A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
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Me and my boyfriend have been dating for two months now. And of course we are kinda getting hot and heavy alot! well.. one day we were having oral sex and his penis size is like 3 inches (he told me that to). Well i'm not a virgin and we've been talking about having sex alot. but i don't know what to do because i think it's too small to pleasure me. and i don't want to mean or fake it.. so i really need help! (link)
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Poor guy.
I mean, if you're both willing, give it a shot. He might surprise you.
If what he has is not going to do it for you, theres not much you can do. While I'm all for human kindness and for not being shallow and loving someone for whats inside, practical reality sometimes intervenes. If you cant be satisfied by him then its eventually going to lead to you cheating or being miserable, keep that in mind if you decide to stay with him.
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ok boy boyfriend has a little sister , shes 6 ;
ok just now shes starting to sleep in her rom which is across from her brother [ boyfriend ] & she usualy sleeps with her mom and dad . But now sence she " says " she sleeps in her bed , she always gos to justins room and he lets her , he lets her stay up late and he holds her and everything . But i dont think he should keep doing it because he's going to mess her sleeping up for school and everything & he shouldnt baby her like he does because she's going to get use to it & how is she going to learn to sleep in her 0WN bed if she always crys and sleeps with justin ?
am i right or am i wrong ? beacuse he gets mad when i say he shouldnt do that .
thanks (link)
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Unlike an attachement to parents, a brothers and sisters inevitably separate, especially if she is 6 and he is dating age. Hes going to move out someday, and shes going to have to learn to live at home and sleep alone without him. For now, its harmless.
Leave it be. Let them bond, it will make them closer as time passes.
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I got a new phone from T-Mobile for Xmas and it comes with a music player (MP3 player) How do I add full songs to it? (link)
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Usually the manual that comes with the phone explains this. Maybe you should read it?
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Okay, I have a couple questions:
1. What's the main difference between how the movies are drawn in cartoon movies and anime movies? Like they look different, but how? I just can't put my finger on it?
2. As much as I am super mainstream, I loved the movies "Spirited Away" and especially "Howl's Moving Castle". I really loved the latter. Could anyone recommend any movies like that one?
Thanks in advance.
(P.S. Sorry if this in the wrong category. I didn't know what to put it in.) (link)
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1) Alot of it has to do with subject matter. Anime often times addresses more adult subjects than cartoons do, and so when you address an adult subject your cartoon has to be drawn in a way thats taken somewhat seriously.
Look at bugs bunny and look at Spirited Away. Bugs bunny is just supposed to be goofy. Its simple humor. Drawn that way and written that way.
Look at spirited away. Its a whimsical movie thats still somewhat serious at times. Its drawn that way. But owing to a more complex story the drawings and visuals are also more complex and interesting.
2) Princess Mononoke. Its got the same Director as both Spirited Away and Howls Moving Castle (Princess mononoke was the first, spirited away his second, and Howls Moving Castle his third movie)
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My friend, Jayelle (16) is very into drugs and although I have been friends with her for three years, I'm way different than her. I'm not into that and no one can influence me to do so. However, she's ruining her life and she doesn't care and slowly she's trying to drag me with her.
Her parents don't know that she uses drugs and I don't see how. She's always high and she has drugs in her room. They're clueless. I don't feel comftrable being around her anymore and I have talked to her about it but it goes in one ear and out the other so I stoped trying.
She got upset with me because I did not want to hang out with her because of it and I honestly did not feel guilty for it.
Here's the problem. Both Jayelle & I got invited to a college party but I would not go because they're crazy and I did not want anything bad to happen but she still decided to go. She called me at 2 in the morning asking me to come pick her up. I'm also 16 and I don't have a car of my own so there was no way I could leave. I felt really bad because I knew she was in deep trouble. High, drunk and with a bunch of older guys. I freaked out so I called her older sister who is 18. She acted calm and went and picked her up. I got a phone call from Jayelle the next day cursing me out and blaming me for getting grounded. I felt really bad but I honestly don't feel like it's my fault.
