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about
While I am still young, I have had a great deal of life experience. It is from this that I give advice. I am open minded and try not to be judgemental. If I can help in any way, I will. Just ask. However, like everyone else in this world, I am not perfect. My advice may not always suit you, since my experiences are not the same as yours. If you want clarification on any answers I give, feel free to ask me. If you don't like what I said, or if I offended you, let me know. This is the best way for me to improve on my responses. Thanks for looking at my page!
advice
I have this really suicidal friend called jazz and she keeps cutting her wrists and trying to kill herself because she is depressed i have tryed to help her but she keeps making me feel depressed, i told her to go to the doctor she say no i say talk to school she say no so what do i do?
Go to an adult in a position to help her right away. Talk to her parents or to a school counselor. Both would be great. You can get her to do anything, but the adults in her life can.
Most people who attempt suicide aren't really trying to kill themselves. They are trying to get help when they don't know how, and attention they feel they are lacking. But it is dangerous nonetheless. A lot of damage can be done, and sometimes death even though it is not really intended.
Oh, also, she doesn't realize that she doesn't really intend to kill herself. I know that doesn't make much sense. I've noticed that when I am in the worst of my depression, it is like I am another person. That person wants to die or disappear but the real me doesn't and is strong enough to keep that from happening. She has the same strong self, or she would be gone already. She needs help to find that self. Do whatever it takes to get her that help before she ends up in the ER or the morgue. I got lucky enough to just end up having my stomach pumped in the ER. Had I not called for help, I would probably not be around. But pills (my attempt) are a lot slower than blood loss (from cutting), so your friend needs help now. Paramedics may not be fast enough if it goes too far.
So, please talk to a school counselor and to her parents. Let them know how serious this is. Parents will often ignore the problem because they don't want things to be wrong with their kids. It isn't that they don't care so much as the idea scares them into inaction. This is why you need to talk not only to them, but to a counselor. Do that IMMEDIATELY. She won't help herself until the last moment, and that could be too late.
lately, i've been seeing things that look like the grim reeper. just really random things, like trees, or the shape of my blankets and its kind of freaky. does this mean anything
This could mean a couple things. Most likely, it is that you have a vivid imagination. The image got stuck in your mind for one reason or another and now your mind is transposing it onto everything.
Another possibility is that you have a lot of worries that have brought death into your mind. Do you have a sick family member that you have been concerned about? Has there been a recent death of someone you cared about? Or perhaps you have been seeing too much on the news about kids with guns or other death related things. Your subconscious could be tapping into that worry and making you see death everywhere.
It does not mean that someone is going to die or anything like that.
One thing you can do to help get rid of the image is to put it somewhere. Do you write? Draw? Paint? Use the image as an inspiration. Perhaps that is what is is meant to be anyway. If anything is persistantly on my mind, I find it helpful to express it somehow. Then it is out and not bothering me anymore. Some of my best art and writing have come that way. Perhaps it will work as well for you.
what are the signs of depression
What everyone else has said is pretty much right. However, none mentioned that the symptoms are ongoing. If they persist for more than a couple weeks, they are signs of depression. If they are short lived, it is usually just a bad mood.
That is not to say you shouldn't take the symptoms lightly. If you believe you, or a friend or family member, are depressed, see a doctor. Depression really is a life threatening illness, and it has put me in the hospital before.
For those who are reading this on my column, rather than the question and all the other answers, here are the basics:
too little or too much sleep
unable to enjoy things you used to enjoy
wanting to avoid pretty much everything
eating too much or too little (as compared to your old habits and not because of a diet)
always feeling sad or angry
suicidal thoughts/desires
difficulty concentrating
There are many tests online to give you an idea of your likelyhood to be depressed. Here is a site that has a list of several sites, some more helpful than others: http://depression.about.com/cs/diagnosis/l/blscreenquiz.htm
If you feel you may be depressed, I can't stress enough how important it is you get to a doctor and start getting better. You may or may not need medication. If it is a chemical imbalance, as a lot of depression is, meds will help immensely. If it is situational (caused by an event in your life), meds may not help. Only a doctor and/or therapist can really help you there.
