't stop smiling around this person and I get super nervous and weird and I can not make eye contact with them. I need to maintain a professional relationship with this guy (He's the same age). If he was ugly and mean, I probably wouldn't have this problem and I'd be fine talking to him. However, every time I'm around him now, I get super nervous! Help me get rid of this crush somehow! I can not jeopardize this job and my priorities.
You have answered your own question..
(I can not jeopardize this job and my priorities)- There's your help.. the knowledge of knowing this information and acknowledging it while admitting now, just accept it. "smile"
Having a crush is natural, but if you already know that following up on it is going to put your job in risk, you have to over look it and move forward.
Its mainly the members of my family, its like I just dont want to be around any of them, and I am constantly annoyed at nearly everything they do. My mother and father are split up, and I spend the weekend with my dad, and the week with my mom. And occasionally I visit my grandparents. Its like im the secret keeper, each "branch" (my mother/step-dad, father/step-mother, grandparents) of my family tell me negative things about one another, and tell me not to tell them. And I cant talk to anyone in my family about it because im afraid Ill just spill everything ive been told and everyone will start fighting. I have my own problems without being a therapist to my entire family!
Tell each one of them how you feel and how they have made you feel by telling you all of things they continue telling you. Let them know that you don't appreciate it and that it has to stop. Let them know that you have other things on your mind and don't have room for the things they are telling you and that you refuse to allow them to make you have a mental breakdown as each one of them seem to be having, and who knows it could be due to someone doing the same thing to them. A family counselor would also help and do wonders because there are some issues and concerns that need to be addressed within your family so that they can keep you out of it and let you enjoy your life!
FYI- Normally jacked up things that go on within families are generational curses, which mean that they have always gone on even before you were born and if someone doesn't break it now, it will continue to go on even after you are no longer here..
Good Luck! and I do commend your strength for dealing with this the way you have been now. It'll get better once you voice your true inner feelings!
Okay here's the deal. I just lost my job. My husband is the only one making in the house and it's not enough to support my two children and pay all the bills. This is a distress call. I'm a 42 year old woman and I'm not getting any younger!
I did try to file for unemployment I was denied. In fact If I don't find a job soon, my husband said we might have to get rid of the Internet. That made my kids mad. Answer as soon as possible please!
If you are in need of a job and really fast, go to a temporary agency.. they may even have a job that could go permanent for you after a certain time period. I am not sure of what your career field happens to be, but I am sure they will have some positions for you. It is always best to register with more than one agency.
You can also go to the unemoployment office and use their computer data base to apply for a job- the one here in KY actually provides a reference slip to take to the actual job site once you've applied to the job. Have you gone on the internet job sites and applied to jobs? if not, try that too. Go to Hot jobs.com, monster.com and indeed.com -
well me and my best friend recently became a couple on monday. and we really do like each other as more than best friends. but not a lot of people seem to believe so. people think that we're just really lonely and that we use each other to make us feel better. and it's not true, because i really do have feelings for her. and she tells me she has feelings for me. but she is started to believe everything. what can i do to let her know that i am serios about being her boyfriend and that i really do care about her more than just best friends? and what can i do to convince people that what me and her have is serious?
thanks
First of all your relationship is your relationship not everyone else's. Who gives a rat's tail about what people think or have to say. I am hoping that she develops this perception as well, because if either one of you allow people to stir in your relationship and you actually digest their negative thoughts and opinions, your relationship is destined to fail and thus will the friendship..
You have NOTHING to prove to people, the only person you have to prove anything to is yourself and your girlfriend! Making each other feel better isn't using the other.. it's being a relationship.. what are you supposed to do make each other feel stupid? LOL people have life and relationships backwards - I am referring to the ones who made the comment about the two of you being lonely and using each other.
