A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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i'm 16yrs old, &&' my mom found out that i smoke marijuana. I told my cousin, my cousin told her mom, and her mom told my mom. She's all crying and stuff, because she found out. My mom and dad both smoke marijuana, so i don't see why she cares. My mom isn't like a regular mom, she asked me why i didn't tell her. And it's because hes not the mom to talk about sex or stuff like that. I just yelled at her to get out of my room, when she asked me why i didnt tell her. Now i'm mad because i thought she knew all the times i came home and smelt like it. And i'm afraid she'll tell my dad. What do i do? please help in any way! (link)
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You need to talk to her. You need to keep yourself as calm as you can and try to figure this out as a family.
The easiest way I can explain it is this.
Adults do things that they do not allow their children to do. They do these things this way because their children are not fully formed individuals. Your parents have made thier choices and have set themselves up enough in life that they already have success. They are supporting themselves and have managed to raise a daughter to 16 years of age. They have earned the right and proved both to themselves and others that they can handle the responsibility of maintaining their own lives while having a habit.
You havent done these things. You havent gotten to a point in your life where you CAN do these things yet. Parents dont want teens like you smoking weed because while they have the perspective and experience to keep a habit in check, they dont know if the same can be said about you. You arent old enough to have proven that you can be effective in life while allowing yourself vices.
The reason we have age limits in society for intoxicants, and tobacco, and things like that is that a certain level of life experience and maturity is required to make what society deems responsible decisions in regards to them.
They want to know that you can handle your life without drugs before you start injecting drugs into your life, basically.
Im explaining this so that you understand WHY your mother cares that you do, and why she more than likely does not want you doing it. She doesnt know if you can do it safely, if you can keep yourself under control and not let it affect you badly. And she doesnt want to risk the impact a mistake could have on your life.
Thats why you need to have a talk. And you yourself need to be open minded. Your parents obviously think that as an overall moral and life choice that weed isnt evil or anything like that. You need to explore as a family the risks, the costs,benefits, and your readiness to begin acting more like an adult.
Keep something in mind. Your parents are your safety net. They love you, and they want the best for you. Sometimes you and they will disagree on what is best for you, and how to get there. While you still are under 18, while you live under their roof and they provide you that safety net, it is your responsibility to respect that. So if they want you to stop and you refuse, respect their house and keep yourself safe enough that they never find out you disagree.
If you are going to disobey your parents in this do it so well that you never get caught, and keep an eye on yourself that you dont fuck up your own life. Because if you take on the responsibility alone you should be confident that you can handle it alone.
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So, my mom seriously doesn't approve of me being a vegetarian. She believes in eating all food categories to be healthy and blah blah. Well, I've been a vegetarian for almost 5 months now and I'm well and healthy and enjoying it. Well, my mom still opposes it and views it as an unhealthy thing. I've tried to get it through her head that I can still get the nutrients I'm missing from omitting meat out of my diet. But at times, she keeps on saying stupid things about me being a veg and vegetarianism and sometimes they just want to make me cry. And she absolutely opposes me becoming a vegan in the future. She thinks that I need meat, chicken, seafood, blah blah to be healthy to keep studying hard and I really don't. I'm getting all my protein and vitamins and etc with other foods. I know that I can't change her views on this because I've tried to do that a long time ago for almost 2 years straight. I just need to know how to get over what she says and no let it effect me. I really do enjoy being a veg and look forward to being a vegan in the future. And I really need to learn how to get over my mom's words.
15/f (link)
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This is a consequence of how she was raised.
I learned to cook BBQ when I was 7. My family used to hunt and fish a fair amount. Ive grown up on meat. I love meat. Adore it. Dont think there is anything wrong with it as long as its sanitary and well cooked.
Your mother is probably somewhat the same.
Similarly, If I get vegetarian kids its going to make me sad. Because I literally do love meat, and not being able to share that with my kids will be a blow. Not being able to teach them how to cook a steak, or prepare salmon, or even how to make sushi.
