Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
Visitors: 29748
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We're both reasonably young, in our teens and we're both guys. It doesn't really bother me, but thinking psychologically, people'd definitely react more violently for the reason that we're both guys, and not because we do blowjobs. Personally, I dont like him and he doesn't like me back, romantically that is. We just do it for fun since we've nothing better to do (I expect advice not judgement :P). Also, just for further details, we don't have any kind of disease and we never do it with one having a cold sore. (link)
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No there is nothing wrong with it at all. Violent reactions come about as some people see it as homosexual behaviour (even if there is no romantic/emotional connection at all, as in your case). And some people are simply homophobic. The degree can vary from 'not really liking the idea' to outright hostility. It raises the issue that while it is up to us what we do or don't do, the reaction of others is not subject to our control or approval. It is and always will be, their choice. From a practical point of view, if you suspect that mentioning it to certain people will be rather like waving the proverbial red flag to a bull and provoke a hostile reaction, don't mention it to those particular people at all.
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So my question is can black girl get any disease in Portugal and if can whick and can she convey them to other people? (link)
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You can catch/contract a bacterial or viral ilnesses like the common cold and flu, or say a kidney or bladder infection in any country at any time, including your own. And as dragonflymagic says, a system used to very clean water and foods prepared and cooked in it may have problems with water and food in countries where the water is not of such a high standard. The 'locals', having derived an imunity and tolerance can handle it except in extreme cases. Thus, travel agents and websites suggest bottled water. As far as I'm aware, Portugal is not on any sort of blacklist for water quality. And I cannot recall any endemic serious/fatal diseases, or epidemic outbreaks either. Portugal has a thriving tourist trade and many people visit each year. Contagion (conveying illness) is illness-specific. Flu is highly contagious, and can be passed simply by breathing the same are as someone afflicted, or by handling surfaces which may have been sneezed or coughed on by someone who wasn't even present. Ebola requires body contact of some description, simple sweat can transfer it. Things like hepatitis-B and HIV require exchange of live body fluids (blood, semen, vaginal fluids) and is thus only transmitted by penetrative sex or (very rarely these days) a transfusion of infected blood. Though saliva (spit) does not support the virus. It is strictly speaking very low-caontagion, requiring intimate contact. Compare ebola, where just touching somebody infected without protective gear is enough. So 'a disease' is a bit open-ended and non-specific. Identify which diseases which concern you and look them up on a reputable medical website is the best bet. But keep in mind that Portugal is certainly not some sort of notorious 'plague country' where your chances of catching something are heightened. You would not need any special inoculating injections (aka 'jabs')if you were considering a holiday in Portugal.
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Hi.. :) I wanted your advice and opinion on this: I have my bst friend and she is black and i am white but i love her sooo much and to me skin colour doesnt mean anything,i'll love her no matter what.So she asked me to slipover at her house.But she's been recently back home(bc she moved 3 years ago at my country) and my mom doesnt give because i might get some disease(my mom is nurse).I think its just stupid and maybe she's just carrying for me but she cant do that forever. My freinds asked so many times to sleep over at her house but i always gave her some stupid excuses but acully my mom didnt gave me.. Please please help me i dont know what to do.. I really want to slepover at her house.... :( :/ (link)
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Was the country she returned to one of those involved in the recent ebola epidemic? I know there was a lot of worry over this in the UK where I live. Regarding the movements of people from the stricken areas, including fears that aid workers returning to the UK might spread the disease. Being a healthcare professional, and thus at the frontline as you might say, possibly your mum's awareness was greatly heightened and she is still on a sort of mental 'red alert' regarding contagious diseases? It's easy to get into a mindset like this, especially if we are a bit prone to this way of thinking. A mild sort of paranoia kicks in. Then any travelling anywhere even remotely near the whole area becomes a 'threat'. Even long after the crisis is long past. Maybe a reasoned argument is the best approach? Point out that your friend isn't a danger to your health and back it up with some info. If wherever she visited was never on any sort of health black-list point that out. That there are no particular health issues attached to the place. Tourists go there all the time....and so on. I should think in a fairly short while your mum must twig that your friend hasn't returned carrying some dreadful virus (or she would have shown symptoms/been admitted to hospital/died etc) whatever you say or do. So time is in your favour. Health-scares do just what the name suggests. They scare people. Fears make us act in odd ways when they get a hold on us. And of course your mum will want to protect you in any way she can. That's what mums do mate, it's in her job-description! Sometimes myths go on and on. There are still people who really believe only gay men get HIV/AIDS. And even some idea that 'all gay men have either got it, or will get it.' You might think that's ridiculous, but I swear I've met people who tihnk like this.
