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my mother
My mom and I have had issues for a long time and I dont think she understands it at all. Tonight she was talking to me with her sister and it just agravates me so much that they both jump down my throat when they don't understand me at all and still try to put their advice in. I would love to tell my mother everything, but it's just so hard. She thinks my "bad mood" is from a new high school Im at or hormones.
She drinks (not to the level of an alcholic, but I would perfer she drank less) and makes me promises but doesn't remember them the next day.
My brother is autistic and can function normally and many people wouldn't be able to tell he was challenged, but it's still been a struggle for her. I understand and I help, but it's put me on the back burner. If I have a problem, it seems petty and selfish compared to him. She's extra sensitive to him.
She suffers from a form of depression and hasn't told me about it. I found out by looking at her pill bottles. Two years ago before she was diagnosed she would lash out at me for no reason, and it hurt so much. I built up a wall and became just as nasty and defensive. It's stuck. Im afraid to tell her things that anger her, and if she insults me I return the favor. It's become instinct and she thinks Im a nasty bitch. Im not at all what she sees me as and I just want her to understand that I want her to love me and be proud of me!
I just don't know how to tell her. I can't get her attention. I talk to her and I become closed in and defensive. I can't handle her being mad at me, I can't handle confrontation.
I want her to understand how she hurts me and how much I love her. How can I do this?
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Well, I disagree with what venom 97 said. "She's the adult". Um, so? That doesn't make her any more important than the asker of this question. It is very hard to talk to someone who doesn't respect you, and in turn you don't want to respect them. Thats understandable. I only mention this because I have had many problems with my mom. In fact, our situations sound very similiar. My mom has depression too, my sister has a lighter form of autism, and other things. Anyway, my mom says whatever hurtful things she wants, blames all her problems on me and my brother and sister, she hates me and I am a shame to her just because I don't follow her stupid religion. And she says she has a right to do it all just because she's and adult. Thats why it bothered me so much.
Anyway, I would try to talk to your mom. Since you said you can't confront her, write a letter to her. Or does she have a work email? You could send her an email there. If she doesn't, but still has her own email address at home, and you hve your own, send her one. Tell her you're sorry for being defensive, and ask her if she's sorry for what she has done. Even if she says she's not, try her best to forgive her, even though it's really hard, I know.
And if you ever want to talk to me I would be so happy to chat with you! :)
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it'll probably be alot easier to just write her a letter explaining what you feel. and don't at all be offensive, if she's drinking or on pills, she may take things the wrong way. just explain exactly what happened. if you need any other help with mother issues, ask me because i've been through tons of family therapy.
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I am sorry that you have closed up. It's really hard to open up once a person has closed up.
First, write down a list of things or topics that you deem a necessity to discuss in order to gain closure to the closing so that you can start trying to open back up and kill the defensiveness.
Do you cook? if so, try fixing dinner one night to set the atmosphere off right. Tell her in advance, that you are fixing dinner and that the two of you need to talk. Do not pressure your mom into discussing her depression, or her frustrations with you just yet. First know that she is really under much stress, and it isn't your fault. The point of the conversation isn't to point fingers or play the blame game because this doesn't resolve anything.
Forgive her for the hurt you felt 2 years ago and still carry with you today additionally, let the hurt and anger go. It only holds you back from mental happiness and stability as well as ability to express your feelings maturely instead of being so agressive and defensive which leads to offensiveness. Let her know how you feel, and how you used to feel and that you forgive her. Also ask that she forgive you for your action and mouthiness. I understand that it gets hard especially when feeling disrespected, however she is still your mother and the adult. Express your concerns of her drinking without the finger pointint and down casting - remember you are expressing concern only because you care not anger because you are frustrated.
After you have talked to her suggest that you spend more time with her doing things together as a family in addition to mother/daughter time. It's so important - cook together, walk together, sit on the couch and talk, go to the park and grill out.. spend some real time together.
I am not sure if you pray or not, but if not give it a try.
Good Luck!
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Hey! Well first off all I think your mom needs help. She should try going to a psycaiatrist or something(sorry for my bad spelling)I think think that she can handle all her problems by herself. And the drinking doesn't help her all that much. Since she is depressed she's gonna want to start drinking more and more and it could become into alcolism. Try to tell her that and sit down and talk to her when she's not drinking and when you or your brother has made her mad. She needs to be in an okay mood in order for her to listen. Also try not to answer her back all the time because that will just make her madder. I really hope I helped and good luck.
princessita
xoxoxoxox
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