Know that if you are depressed, you are not alone. It sure feels like it, but you are not. You already know someone getting through it and beginning to thrive: Me. If I can get through this, I really think anyone can.
If you need more help regarding depression, don't hesitate to let me know. I don't want to see anyone go through what I did if I can do something to help.
I like my best guy friend. He doesn't know it. But I get extremely jealous when he spends time with this one girl. I don't care if he spends time with girls, there's just this certain girl I'm worried about. I KNOW they're just friends, and that he for sure doesn't like her, but why do I get so jealous? I cry myself to sleep every night they hang out/talk. I know I can't control him, he's not mine. We've talked about it, he knows I don't like her, etc. Whenever they talk/hang out I never get mad I just get seriously depressed, I can cry for up to 2 hours. What is wrong with me? I think I just don't understand why he's spending time with her, and not me, but I'm not sure. Is there any tips you guys can give me about how to calm down when I get jealous? Thanks.
It seems to me that you need to tell him that you have feelings for him. You know they are just friends, but you are also just friends with him. So, since you like him, you worry that she does too. And you think that if she does like him, she could take him away from you. But if you get to him first, she won't. So, just tell him.
If you are worried that telling him will hurt your friendship, you need to know that it won't. If it does, then your friendship wasn't as strong as you thought. But it seems it is, so if you tell him and he doesn't feel the same, just accept it and you can continue to be friends.
I know this because I am now married to my best guy friend from high school. I am also still friends with my ex-fiance. A strong friendship can withstand anything, and can also turn into a strong and wonderful relationship. But someone has to speak up. In this case, you need to speak up before she has a chance. If nothing else, it will help him understand why you get jealous and he may tone things down with her or give his point of view a little better.
I resently gained like 20 pounds, i am 13/f 5 foot and 130 pound, i know thats fat.All my sisters make fun of me and call me fatty-mic-fat-fat beacuse they are all vary skinny and beautiful even my parents and friends make fun of me.So i started to eat less and run on the tredmeal every day for a hour but after a wile i desided i would way myself and see how much have lost but i only gained a pound,No matter what do i can't seem to lose weight and now the people at my shcool are tonting me.I don't think i am old anoff to buy eny dieting pills thoughs (how old do you have to be to do that?).What should i do i really whan to ose weight but no matter what i try i can't.
Eating less isn't necessarily the answer. Depending on your regular diet, eating less may just screw up your metabolism more.
What I recommend is that you eat 4-6 small meals each day. Start your day with some fresh fruit, rather than a bowl of cereal. That will boost your energy for the day. If you don't normally eat anything in the morning, now is the time to start. It gets your body's metabolism started for the day.
You are doing a good thing by using the treadmill. It is probably because of that that you gained a pound. When you first start exercising a lot, you will often gain weight before you lose it. This is because you are building muscle. So, don't rely entirely on weight as an indicator of how you are doing. Take some measurements. Measure your upper arm, your bust, your waist (bend to the side, where the fold is is your true waist), the largest area of your stomach, your hips, and your thighs. Do this once a month and you will see progress. I learned this at Curves. I lost 2" each thigh in a month, as well as 1" in my waist and in my hips, but I only lost one pound. Because you are using the treadmill, you will likely see the progress in your legs first. You might want to look into a way to work the other parts of your body. I highly recommend a belly dance dvd. I found one at the library (always try the library first, since you can decide if you like the dvd before you buy it) by veena and neena that I really love. It should be easy to find. It works the whole body while helping you feel more feminine and having fun. Much better than just crunches and jumping jacks. Another thing I loved was martial arts. I would still be going if it didn't cost so much.
The main thing is to find something you enjoy so that you will stick with it. If you have a friend who will help you along the way, that is easier too. You are also likely to grow another couple inches. I grew about 3" between 13 and 16 years old. 130 is in the healthy range for 5'3". It is possible you just have to grow into your weight. In the meantime, you need to eat healthy and get into an exercise routine you will stick with so you can maintain your weight as you grow into it. And ignore the taunts. There must be something very good about you that they envy, otherwise they would just ignore you instead of teasing. So, keep that in mind and take care of yourself.
how often do you get discharge? is it just around when you are getting your period or is it daily no matter what? and if its only when you get your period, how long before you get your period do you get discharge? thanks.