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I don't understand why African politicians and business people would ever voluntarily sell their priceless resources to foreign multinational corporations. Why sell an oil field or copper mine for 50 million when it can make you 25 million per year? I made up those numbers, but my point is that it's still a loss over time. I saw a documentary today on African poverty being continued by such corporations not paying their fair share of taxes in Africa. It basically said there was no way to force them to, and they could just refuse to, and go about their business. But if a company is making billions of dollars a year in Europe for African copper, what is 150 million in taxes paid in full compared to 50 million? And even the notion of having to pay taxes of 100 million higher, measly compared to their billions of profit, the multinational companies completely despise. Are people that soulless? But the real money is in Europe, and what can Africans do to stop being exploited? Who caused this, too? Short sighted African politicians, even from around widespread African independence? Or was it all rigged since colonization, and foreign powers never lost power once African countries went independent? I know the first DRC president got killed as a result of American and European interference, for trying to make Congo have control of its national resources, so does this imply once independence hit, African countries were already handicapped in that sense? And what about other countries that were once colonies? India? Mexico? Do they face similar problems, and if so, how did such countries overcome them and be in control of their resources so as to profit from them, and have enough money to invest in their own nations, instead of just waiting for foreigners to come with their own outside interests and high interest rate loans? Would America still be European countries' (UK, Spain, and France) bitch if their economy couldn't ride without the slave trade? If so, that's so sad. If you can answer any and all of these my hat's off to you. I am so curious. Will studying economics help answer some of these questions? And how can anything be done by them, do economists just identify issues, or do they have the power to help solve them? If you know any books relating to some of the issues I've brought up, especially with an African focus, I'd very much appreciate your recommendations. I'm already reading Guns, Germs, and Steel. Surely there is a way for all countries to prosper, and for there not just to be rich and exploited (I mean "poor") countries. It seems to me that resources wise, Africa is the richest continent. Qatar can pay for universal healthcare through their oil revenue, so why haven't African countries reached that level yet? To say Africa's problems are due to a lack of foreign aid is a joke, when it's said that for every $1 given to Africa for "aid", $10 is extracted. That is just disgusting. If individual African countries have difficulty standing up to bullies they should ban together with the rest of Africa, or otherwise, what is the point of the African Union? Do they actually give a shit about their people and their countries? people say American politicians can be selfish and self serving but even they have the ability to give their people jobs and make changes, even within the limits of the relatively inflexible constitution (link)
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Hi. This is a massive question, much too big for a Q&A site really, and your post is by no means ignorant. We could discuss the issues raised for a very long time indeed. There seems to be a fundamental issue slightly missing here though. Nobody gives or grants a country the 'right' to control it's internal finances, commerce, balance-of-trade or resources. The country has to take it. The primary production sectors are mining and agriculture. Initially these have to be controlled. Every one of the worlds leading industrilaised nations first learned to farm and feed itself, then moved on to idustrialisation and development. A current factor comes instantly to mind. There is great demand for something called rare-earth metals which are essential for the super-energy-efficient mechanisms demanded in a world of dwindling resources. The vast majority of these are beneath the soil of China. We see China controlling the market value of these metals. And limiting the percentage which are even available to other countries at all, keeping the greater part for their own thriving manufacturing interest. Nobody is going to 'plunder' China and take these metals at a knock-down price. Because slowly and patiently China has developed such a strong economy that they will not allow it. And no financially unstable country is going to blackmail a country like the USA by withholding resources and demanding a better deal. The country that attempted it would suffer long before the USA. The human cost of indebtednes is eased by schemes like the IMF's Heavily Indebted Poor Countries Initiative. This is committed to the idea that no country should be asked to bear the burden of a debt it cannot repay, and shall not compromise the basic needs/health of it's people in an attempt to do so. And many debts are completely written-off. Humanitarian aid IS freely given to countries stricken by natural disaters,plague, famine and drought. Cash payments have a sad history of being abused in many African countries, often keener to buy tanks and guns than food for their people, unfortunately. One has to wonder if the world's most industrialied nations can practically do anything other than these schemes and measures? In purely economic terms of world trade and commerce, exploitation of natural resources etc it always has been and always will be a case of dog-eat-dog, and the strongest coutries getting the most favourable terms. The lender sets the repayment terms of a loan. Even in our personal finances banks lend at figures way above base-rate. The bona fide borrower who is capable of repaying the amount borrowed and fully intends to do so will always be punished by high rates to help recover the debts of those who abuse credit and default on repayments. I honestly cannot see any way to override and scrap these basic laws of economics and market forces, the inevtiable laws of supply-and demand. It is not in our nature to swap something for nothing. What incentive is there for a country to develop if it can prosper on the back of another? And is it fair to punsih developed countries to bear the burden of those who have not? No, I don't think it is 'fair' to effectively pay back ten dollars worth of unexploited raw material for a dollar hard cash. But if you need that dollar in hard cash and you need it now, surely that's always going to be the way it is and the terms you must accept? We see countries objecting to austerity measures and somehow wanting to 'vote against' having them enforced. Nobody chooses austerity measures. They're what you have to adopt when there's no other option! Are we not all fundamentally exploited? If a man exchanges 40 hours a week of his life for his wage the company he works for must perforce generate more wealth for that company than he is paid. Otherwise there would quickly be no job and no company either. A minority own the means to production of wealth, everyone else is at it's disposal. That's capitalism. (Karl Marx...Das Kapital). Has an untapped mineral resource any value at all to a nation who do not use it themselves and may even lack the means to obtain it? The oil-rich middle eastern states do indeed club together and determine and maintain the value of crude oil. Their power prospers them But if the USA (the biggest consumer of oil) could find some way to meet their needs in a finacially viable alternative way, without being dependent on unstable (even hostile)regimes and nations, they would surely do it in a flash? Some African countries have rich gold reseves. The miners work in unsafe, truly lethal conditions. And the environmental impact of many of the processes is catastrophic. Yet the mines are owned and operated primarliy by Africans, not western corporations. Interesting question. No easy answers. We've got the world we made I guess??