Understand that your mother doesnt understand the desire. She just doesnt get it. It doesnt really click for people like us. Just tell her that a vegetarian diet is capable of being every bit as nutritious as a diet with meat in it, and beyond that it is your personal choice in lifestyle. Ask her to respect it.
Also, dont try to convince her that meat it unnecessary. To a degree, it is for people like us. Its what we like, its what we're used to, and nothing and no one will ever convince me that just because I can survive without meat that I should ever consider doing so. Just try to convince her that neither of you is going to agree, and thats perfectly fine, and a live and let live policy is an absolutely wonderful idea.
All of this has made me hungry. Im going to go make a salad.
With ham ;-P
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I don't know if I should have sex with my b/f. He's 17 and I'm 15. Usually guys older pressure you to have sex. I dont think he's trying to harm me in any kind of way. I just feel like that's about all he wants is some sex. I'm not ready for sex. I dont want to lose him. I know if he really cares then i wont lose him. But he's tired of waiting . Help??? (link)
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Every guy is tired of waiting. Every guy wants sex. That isnt going to change. Hes going to be horny, so let him be horny and dont worry so much about it.
Its not your responsibility to provide him your virginity because hes tired of playing pocket pool. If you do not feel that you are ready do not compromise on it. I promise you he is not worth the bad memories.
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I am really sad right now because well I'm 14. That gives you a good idea of what my life is like. Well I have a sister and she's 17. I love here to death but I hate her at the same time. The problem is guys of course. The guys that like her are like 16 or 17. So they're a lil' bit older. I just feel ugly because guys are always paying attention to her and not me. Is it because of the three years? They are just in love with her. they dont even know I'm alive. I dont think I'm pretty but I'm not ugly. Just average. People tell me all the time that I'm really pretty but when I take pictures of myself all I see is an ugly person. So I really do believe guys think I'm really ugly. They dont even talk to me. I just want to know why or how this is happening??? I dont really want a boyfriend just want guys to talk to me. (link)
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Any guy who is interested in your sister is going to show you little or no attention specifically because the last thing you want a girl you are interested in to think is that youre after her little sister too.
If you want guys to talk to you, smile at them. It doesnt have to be a huge grin, just a small smile. Something that says "hi, I noticed you"
Guys respond, even unconciously, to girls like that. Works both ways, actually. Ive gotten more dates by catching the eyes of a girl and smiling at her without looking away. It shows interest and confidence.
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Hi 14/m i am a freshman in high school and my first day was today.I met this girl in my math class she just moved here from Australia and she is kinda shy so hasn't made many friends. And i like her and was wondering what i should do to impress her. I sit right next to her soo yeah we talk a lot. Girls, what do u like to talk about with guys and what gets u goin, (if you know what i mean ;)lol) Please help me, even f it's a simple answer. Thanks!!! (link)
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Talk to her.
Ask her questions and listen to her. Dont interrupt her with "that story from your life that what she said reminded you of"
Show interest. Ask about her home, if shes just moved then she will love the chance to talk about home. General "whats it like" questions are enough usually to get the ball rolling.
Also. While it can be tempting to spend as much time around her as possible, its far better to just "see" each other. When I was in high school I had a number of friends who would always make the mistake of walking a girl to every class, meeting them for lunch, finding them before and after school. Its a better idea to just pass in the hallways a few times a day and talk to her in class and either before or after school.
Once youve had a few conversations if you wanna ask her to a movie or something, go for it.
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Ok, here's the story. When I was younger, I thought of God as an invisible being that always watched you and could do anything he wanted. So i'd always say "yes I believe in god". But as I grew older, people who don't believe in God have pointed things out to me. I mean it was MAN who wrote the bible, and MAN who wrote the ten commandments. who's to say man didn't make it all up? One of my frieds once pointed out that "man does not like the thought of nothing after death, so the created an afterlife to believe in instead". Another person that doesn't believe in God said "he is just like Santa Claus, used to make children be good". These seem like pretty realistic remarks to me. Plus there is no "proof" that he does exist right? People who believe in him just say "the feeling is truly wonderful". I have asked God to come into my heart many times, but I never feel any different. Does this make me Atheist? (link)
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See, thats the thing.