The best relationships are those that were friends first.. You trust each other, you know each other, you have already bonded and you know what, be happy! KEEP those people out of your mix and business and tell them to get some business of their own, because they sound lonely, and jealous. They have too much time on their hands, if they have time to worry about why you and your girlfriend got together. Please ask her to read my response. People will never know how serious a relationship is unless they are the actual ones in it!
Good Luck and Congrads on your relationship with your best friend. I think that's great!!!
Well i have a bladder problem oviously because i use the restroom way to much. About every 10 mins , its so aggervating . I have been to the doctor about it , i dont have a UTI & all he did was tell him to try and hold it as long as i can & try to stretch the muscle out but i just CANT , when i have to go to the restroom , i HAVE to go but when i do its little . My question is , is can you get Over the counter bladder medicine . if so , where ?
- thanks .
I think you need to see another doctor for a second opinion, due to an overactive bladder, which requires an actual prescription. Nothing over the counter. Don't start experimenting with over the counter medicine when dealing with your bladder because it could lead to UTI, seriously.
m/24
Lately, my girlfriend and I keep fighting. I get the distinct feeling that all her comments like I don't take anything seriously (which I only seem to because she takes everything seriously, and I thought that was something about our relationship balance, I'm mellow and she's rigid).
We had a fight about names for kids (which I think shouldn't have been a fight since we haven't done to make children a factor in our lives). She thinks I never compromise anything while she has to give everything up.
Near as I can tell, I've compromised on more stuff like her. I freaking skipped out on a family member's birthday to help her find her wallet. I'm still making up for that in the eyes of my parents.
I'm a patient guy. I try to be understanding. But I need to know if all these stupid fights are a sign that she doesn't want to be with me anymore, even subconsciously.
Help?
Relationships have ups and downs. There are going to be disagreements, differences as well as distance.
Balance and imbalance - When relationships aren't balanced, sometimes it's a plus but ONLY if it benefits both partners. I'll give you an example: I am an accountant, therefore I am good with money. He isn't good with money at all and so he knows this, he gives me his money instead of him doing what he wants to do with it. In the past that was argument material - but now, it's not.
Take a look at what you are arguing about? Is it petty stuff, like not taking out the trash? Is it major stuff like, trust issues?? If the arguments and fights can be resolved, worked out and made to balance out where both are gaining instead of one person gaining, then work it out and stop thinking that she wants to leave you. If the fights are started up for one to have a reason to vacate and leave, I would question her desire to be in a relationship with you. If you are the one initiating it, then I question your desire to be with her. Also, since you posing the question, ask yourself is it actually you who wants out?
People who are in relationships don't tend to just say I want out of this.. they allow things to happen that throw up signals- like more arguing, fighting, change in conversation, change in activities, change interest and attention - if these signals are happening, then yes she most likely is desiring to get out of this with you and doesn't want to tell you, and so just ask her. If it is you, then tell her that you want out of it. Either way, be happy.. work it out or leave it alone.
PLEASE refrain from throwing up and/or comparing what you have done for her or if you have done more than she has done.. When something is done in a relationship it is done out of love, once it's thrown up or compared then your efforts or deed mean jack and become less appreciated, which in return make you feel like you aren't appreciated- which leads to another fight! TALK, TALK, TALK.. discuss what's being felt and LISTEN to what's being felt and come to an agreement to stay or stray. Let her know that it's cool if she wants to leave you, and that she can tell you that without any retaliation, or revenge or yelling.. that's why people keep it in, so that they don't have to go out with a big bang.
Keep it real! good luck in whatever you two decide.
Super chill rap
There is some super chill rap out there but I dont know what it is called or who its by.
its just like a guy rapping about there life, Growning up. Its kinda like atmosphere. By chill I mean just a some words and a beat. Its kinda calming
I am willing to bet that it's Kenye West
how to be more fun with out getting hurt or upset or yet bringing your self down
My definition of fun - is chosing a day that I am like "WHATEVER".. and whatever I feel like doing, I do it. It could be roller blading, going to a skating ring, going to the park and swim - well attempt to swim, since I don't know how to. Get a good comedy show and invite some people over.. throw a party (a controlled party,nothing wild unless we are talking a different type of FUN)- which changes the word controlled to cautious. "smile" - go to a nice sports and bar grill. go to a live play that you may have interest in. Think of things outside of the box and try it.