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I'm 16 years old, I had asked a question a few weeks ago because I was wondering if I could of been pregnant. I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I know sometimes the tests could be false, but I'm nauseous in the mornings, hungry all the time, and no sign of my period at all so I think the test is accurate. I don't know how to tell my parents, they're so strict.. (link)
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You could repeat tests of course though it sounds very likely to me that you are pregnant. A trip to the doctor will definitely confirm things one way or another and I can appreciate you want to be absolutely sure before mentionining it to your parents. Don't want to put each other through it for a false alarm. If you are then naturally, they will have to be told as it isn't something you can keep to yourself. I imagine the main issue will be whether or not you want to have a child at 16 and how your boyfriend/partner feels about it. A young couple can have their first child and raise it with every success if both are committed and willing to embrace the responsibilities. The support of both families is a great help to young couples. And however 'strict' parents are, they are quite likely to be supportive in cases where their offspring appear happy and content and committed. After all, they'll no doubt want you to be happy, and be grandparents themselves some time? Possibly your circumstances re. your partner are not quite this settled, to put it mildly? I don't know, obviously. But they will still have to be told, and really the sooner the better. If you are pregnant, you are, and nothing can undo the fact. So it's time to discuss things, think reasonably and rationally, and begin to plan your path ahead. Whatever that may be. Weigh everything up and be open to things your parents may point out. And be totally honest with yourself about your own expectations and future plans. And how the responisibilty of a child will impact on them. You need to work things out so that they are right for. There are plenty of great mums who had their first child between 16 and 18 and do not regret a single thing. If a child right now really is just too much (with or without a committed partner) then terminating a pregnancy is a perfecly safe, routine, morally and ethically sound option and nothing whatsoever to feel ashamed or guilty about. What we need here is the right choice. And that means right for YOU at the present time.
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I dont see the other side of the world anymore. I only see the negative or bad side. I can see all the lies people told me its like seeing through them but you only see the negative. And the environment around me I feel like it was all a lie.
I dont know the truth anymore. I feel like that this world deserves to end with its society and all the lies.
What am i gonna do? (link)
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The feelings you are describing are a those of alienation. The idea that your observations and experiences of life differ fundamentally from those of others, society in general and even your own previously held views. So all the dice are intrinsically loaded. The conventions of society are inhehrently flawed in some degree, less or more, but all flawed nonetheless. The world is full of duplicity and lies, everything is fake and phoney, and you can see through it? The premise of 'fairness' is a fantasy. This leads to a process known as 'existential nihilism'. The process of deconstructing, breaking down and negating (making zero, or negative) the world, and ouselves. Possibly in the belief that in doing so we can divine or distill some underlying pure, and true world, once we've cut through all the crap and lies? You might ponder these words of the German philosopher Nietzsche. “Every belief, every considering something true, is necessarily false because there is simply no true world.” So maybe the best way to handle the feeling is to stop looking for one? OK, the whole framework of scoiety is maybe a bit shaky, even positively crooked if we examine it too closely. But it has evolved such as it is. If the set of rules look a bit crooked, we're at least all playing by the same crooked set of rules. And we can, and do, manage to live our lives within them with a fair degree of satisfaction and pleasure. If we reject and abandon the rules we become simply a sociopath or anarchist. It's a big boat. You, and me, and everyone else are just along for the ride mate. Why rock it? So the advice has got to be just live your life and don't question it too deeply.
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Hi. I'm 15 years old and a sophmore. Two summers ago I got into a casual relationship with a guy 3 years older than me. What I didn't know about him before hand was that he was depressed and suicidal. He trapped me into getting in a relationship with him that I never wanted, making me think that if I didn't he would kill himself. I talked him out of suicide 3 times, each I was balling on the floor usually cutting with a razor. Nobody knows I did that. He also had anger issues. Very bad ones. One minute he would say he loved me, the next he would tell me I'm a selfish b*tch and worthless and should die and should go to hell etc. I cut more because of it. He made me insecure about my weight and i went from 138 pounds to 10p and im 5'6." I was anorexic, eating only a few bites a day, and a far from accurate view of my appearance. I thought I looked fat when I was stick thin. I felt worthless. But I got throught it. I got through all of it, entirely on my own. It was the worst year of my life but I have learned so much from it. I want to share my story, to encourage others or just so I won't feel like I'm hiding my past from the world but I'm scared and don't know how. Help! (link)
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Hi there. I'd definitely investigate all of adviceman49's channels to air your story. That's some journey you've been on and coming out of it the way you have would be inspirational, edifying and encouraging to others. Counselling is a two-way street and so many don't appreciate this. It's up to you to act on it. No analyst or counsellor or therapist can actually live your life for you. You've done it single-handed as you might say. Which is a big achievement indeed. Tell anyone who will listen. Don't hide that past. It isn't how you start, it's how you finish. There will certainly be people reading your message right right here who can identify with your story and they'll see plenty of light in it. Good luck and X's mate!