Vaginal discharge is normal at pretty much any time. It will be heavier during ovulation, which is typically (but not always) right in the middle of your cycle. If you have frequent heavy discharge, it could be an indicator of a problem since the discharge is the body's way of cleaning up. If your discharge smells bad or is an off color, as opposed to clearish or whitish, that is a sign of a problem. Usually, with those cases, it is just a yeast infection or something and can easily be treated. If it is light, with the exception of ovulation, and doesn't smell really bad or have an odd color, it is nothing to worry about.
I was recently diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome after I haven't had my period in over a year. I started this new medicine two months ago to help get rid of the cyst on them and possibly get my period soon. anyways, i noticed a few days ago my nipples have been very tender and sore. when i was younger and actually got my period my nipples would get sore like this. I think i might be getting my period but im not too sure. Do you think maybe my medicine is working and maybe i could be getting my period? and if not, what else do you think it could be. thanks.
I am so sorry you are dealing with PCOS. What medication are you taking? I am on birth control pills to control my cysts. I have also had to have a laparoscopy to remove some cysts and scar tissue that were causing me immense pain.
Anyway, it sounds like you are getting pms. My nipples get so sore and I cramp like crazy. The cysts aggravate my cramps, making them worse. You should be getting your period. Of course, if you haven't been taking meds very long, you may just get pms-y symptoms for a little while without your period. After a while, those symptoms will mean your period is coming.
If you haven't found it already, there is a great site for those of us with PCOS. Go here: http://www.soulcysters.com/
I always try to curl my hair like that girl from high school musical's hair (gaberella?) and it never comes out as perfect as that. does anyone have advice or tips for curling your hair ( with a curling iron) thanks!
I know you are looking for advice on using a curling iron, but I have found my hair curls best with Wrap Snap and Go. It is inexpensive, easy to use, and you can even put them in at night before bed so that in the morning you take them out and have curls. I got them when I was playing Janet in Rocky Horror Picture Show and really needed easy curls. I didn't expect much out of them, but was pleasantly surprised. The curls are even, bouncy, and look great.
how long do you think a perfect sex should last,and please don't answer "as long as it should",i mean some girls say 30 min some say 20 min at lesat.and what is your ideal sex time?or what was the shortest sex period you had?
I have had amazing, I mean REALLY amazing sex that lasted only about 1/2 hour. I have had some great quickies (like 10 minutes). I have had marathon sex (over 3 hours) that was incredible. I have also had sex for each of those amounts of time that were really not so great. Each time is really individual. It depends on where, when, how, who, and how you feel at that time. It also depends on the skill of the lover, though sometimes, if it is the right atmosphere, that doesn't even matter so much.
One of my favorite times was probably my shortest. It must have been between 5 and 10 minutes. But you really can't expect marathon sex in a public bathroom.
In short, perfect sex has no time frame. Time is just one of many, many variables to consider.
Okay. So I'm in 8th Grade, and it's soo hard. And ontop of that I'm directing a show and I just finished doing Into the Woods Jr. Now, with the same company that did Into the Woods they're doing Hansel and Gretel and they seem to really like me there finally, I've been doing that company for years and I always got ensemble roles there. Now, the musical director wants me to audition for Hansel and Gretel, yet my Mom thinks I shouldn't and I don't know if I should. Auditions are in 5 days soo...yeh. Anyone who solves my problem gets a cookie.
I loved being in Hansel and Gretel. I was just an ensemble player, but it was such a fun show.
I practically grew up in the community theater and it was a wonderful part of my life. I think I learned more there than in school. Hansel and Gretel was my first show there.
But that is my experience. Do you find theater to add stress to your life, or do you find it relieves stress? For me, it was a relief. There was another girl who found it stressful and had ulcers by the time she was 11. She was pushed too hard by her parents and grandmother, so she just didn't enjoy it.
If I hadn't had theater, I might not have gotten through school or difficult family times. If it is like that for you, by all means audition. If you feel overwhelmed by everything and would rather focus on school for a while, then let the director know you will be taking a break and once you are more on track you will start working with them again.