Because thats what people do. They use things.
You know, Santa Clause is really St. Nicholas. A real person once upon a time who did things for children (I dont know if the random gift giving is exactly the way he went about it)
I believe in God. Ive had a few moments in my life where I felt touched. They have always been times when I felt I was guarded, I cant really explain it much better than to put out an example.
I was hit by a car when I was on a bike. The car was going 30 MPH and I not only lived, I walked away without more than a few scratches. When I was riding, all I can say is a little voice told me to jump on the bike. I knew exactly what it meant and that I had to do what it said right then. Then I got hit by a car, went over the hood and through the windshield where the driver stopped me. He had to go to the hospital, I got a few cuts on my arms and back from the glass.
Now, Im not saying that its not possible that was me. That somehow a part of my brain realized the danger I was in and sent my mental systems into turbo mode to get me moving before I was even conciously aware of the car or the danger I was in. Humans can do some amazing things.
But to me, that definitely does NOT feel like what it was. I know my own mental voice. I dont sound like that in my head.
Everyone has their own testimony. Everyone has their own struggle with faith.
But a word edgewise.
People have been using religion to their advantage for thousands of years. When you arent of some kind of royal powerful lineage, religion is the absolute easiest way to power in the ages pre-revolutionary.
Its not outside the realm of the possibility (and personally I think it could be charted as history some day) that the bible and religious texts and many things have been manipulated so that truth would serve individuals in power.
Thats the way the world has always worked. Theres no reason to think that the bible is exempt from it.
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18-f
when i was 13 i was medicated more then what i think i should of been until the age of 15 when i refused to take any of it anymore. i smoke pot daily because it feels like somethings missing i feel so empty inside and i dont know what it is i need to get that feeling of nothing away. i just sit there smoking pot and staring at myself in the mirror and occasionly i see myself in some ones elses body which freaks me out i dont know whats reality i feel im dead imaganing and living my life as tho i was still alive i dont know whats wrong with me please im desprate
and if im still alive i blame the doctors because theyd caused this problem. (link)
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I think you need to seriously consider therapy. Honestly, no one on this website is probably going to give you good advice for coping with something like that and working out solutions.
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I had been a 4 year relationship.... he just said he "had enough" last week. It was constant fighting and those stupid little break ups every week...for some reason though, we always got back together and I really did love him a lot...he was definetely the bad boy type, and I was the "smart girly" type I guess you could say...he and I both had our shares of infidelity, though I made my mistakes early on, and he carried them out until January of this year...he's been physical at times and apparently I've been a bitch at times...my grandmother is very ill right now and he's basically abandoned me....why can't I get over him and have the urge to call so bad...how can I overcome this? (link)
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Get a hobby.
One of the biggest things you feel you've lost is time when you get out of a relationship like that. The person occupied solid, concrete parts of your daily, weekly, monthly schedule. That time is now time with nothing to do. You need to fill it.
Getting a hobby is a good idea because it gives you something to focus on, and to pour your energy into. At the same time, it helps you avoid jumping into a rebound relationship and hurting yourself further and someone else along the way.
Occupying the mind allows you to put some distance between your emotions and yourself and sort through things with a clearer head. Sometimes the best way to recover from something is to just buy yourself time to heal.
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ok so i have a boyfriend and hes great but we fight A TON and like i love him so much, but he invited me over last night and i said that i would and then he ditched all of his friends to hangout with me.. i decided that i didnt really want to.. so like an hour before i was supposed to get there i told him that i couldnt go anymore becasue my mom was being mean. so like i went to a highschool football game and saw 2 guys that my boyfriend thinks that i like.. and they asked if thye could come over and me not thinking i said yeah. and they came over and my boyfriend found out.. his friends are all pissed off at me and now he is, he wont answer my texts or phone calls and i dont want to lose him but i kno hes probably going to brekaup with me but idk what to do.. please reply back fast.. i really need some good stuff to say to him
Thanks SooooOoo much
(link)
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Explain the situation, apologize for forgetting him, and tell him you're sorry and you had a brain fart.