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My bestfriend and I went to college and he took the easy way. The median of his salary when he graduates is around 40k while mine is 90k, I warned him about this and he told me that its ok. Now I was trying to observe both his and my experiences.
On his first month, he and his new friends went to mount rushmore for four days. Then their second year was even more of a blast, they went to paris.
Now I have many things to be jealous about, I know I'm not supposed to be feeling this way since I have a bright future ahead, since I never get grades any lesser than 98, but he just seems to have so much fun.
Here are the things im jealous about:
1.) How much fun he has on his studies
2.) How much friends he has
3.) He's my bestfriend, I should've been there the first time he rode a plane, but he has other friends with him.
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Your friend does seem to be having a carefree time and doing lots of fun stuff right now. And you feel like you're slogging away, getting the grades but missing out on the high-life? It's that old wheel-of-furtune mate. We go from on top, to bottom with just half a turn. It evens itself out over time. Unexpected dramas and disasters, golden periods where you can't do a thing wrong and life feels great, periods that are neither particulalry good nor bad...just routine and boring. Try not to let envy consume you and mess up a friendship. It's his turn at the top right now. You'll have your turn. And maybe he'll feel the same pangs of envy looking at you then? Be good if we could somehow 'synchronise' that wheel so that we always shared the ups and downs together with a close friend/partner/relative wouldn't it? Sometimes it does indeed fall out that way. Your good fortune does not depend on his lack of it, and vice versa. I like the analogy of a carefree pigeon flying around and blithely crapping on the statues in the city. In our lives, some days you are the pigeon. Some days you are the statue!
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My brother and I got into a fight and he threw something at me, leaving a bruise on my upper thight right near my bikini line. I talked to my mom about it and she treated like a typical dumb fight between two siblings. I "provoked" him so it was a two-way street, but the problem is that I feel disgusting, like a victim of abuse. I've never been bruised from someone hurting me or hurt in my genital area. I feel degraded and I can't shake the feeling. How do I cope with this feeling? (link)
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You feel like a victim of some sort of assault or abuse because really that's what you were. Rather like if somebody perhaps handles you roughly and steals a handbag, or a phone. Or a random person verbally or physically abuses you on a night out at a club or in town. It has an emotional/psychological effect just like you describe, even if the actual physical damage is negligable, and soon passed. As you say, you've never been hurt physically before. And most of us, for the vast majority of our lives are not physically hurt by another person, saving a pure accident (which has a different vibe entirely). Now, in some ways the fact that it was your brother won't make any difference to the 'victim' feelings. But in other ways it is different. Your mum doesn't seem to have been very sympathetic? Sharing out the blame, as it were? That's one of the tough parts or parenting. The last thing she'll want to do is drive a wedge between you, punishing him and favouring you. We don't want an ongoing brother-sister feud or vendetta arising from the incident. And in the rough and tumble of family life sibling arguments and spats are very common. You're maybe lucky in many ways that one hasn't thus far descended into a physical exchange, and/or hurling things at each other! So what might we do? A good old heart-to-heart with bro for a start, now we're in what we might call 'cold blood' about the incident. Let him know it's upset you deeply. You're shocked that he could resort to harming you in a fit of bad temper/annoyance. Pile a little bit of guilt on him, but if he starts showing a bit too much remorse and really feels bad about himself, give him a bit back and say you were both hot-blooded and maybe saying stuff you didn't mean. Compromise is a massive part of adult life and a valuable thing to learn. It would be good if you could persuade mum to have a little word. Pointing out that it's not acceptable to use violence as an argument with the fairer sex. It's very bad form and not a creditable or manly thing to do, however much he is provoked. Naturally, you don't expect a repeat performance. Shout and swear at each other if you must, but no violence aimed at sis. Funny old thing families. Sometimes you could cheerfully strangle them. Sometimes you get in blazing rows over, well...complete trivia when you look back on it when it's over! But when it comes down to it, you'll move heaven and earth to protect and look after each other. Maybe that's the key to coping? I bet if some other guy set about you he'd fight tooth and nail to defend you. And if a boyfriend upsets you, he'll want to punch his lights out!
