about

Hello All,
I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.

I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)

I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.

advice

ok so i had a pimple in the crease of my nostrale and i couldnt pop it cuz it wa shard and its a black head. so i put tooth paste on it because some people on here said it would work now i have this littl dried out rash by my nose and it hurts so bad and the pimple is still there. any help on how to make the rash go away

Use a medicinal cream i.e. fucidin and the rash will go away. The reason you got this is probably because you used a toothpaste with whitening or bleach in it. If so the bleach eats away at your skin. Read the label carefully to ensure there are no harsh chemicals in your brand of paste.

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I have a diloacating knee cap its really gross i know i goes "out" when i run or kick or stand on one leg sometimes. I wear strong knee braces but this past weekend it did it while i was wearing them. My mom thinks i need to get surgury and so do i but we disagree when, she thinks it should be before soccer season so I don't injure it further, and i think i should do it after so I don't have to miss the season (I am a starting forward for varsity) When do you think would be the best time for me to get it?

Thanks

I think you should talk to your doctor and find out the facts, if you do get injured in soccer will you ruin your ability to play forever? What are the risks? By asking your doctors opinion you can make an informed choice. It is not worth ruining your knee for one season, so listen to your doctor even if he tells you something you don't want to hear.


Good Luck

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well i was raped when i was younger and i just wanted to talk to someone who has been raped before as well... is there anyone out there that wants to talk? it would help both of us...

Pls. contact me.

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for anyone who has put music on a creative zen mp3 player...how do you do it? is there a website or something like you do with iTunes for iPod?

Hey I have a creative zen and the other answer is right load the cd and plug the mp3 player into your computer.

What I then do is download my music from morpheus (same as limewire etc) and then sync it on windows media player. For me this was easiest. You can also get music off CD's ect.

Its really easy. Any other questions ask.

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What toothpaste works the best to get rid of pinples and zits?

It doesn't matter the brand / type but make sure there is NO BLEACHING products, this is what creates a rash and pain. Alot of toothpastes have bleaching/whitening stuff so read the box/label really carefully.

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My 6 year old daughter recently started saying she wants to meet her real dad (he hasn't seen her since she was two years old except for a brief chance meeting at a friends house a two years ago.) I'm not sure what brought this on, except that I just had another baby with a different man, and he and I share custody, so maybe she's feeling a little jealous that her baby brother's dad is around but hers isn't. I'm no longer involved with my son's father, but we are civil for our child's sake so it isn't like he could be a father to her. But I need to know- do I call my daughter's father and make him have a relationship with his daughter? I don't know what to do, or what to say to her.

Hi, your daughters father has obviously made a choice not to be a part of her life. By trying to contact him and pushing a relationship you are opening your daughter up to a world of hurt. Yes it is important for a child to have a father but it is more important that a child feels loved which she won't get from this man. I think that you should sit down with your daughter and explain that her father isn't ready to be a dad, that it has NOTHING to do with her. Explain that you love her and nothing can ever change that.

Also I would point out that if her father makes the first move, you need to make sure that he is there for the right reasons make him prove himself.

When your son spends time with his dad I would turn these days into mom/daughter days and do something just the two of you that is really special.

Hope this helps, contact me if you have any more questions.

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My mom told my sister and I a few days ago that if she tells us to do something, we have to do it within 5 minutes or we "lose our privileges". She isn't patient at all. When she tells us to do the dishes, and we say "I will", then she looks at her watch casually to time us 5 minutes to do it. She constantly has to have us doing chores, too. Whether its vacuuming, yard work, dishes, emptying the trash, or putting something up, she can't wait and we have to do it NOW. If we aren't cleaning in some way, we're wasting time (according to my mom). What do we do?

Wow this reminds me of my mom growing up! Well here is what my sister and I did, Basically we told my mom that we were not wasting time, we were entitled to "down time" as we are kids. Her response was of course that the reason she had kids was that she didn't like to clean! So then we reached a comprimse; during the summer we set aside 2 days/week for major chores e.g. bathrooms, dusting, vacuuming etc. and 1 day during the school year so that we could study properly (usually a Saturday). As for dishes we agreed to 3 nights a week each, the other night was her turn, keep in mind this was before dishwashers! This allowed us more free time and we had clear expectations that we knew we had to meet.

If she is expecting you to do more then this it is not ok. Ensuring that the house is tidy and you are doing your part is one thing anything else is her issue and I would talk to either your dad, if he is in the picture, or another close family friend or relative who can talk to her and tell her to chillax!

Good luck.

