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Over It
Alright, so, I have a boyfriend. We've been talking for a year but technically only been together 4 months. It's a very...intense relationship and we've dealt with a lot. Both of us have some depression problems so i don't think it's the healthiest relationship in the world. I think we should break up, or at leat take a long break but I know if i tell him this he'll do something drastic. He has problems with cutting as did I and the last time something like this came up he almost killed himself. I guess part of me is tired of being around guys like this. Anyone have any advice on letting him go without him doing something horrible?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I understand why you would be feeling nervous about breaking up with someone who has not dealt well with this situation in the past.
But the simple fact is that you are not responsible for him. You are responsible for you.
This doesn't mean you need to be callous or insensitive, but it DOES mean that you deserve to take your own needs seriously. Staying with someone because they may self-harm or try to kill themselves isn't a good place to be - particularly if you are also dealing with depression.
If you want to end things, think of a tactful, sensitive way to do so. He'll possibly take it badly no matter what you say, so prepare yourself for that possibility. Perhaps you may want to get some counselling in place for yourself to help deal with the situation - and if he's open-minded, perhaps you can suggest the same to him.
At the end of the day, however, you can't have control over his behaviours. If he does self-harm or threaten suicide, it's not your fault. He is making his own choices, and he's the one who must bear the ultimate responsibility for that.
If you are close to any of his friends or family, you may want to alert them to your concerns.
This could be your chance to stop being around 'guys like this.' With some time to yourself to reflect, you may be able to figure out what sort of guys you WOULD like to be around. This is a chance for you to make a positive choice for yourself.
I wish you both the best.
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Sit him down & talk to him about it. Let him know you just want a break to experience other things & to grow up a bit. Explain you can still be friends, but nothing more until you're positive of what you want.
Explain to him that you value him, and wouldn't want him to hurt himself over you.
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The truth is there is no easy answer to this question. What you need to decide is if you really want out or you don't. Sometimes in relationships like yours you want out sometimes and other times it is as if only the two of you can truly understand one another and you can't imagine being without that person. If you want to stay that;s ok you'll leave when your ready. But if you want to go you must realize you are not responsible for your lover. Nothing you do or say can control their behavior. Just make sure you say what you mean and if your lover is a true danger to himself recommend to him that he seek professional help or speak to someone you think might be in a position to help him and discuss your concerns. Keep in mind you are only responsible for yourself but by breaking it off and then going back you are doing damage to both yourself and your lover so make a decision and stick with it even when it hurts.
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If he is not an angry person talk to him about cutting. You aid you got over it talk to him tell him. Sure its and addiction but talk to him about that first before talking to him about breaking up. After that you need to talk about your guys depression problems you have each other dont you? After that talk to him just talk to him but anything . Well after all that if nothing changes then you need well to talk to him again, and you probobly need to tlk to him about killing himeself, even if you have already need to again. I believe that you can get through to him but i dont know the whole story now do i so if im wrong im sorry. But after all that you guys can grow up or you can leave him without him doing anything.
Well good luck.
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