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I want to have sex with my friends mom she is divorced
14 male (link)
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This is a tricky situation since even if you both want to, and indeed agreed to, have sex you would be putting her in a position which could get her into a lot of legal problems. You'll have an age-of-consent law where you live, which can vary. It's 16 in the UK where I live for instance. And the plain fact is that if you are below the age you can't legally give your consent. It might well sound a stupid law to you. You might wonder how there can be be a law which can tell you what to do with your own body? It's there for a good reason though, to protect vulnerable young people from being exploited by older, or just manipulative people. If this occurs the young person has the whole weight of the law on their side, without any doubt or extenuating circumstances to be considered. So it would make the potential offender think very carefully before acting. So really it would be very unfair to flirt with her, encourage her or ask her about having sex. Because if she agrees and things get out of hand, you'll be OK and she will be in a truly horrible position which will cause her a lot of upset indeed. Even if you are prepared to say it was all your idea, and you asked her etc it won't help her. If you're worried about the whole idea that you find her attractive, don't be. She probably IS very attractive, and you might find her more desirable than girls in your own age group? And who knows, maybe in the future you might still feel drawn to each other and act on it? You'll just have an older girlfriend, as it were. But right now you're putting her in a good deal of risk regarding her record, character and reputation. Which isn't what a gentleman is supposed to do with a woman, is it??
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I am 14 years old and my best friend, who i notice, has head lice. She told me that she has nits, but she never said she had the actual lice in her head. When we would hang out, I can see the nits in her hair, and I did see a bug in her hair, which was lice. We had a sleepover and after a few weeks, My head started to itch but I just thought it was dandruff or something. One day, I was messing with my hair and I noticed that It had a nit stuck on it. I had lice before, so i know what a nit looks like. I had my mom check my hair, and she went to the store to get some head lice treatment. When I found out I had lice, I asked my best friend if she has lice and she said no, but im pretty sure I got it from her. I currently finished one treatment, but im going to do another treatment in a couple of days just to make sure I don't have it anymore. I am afraid that I will get it again, because we hang out a lot and I go to her house, but I really want to tell my best friend that I got it from her, just to warn her or something. I just don't know how to tell her? We have been besties for over a year, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. (link)
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If you are going to spend time with your friend, be physically close to one another and sleep-over and stuff then you've got every chance of picking them up again because the treatments don't actually provide a long-term future 'proof' against you picking them up again. You'll really have to have a quiet word with her even though you'll feel awkward and she will feel bad at first. You could maybe say that it's better for her and her parents to sort the thing out without anyone else knowing? Point out that if some other girl or guy (who isn't such a discrete and good friend) or a teacher or something spots them then everyone will know and it will be really embarrassing. A lot of parents find that their children have picked-up headlice at school, especially early school years. It is embarrassing by nature, but it's nothing to be ashamed of and easily cured. They like clean hair, shampooing with normal hair products won't get rid of them. You'll both feel better once you've got up the courage to speak to her and sorted it out.
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Jude Law is my favorite actor and long story short, I have less than one day to decide on a couple movies of his to buy. I already have:
The Holiday
Sherlock Holmes
Contagion
Cold Mountain
Hugo
Side Effects
The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus
The Aviator
I feel like I should go for one of his bigger ones like The Talented Mr. Ripley or Gattaca, but I don't know. I happened to spot Lemony Snicket's: A Series of Unfortunate Events at Wal-Mart yesterday. In addition to the other movie(s) of his I but, I might buy that one. However, I've seen part of that movie and I know that Law is the narrator who is seen at the end of the movie for a couple of seconds. If I buy it and that's the ONLY time in the movie that he's on screen, I'm gonna be really pissed at myself. Therefore, if anyone knows anything about that movie, I'd like to know. (link)
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Not a massive movie fan and don't the one you refer to, sorry. But he's a superb actor. I recall seeing him (and it stuck in my mind) in a flick called AI: Artificial Intelligence playing a sharp dressed, slick, wise-cracking 'ladies companion' human-android caleed Gigolo Joe I think. He steals the whole film and is really engaging. Witty, sometimes very funny, sometimes sad/touching. If you haven't seen it, watch it.