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My mother's boyfriend is very inconsiderate to my little sister and I. He seems to think that anything that we have to say can not possibly be more important than what he might be saying, even if we need help with our homework or are cooking dinner and can't find something. He also does not seem to think that the rules of the house apply to him. Another big problem is his phone behavior. He will call while one of us is on the phone with a friend (we have call waiting) and when we tell him that we are on the phone and that we will have our mother call him when we are done, he still calls back about ever five minutes. He has done this when we were on the phone long distance, and we finallly got irate and yelled at him (he had called back six times, we counted) Then when he talked to our mother, he told her that we were rude to him. We have told all of these things to our mother over the last two years, to no avail. How can we get her to break up with this jerk?

I think that by wanting to break them up you are going about this the wrong way. I do not know what your mom's situation is but alot of the time that women remain in relationships with men who are obviously not a good "fit" for the rest of the family is because the mom thinks that he is her "last chance".

By fighting the relationship you may be pushing your mom towards him, sounds stupid I know but it happens all the time. If I were you I would totally distance myself from him, by maybe ignoring him as much as possible, when he calls and you are the phone I would tell him that your mom is in the bathroom or has stepped out to the store and that you will give her the message. If he continues to call don't answer the call waiting, as hard as it is ignore it.

When he is in your house keep in mind that this is YOUR house, don't make things easy for him if you need to ask your mom something ask her and if he interrupts politely tell him in front of your mom that you are speaking to her and it will only take a minute.

By doing these things he will get the message that he is not only dating your mom but is also involved with the family. Also reminding your mom that she is a beautiful, smart, valuable women may encourage her to find someone who loves her and treats her with respect, when he disrespects you he disrespects her as well.

Sorry this is so long, Hope it helps.

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21/M
i just found out tonight at work that my sister went to the hospital for drugs and cut wrists, she's 16. parents are having some problems, now she doesn't want to go with either of them and she is still being held at the hospital with the doctors and can't be seen or spoken with over the phone untill some social worker clears things or something, i guess my question is, is there a way to speed up this process and to maybe sign a temporary guardianship so that i can bring my sister home? i don't want her in some pshyc ward forever, my girlfriend was in one for almost for the same reasons when she was younger and said that that experience was worse than the reality that made her do the things she did to get herself there in the first place, plus i've seen the movies with mental patients and things along this same situation, and know that believe it or not hollywood and reality are sometimes very close.

As someone who works with youth in and out of "psych wards" it may not be a bad idea for her to be there and getting help. The movies don't portray the reality of the situation either. Keep in mind that it's people who make up the "ward" and each one is different.

For you to take guardianship would mean that you take all responsibility including financial, emotional and physical pertaining to your sister. There is no real way to speed up the process as what is probably happening right now is that they are assessing your sister's risk to herself, and others including family. Also they are investigating why she refuses to return home with your parents.

For you I would call the hospital and get the names of her doctors and social workers, I would then explain to them that as her brother you are very concerned and while you understand that they cannot break confidentiality as soon as possible you would like to see and speak to your sister. Keep in mind that your sister could be the one refusing to speak to anyone, as she is 16 that is her right and they would honour that.

If you have any more questions please ask.

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17/female my name is Rachel and my mom is driving me crazy.when my mom has these mood swings she takes it out on me and I can't take it anymore and I feel like moving,but I can't becouse iam to young.I want to move with my cousin michelle i've already asked her about it and she said of course she's 36 and she's getting a room ready for me right now,but I told her not to do it yet becouse I have to ask my mom first and I know my mom would go pysoco if I asked her becouse the last time I did mom trough a stool at me and luckily it missed is that child abuse what should I do and then my mom started pulling my hair what should I do?

First of all at 17 you can move out, if you don't mind damaging your relationship with your mom further, I would just tell her that her verbal, and at times physical abuse is not ok and you have had enough. Also if she threatens you with sending the police simply inform her if she does you will explain to them why you moved.

At 17 Children's services recognize that you are capable of making some decisions for yourself such as where you live. As your cousin is 36 and I am assuming has a job/career, they are not going to force you to return home. It may get messy for a while but I can pretty much guarentee you that once your mom realizes that she needs to get help for her own issues and that by filing a complaint will get her no where she will drop the issue.

I wouldn't ask your mom I would tell her, also if she gets physical call the police and report it this will also help you to have a report on file.

I wish you the best if you ever need to talk let me know.

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i woke up this morning and my wrists hurt and i dont know why. they arent cut or anything they just really hurt .. and its like near the vains. its not like i pulled it or anything. and i dont cut or do lacross or anything to make it hurt. its just realyl random and i was wondering if anyone knew what it was.