Even though I don't want to be friends with her because of the things she does, I still don't want anything bad to happen to her. Her mother found her drugs and basically cursed me out for it because I didn't go with her to the party and "protect" her. I was shocked.. hearing that from an adult! My mom took my side and is proud of me for not following into her footsteps but there is a part of me that feels horrible. What do I do. Thank you so much!! (link)
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You and your mother are correct.
How to explain this succinctly...
Drugs are a personal choice. People who choose to do them take on the responsibility of doing them and are responsible for their own safety. It is NEVER your obligation to spend your time taking care of someone who cant and wont take care of themselves.
She isnt really a friend. And I can guarantee you its not her fault, from the sounds of it her mother has been teaching her how to avoid taking responsibility for the things that she does.
You do have a problem though. Your friend is going to have to hit bottom to realize her mom is wrong and she needs to take responsibility for herself. As long as she has friends like you protecting her from herself, she ISNT going to hit bottom and she isnt going to learn.
Its time to end this friendship. I dont know if thats possible for you, but its in both of your best interests. The more you let her hang on the worse its going to be for her. At least at 16 shes got the chance to fuck her life up while still in her parents house, which makes it easier to get back on her feet after. It gets worse if she moves out and then fucks up with less of a safety net/no safety net at all.
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So for the past two months, I haven't been going to church every Sunday, like AT ALL due to a fight that my aunt and my mom had and I got sucked in their problem making my relationship with my aunt nonexistent. This morning, I said sorry to my aunt and we're OK now but the church is my problem because there's a lot of nosy people at church questioning WHY I haven't been at church. What should I say? I can't tell the truth because it's really stupid and ridiculous and I don't want them to see me as childish and an immature brat. But on another note, I don't want to lie under God so... if there is such thing as a "true lie" can you please give me advice on what I should do? Thanks. (link)
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Learn these words.
"Its personal, and I don't want to talk about it"
Theres never a need to lie when you have the right to tell someone that you dont intend to discuss something with them.
Just tell them that its your own business and dont explain at all. If someone pushes then tell them straight up.
"I am not going to discuss this with you"
You have a right to privacy. Your family issues are not your church's business, no matter how nosy and entitled they might think they are.
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i know 14-w/e yr old guys only think about sex (supposedly)
does a guy thats in 8th grade (13-14) only think aboout sex?? i think its kind of young (and disturbing) but idk. (link)
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Are you kidding?
When I was younger (and the internet was all dialup) and we didnt have the information available, we still thought about sex, we just didnt know enough about it to go after it.
The difference is today an 11 or 12 year old can go online and surf up all the information about sex. Then they find websites like this and it seems like everyone is having sex these days and they all want to try it too.
Kids are sexualized at a much earlier age than they used to be. Ive read about 13 year olds having threesomes on here. It is very young, and very disturbing.
Thats something thats going to become a major issue eventually in this country. Because it used to be, you just didnt teach your kids about it, and it took them a while to find out on their own. Now, you dont teach your kids about it and theres misinformation everywhere so we are either going to have to seriously step up sexual education in this country or we're going to keep going downhill.
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whats the concequences on teen pregnancy? i know school and everything but i see alot of girls 15-17 pregnant and they love it. and how come everyone says it messes up the economy and that the government spends way to much money on teen pregnancy? i dont see how teen pregnancy costs the government any money. (link)
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This question is exactly why people your age are highly discouraged from having kids. Because the only experience you really have with life is what youve seen with your own two eyes and you arent experienced enough to understand the concept that there are alot of things you HAVENT experienced.
Its a lack of understanding of your own smallness.
Anyway. Teen pregnancy affects alot of people.
The biggest problem is it affects the child. Children need adult role models, people who have the experience of setting up a stable life and living well independently in society so that they can emulate their parents and have that to fall back on. A teenaged mother is completely incapable of that, as is the father of a child with someone 15-17.