I hate it when I'm talking and say something not super smart and someone says "Your blonde, what do you expect", or "Well, your blonde". Or anything like that, its really annoying so what should I say to them as a comeback?
Any good ones?
Thanks =]
Yeah, I'm blonde but you are ugly as H - anything you can do about that? nah, just playing.. I don't talk like that for real. I over look people. If you just feel that you must say something - say this: Do you know how long people have told this same irrelevant, untrue joke or comment, it's really old, stupid and makes you appear more ignorant than the actual blonde is stereo typed to be.. get over it and grow up already - then walk off and throw your blonde hair, girl. OR You can say well, I can always dye my hair, but what can you about your ugly A__ personality and illiterate train of thought? LOL..
anyway don't sweat that mess. there are bigger fish to fry like these high tail gas prices!
Take it easy, brush it off and keep it moving...
okay ive been with this guy for three years and we have been through our ups and downs..hes cheated on me three times and i have not cheated on him back nor have i cheated on him at all he says hes cheated on me because i make him feel like i dont care..he says its because of numerous of things like.when i dont answer his phone calls. after he disrespects me and i feel attacked i end up hanging up on him He calls me out of my name and says really mean things about me..so i end up hanging up on him. and he says thats one of the reasons why he does what he does is because i dont answer his calls he says that im just another girl in his phone and says that i just tell you i love you to make it sound good..he tells me all of this when we argue. but when we argue i dont say things liek that..i dont tell him that i got other dudes on the side or im just sayign i love you just to say it. I always forgive him and let things go..hes very insecure and points the finger at me. he gets mad for the most dumbiest reasons. we just had an arguement about how i dont tell him things..like he tells me when he gets new clothes and shoes...and he says that when i buy new clothes and shoes i dont tell him..like today he seen my new shoes and said why when i ask you have you bought any new shoes you jsut tell me you bought a pair but you have more than one. He says why dont you ever just tell me the truth i was like are you serious okay babe im sorry i will tell uyou next time he got so mad and was cutting me off when i was tryig to comprimise with him..and he jsut said whatever you just wanna say sorry and just drop it and end the problem your way. I honestly dont know why hes like this why he acts so angry and trippy off the most littlest things...im so lost ive been completely disrespected by him and been cheated by him. and i have forgave him for so much i let things go that usually no one would let go. He still doesint appreciate me doing that. He doesint see that my girl just forgave me for the most hurtfull things that ive done to her..Instead he keeps doing what he does and calls me out of my name and says that im worthless and just another B#### in his phone and that he can mess with me when he wants. I love this guy and your probebly thinking why? But i do and he also doesint see that he has told me you dont love me and i tell him are you serious i have forgave you for cheating on me disrespecting me that should show you that i love you a lot that im letting my guard down for you..I dont know what to do im so confused and lost, hurt, Every time he disrespects me and does thing to me he calls me back and says baby im sorry and that he needs me in his life and that im the reason why he acts crazy and disrespectful. I really dont see that I dont feel that im the reason of his wrong doings i feel that thats jsut what he wants to do..But i end up feeling sorry for him and take him back because i love him a lot. what should i do?
Something must be in the water!!! I just answered someone else who is going through something like this, heck, it may be the same guy! LOL
I know it's not funny, but what else can you do? laugh about his immaturity, put yourself first and move forward. Actually go to my advice column and you will see what I advised her. I am advising the same thing to you too. It's rather long - but it helped me. It starts off with me advising her that I know the place that she is in right now...here's a website to check out
http://www.ideamarketers.com/?