I haven't heard of Into the Woods Jr. I loved Into the Woods. I saw it in college. It was beautifully done. What show are you directing, and how did you manage to start directing so young? Is it a youth group where the kids do everything? Just before I left HI, a group like that started. I managed to do one show with them, Cinderella Wore Combat Boots. I was Cinderella. It was so much fun! I do miss theater.
two days ago i kissed a guy who had mono...is it possible for me to already be having symptoms? or will they show in like a month...because i want to get tested to see if i have it but i dont know if it will show yet if i do have it??
Mono is highly contagious. I hugged a friend who had it and ended up rather sick. I would give it a few days and see if you start feeling sick or excessively tired. Then go to a doctor and get checked out.
According to webmd, you may not get symptoms at all. They have a guide on when to call a doctor, what to expect, and so on. Go here: http://www.webmd.com/hw/infection/hw168622.asp
Ok, the deal is my friend likes this guy and he told me he hates her, and she was going to ask him out, but i said not to because i didnt want her to get hurt, so she didnt, but then as a dare he asked her out. And i asked him wat was goin on , and he said he did it as aa joke, and now my friend thinkz they are a couple wen they arent, and he offered to take her out on saturday, but he isplanning on cancelling. And i dont know if i should tell her because she got mad at me last weak for telling her, and i am so not sure. Please help me. She really likes this guy. I need advice! Thankz u rok! :)
Tell her. Be ready to be yelled at. Know that she doesn't want to believe you and that is why she gets mad. She won't listen to you, but you need to tell her. When he proves you right, be there for her. Don't rub it in. No saying "I told you so."
If you don't tell her, she will find out you knew and be angry that you didn't warn her. You will have her mad either way. Telling her will blow over, not telling her can really hurt your friendship because you would have just let her get hurt without even trying to help (even though you did try before. This is kind of a new situation).
My sister punched my chest area really hard a couple minutes ago and it hurts like hell. D: I seriously started crying it hurt so much. I was wondering, will this do any damage or anything? Because I don't want to look like some sort of freak. Thanks. f/14
Did she hit you right between the breasts, just about where your bra is?
That is the solar plexus. It is a pressure point. It hurts like hell to hit there, even lightly. Unless you can't breath, you can probably assume there is no real damage. I have been hit there MANY times (I used to be in karate classes. We practiced hitting there). I have even been kicked there. I'm fine, years later.
Is there an age where your periods just stop? Like forever? I'm not talking about irregular periods... i'm talking about if you're 70 years old, do you still get your period?
13/f
My mother is 51 and beginning menopause. That is about the typical time frame.
Women also stop getting periods after a hysterectomy (getting the uterus removed, with or without the ovaries) or oopherectomy (getting just the ovaries removed). Those are done if there are problems that require removal, like cancer.
I have clever ideas for kissing me boyfriend, cuddling with him, or just clever, cute things to say to him. I have them in my head, however, when I go to say them I can't get the words out of my mouth! I seem to freeze up, I'm usually not nervous at all around him. How can I get over this?
It seems to me like you have over-thought it. That is a good way to get nervous. So, when you start feeling nervous, just take a deep breath and kiss him. The nerves won't last long.
Have you ever jumped off a high dive? I remember my first time doing that. I was so scared. I got to the top and was terrified. There were two ways down. The long slow way of going down the ladder, and the fast way of just jumping. So I did. That got it over with faster, and I found that it wasn't so scary after all.
Most things in life are like that. You can avoid them and continue to have nerves about them, or just jump in and enjoy the ride.
I'm a teenage g i r l who has been suicidal for 4 years.
I don't know what to do. I h a t e life so much because I have no reason to live. All I ever do is schoolwork and running around to different things. And I get yelled at. NO ONE loves me or cares if I draw another breath. No one.
If I had a significant other who was actually NOT an I wouldn't be suicidal.
I'm considered "obese" (5'3" and 169 lbs) and I'm SICK of going on diets, losing weight, and gaining it all back because of stress. So DON'T reccomend that I *try* to lose weight, because I'm sick of that. So don't even mention anything about losing weight.
