I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172964
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Before I even start, I'd like to say that I'm seventeen, I think this situation is stupid, but I'm still at a loss and I need help.
I have quite a few best friends. Two of them told me this year that they are lesbians and they are together. I already knew this - and am totally okay with it. But now that they've come out to me about it, and even before them, the only conversation I get out of them is about their sex life. We never do anything together anymore - and I basically feel as if they don't need me.
I expressed how I felt on my xanga - my friend read it, as she would anything else, and then sent me a message on myspace asking me if it was about her and her girlfriend and I told her the truth - she wanted to know "what the hell" they did and I told her that it wasn't a big deal and that I was just feeling down.
Well - now she's arguing with me and making a big deal out of nothing. She takes EVERYTHING way too personally - but uses me as her vent and doormat, as if I'm inhuman and don't have any emotions.
What do I do? (link)
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If you didn't directly confront your friend about the problem, that could be the cause of some of the current issues. For example, it may not be your style to talk directly to your friends about things that bug you - but it IS theirs (or at least this one girl).
It had to be difficult for her to think everything was merrily going along, and then to suddenly read your blog and see you were actually pissed off at her or feeling down. That could easily make another person feel very threatened - what else aren't you telling them? Are you genuine?
I guess the best thing you can do in this situation is to practice really sharing your feelings with another person. When I read that you felt like your friends didn't need you, my heart really went out to you. I imagine it would be hard for your friend to hear that and still be angry. More likely, she would want to reassure you and then think about her behaviour in the future.
Only an open, honest discussion can make this better on a deep level. And if you don't want to be a doormat, why not tell her?
I wish you the best.
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ive been having problems with my ankles for a very long time - they constantly crack and it can be very uncomfortable. then my shoulder started doing the same thing (after i had been training - and using weights) and now my knees hurt. my mom said she would take me to a doctor who specializes in joints but i am scared to death of needles and there is no way im going if they have to do any blood work. my mom said there may have to be blood taken. is anyone experienced enough with this to know if blood work is usually needed for this kind of thing? (link)
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This depends. If your joints are evenly affected on both sides of the body, then they may have to take blood to determine if rhemetoid arthritis is a risk, particularly if it runs in the family.
More likely, they will ask you a lot of questions to try to determine if this is due to your posture, a problem with specific joints being worn, etc. If your ankles have hurt for a long time, your knees will usually end up being affected - and possibly your hips in the long run. This is because everything's connected. This might be as simple as needing a pair of orthodics in your shoes, and assuming that yoru shoulder was an unconnected injury.
Only a doctor can tell. It's always better to have things properly checked out and diagnosed, so that you can treat them. Ongoing problems often get worse, so the quicker you treat them, the better. You can always let the doctor know that the idea of needles makes you uncomfortable, and you would prefer she/he only take blood if it is an absolute necessity.
Keep in mind that a one second needle prick can be a lot less painful than some sort of dehibilitating condition.
Good luck!
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18/f
when me and my bf first started doing oral i used to try and swallow his cum, but we had a couple of bad experiences!! first time it all shot to the back of my mouth, must have hit my gag reflex and i nearly choked and started coughing, second time the same thing happened except i nearly threw up!! I had to swallow to stop myself being sick while he was cumming and that made me feel really sick after, i really disliked the texture and taste in my mouth. after this we've been using other methods which don't involve him cumming in my mouth but I know he wants me to try again even if I have to spit it out (he's not pressuring me or anything but I know he would like it and I do owe it to him to try again)... so my question is should i try and swallow it again or hold it in my mouth and go spit it out somewhere.... also any tips on how not to choke, cough or feel sick! Thanks so much! (link)
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You don't actually owe anything to your boyfriend. In fact, I would suggest he owes you some more consideration (or maybe you owe yourself some!). Sure, he would like you to swallow. But it really doesn't work for you - if you're trying not to puke, it's clearly not something you are getting pleasure from at this point.