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im 18 f and my boyfriend and i had sex for the first time on the weekend however we had a really difficult time to actually get him to fit inside me. i know that probably just because i was a virgin however i want it to actually be pleasurable for both of us rather than a puzzle we have to solve. i also think that we should perhaps try some other techniques in the bedroom because its probably easier and more rewarding. so i was just wondering wether anyone had any tips ect (link)
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Being physically a 'virgin', or in other words having your hymen intact, shouldn't be a difficult anatomical barrier to prevent your boyfriend penetrating you when he is fully erect. It's just a very thin diaphragm around the entrance to your vagina, not even closing it in fact. And since women give birth your boyfriend can't be 'too big' to fit, as it were. I'd say almost certainly it's nerves ABOUT starting full sex that is making your muscles clench-up and tighten. It's an involuntary tensing, the way many of our muscles do tense in moments of stress, nerves and anxiety, it's something we've all felt. Once the muscles 'down there' as we might say, tense up it is indeed very difficult for a gut to penetrate you. Think how difficult it is even to open someones clenched-up fist against their will? Because you aren't tightenning up deliberately, it's very hard to relax deliberately to overcome it. Sort out any stuff that's making you consciously or subconsciously nervous. Has he got your full trust? Are you sure you want to have sex yet at all? Have you got a proper birth-control method all agreed and sorted so you aren't worrying about an unwanted pregnancy? Are you nervous about 'how you will be' (performance-related anxiety is the proper term, and very common in the first sexual encounters of a relationship)? Breathing deeply helps us relax, try that? Maybe a glass of wine before you start (alcohol relaxes muscle tension) but DON'T get properly drunk so you don't really know what you're doing, please. Laying flat on your back, with your legs apart and knees raised about half way is a relaxing and comfortable position, which helps. I wouldn't try any more elaborate positions just yet, that will just be a further thing on your mind. This is basically the position most women give birth in, so everything down there is easily accessible and keeping a 'straight(ish) line' of penetration. Lube is a good idea, but making sure you are fully aroused and 'wet' is maybe more important. Just slopping loads of lubricant all over him and yourself will not do anything to relax your muscles. And 'faffing about' with bottles and stuff might actually get you more stressed and even annoyed. Wanting it to be pleasurable, as you say suggests to me that it's just this involuntary muscle reflex when it actually comes down to starting is the problem. And once you manage one or two enjoyable encounters I doubt he'll have any trouble penetrating you again. Good luck. Keep calm and relaxed.
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I'm done with it. It's a terrible message for people suffering from this stuff.
Reality of depression: a mental disorder caused by bullying, abuse, etc where the victim can't feel happy, and is always sad. This person needs to get help and heal.
What it is showed as: an emo kid who is a very shy and misunderstood, a great trait where the amazing emo is deep and poetic. This person should continue on with it because it's romantic and beautiful.
Reality of self harm: something extremely serious, caused by something so intense and traumatizing the victim wants to end his own life. This person needs help (right fucking now)
What it is showed as: something an emo kid does, where he "paints a picture, the razor is a brush and the wrist a canvas. This person should kill themselves because they are " an angel who wants to go home"
Reality of anorexia: a very dangerous and serious mental disorder where one is obsessive about loosing weight, driven by insecurities. This person needs to see a food therapist. Right fucking now. It makes them look very ugly and disturbing.
What it is shown as: something an emo kid does (always coming back to emos) where they loose weight and act sad, driven by wanting to be pretty. This person needs to write "not thin enough" on their stomach and post it on tumblr. It makes them look sexy and mysterious.
Why?
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I can see what you mean. Taking genuinely distressing psychiatric conditions and misappropriating them in order to make oneself sound interesting/romantic/sexy/troubled/misunderstood/artistic/mystical/mysterious (etc...) is not good. It undermines, trivialises and devalues the 'genuine article', as you might call it. And causes offence to the genuine sufferer. They should not be used to justify just plain antisocial behaviour, or misappropriated by youth cults because it fits into the 'image' they wish to project. People with eating disorders and those who self-harm 'for real' (if you like) often go to great lengths to disguise the fact, not post labelled pictures on facebook/tumblr etc. And often people with severe depression won't admit even to themselves that they are. That's the nature of things. Now we come to why? Why should anyone wish to feign and fake a condition like the personal 'hell on earth' of depression? Or self-harming? I guess it's that transient phase in our teens where we want to rebel, identify with something and indeed wish to project ourselves as interseting/sexy/mysterious (etc...see above!). You have to wonder if our consumer-led and obsessed 'culture of commodoties' has got to the point where it even needs to make fashionable and 'sell' psychitaric disorders to people. We make a right cynical pair don't we?!!! Try not to judge your emo's too harshly mate. It's a youth cult. It's their identifier and 'badge of honour' as you might say, to be turbulent/troubled/romantic (etc...see above again!). So of course they'll want to wear the badge. Peer-group pressure, the need to idnentify and conform, can be remarkably powerful and engaging. You're just an old cynic who won't buy into it!!! So might we say that while it remains just an expression (wearing the tee-shirt and ostensibly embracing the required attitudes and opinions)it's probably harmless? It fills a need while it's current but it will be all fogotten with the onset of properly adult life?
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I got employed recently and got my first month salary a few days back. The problem is one of my friends asked for 1000 bucks to lend him and he said he will return it next month. I know him since I was 14 and I'm 24 now. I know he won't return the money coz he already owes me money. I have a problem telling no and I agreed to give him the money. I am so confused on this. I don't have a lot of friends so I'm afraid of losing him. Further more if my mother comes to know about this she will kill me. I know the mother part sounds silly but thats how I grew up. I don't want to give the money nor do I want to lose him. The more frustrating thing is that I haven't spend any of it for my family nor myself. That adds to my dilemma. As far as l know he is jobless and will probably spend the money to get drunk and do other stuff. We have another friend in common and he has blew him off saying that he spent the money.Kindly advise me on this (link)
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It would be very foolish to lend this money to someone who is still in debt to you and has not even attempted to repay the original sum. He's really asking you to give him the money I think? Your mother would be mad if she found out and with very good cause. It's not at all silly to say this, we often use our parents values and maxims to evaluate our decisions. Often all our lives, and if their values were sound that's no bad thing. Likewise it's natural for us to learn from their mistakes too, as it were. Maybe she made a similar 'loan' under similar circumstances herself at some time and 'learned the hard way'? If he will be solvent and able to repay it in a month, then you should first of all ask him why he needs this sum right now. The orignal sum he owes you, I think you had better consider as lost already. Friendships are more difficult to evaluate and set terms on. But mate, if your friendship with this guy will stand or fall on you giving or not giving him some cash then think hard about whether it's a bit one-sided, and whether this particular friend may be one you could well do without.