Learning_To_Let_Go_as_Presented_by_Buz_McGuire&articleid=328793
If you would rather me send it directly to you, just send an email to me and I will send it via email. sophia_pettus@yahoo.com
Ive been in a realtionship for three years and i cant let go because im so inlove and i dont remember how to let go anymore. I have been so emotionally abused. I have been throguh so much with this guy. Im so hurt by him i cant descibe the pain and he doesint understand me at all. He just wants things his way or no way he cant ever listen to me all he says is that ma words are just excuses and that i make him do mean things to me he says his unfaithfullness is because of me and all the above. I just cant take it anymore im so lost and confused i dont know what to tell him anymore when i try to explain how i feel he just pushes it to the side and cuts me off.. I need help to how i can let go because its so hard ive been through so much with him. When he cheated on me i felt like i was worthless and that i wasint good enough like it just hurt so bad because all i would think about is how he did it with the other girl did they do it the same way we made love it just hurt me so bad he cheated on me multiple times and i stayed with him because i love him and i couldint imagine myself with anyone one els. Also i thought he would apprcitiate me taken him back and understand that he has a good girl and wouldint hurt me like that again. But all he did was blame me for his cheating and didnt appreciate me taking him back. Why didnt he appricate me doing that? Gosh i just need hepl to let go. I need a answer...
thank you for taking time to help me...
I know the place you are at right now and let me tell you, it's a horrible, lonely, confusing place to reside internally. It takes time. It's hard and it's a very slow painful process.
I am not going to say much about him because he isn't worth your time reading or my time typing or thinking about him. My main focus is on you.
You have been hurt mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and sexually too, if you continued having it in attempt of making things better with him (which it doesn't). Read some books specifically dealing with letting go, moving on, self improvement, self motivation and encouragement. Go to poetry reading. Write about the way you feel, in order to get it out and not carry those ill feelings with you for the rest of your life. By doing this, you are healing as you release the hurt. You most likely went through the break-up, make-up cycle for some time now. You also most likely listened to lies denying his affairs or justifications of why he had affairs, there is a book called when your lover is a liar -it doesn't stop. They don't change, so it means that you have to change. His actions were because this is how he is and who he is and you have nothing to do with those actions nor did you cause him to be the jerk that he is, so please do not blame yourself or become involved in a self pity party for someone else's mess ups.
Yes, you are a good girl but let me ask you something, do you know the difference in a good girl and a gullible girl? He already knew you were going to take him back before you did it, so why would someone appreciate something expected and because of his ignorance he feels it was deserved and that he was doing YOU a favor by coming back. Yeah, men like that are ARROGANT and IGNORANT. It's cool not imagine yourself with anyone else but yourself but you are the one who has to make this decision for yourself and your happiness, my dear.
Join groups on line that chat about their feelings, seek counseling so that you don't bring your hurt feelings into the next relationship when you think you are ready to pursue one. Read more. Start a new life doing new things that don't include him - only you, for you. change everything about your life - eating habits, to live longer and healthier. Study something that interest you for knowledge purpose. Try to obtain as much knowledge as you can on situations like this so that you heal, forgive, forget and not carry that spirit with you any longer. I am a praying woman and so I am praying that God releases the hold that this man has over you and that you not fall back into his trap or should I say pit. It's only there to keep you down and hold you back.
I don't know if you have a relationship with God, but if you do, go to him also in prayer. If you don't, I encourage you to get one. I am serious about that. I wouldn't share that if it didn't apply to me from the actual experience.
You are special and one day you are going to be appreciated, loved, respected, cherished and treated as you should be but first you have to love yourself. feel free to email me at any time, I will talk to you, support you, and be there for you. I went through this jacked up situation and I had no one there for me but God, my journals, my poetry and music as well as new found hobbies. These are the names of the actual books I have on this topic- One is called, letting go and letting God, another one is when your lover is a liar, another one is book by Joyce Myers and How to let go, When to let go, Why women love men who don't love them.