It's common to not swallow. It's common to pull your mouth away before the boy cums. If you would really like to try him cumming in your mouth again, some people swear by a glass of orange juice they can quickly drink when they're finished.
But essentially, if this is something you don't really enjoy - that's okay. Why not find a way that turns you BOTH on? I wish you the best.
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O.K. 1st of all i really need help I'm just so confused.I'm a 14 yr. old girl & I think I might be a lesbian but i don't want to be. I mean I've only liked about 2 guys & a couple girls. I've had a really bad cruse on a girl for about 2 yrs. now & the wrost part is were really good friends I tell her I love her but not in a gay way. sometimes I think she likes me back I kinda want to tell her but I don't know what she'd do. I just don't want to be a lesbian but i just can't like guys. I mean I dream about this girl alot. I mean were perfect our families like each other we have lots in common it's heaven.I just don't know what to do except that I'm probably a lesbian but I'm scared my parents said they would kill if I was gay, i'd probably lose lots of friends but I told 1 of my friends & it did'nt change her. I just don't know. I'm scared, confused, my feelings are so insane. (link)
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It's okay to be scared and confused - in fact, it's normal. Realising you might be a lesbian can be a messed up time because you might have grown up with the expectation that you were straight. It also involves a lot of consideration that straight kids don't need to worry about - knowing how to 'tell' if the girl you like is gay, deciding whether or not to tell your parents, deciding whether or not to tell other people, figuring out HOW to tell, etc etc etc. Not to mention the confusion of figuring out your identity!
It seems like you are asking a lot of questions. The first being about this girl you like. One thing that might help is reflecting on your two most extreme options and seeing how each makes you feel. The first is keeping things like they are, and not telling. The second is plucking up the courage to tell her how you feel, and doing it. Thinking about the pros and cons of each - and what feels right for you - could be helpful.
As far as your parents go, it's understandable to be nervous about their reaction. They could also have gone along with the expectation that you would be straight, as that's the 'norm.' You don't need to tell them until you feel ready.
Same thing with your friends.
Being in the closet (meaning knowing you are gay but not telling other people) can be a claustrophic time, and many people feel a newfound freedom and happiness from stepping out of it! This doesn't mean the ride is always easy, though. Maybe you could talk to your friend who knows you're a lesbian about your concerns and see what he/she thinks. How did they feel when you told them? Could they be with you when you tell other people?
At the end of the day, you are who you are. It's more than okay to be a lesbian, and living your life in tune with who you are will make you much happier in the long run.
I wish you the best.
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Is It true that if you masterbate more as a teen when you are older you are less fertile? (link)
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There is no cause and effect relationship between maturbation and fertility.
However, masturbating DOES teach you what you like, keep your sex drive purring, and therefore will probably make your sex life stronger in the future.
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me and my boyfriend got in a HUGE FIGHT bascically he cheated on me but wont admit it. So to make along story short im planning on fighting the girl this friday . Anyway i never got in a fight before and i wanted some advice like lol what to do should i hit her in the eye like what lol i feel stupid but im not really a fighter.. haha advicee would be nice (link)
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Staying with your boyfriend and fighting this girl doesn't really help you in the long run. Sure, I can understand why she's not your favourite person.
But really, your boyfriend is responsible for the choices he makes. And you are responsible if you decide to stay with someone who is unfaithful to you.
I would suggest you think about why you think he has cheated, along with why he won't admit it. Is there a possibility he didn't do anything? If you really feel he absolutely did cheat on you, I would encourage you to reflect on what you are solving by beating another girl up.
Whether you get in this fight or not, it doesn't solve your relationship issues. You've got to decide whether this is worth it to you to try to work through this issue with someone who clearly isn't willing to talk about it.
People deserve to be with someone who respects them.
I wish you the best.