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I work on the phones all day and it causes my throat to get very irritated and soar. Are there any natural remedies that could help. I feel like tea makes it worse? (link)
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Honey, lemon juice and glycerine stirred up in hot water is good, and pleasant tasting. Let it cool to the sort of temperature you drink tea or coffee before you drink it. Good for cold and flu sore throats too. 100% natural and not 'medicated' in any way, drink so as and when required. Though you need a kettle or saucepan to heat the water of course.
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I want to drink more water because I get dehydrated but I don't want to drink it at school because it always makes me pee and I HATE using public bathrooms. So how do I get enough water for the day without having to pee at school? (link)
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Staying hydrated by drinking plenty of water is great for both your body and for clear, sharp thinking. So I won't try to put you off drinking water. Unfortunately, some of the good work that drinking plenty of water achieves actually comes about because it IS 'going through' you, as you might say. So the chances are that over the school day you are going to need to pee. So maybe we should look at why you don't like using public bathrooms? OK, if you get a grotty one that's been left in a sorry state by the previous user it's not pleasant. But mostly they are not. I'm sure your school toilets are kept in very clean order and perfectly safe. So are most public toilets in shopping centres. They really aren't places where just sittting down for a pee can lead to you catching all sorts of horrible diseases. Loads of people use them day after day. Any ideas you have heard about catching sexually transmitted infections (including HIV, which you DEFINITLEY can't pick up from any toliet) just by sitting on a loo are complete nonsense. Doesn't matter who sat there before you. You will often handle things, and any public space where there are things touched can have bacteria on the surface. And we have to include your own loo in this. The usual hygene practice of thoroughly washing your hands at the end of whatever you were doing is adequate protection. You probably were told to wash your hands after using public playground equipment like swings and slides when you were a kid? It's just like that really. So if we think about it, if you're just having a pee you won't be in the toilet long at all. You'll touch a couple of door handles, maybe the edge of the seat (not even that if it's down already, so pick one that is) and the flushing button. Then wash your hands, and off you go. You've really stressed 'HATE' here and I know we can have really strong fears (phobia) about various things. Like spiders and snakes. If you're really bad, like feeling sick and maybe shaking, or laying awake worrying about using a public bathroom then it'll need more than a reasoned argument to overcome this. If you're just a bit worried that they aren't hygenic places and a threat to your health, then I hope you'll see that this isn't the case by now? If they were harming people we'd all know about it. Factories, shops and offices all have a 'staff loo' and all the employees share them. Every day and no with no health issues. Hope I might helped. Stay hydrated, and pee when you need to mate!! ps. If you're really worried about touching things and then touching your mouth or something, why not carry your own little pack of tissues and your own handy-sized bottle of anti-bacterial hand cleanser in your bag/handbag and give them an extra clean after you've left the toilet altogether? That's gonna zap every bug around!
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Hello,I've been in a long distance relationship for quite some time now,as of a week ago,I didnt hear from my guy,due to some personal problems and his dad being in the hospital. Below,I have written the text message he sent me:
''Dear___ ,So it's been long enough and I think you deserve an explanation for my absence.I've been drifting apart. mostly because I dont know what I'm doing right now.I need to get my life back on point and I just cant rely on you right now.And when I say rely on you,I mean for you to be okay with whatever life we would live together.There's a dream and then there is reality and right now its looking difficult for me becauseI cant seem to find a stable job.But Ive made a commitment from today and from nowIm going to change my a lot of my ways.And I cant keep this long distance relationship thing with us going anymore.No more photos,no more videos or anything like that.I really need to focus on my life right now instead of our life.I definately think we can work in the future but right now I need to focus on myself sincerely from the depths of my heart.I feel like part of the stress that put my dad in the hospital is my fault.I'll talk to you soon.''
So,essentially,I have different scenarios.
Either Im being let down easy,and this is my chance to exit.
Or,he wants me to wait for him to get his life together
Or he is calling it off but gave me a little hope while he runs away
Or he really means what he says.
Im very confused,first he cuts ties,and then says,yeah,we have a future.... Its confusing....
Its hard,its very very very hard,and I just want to know what to do.I love him dearly,I love his family so much.
He is struggling with jobs,and he wants a stable one,so he can get a place for us to move in together....