If you use a computer alot it could be carpel tunnel syndrome. Look it up on the internet and if it doesn't get better then make sure you see a dr.

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Question #1 You asked if my mom was in the service area.

I guess you could call it that (shes teaches horseback riding, you also answered my question that was in the normal pool)

#2 My relationship with my mom is okay. i resent that she treats her coustomers different then me she is always so cherry around them and everyone says oh you are so lucky you have such a nice my ( which i do) but it is so different from home and the bran and that has always bugged me.

#3 No i have never had this "obbsession" with a man before. but when it does happen its this is what goes on in my head
Oh my god i have to get up and see ____ i cant wait and i just get soooo overly happy.

hope that helps and dont worry, if i can answer anything else i would love to [=

OK well I think I was right with my first assessment, you are looking for the relationship in other women that you with you had with your mother.

It's ok to be attached to other women but not to try and create a relationship with them that would serve to make you feel like you had a better mom. I understand why your mom acts differently from her point of she must feel like she is always "on" because she works where she lives and the only person she can be "off" with is you and your sister.

Back to your problem, I think that you should talk to your mom and say that you understand why she acts differently but that you feel that sometimes she puts the customers ahead of you and that hurts.

Secondly I would maybe look into getting a male counsellor, simply because these issues wouldn't arise and because they would be able to help you more, without you feeling so attached. I think that you should only spend short amount of time with older women for a while at least so as to avoid this.

If it would help you you can email me anytime and I will help you the best I can, this is what I actually do for a living.

Let me know what you think.

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i've bought lots of furniture for my apartment online for really cheap, which is helpful 'cause i don't make much money. i really want to move to a foreign country and take all of the furniture with me. i heard that you can't take more furniture than you can fit into your car to the country (i'll be driving, not flying, to the foreign country). selling the furniture i have isn't worth much because it's all kind of old, so i can't sell it. what should/could i do?

First of all whoever told you that you can't take more then you can carry is wrong. I moved to Ireland from Canada and just shipped the pieces that I wanted most and put the rest in storage for when I came back. If you are not coming back this is what I would do, ship what you can afford now, and look at the expense as cheaper then buying new furniture. If you can't afford to move it all put what you can't send in storage and have a friend ship it for you when you have more money.

It would also help if you let me know where you were moving from and to and I could tell you the cheapest way to move it.


**Ok you will want to do an LCL load, (loose Cargo Load) call the trucking companies in your area that make trips to Mexico many will have empty space that they want to fill in order not to lose money. Also check out the shipping lines that ship to mexico from the port nearest you, again they often have empty space in containers and will ship your stuff for less. Try to get a flat rate, many will try and charge more by quoting per lb. Also since you are moving to Mexico where the cost of living is cheaper I would investigate the cost of new furniture and see what makes more sense for your budget.

Hope this new info helps.

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I'm 15 and in need of a job. The store I want to work at only hires people 16 and older. Should I add a year to my age? what's the worst thing that can happen & could they easily find out? I'm just wondering... thanks!

They can find out really easily when they hire you they will ask for ID (most places do) usually your birth cert. If they don't and they find out it will say right on the application that its grounds for dismisal even if you are 16 when they find out you can and probably will be fired.

If you really want the job I would write a resume and a cover letter explaining that despite your age you feel you are right for the job and make sure you have awesome references.

If you need help with a letter let me know.

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i didnt really know what category this was but i have a little bit of bacne(back acne in case u didnt know) and i have scars from it..how do i get rid of the rest of the bacne and get rid of the scars w/ out spending too much money

I know that my sister got wicked bacne she went to her doctor and there is an actual perscription and cream that she takes and uses that works really well. If you are in the states and have no insurance I am not sure how much it is to see a dr or get the perscription. Many dr's have samples that they get for free and give for free so I would suggest that if you have no insurance you try that route.


Good Luck, hope this helped

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I guess my question is,is it werid the way tha i feel and act? It feels normal to me, but odd at the same time. Almost like i am in a relationship with these two people and have to "get over" them. That souds odd but it is what it feels like.
I dont know this isnt clear at all is it, i dont know how to put it into words what my question is.
sorry.

Gotcha! sorry about that I just wanted to make sure that I understood, well a couple of things could be going on here. First of all what is your relationship with your mom like? You mentioned that she lives where she works so I am guessing it is something in the service area?

Maybe because she is always caring for others you are searching for a woman who cares and gives advice and support to you as you think that a mother should. I don't think that you think this consciously but it may be a factor.

It seems to me you are looking for more from these women then they can possibly give, I know you said that you are getting a counselor at school to see you once a week, is it a woman? Also have you ever had this reaction with men?