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this is a little weird, but what percentage of people do you think shave "down there"? would you suggest it (link)
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I think that it's quite common for teenage females to shave. As women get older, though, I would suggest that less and less women shave.
Many people shave because they want to be seen in a sexual way by others, or because they are not confident with their own bodies. (Of course, some shave because they like it!)
As people gain in confidence and experience, they realise that shaving actually isn't needed to have a good relationship with another person or themselves - and they also realise that it's not as common as they once thought.
Shaving is a big commitment in terms of upkeep and possible discomfort from razor burn. Some people choose to just shave their bikini line (what's not covered up by panties/bathing suit bottom), and some people trim their hair. Many do nothing.
I notice a lot of people immediately say a guy won't like you if you don't shave - how ridiculous. If a guy is basing his feelings towards you depending on the amount of pubic hair you have or haven't got, I would suggest the relationship probably isn't worth much.
I wish you the best.
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Alright, so, I have a boyfriend. We've been talking for a year but technically only been together 4 months. It's a very...intense relationship and we've dealt with a lot. Both of us have some depression problems so i don't think it's the healthiest relationship in the world. I think we should break up, or at leat take a long break but I know if i tell him this he'll do something drastic. He has problems with cutting as did I and the last time something like this came up he almost killed himself. I guess part of me is tired of being around guys like this. Anyone have any advice on letting him go without him doing something horrible? (link)
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I understand why you would be feeling nervous about breaking up with someone who has not dealt well with this situation in the past.
But the simple fact is that you are not responsible for him. You are responsible for you.
This doesn't mean you need to be callous or insensitive, but it DOES mean that you deserve to take your own needs seriously. Staying with someone because they may self-harm or try to kill themselves isn't a good place to be - particularly if you are also dealing with depression.
If you want to end things, think of a tactful, sensitive way to do so. He'll possibly take it badly no matter what you say, so prepare yourself for that possibility. Perhaps you may want to get some counselling in place for yourself to help deal with the situation - and if he's open-minded, perhaps you can suggest the same to him.
At the end of the day, however, you can't have control over his behaviours. If he does self-harm or threaten suicide, it's not your fault. He is making his own choices, and he's the one who must bear the ultimate responsibility for that.
If you are close to any of his friends or family, you may want to alert them to your concerns.
This could be your chance to stop being around 'guys like this.' With some time to yourself to reflect, you may be able to figure out what sort of guys you WOULD like to be around. This is a chance for you to make a positive choice for yourself.
I wish you both the best.
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I'm 15 and i just recently got pregnant by my boyfriend and after i told him i was pregnant he started acting all weird and i'm trying everything to make this thing work what should i do (link)
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While of course you want to make sure things with your boyfriend work out, he's not actually the priority right now. You are.
Your first responsibility to yourself is to decide what you want to do about this pregnancy. Your smartest option is to speak with a professional about all your options, and the implications they have. The sooner in a pregnancy you decide to terminate it, the safer it is. Likewise, if you want to keep the baby, you need to begin getting medical care as quickly as possible.
Time is really of the essence.
If you terminate the pregnancy, your next responsibility to yourself is to take care of yourself, whatever way makes sense for you. This could include counselling, planning a really special weekend for yourself, etc.
If you carry on with the pregnancy, you'll need to be taking it easy anyway. Learning about pregnancy, the development of a baby in womb, and the sorts of things you can do to make this a healthy pregnancy.
Once all of this is sorted, then you can begin to look at the relationship again. Your boyfriend is acting weird because this is a huge problem - getting a 15 year old pregnant, and therefore having the possibility of being a father before even finishing high school, is enough to stress any guy out. It is quite normal that there is a lot of pressure on the relationship.
This will require a lot of good communication and honesty. Whatever decision you make about the pregnancy is likely to have a huge impact on the relationship, and not a good one. I don't say this to be all doom and gloom, but merely to be realistic. Can your relationship survive this? of course. Is it LIKELY to survive this?