Thank you in advance for your advice
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Reading through his text there's an awful lot of 'I'. I am..I think...I don't think...I will...I need ...I can't etc etc. But only one 'we' which seems a bit of an after-thought at the end. He's facing some difficult issues. Family illness and finding a good secure job with prospects put us under a lot of pressure. There's a guilt issue here too. Feels like his father's illness is his fault? I'm afraid to my eye you don't seem to feature much at all here. It's all about him. Since he doesn't even hint at anything you might be the cause of, there probably isn't anything YOU can do to put it right then? You, I imagine (having a great fondness for him and his family) would like to be there to help him through his current and help him get his life sorted out? To nurture, support and encourage him? I can't see that based on this text you'd be wise to hold out a hope that he will re-appear as a 'finished product', all sorted and secure and ready to resume the relationship. That might take a long time. It might never happen at all? Saying 'I am committed' does not equal true committment. It's so hard to say without having some sort of 'measure' of the man. Does he feel 'not enough for you'? Is he the sort to doubt himself? Or is he the sort to issue excuses to exonerate his own lack of real effort? It might be an idea to take this at face value. Message him saying that if that is how he feels then it must be his choice. That he knows how YOU feel. That you would like to be beside him and be there for him. You want to try and work through the difficulties together. As a team. As partners. But if he feels the need to be alone, so be it. This effectively puts the entire weight of the decision squarely on his shoulders alone, and in no uncertain terms. It liberates you. Handing over the decision is not a surrender. It's actually a very powerful thing to do. It forces him to be entirely accountable for his decision. He made it and he'll have to live with it. If this is all a bluff and cry for help, you've called his bluff and he'll have to take another approach. And quick. You're implying that YOU have accepted the break, and presumably feel free to look for an alternative guy? If he seems prefectly content with his own decision and does not change tack, then indeed forget him and look for that alternative guy. This technique shifts the power, the whip-hand if you like, over to YOU. It's far easier to move-on from a situation if you can rest easy in the knowledge that "I did all I could." The weight of culpability and responsibilty ("Am I doing the right thing? Is this the right choice?") falls entirely on him. OK, it's a mind-game. It's scheming and manipulative. But it will always force a definite result one way or the other. Used well and in the right situations it's an extremely powerful way of either getting what you want, or the liberation you need. One to remember. Hope my reply might be some help? I get the feeling he isn't as sure about what he really wants as he is trying to sound. When someone has made their mind up for sure there's not a lot we can do to deflect them from their course. When there is fair element of self doubt apparent in them, a seed of self-doubt, then we can do an awful lot to influence them. If you hate the whole 'mind-game' thing, you'll no doubt hate my reply!
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I'm 20 years old girl from Malaysia..and I'm facing problem during night..can't even sleep..can feel that my body need something..so desirable..I had a good relationship with my boyfriend..but he is in overseas..unable to meet him often..but I terribly miss him..his eyes and touch..I wanna keep my virginity for him to break it after our marriage..but how to overcome my needs..how to masturbate without penetrating or without breaking my hymen (link)
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Lots of women enjoy masturbating without actually penetrating themselves with any sort of sex-toy, similar shaped object or even their fingers. As Dragonflymagic points out, your clitoris is not inside but outside, at the top. It is incredibly sensitive and stimulating it with your finger tips will feel very pleasurable and should lead you to reaching an orgasm. The particular speed, pressure, type of movement and how long you need is something you discover for yourself. Different women enjoy different techniques. It's kind of personal and unique. It can feel very sensitive to direct touch and a good quality lubricant (one designed for sex and available in all high street chemists) is a good idea because they are very slick and slippery and do not dry out quickly. They will be tested and known to be very safe to put on/around your genital area. Hand and skin creams might irritate and make things a bit itchy, especially scented ones. Penetration isn't an absolutley necessary part of pleasurable masturbation. In fact many women find they can reach orgasms more effectively when they masturbate and concentrate on their clitoris than by their male partners just penetrating them during sex. Or when their partners pleasure them with their fingers. And/or tongues if both partners enjoy oral sex. Penetrating yourself could well give a pleasant feeling of being 'full' and an enjoyable stretching feeling but it's definitely not the only way to pleasure yourself. And if you are worrying about tearing your hymen it will almost certainly make it hard to relax and less enjoyable for you than keeping things 'outside' anyway.
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I dont know if its normal, i masterbate about 4 times a week, every time i do i watch porn, i love it and it fees so good. But is this normal. Im am 16 years old and im a boy
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Absolutely normal that you do it, and absolutely normal that you enjoy doing it. There isn't a normal or usual amount of times to do it either. So if you find you do it less often some weeks, or a lot more some weeks that's fine. Whenever you feel the urge or need. As for viewing porn, well us guys do masturbate when we watch it. I doubt that any guys watch porn video/movies in the same way that we might watch a regular movie or TV show. They don't really have a plot or storyline do they? Just eye-candy! All your saying here are perfectly appropriate ways for a normal and healthy young guy to deal with his normal and healthy urges and needs. And enjoy it too. You got no worries mate. You're absolutely fine, I promise you.
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