Seriously, its not that big a deal. My girlfriend and I forget about things involving each other occasionally, we get angry and bitch each other out, and then get over it.
One forgetful moment doesnt make a pattern and doesnt make you a bad girlfriend.
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what is the normal duration during sex,including foreplay and oral sex? i have a friend that said six hours,is that even possible?
and besides the average sex duration,what would be a good time length during sex so it's not too long or too short?asuming the sex is good (link)
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Sex is complete when both partners are as satisfied as they want to/can resonably be.
Somtimes you have a nice, long drawn out session with lots of foreplay.
Sometimes you have a nice, short bent-over-the-washer-in-the-laundry-room 3 minute quickie.
Depends on the people.
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I'm 15 years old and my parents seem to be calling it quits. I say seem to because my father had just told my mother that he would decide in a week whether he wanted to leave or not. My mother constantly tells us it's not my sister and mine's fault but my Dad... well he constantly tells my sister and I that mom is just a terrible person and that she doesn't appreciate us. I don't know what to think or do. What do I do if they finally split?
Thanks in advance (link)
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You realize that if your parents marriage is failing that it is both of their faults, and that they are both people. You also realize that there was some level of incompatibility between them that neither could overcome so in a way its also kind of neither of their faults.
Your parents are human. Some humans just cant work well with other humans. They can still be good people separately.
I dont know what your mom is like. But if your father is saying things that you and your sister dont agree with ask him to stop and tell him that if he and your mother are going to get a divorce you dont want it to be any harder to love or respect either of them. That should zip him up pretty quickly.
Be understanding, because this is probably just as fucked and traumatic for them as it is for you. Unfortunately you kind of get shafted in the process, but generally when people actually go through with a divorce it was the best choice. For everyone involved.
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16/m/uk..
My girlfriend of 17months.. we sort of fell into a really really rough patch and we were both thinking of ending things.. i really dont wanna let her go.. i love her to much to do it..
but to me it seems like its wat she wants... i only want 4 her 2 b happy wether thats with or without me..
Basically we have decided to go on a break for around 2 months and act as just friends and see how we feel after the 2 months and decide wether to end it properly or get back together...
Its only been 2 days into this little break and already its killing me.. i cant stop thinkin about her.. shes all i eva think about.. the only person i wanna txt/see... im crazy in love with her!
Im so scared at the end of the 2 months she isnt gonna wanna get back with me..
When i talk 2 her now she seems so happy and fine without me.. and it kills me... i can barely hold a conversation with her anymore without feeling depressed..
I keep asking myself "why is she so happy without me yet im dying without her?"
Should i be cutting down on things i usually do 2 show her what she will be missing.. or show her what a great bf i can be so she will want to come back?
Is there anything i can do to help feeling how i feel - depressed all the time..
Appreciate any help..
Sanj (link)
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As hard as it is, you need the break.
You are clingy. Its not neccesarily a horrible way to be...
I can relate to your girlfriend, and my girlfriend is very similar to you. She clings. Sometimes a little too hard. That makes me push her away.
Sometimes, I have to take a break. Not from the relationship, but sometimes I just have to tell her that I need a few hours away from her. Its just what I need as a more emotionally independent person to keep myself sane. And it hurts her sometimes when I have to do this, but if I didnt the relationship would fall apart on my end.
Give her her space, dont crowd her too much. But if you really dont want to let her go, tell her so. Tell her that you changed your mind, you dont think that you need a few months, but that shes welcome to take more time if she needs it.
In the future, when you get pissed at each other, you both just need to work on stopping yourselves earlier and not letting things devolve into a fight. My girl and I are past the 2.5 year mark and we had some problems with that earlier in the summer. We'd feed off each other's anger and fights about stupid shit would get blown way out of proportion.
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I had sex two weeks ago yesterday. My period starts on the 21...it's the 25th and I haven't had it.. (link)
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How many secks does it take to get to the center of the you're-pregnant pops?
Only a pregnancy test knows for sure.
Sorry I didnt sleep much.