Only you can answer that. Most relationships in the early/mid teens, no matter how strong and without complication, are not likely to last longterm. When you add pregnancy to the mix, that makes things much more difficult.
Whatever happens, I sincerely wish you the best and hope that everything you decide is focusing on supporting yourself and making the right choices for your life.
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ok so heres tha deal....i'v been really good friends with this 1 guy for about 2 years...and we have never done anything more than "make out" untill like 5 days ago...and he fingered me...i was suppose to start my period like 2 days ago...could this have set it back a few days???
~scared 16 year old... (link)
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This really should not affect your period, unless it's making you feel a lot of stress. Stress or anxiety can affect your period.
If it hasn't come in a week and is usually very regular, you might want to consider speaking to a doctor. He or she will be able to check everything's okay and offer more insight about why it's late.
Even if your period's late as a result of the stress this month, this is not a longterm thing. Fingering is quite safe, assuming the guy was clean hands, short fingernails, and no open sores on his hands.
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Hi! What happens when you don't have your period for 2 months? I didn't have sex. I was very worried that I didn't have my period. I was in Florida at the time, when I came home I got it two weeks later.
Thanks (link)
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If your period is a relatively new thing in your life, gaps of two months can be quite common. It takes awhile for your body to adjust to the hormones.
Other things that can affect your period: not weighing enough, too much exercise, stress, long haul flights.
If your period usually comes like clockwork, then you might want to see a doctor just to check things out. He or she will be able to provide you more detailed info as to what this might mean, along with some reassurance.
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i am 22 n my boyfrnd is 21 we had annal sex in water under a shower but he didnt cum in me are ther chances of pregnancy (link)
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If no sperm entered your vagina, then no. No chances of pregnancy. Anal sex has a much greater chance of passing along or contracting STIs, though.
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i am 15/f and i am pregnant i cant tell my parents as they will absolutely kill my bf, can i get an abortion confidentially? or will they have to find out? thanx x (link)
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This depends on what country you live in. If you live in the UK, you have the right to confidential sexual health advice, information, and treatment - provided the professional working with you feels you are able to understand your situation, make an informed choice, and to deal with this without parental help. You may be made to go to a counselling session before or after the abortion.
I'm not as well informed about US laws, but you can phone an organisation such as Planned Parenthood and speak to a professional on the phone - ask about your rights, cost of treatment, and their policy on confidentiality.
The sooner you take action the better, as the earlier in the pregnancy you terminate it, the more options of treatment you've got.
I don't have knowledge about other countries, but would suggest you get in touch with a helpline, local health organisation, or something similar.
You'll also want to consider the sort of support you may need, and if not telling your parents is really the right choice for you.
I wish you the best.
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What's a good way to cleanse yourself down there? My mother always told me vinegar and water, but I read somewhere that that wasn't good for the bacteria that's supposed to be there. I'm just really paranoid of smelling badly. (link)
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The thing is, your vagina has a very delicate PH balance. It doesn't take much to upset it. In fact, washing too much can cause it to smell worse than if you didn't wash enough, due to bacteria.
The safest and smartet thing is to wash it once a day (while you shower) with warm water and non-scented soap. You do NOT put the soap or water into the vaginal hole, but rather gently wash around your inner and outer lips, getting into all the crevices. Make sure you rinse thoroughly.
This should keep your vagina in tip top condition.
Any abormal strong smells, or unpleasant ones, can signal an infection and should be checked out by a doctor.
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She is about 16.
OK one of my friends had sex a couple of times. Their most recent time, her boy friend is not tottally sure if her came in her or not. He is pretty sure he pulled it out in time. they were not using protection and she is not on birth control. she thinks there was some cum on her thigh and she knows there was cum on the floor about an inch away from her body. but her vaginal area was not wet from cum or sticky. its was a little damp and she could tell it was from her. she is a little worried on what to do because neither one of them want their parents to know and she wants to know if there is a posible chance she is or is not pregnaunt. can you help me advise her on everything?
thanks. (link)
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Yes. There is a chance she's pregnant. Anytime sperm is in a vagina, there is that chance.