I'm not fat because I'm a couch potato. I'm fat because I was born that way. I've never been thin. And I'll die a fatass. Just like I am now.
The things people say and the looks I get are just too much. "OH MY GOD SHE'S SO FAT" and other like that. I'm so pretty that I could get a boyfriend if I were thin.
How would you reccomend that I ? I need to do it really soon because I don't have a chance at getting a boyfriend. And I want to die because of it.
If you don't have L O V E in your life, you should die. Like me. NO one loves me so I'm going to next sunday at 12:00 pm if SOMEONE doesn't call me to ask me out. I'm sick of living and there's no reason to go on like this.
I attempted suicide once. Getting my stomach pumped wasn't fun. Though it did teach me how to suppress my gag reflex, which has since made my husband very happy.
I know, that was inappropriate. However, it is true and I do know how depression feels.
Right now, the last thing you need is a boyfriend. A boyfriend is not necessarily love in your life. Guys often do not understand depression and so a boyfriend right now will ultimately make you feel worse.
Right now, what you need is help. You do have love in your life. Everyone does. Many of us manage not to see it because of the cloud depression leaves us in.
Right now, you are the same height as I am and you weigh a good 12 pounds less. I get hit on all the time, now that I have changed my attitude.
How did I change my attitude? I attemted suicide.
No, I am not saying you should. It was a drastic measure in order to get help. You do not need suicide for that. You have already made your desperate call for help here. Now you are getting it.
Here is what you need to do. As someone who has been through the hell you describe, I expect you to do it.
Go to a doctor. If you can't get into a doctor right away, go to your phone book and find a mental health center. Call them right away and tell them what you told us.
You will be given antidepressants. They won't help for about two weeks. You will get frustrated, but you will keep taking them because I told you to and I know how it goes. After a couple weeks, the cloud will start to lift, but it won't go away completely.
Let your doctor know. Let your parents know. That last one is hard. They may tell you to just snap out of it. Let them know that depression is a real illness and you can't just snap out of it. Tell them you need them to be supportive and patient. If you can't do this, ask your doctor to. If you don't feel able to do that, write to me and I will do it. I am serious. I take depression more seriously than just about anything.
Follow your doctor's instructions. He or she can tell you what to do about your weight. If you have always been overweight, it could be because of a health issue. That could also be the root of your depression. Do what your doctor says.
After a while, it will seem like a long time but it really isn't, you will start to feel better about yourself. You will find the love you need, but it has to come from you.
In the meantime, know that I understand what you are going through and I do love you. I care about you because you were brave enough to put your cry for help here instead of in the emergency room. You don't want to end up there.
I expect to hear from you again so I know how you are doing.
Please understand that I am responding with the assumption that this is an honest plea for help. Some readers will see your question as a teen who just wants attention and is making all this up. I will agree that this is possible. However, if you are serious, please do what I said to do. I know how tough it is, but it is important.
EDITED TO ADD:
In your feedback to me, you ask how I could have depression with a husband. That is simple. Chronic depression is often the result of a chemical imbalance. Each person who has this imbalance reacts differently. We all feel we are missing something or doing something wrong. It is not necessarily the reality, though it sure feels like it.
I thought I was a screw up as a wife and mother, despite my child being very obviously happy and healthy.
You feel you are lacking love from another person and that a boyfriend or husband will help.
The problem for each of us is not what we see it as, and that is very difficult to understand. Even if we get what we think we need, our brains tell us something is still wrong. If you get a boyfriend, your brain will tell you he is not the right one even if he is perfect.
Once I got my brain's chemicals back in order, with medication, I was able to see that and then make amends for the times I was in fact screwing up.
You will find your own love for yourself and then you will shine in a way that will attract love from someone else. But first you need to take care of the imbalance inside. It is not your fault. It is not anyone's fault. It is often hereditary (that does not mean it is your mother's fault. If anyone, it is a distant ancestor).
Right now, take care of yourself. Take whatever you are prescribed. Do not miss doses. If I get off my meds, I fall back into depression and start feeling like a failure again. I have a hole in my bedroom door from a time when I was changing insurance and ended up missing a week of meds. I kicked it.