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15/f. I'm always sad. And I have no reason to be. I have friends, my parents are still together, I get things that I really want and need, my parents give me attention, people are nice to me, I get good grades...All that good stuff. You know? Nothing missing. But I'm just so upset. Everyday. Sometimes I have outbursts of happiness. But they usually last for as much as one hour. Now, as a sophomore, I have these feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and sadness. I know I need to see a therapist, but my parents strongly disapprove, saying I don't need one. I used to cut myself just to get attention from people that weren't even my real friends. I even have thoughts of suicide. I feel like I'm in jail, you know? I'm always anxious and stressed and I rarely ever make plans with people anymore. I can't stand being alone. And I need [CRAVE] attention and affection to make my days (from people other than my parents), otherwise, it's like "what the hell am I living for?"
This all seems really ridiculous to me. I have never had any type of trauma. I've never been raped/molested etc...I'm just so f-ing confused.
What can I do? :\ What makes people happy? (link)
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One of two options.
1) Its a bio-chemical thing. Its possible that there is some kind of chemical or hormonal imbalance somewhere in your body that can be medically corrected.
2) Life-stressor. Something in life that you have not yet identified (or a lack of something in life) is making you feel this way.
You should talk to your parents. Tell them that you are having serious depression issues and you think you need to speak to a psychiatrist. This is beyond your parents, you might also want to try a counselor at school. The counselor will help you out and if you explain that your parents arent taking things as seriously as you are the counselor will be good for explaining to your parents that this is something they should take seriously.
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Okay well im going into 9th grade and my boyfriend is going into 7th. And hes just not like a little kid. Hes so mature and so sweet, and i really like him, and hes always there for me, but i was wondering does anybody think that its weird that im dating a 7th grader? (link)
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By and large the trend is that guys are attracted to younger girls and girls are attracted to older guys.
Something about it in the extreme subconcious.
So, is it weird? In the sense of attraction like yours doesnt happen often it isnt ordinary.
But theres nothing wrong with it.
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i like this guy chris a whole lot.
he treats me like no one ever has before,
and i have been treated pretty well.
theres only one problem..
i'm 15.. and he's 26..
we met through my friend michelle.
michelle is in some kindof youth club and chris went one day because he's friends with the club leader.
chris tells me all the time that he loves me.
we've been talking for a whileee now.
and i keep liking him more.
he looks as if he's about 17,
so when he comes to the house and my friends see him,
we just say he's 17.
we've hooked up, and i really like him.
i have no idea what to do because he wants to be my boyfriend, but i know that we couldnt do that.
even just hookinh up with him is illegal.
please help! (link)
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Be careful.
Someone answered that sex is illegal. This is not strictly true.
Statuatory rape would be actual intercourse, and yes that is illegal.
Oral sex might be illegal in your state if you are in the US. In a case like yours if the DA is an ass he would throw that in.
Indecency with a minor is another offense. Anything other than a close mouthed kiss could be considered indecency with a minor. If he touches your breasts, inner thighs, vaginal area, and there are witnesses he could be brought up on this charge. He doesnt even have to touch you. Depending upon the judge, jury, and prosecutor he could be found guilty on indecency or at least charged and harassed with it for conversations or interactions that the court deems to be "adult"
The three above could all have the potential of ending him up on a sexual offender database. Believe me when I say that this could ruin his life. If a background check brings that up you probably arent going to get a decent job anywhere. Even finding a house or apartment could be difficult.
Contributing to the delinquency of a minor is another offense. This one is less serious, because it covers other things like giving a minor cigarettes or other things like that. This would just be a pain to deal with and cost him money.
Depending upon your state, county, and city penal codes its possible that there are other offenses they could pin on him. Courts usually enjoy throwing more than one criminal charge at an offender hoping that you wont fight any of them and just go with probation and pay them money, because you dont want to chance winning on all but one offense and then getting a harsher punishment than you agree to with a guilty plea.
It would be a serious blow to a 26 year old to have to deal with this. Keep in mind that regardless of how mature you, him, or even your parents consider you personally to be, in the eyes of a court at 15 you are a child who needs to be protected from yourself and from people like him. Ive seen courts prosecute even when someone his age had the parents permission and against the wishes of the parents of the girl your age.