Get back to me with other info, and I can probably direct you to why you may do this and what things you can do to try and stop obsessing.

Sorry I am asking all these questions I just want to make sure I am helping you the best I can.

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ok so my mom smoked and than she stopped becuase of breast cancer but than she started again and than she stopped recently and now she begun again a few days ago ! i dont udnerstand it. i try and make her stop all the time but she just doesnt listen. she ingores the fact that it can kill her and do all other things. and i really dont know what to do and i really want to get her to stop .. please give me some adivce.. i really dont want smoking to hurt her.

Ok here is advice from a smoker who was able to quit smoking during my pregnancy (let me tell you I still want to smoke!!) Let me put it this way it is harder to quit smoking then it is to quit using heroin. Now there are a couple of ways that may work for your mom.

As quitting cold turkey is near impossible unless you have a strong desire, there are some stop smoking aids that might help: zyban which is a pill perscribed by a doctor, there is the commit lozange which is better then the gum (I think) and then of course tons of others.

Tell your mom how you feel but don't be accusing maybe even write her a letter, you can't make her quit. What has worked for some teens I know is that they ask their parents to smoke outside as they don't want to risk getting sick, smoking outside bites!! Also point out when asking this that since cancer runs in your family you are at risk.

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ok well im going to try the no carbohydrates diet, i no its not healthy but i need to loose weight fast. but what i need to no is what food it out there with no carbohydrates in it? because i cant seem to find any food without carbohydrates. and if i stick to this diet. when will i begin to see results?
thatnks so much you dont no how much i will appreciate it if you answer me.

I have done the Atkins diet and it works great, if you want to lose weight rapidly but necessarily keep it off.

Ok here is what you should be eating:
Lots of Steak, beef, chicken and fish (nothing breaded though)
Eggs, bacon, fry it or bake it use butter (no margarine) you are allowed whip cream (real only)
Lots of Cheese
for the first little while NO FRUIT (first 2 weeks)
The only veggies are spinich, cauliflower, broccoli, most salads, no tomatos no carrots though
Cream is good - Full fat
No Milk
Drink lots of water
Macadamia nuts are good for snacking
crystal light is ok
Try and hold off on caffiene for the first couple of weeks
mayonaise is good not miracle whip
Also atkins sells bars that are ok once in a while and will deal with your chocolate cravings. (the endulgence ones are pretty good)also splenda is 1g./pack of sugar (splenda is a sugar substitute better then any others.)

Keep in mind that this is NOT FOR LONG TERM and you need to start re-introducing carbs slowly after 2 weeks. Soon after you start your body will go into kitosis (sp?) you will lose a noticeable amount of weight within the first week/week and 1/2.

If you are young talk to your parents first. By the way you are supposed to eat 20gr carbs a day in the beginning no carbs is way un-healthy.

Make sure you have NO potatos, pasta, rice etc.

Good Luck

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I've been looking for jobs alot. I just got a 2 year degree and know of plenty of jobs, but all of them want experience. I don't have experience in business. How am I supposed to get a job in business when everyone wants people with experience? It's like to get a job I need experience, and to get experience I need a job. HELP!

Ahhh the age old question of how to get experience when everyone already wants experience! As someone who reads ALOT of resumes and interviews here are a few suggestions;

Volunteer to work in a place like an office that works in the non profit sector.

Apply for entry level positions - There are alot out there, they usually don't pay well but it does give you experience

You would be surprised what experience you have, whether it was working for a friend/relative, or any job u have had put a spin on it and highlight the business aspects of the job e.g. working as a cashier you ensured that customer service was paramount and that you ensured that both the needs of the customer and the company were met and that a balance between the two was achieved.

Also and I hate to say this but if you are looking to work in business and want to make "good" money you may want to investigate further education, perhaps pursuing that while working and gaining experience.


Hope this helps.

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I swear my mother is really hurtful I can't take her anymore. I feel so offended by what she does. WHy can't she just leave me alone. I hate her. I just feel really annoyed by her and I don't even have anyone to talk to

Sounds to me like your mom is making a classic mom mistake. What that is that she is trying to prevent you from making mistakes that she herself has made or she sees parts of herself that she doesn't like in herself in you and so she attacks that.

As for what you can do about this problem I think that since talking to your mom doesn't seem to be working I would suggest that you sit down and write your mom a letter, leave out the hate and use concrete examples of what she does and says that hurt you, and makes you feel. Don't say "you make me feel..." instead phrase it as "when you say/do ... I feel ..." that way your not putting your mom on the defensive.

If you need help writing a letter or just talking out your feelings feel free to message me here and I will give you my email/msn address.

Sara

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