If you need more help, send me a note. I'll do what I can. It may not be much, but sometimes just knowing you are not alone can help.
AWESOME GRADES FROM SO-SO SCHOOL OR SO-SO GRADES FROM AWESOME SCHOOL?
what's the best? see i was thinking if i choose a school like UCLA (good repuation right?) but since everyone's so smart there i'd get so-so grades, or is it better to choose a so-so school where i'd get the best grades?? like lets say i want to becom a doctor, what would be best? do they look at your grades, or where you got your degree, or both? does anyone know??
Go to the school that suits you best. If you go to a great school but don't feel good there, you won't get much out of it. I could have gone to an ivy league school, based on my SAT scores and grades, but I didn't. I went to University of Northern Colorado. I couldn't have made a better decision. I got so much out of it, though pregnancy kept me from finishing (morning sickness in the middle of classes made things tough). I met some amazing people, including award winning authors. My professors were generally very good. One was even a Baron. I think I would have been miserable in a stuffy ivy league school, and I wouldn't have really learned anything.
So, if possible,go to the schools. Visit with professors in your desired field, walk around the campus, get a feel for the schools. If you can't visit the schools, call them and ask questions about things that are important to you, look at their websites and brochures and look up reviews of the schools. Go to the one you think will give you the best experience. You will have more fun, learn more, and get better grades. Also, don't be intimidated by the big schools like UCLA. To me, most didn't suit my personality (or my budget, for that matter). They may be just what you want. And if they do suit you, you will find that you will do well. The people you think are smarter than you may very well not be, or they will challenge you to push your own limits and do better.
i have no idea what to get my bf for his birthday. we will have been together 6 months & he`ll be turnin 17. hes not into sports or anything, but he plays guitar and likes the Fender brand.. soo i was thinkin about gettin him a Fender hoodie or something.. but i think he's already going to get one soon, and i think theyre pretty expensive anyway, and i dont have endless money. i dont want to get him cologne because he got me perfume for my birthday so i dont want to repeat that idea, and i cant cook so i cant fix him dinner or anything. i thought about the picture of us in a frame but i have to get a picture first, and i want to get him more than just that anyway. hope that helps! any ideas?
How about a book of tablature from his favorite band?
Another thought he might like is a themed gift. The theme is strings.
Get him some guitar strings.
Make a cd of some sexy music.
Wear a dress with spaghetti straps (more strings :))
Under the dress, more strings (g-strings :D)
So, make him a card that says something like "I want you to have a wonderful birthday, no strings attached"
Only, there is a string attached, going to his room, where you wait with the other gifts.
He will never forget a gift like that. And when he gets a broken guitar string, he will replace it with the ones you got him, which will remind him of the rest.
i'll make this short, how do i break my cell phone, like to the piont of no revival?
Why?
I agree with washing it. Put it in on the hot, heavy cycle. Get it into the dryer. Don't wash it with clothing you don't want damaged. The wash won't hurt the clothes, but the dryer could melt parts and then you would have phone parts permanently stuck to your clothing.
Or, you could leave it in a busy parking lot for an afternoon. A few cars should be able to kill it pretty well.
When my relationship with my bf first began he didn't open up to me that much. But I thought it was because our relationship had just started and I needed to give him some time. It has been 2 months now and he still doesn't open up to me. He's so cute and he's really nice, i don't want to have to let him go. I want to know how I can get him to open up more. What should I say? What should I do? Help please.
Most guys just don't open up well. I have been married 7 1/2 years to a man I have known for 13 years now, almost half my life. We started therapy last June. It was only then that he really started to be more open with me. Still not as open as I would like, but I can't really expect too much. Guys just aren't wired that way. Most guys don't think like girls do. They think they are being open, but to us it doesn't seem like it. If it is an important thing you need him to open up about, talk to him specifically about that. Otherwise, give him space when he needs it and be available for when he does want to talk. You can also tell him what you think being open is and then, talking pleasantly with him, you can come to a compromise so that he won't feel uncomfortable or like you are demanding to much out of him and you will feel like he is being more open. But don't expect him to open up about everything. Besides, do you really want to know everything about any guy? There are some things I learned from having guy friends that I would just rather not have known :)