Also, the child will be worse cared for. Compare a two income family and the time they have to dedicate to having children with a teen mother who hasnt even got a high school diploma and cant get a job for more than 7-9 dollars an hour to support their kid? Or the mother who wants to get through college?
Now, for the government, teen mothers qualify for all kinds of aid money. Single mothers get aid money as well. Food stamps, maybe a housing supplement, etc. This may continue for a long while, and people who saddle themselves with kids put both themselves and their children at risk of not being decently productive members of society.
The mothers get used to being taken care of because they cant do it themselves, they dont go to college meaning they still cant fully take care of themselves, the children are born to parents who probably cant afford college for them either. So the kids lose out on opportunities there.
Also look at friends and family. A 17 year old girl who cant pay for her kids needs... someone has to pick that up. Usually its the parents and/or family of the parent(s) of the kid who pick up the tab.
Yeah, your friends love it. They are young, and stupid, and selfish, and havent learned about the bigger world around them that is making it possible for them to get knocked up at an early age. They dont know or care how many people are affected negatively.
If nothing else, think of the kid. Any child had by a teen parent is going to have fewer advantages in life and will be raised sub par to any child raised by a married stable couple who provide a family and a home for that child to be born into. Whats the better idea? A kid being raised by two parents who show them that you should be stable in family and finance before taking on serious responsibility like childrearing? Or a kid being raised by their grandparents because mommy and daddy were not smart enough to control themselves and having that as an example to emulate in their own lives?
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does anybody know something i can download to get rid of spyware,viruses and pop-ups? my computers constantly going slow and i have millions of pop-ups saying i have spyware and errors on my computer. but i need something thats free and doesn't include having to register. Something that will scan my computer and get rid of all this junk for free. i really need something to download quick.i'm really getting frusterated. please reply soon. thank you veryy much. (link)
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I'm going to second spybot search and destroy. It is far and away the best spyware program Ive ever used. Ad aware cant even come close.
http://www.safer-networking.org/index2.html
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ok so im a tom boy and i say im pretty freakin awsome im 15 and im girl you might of figured that cause you would hope that a boy acted like a boy any way the freakin stupid kids at school are always saying stuff like you should wear make up you are lesbian and shit and stuff i get in fist fights all the time i dont care my theme song is bad reputation one day i got backed up into a wall because of this group of "popular" girls and they were like why are you a tom boy you should act like a girl why dont you wear make up and one girl got out a bag of make up and she was like i put some blush and lip stick and shit on you and you will look great and i punched her and ran and then one time i was invited to a sleep over and a bunch of girls were there and they all were tryin to get me to look nice and shit and i hit a girl and her brother came in a gave me a black eye and one day 2 boys followd me home and when i got to my yard they beet me up and i cralwed through the door coverd in blood and my parents had to call the police i am so tierd of people doing stuff to me and calling me lesbian and making me fuckin mad I AM SO FUCKIN TIERD OF IT HELP ME PLEASE (link)
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Well, for one thing, tone down the violence.
From what I'm seeing, you start alot of the issues you have by hitting first.
If you just said no and walked away when people tried to get you to put on makeup, it would be different. But no, you are hitting people with what seems to be little provocation.
It sounds like to a degree you are creating your own misery. Stop letting yourself be provoked into fighting and I imagine alot of your problems will go away from there.
Beyond that, people are and always will be stupid. Ignore it as best you can and dont start fights over it.
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I've been going out with this guy for eight and a half months. i really care about him, and as far as i know it's mutual. Recently i've been having serious issues with jealousy. There's this one girl he's always either talking to, or about. And she's the same way about him. I know he doesn't mean anything by it, but i'm beginning to think that she has a thing for him. i don't know what to do. i'm not the kind of person who can just sit back, watch and trust him to take care of it. i trust him not to cheat on me, but i don't think it would be beyond him to dump me for her. he has so many classes with her, and he seems to get along with her so well. I've told him about it, and all he ever does is assure me he's not attracted to her. That's not enough. Deep down i want him to just have nothing to do with her, but i would never ask him to do that, it would make him unhappy. but i don't know what to do right now, because i'm unhappy. (link)
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You know, its funny.