Here's a website to check out also
http://www.ideamarketers.com/?Learning_To_Let_Go_as_Presented_by_Buz_McGuire&articleid=328793
Good luck and please remember, I am here!!!
sophia_pettus@yahoo.com
Hi
well heres the story
There was this new guy Phillip and he started hanging out with my group and i was being nice and talking to him.Well its been 4 weeks and i really like him.And everybody in my group knows except him and today my friend kayne thought it would be funny to tell phillip that i liked him and asked him if he would go out with me. I walked away and kayne came over and told me that i was now going out wiht Phillip. I freaked out and asked my friend to go tell him that i didn't want to go out with him yet and i wanted to get to know him better. Since i've had time to think about it and i'm begining to regret not going out with him.
What should i do ask him out again or should i wait and actually get to know him better?
I'm so confused
thanks
How are you going to get to know him better if you don't go out with him and talk to him more?
Yes, you should ask him out again before he thinks you are playing games with him. Your friend shouldn't have put you on the spot like that by telling him you liked him, but I am sure your friend meant no harm in doing this. They just know you are shy, which I hope you come out of so that you can be happy in life and not passive. Tell him what's up, how you feel and that you are interested in getting to know him better and invite him out. Keep your business with him kind of personal since you are hanging in a group together so that a bunch of mess doesn't get started - usually when people within a group or clique start going out or have interest in one another, it gets kind of messy from too many people being involved all in your mix. just a word of caution.
Good Luck Dearheart!
I am so, so sick of everything relating to relationships. All that ever happens to me is: I like a guy, he's really cool, and then he gets a girlfriend. That's happened to me MULTIPLE times now. And it's either that, or the guy isn't as great as he seemed to be. It seems like everyone has SOMEBODY who completely amazes them, except for me. I've liked guys before, but none of them have truly amazed me (meaning, I have never been in love).
I'm not incredibly skinny, but I'm not "fat." I'm not drop-dead gorgeous, but I'm not ugly. I'm just your average sixteen year old girl, really, but unlike the stereotype portrays, I care about more than gossip and the way my hair looks.
I apologize for the length of this question, but I just need to know: Is it even worth trying anymore? Because whenever I find a nice guy, he either doesn't like me, has someone, or just wants to do stuff.
Dearest,
Relationships are something that require time, patience, understanding, and communiation. Read your second sentence of your question. Never did you say, you are getting two timed and dumped for other girls. You said you like a guy, he's cool, and then he gets a girlfriend. Perhaps it's because it's never established that you are in a relationship with the guys you happen to like; therefore it's considered and treated as friendship only.
You can not expect to be amazed or in love at the stage of liking someone. Being in love takes TIME. It doesn't happen over night and why rush?
In my opinion, being in love is highly over-rated. You are 16 years old- date, enjoy things like the prom, life, fun, freedom. I did not have that opportunity at your age because I was pregnant and about to be a mother- all because I thought I was in love, when I was only in lust. Don't rush love because you will fall for some BS and not recognize it until it's too late all b/c you felt like you were in love.
Do you socialize? go to the movies with friends? hang out in spots that your peers normally hang out at? The next time some guy shows interest in you, find out what's up with him. What do you have in common? Are you attracted to him? Is he fun? Does he respect you? if you are comfortable upon meeting and dating first, express your desires to have a relationship (monogamously)- seems like that has to be clarified now, huh? "smile" anyway, once it's agreed and communicated upon, go for it girl! Listen to the new Mary J Blige song called" What Love Is"
by the way, forget about outter looks, it's about inner beauty that shines regardless of size, hair, make-up and being drop dead gorgeous!
Hope this helps.. if I have missed your whole point, I am sorry. email me and let me know! sophia_pettus@yahoo.com
Hope things work out for you girlfriend.
(I know this is not a well written poem but beyond that answer the question on the bottom.)