Now that we've covered the illegality, the relationship.
You like him. He likes you. Im not going to judge either of you harshly, but its not a great idea. He is 26. He is either in school, or working. You are still in high school with 2-3 years to go and hopefully college after that.
He should be more mature than you are. By far. In a real relationship this is going to cause problems until YOU are in your mid 20s. If he is not, thats another problem with him entirely and will cause you problems from your 20s until you get rid of him. Either way, this relationship probably isnt going to turn out well. Age differences of this magnitude... well there comes a point where age is definitely NOT just a number.
You like him. Be his friend. Do not be his girlfriend. And for his sake, dont do any more "hooking up" with him. It could get him in alot of trouble and if he isnt mature enough to realize and respect that then you need to be the mature one and say "no"
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Our friend, "Jake," and my husband have helped each other out for years. Jake repairs our cars; my husband helps him out with his computer needs.
The last time we had trouble with our car, Jake said he'd look at it. He called later and said we needed new brakes, some adjustments, and that some of the fluids needed to be changed. He estimated the cost would be about $200.
When Jake finished the repairs, he brought our car back (instead of our picking it up like we usually do) and left a bill in the car for $400 -- $100 for brakes and fluids, $300 for labor.
We were shocked. Jake never charged for his labor before, and my husband has never charged Jake for working on his computer. We contacted a nearby auto repair shop to compare prices, and they quoted less than Jake charged us. Now we don't know what to say or do. Help! (link)
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300 for labor for replacing brakes and break fluids?
Tell your husband to talk to Jake. It might be that Jake kind of needs the money and didnt have any choice or something of that nature. Not really sure on that one. But 400 for brakes and fluid is absolutely ridiculous, my old body shop (which gave me something of a discount on labor) did that for about 160 including parts. 300 for labor would be something in the neighborhood of 75-100 dollars an hour.
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When we were in our 20s, my best friend "Debbie" was an actress in several movies and television shows. Then she married, started a family and retired to be a stay-at-home mom. However, when she was just starting out and was desperate for work, she had a nude role in a movie. It wasn't pornography, but it was graphic.
Her sons are now in high school and college.
Last week, I was searching for her new e-mail address and did a Web search on the Internet. I found several pictures of her that had been taken on the movie set -- and those pictures could definitely be called pornographic.
I doubt if Debbie knows they exist, much less have been posted on the Internet. She is not much of a Net surfer, but her sons are. Should I tell her? Or should I keep my mouth shut and hope for the best? (link)
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Agreed with the below.
Tell her. She will appreciate it and as said below if they are pictures possibly taken without her permission and posted without her permission they are something that she should be able to have removed if nothing else than by court order.
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I need a non biasis answer. Is pot actually bad for you? I do not smoke, and I do not believe that I will ever. Someone close to me does and seeing that person high botheres me. To hear them talk about, be around it, or etc. bothers me. I think its wrong.. maybe I think its wrong because its against the law buuut I know its legal in other parts of the world.. so they wouldn't make it legal if it harmed you, would they? I just need some good advice on this... Am i overreacting when bothered about pot? (link)
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This question has two answers. One is an answer to "Is pot, as a substance, dangerous to you" and the other is "Is pot, as a habit, dangerous to you"
::Edit::
Three answers, sorry. The third is "is pot, as an illegal substance, bad for you"
The answer to that is "probably"
Because pot is illegal (Im assuming that you are in the US) it can be very bad. Marijuana arrests, even a probation that does not leave you with a record can be expensive and will show up on some background checks.
Doing things that are illegal, for better or worse, is a generally bad idea. It can be done safely, and with pot especially MANY people do it. But the consequences if you are that one in a hundred or a thousand or even ten thousand who gets screwed can fuck your life up pretty badly.
You can lose support of family, or simply have your relationships with them damaged. It can hurt friendships, hurt you financially, and depending on the situation having an association with marijuana can have bad effects with schools or jobs in the future.
