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is he too old?
i like this guy chris a whole lot.
he treats me like no one ever has before,
and i have been treated pretty well.
theres only one problem..
i'm 15.. and he's 26..
we met through my friend michelle.
michelle is in some kindof youth club and chris went one day because he's friends with the club leader.
chris tells me all the time that he loves me.
we've been talking for a whileee now.
and i keep liking him more.
he looks as if he's about 17,
so when he comes to the house and my friends see him,
we just say he's 17.
we've hooked up, and i really like him.
i have no idea what to do because he wants to be my boyfriend, but i know that we couldnt do that.
even just hookinh up with him is illegal.
please help!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Be careful.
Someone answered that sex is illegal. This is not strictly true.
Statuatory rape would be actual intercourse, and yes that is illegal.
Oral sex might be illegal in your state if you are in the US. In a case like yours if the DA is an ass he would throw that in.
Indecency with a minor is another offense. Anything other than a close mouthed kiss could be considered indecency with a minor. If he touches your breasts, inner thighs, vaginal area, and there are witnesses he could be brought up on this charge. He doesnt even have to touch you. Depending upon the judge, jury, and prosecutor he could be found guilty on indecency or at least charged and harassed with it for conversations or interactions that the court deems to be "adult"
The three above could all have the potential of ending him up on a sexual offender database. Believe me when I say that this could ruin his life. If a background check brings that up you probably arent going to get a decent job anywhere. Even finding a house or apartment could be difficult.
Contributing to the delinquency of a minor is another offense. This one is less serious, because it covers other things like giving a minor cigarettes or other things like that. This would just be a pain to deal with and cost him money.
Depending upon your state, county, and city penal codes its possible that there are other offenses they could pin on him. Courts usually enjoy throwing more than one criminal charge at an offender hoping that you wont fight any of them and just go with probation and pay them money, because you dont want to chance winning on all but one offense and then getting a harsher punishment than you agree to with a guilty plea.
It would be a serious blow to a 26 year old to have to deal with this. Keep in mind that regardless of how mature you, him, or even your parents consider you personally to be, in the eyes of a court at 15 you are a child who needs to be protected from yourself and from people like him. Ive seen courts prosecute even when someone his age had the parents permission and against the wishes of the parents of the girl your age.
Now that we've covered the illegality, the relationship.
You like him. He likes you. Im not going to judge either of you harshly, but its not a great idea. He is 26. He is either in school, or working. You are still in high school with 2-3 years to go and hopefully college after that.
He should be more mature than you are. By far. In a real relationship this is going to cause problems until YOU are in your mid 20s. If he is not, thats another problem with him entirely and will cause you problems from your 20s until you get rid of him. Either way, this relationship probably isnt going to turn out well. Age differences of this magnitude... well there comes a point where age is definitely NOT just a number.
You like him. Be his friend. Do not be his girlfriend. And for his sake, dont do any more "hooking up" with him. It could get him in alot of trouble and if he isnt mature enough to realize and respect that then you need to be the mature one and say "no"
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It's only illegal if you have sex, otherwise Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy. I'm not trying to give you bad advice, but regardless of what anyone tells you, you'll keep dating him, because that's just what your heart wants. The only thing is him telling you he loves you, and you've only hooked up. It's a dirty mature-man trick to get what he wants, it's not new, but if you think YOU'RE mature enough to handle him, I think you should follow your heart [specially if your family accepts him, that's almost impossible to find these day]. Hope i helped.
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11 years difference is a very wide gap.
Although I believe in love regardless of age, that belief gets caught with my paranoia and the disability to trust people easily.
It is pretty much illegal and when other people find out, no matter how pure it is between you guys, they're going to assume the worst: you're naive, he's a pervert. And though that doesn't sound like the case, people are set in their own ways, which are hard to change at times.
I think that you should just cool it with this guy for now, or for 3 more years >.> Just be his friend or best friend. Then maybe in 3 years if you still have the same feelings for him, go for it. But until you're a legal adult, I suggest you stay friends with him and no more. You'll get yourself and him in trouble.
Good luck =)
15/f
Emily
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