I will be there for you
When you fall
When you cry
When you think life has no meaning
Where ever I am
Where ever you are
Who ever you are with
Who ever I am with
I will still think of you
I will protect you
I will help you
I always have your back
Because you are my friend,
I love you forever…
I Wrote this to my best friend that I know for 8 years and I like her more than a friend.
I told that I had feelings for her. And she said she not ready for a relationship right now and she unsure of her sexuality. But last night my guy friend called me we talked for a while then he told me that he ask her out over the phone. She reasoned “Kim played a song for me that is repeating over my head about friends" (I am Kim) well I try to remember what song I played for her.....but I never played a song for her. I wrote that poem for her after I told her how I felt about her. Was she quoting the poem? Is she repeating that over and over her head????
I am bi female…
She is quoting the poem over and over in her memory because it was symbolic and meaningful to her.
Why would a guy friend of yours ask her out if he knows your feelings for her? I am hopeful that he doesn't know how you feel about her because if he does, I would question how much of a friend he is.
Don't pressure her into anything or you could push her away, just try to remain friends with her and allow her the right to make the decision that makes her happy. If you really love her, you support her decision no matter what it is - that's one of the true characteristics of friendship. Also, the best relationships are those whose friendship was existent and consistent first.
I wish you the best of luck.
My mom and I have had issues for a long time and I dont think she understands it at all. Tonight she was talking to me with her sister and it just agravates me so much that they both jump down my throat when they don't understand me at all and still try to put their advice in. I would love to tell my mother everything, but it's just so hard. She thinks my "bad mood" is from a new high school Im at or hormones.
She drinks (not to the level of an alcholic, but I would perfer she drank less) and makes me promises but doesn't remember them the next day.
My brother is autistic and can function normally and many people wouldn't be able to tell he was challenged, but it's still been a struggle for her. I understand and I help, but it's put me on the back burner. If I have a problem, it seems petty and selfish compared to him. She's extra sensitive to him.
She suffers from a form of depression and hasn't told me about it. I found out by looking at her pill bottles. Two years ago before she was diagnosed she would lash out at me for no reason, and it hurt so much. I built up a wall and became just as nasty and defensive. It's stuck. Im afraid to tell her things that anger her, and if she insults me I return the favor. It's become instinct and she thinks Im a nasty bitch. Im not at all what she sees me as and I just want her to understand that I want her to love me and be proud of me!
I just don't know how to tell her. I can't get her attention. I talk to her and I become closed in and defensive. I can't handle her being mad at me, I can't handle confrontation.
I want her to understand how she hurts me and how much I love her. How can I do this?
I am sorry that you have closed up. It's really hard to open up once a person has closed up.
First, write down a list of things or topics that you deem a necessity to discuss in order to gain closure to the closing so that you can start trying to open back up and kill the defensiveness.
Do you cook? if so, try fixing dinner one night to set the atmosphere off right. Tell her in advance, that you are fixing dinner and that the two of you need to talk. Do not pressure your mom into discussing her depression, or her frustrations with you just yet. First know that she is really under much stress, and it isn't your fault. The point of the conversation isn't to point fingers or play the blame game because this doesn't resolve anything.
Forgive her for the hurt you felt 2 years ago and still carry with you today additionally, let the hurt and anger go. It only holds you back from mental happiness and stability as well as ability to express your feelings maturely instead of being so agressive and defensive which leads to offensiveness. Let her know how you feel, and how you used to feel and that you forgive her. Also ask that she forgive you for your action and mouthiness. I understand that it gets hard especially when feeling disrespected, however she is still your mother and the adult. Express your concerns of her drinking without the finger pointint and down casting - remember you are expressing concern only because you care not anger because you are frustrated.
After you have talked to her suggest that you spend more time with her doing things together as a family in addition to mother/daughter time. It's so important - cook together, walk together, sit on the couch and talk, go to the park and grill out.. spend some real time together.
I am not sure if you pray or not, but if not give it a try.