::/Edit::
The substance itself.
Marijuana has nearly 5 times the amount of carcinogens, however it is usually smoked in much smaller amounts even for a daily or "chronic" user and so it balances out to a pot habit is probably about as bad for you as smoking a few cigarettes to about half a pack a day. This is again, assuming daily use.
Other effects, marijuana impairs judgment somewhat, it impairs reflexes, it makes it difficult to convert short term (less than 30 seconds) memory into long term (retained for more than 30 seconds)
It does not cause brain damage. As far as we know it causes no major medical issues that cigarettes do not cause as well (and some of these can be eliminated though various methods such as vaporization of THC or consuming via THC laden foods/drinks)
Pot, as a habit -
Heres where the damage occurs. As with anything in life, too much pot can do terrible things to a persons life. If someone is an addictive personality, they can fixate upon something like marijuana to an extremely unhealthy degree so that pot becomes somewhat the center of their lives. Fortunately, pot is not chemically addictive (you dont go through withdrawls) but any habit can be addictive. Video games (espcially Online ones like Counter Strike or World of Warcraft), sex, gourmet food, drugs, alcohol, even work.
A comment on teenaged smoking. All of the side effects I have described are in healthy adults. Marijuana can have many more varying effects on youngsters, teens, and preteens that are difficult to prove medically.
Marijuana use among younger people can lead to lapses of judgment in trying other things that ARE more dangerous. Chronic use during the teen or preteen years could have unknown effects on physical development, but more importantly it can have serious impacts on mental, emotional, etc development. A child is meant to learn to handle adult motivations when they are younger.
The teen years, specifically, are a time when children learn adult judgment. They begin to experience adult emotions. This isnt just in reference to sexuality; when you hit puberty your emotional range increases. You can become more angry, more upset, more happy than you could before. Smoking pot in some ways eases emotional levels. You might have heard people describe pot as "mellow". This is because it suppresses some intensity of emotion. If you are sad, pot can make you less so. Fortunately as with many drugs pot synergizes with your own natural chemicals that cause happiness (endorphins, seratonin) and so its easier to be happy on pot than upset.
The problem comes in, that if people start using substances early, its very easy to fall into a habit of using those substances to help mange or cope with the intense emotions you begin experiencing when you are younger. Without learning to control them yourself, you are left without vital tools needed in the adult world outside the controlled conditions of middle/high school and your parents house.
Pot can also inhibit learning. Both the desire for and the abilty to. Some things in life and school require an intense concentration that someone who is always high probably cant achieve. Learning isnt as fun as playing halo, so why do your chemistry? Why learn calculus? Why improve your writing skills with that enlish paper?
Overall, I would say that pot before 18-20 is a very bad idea. Before then you are in an area of your life where you are still learning to be an adult, still growing in mind and body. It is supremely important for a person's growth that this development occur independent of crutches. Someone who learns to cope with loss, happiness, sadness, anger, etc on their own or with the help of friends will be IMMENSELY better off than someone who learns to use pot, alcohol, or even other things like antidepressants to do the same.
But that gets into my theories into how America (both our adults and children) are severely overmedicated for every day problems. Using substances to cope is not a unique feature of teens and personally I think all the pharmaceutical drugs and things proscribed for conditions are just as bad as substances as far as addiction and dependency go. I was a child raised partly on Ritalin and I remember comments from my parents about how I was not a happy child, and actually quite morose and generally not in a great mood for the years I was taking that shit. But then, I was a child who was diagnosed with ADD before it was all the rage and everyone and their mother was being diagnosed with it and medicated for it, so my parents didnt have other's experiences to go on when they decided to put me on it.
Basically, being dependent on anything other than yourself and at times the people in your life is a very bad thing. At least in my personal opinion.
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would a guy be completely grossed out and turned off if he's hooking up with someone, and when he goes to finger her, she's super wet? haha is that normal? mmk thanks so much :] (link)
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Quite the opposite, normally.
If a guy makes a comment about how wet you are, just reply with "You do that to me" or something of that nature and hes probably going to like that. Alot.
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