If her most recent time was within the last three days, she can take the morning after pill. If it was not, she'll need to wait and see if her period arrives.
She needs to use condoms in future, or one of these close calls will end up as the real thing.
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Im 16 and have been with my boyfriend for over a year now we have been having sex for about 8 months and have never had any problems. I have always know I had a septate Hymen and always worried that it could get in the way but it never seemed to as he is very careful. BUT...The other night he got it a bit wrong and snapped it at 1 end.It was VERY painful for a few seconds and i bled alot for a few hours and then a bit the next day and i was quite uncomfortable.I am fine now but as i have been able to analyse the 'damage' i know that it has left the rest of my hymen hanging there and it really is horrible. My boyfriend and I are very close so he knows about it and he says it doesnt bother him at all....but it really does look horrible,and has made me really worried about him going down there and having sex again.im worried its goin to get caught and i dont know what i should do as i have no one to talk to who can help. is this a common thing to happen and will my hymen wear away in time? (link)
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A septate hymen can be resolved with a quick procedure by your gyno. If the band of thick tissues that divided your hymen is what's hanging out, the only person who can help is your gyno.
If this skin is inside your vagina, it might be decided that it doesn't create any actual problem. But if it does, or if you feel uncomfortable, the procedure will actually remove the band.
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Hmm, okay in order to make my question short, I'll just ask one question and anyone willing to help, please give me your e-mail, AIM, YIM, MSN or some way of me being able to contact you.
Are there any bi, gay, or lesbian columnists on this site because I'm having trouble and issues with coming out [I'm bi and 14/f] and I would really like your help on how to deal with things and what to do...
No offense or anything but if you're not out, you're obviously not going to be able to help me [unless your friend goes/went through the same thing]
Thanks very much!!! (link)
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Feel free to ask questions to my inbox regarding any aspect of coming out. I don't give out my personal contact details, but I do have a forum if you are more comfortable with an informal type of conversation.
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im 14 and i use a vibrator. Will it do any damage to me in any way? (link)
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A vibrator will not hurt you if you are being gentle. Some important hygiene tips:
Never share sex toys unless everyone using it puts a condom on it. Sex toys can safely be washed in warm, soapy water. This should be done regularly, condoms or not.
If you use lubrication, use only water-based - oil-based lubes can eat right through a silicone vibrator.
If you are using a non-conventional vibrator (like something you found around the house) make sure it's got no sharp edges and it is clean, clean, clean.
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when my boyfriend fingers me i get a sensation as if im going to pee...i dont know what it is so i make him stop...is this normal or is it just my imagination? (link)
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This is normal, though many women find it weird before they realise what's happening.
There's a spot in your vagina called the G Spot. You can imagine where it is by visualising putting your finger in your vagina and making a 'come here' motion. When you are not exciting, it is not noticeable. It swells up when you are exciting.
Direct stimlation on this spot can make a woman feel like she needs to pee. She will NOT pee if this area continues to be touched, and in fact many women say it leads to great orgasms. Still, to each their own. Experiment and see what feels right for you.
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after sex, my vagina usually feels itchy or irritated. is this normal? (link)
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If you are having particularly rough sex, having a lot of sex, or are having sex after a long time of not having it, a certain amount of irritation might be expected.
Other than these circumstances, being itchy or irritated is something that needs to be checked out. You could have a sensitivity to the type of protection you're using (if you're having sex with a guy, there are vagina-friendly condom options) or (with guy or girl) you might be sensitive to hand lotion, etc.
It's best to see your gyno - you should have one if you are having sex - and explain what you're experiencing. She/he will be able to figure out what's going on and what you can do about it.
I wish you the best.
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