Good Luck!
what are some good songs about raising money or things of the sort? or what are some good songs about changing the world?
A change gone come- Sam Cooke
What are some good songs about a best friends, who like each other, and they want it to be more?
I really like any type of music. But acoustic or anything soft is preferable.
Thanks!
Mary J Blige - Seven Days
I need to leave my boyfriend.
I met him playing an online game and he moved here to be with me. It was great, he was sweet and loving... I immediately felt safe. When he's happy and content he calls me his princess and treats me like a queen.. even now. I was 19 turning 20 when he moved here. We would have a lot of fights though, during the months. I've made a couple mistakes but he's my first boyfriend, although that is a poor excuse. The thing is, after some time, he'd use these mistakes of mine against me, and make me feel guilty. I'd cry often and end up apologizing... and I begin to lose a sense of who is right or wrong.. and when I complain, he tells me "You're just bitching again" or "PMSing or what?", even if the things I complain about can't help but make me angry when I think about them. He keeps bringing up all the mistakes I made from the beginning of the relationship when I complain about CURRENT situations. He always calls me names and hangs up on me which I think is really rude.. he's never there for me which hurts the most. He pushes me away from him when he's upset when I try to hug him...
Nowadays, I try to let him know what bothers me in a polite way.. saying something like "it would make me feel better if you did this instead..." but he would say I'm bitching again and that he "fu**ing hates" me so much. I'm 21 and I'm going into my 3rd year of University, planning to be a teacher. He... still lives in a duplex in a bad neighbourhood since he moved here.. and doesn't.. work on his career either, or even drives. This is what made my mom cry one time. She says "Why are you so crazy about a guy that doesn't even better himself if not for him but for you?" She worries about me bussing to his place all the time. I love her so much and I see how upset she gets when I come home with puffy eyes (from tears) so often in a week.
While he just sits around and does nothing but play online games again.. here I am typing this. I know I'm better than this, but .. I just feel disgusting, gained weight after meeting him.. I don't feel confident.. I used to think my friends were stupid when they did stupid things for love, they went to ME for advice because I never had those problems before.. I feel like the most stupidest of all. I need some words of encouragement to move on and leave him.. or else I'll fall back to that cycle where he goes all sweet and hugs me tight and makes me feel safe again where I have to say sorry just to keep feeling that safeness.
Part of this story is also relevant to sex problems I will type in another question.
Before I even start on this, I have to say this: I HATE it when people just say run run run or get out or get away! You are in need of support, not directive and upon gaining that support you are mature and wise enough to make decisions based on SELF.
People do not change unless they want to change. The negative changes you see in him are going to stay there until he decides to change them - regardless to if you leave him or if you do not leave him. You made a couple of mistakes because you are human, not because this is your first boyfriend. When you are complaining, which is really opening up about something(s) that are bothering you, he is rationalizing by using excuses and putting blame right back on you instead of listening in order to try and change his ways or behavior. He isn't listening so he has no intent of changing.
Relationships that we go through do have a direct affect on our parents because they love us so much and want us to be happy. Consistent crying is a sign of unhappiness.
When a person tells you by showing you who they really are, believe them!
You are trying to make something out of yourself. You have set goals, and plans for your future. Does it include taking care of him? Does it include verbal abuse which leads to potential physical abuse? Does it include having a grown man as a child? Does it include coming home to a filthy house to clean, dirty clothes to wash, an empty refrigerator with no food until you buy it to also cook it for him? If none of this is in your plan, then you know what to do without me telling you. In reference to feeling stupid, as time grows and goes, you will feel more stupid, but the good thing is this: Stupid is as Stupid Does- famous words of Forest. "smile"
It does become a cycle so break it before you have a daughter who also gets cursed by this and goes through the same cycle. Only you know if it's worth it.
Good Luck. You are strong and very smart to be aware of what is going on and could go on in your life. You also have the power to control it as long as you not continue allowing him to take it from you!