I see alot of Idealistic "If you cant trust him, then you shouldnt be in a relationship with him" responses. All the innocence of youth.
Truthful answer, part of this is in your head. Possibilities always exist. You cant stop that.
Honestly, without knowing him and the girl in question, I cant give you any true estimates about his interest level or what he thinks.
You do need to talk to him about it. If you're having issues you need to come to him now and explain that you don't want to build up some huge reserve of jealousy that comes out at the wrong moment.
But you also need to realize that part of this jealous issue is inside your head. Unless hes giving you a bunch of danger signs that you havent mentioned it sounds like you need to work on your own jealous issue. You need to ask yourself why you're jealous and fight against it with the fact that you DO trust him not to cheat on you.
Again, without knowing him and her, I cant give you much better than that. I have no way of evaluating things like your "leaving me for her wouldnt be beyond him" comment to see how true it is.
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okay,my boyfriend and i were having sex one night and he ask if he could put his penis in my ureathra (i dont think i spelled it right) but he said he wanted to put his fingers in first. to warm me up then work his way in to puting his penis in. should i let him? is that safe? (link)
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This is not possible. Thats akin to trying to shove a penis inside another guys penis. Not physically possible.
I'll add my vote to the "tell him to go look up a map of female anatomy" comments.
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recently my fiance told me he has feelings for another girl. but see..we have a long distance relastionship which is hard on us. we have been together for a year and we have only met once. but back to the issue. he said he likes her but loves me and would never cheat on me i beleive him and trust him completly. but they way he talks about her. it just hurts me so much. and before all of this we broke up for a week. and he went out with my bestfriend. which absoloutly killed me. of course. i took him back because i love him more then anything. but im afraid to talk to him about it and tell him how i feel about him liking her because im afraid he will get mad or something. im so confused and hurt i just dont know. i need help. please help me. (link)
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He's your fiance and you've met once and been in a relationship for a year.
Sweetheart, I'm sorry to say, but that is not a relationship. Not really.
I've been at a distance on and off with my current for 3 years. But we saw each other multiple times a month. There were times when we went as long as 4 weeks between visits, but we have also lived together. (Complicated situation that doesnt need explaining here)
It takes face to face interaction to really get to know someone. To know their reactions, their habits, the way they think. Online you see only what someone wants you to see.
Talking is all you can do. So talk about it. But I'm telling you that its a danger sign if you are his fiance after 1 meeting and a year of phone and aim conversations.
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My boyfriend and I have never had penetrative sex--or sex at all, honestly. We've only dry humped through four layers of clothing (his two, my two). Bodily fluids have never been exchanged.
I'm currently on my period.
Today I woke up with a throbbing headache; later on during the day, I experienced great fatigue and ran a fever of 100.4. I've been experiencing chills and hot flashes. My stomach feels odd, but not any different from other pains I've experienced while on my period.
Are these symptoms of pregnancy, or am I being far too paranoid? (link)
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Way too paranoid.
First off, fever isnt a sign of pregnancy. All those together mean you're sick.
Second, you should know enough about sex to know the ways someone can get pregnant and the chances of it happening. You need to go to coolnurse.com and read pretty much the entire website sometime when you get bored.
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you know when you go to like a resteraunt and you have more than eight people or so? Well they're like if you have a group more than that we include the tip! BUT DO YOU STILL PAY ADDITIONAL TIP?!
THANK YOUUUUUUUUU! (link)
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Depends on the gratuity attached and such.
Usually, if you are being charged an automatic gratuity the restaurant is taking part of that. If the service was good, show them that by leaving a cash tip. Even if its just an extra dollar or two from each of you, it lets them know they did good work and that you appreciated it.
Generally speaking, if I went with a group and there were 8 of us and they charged us a 15% gratuity I would leave another 1-5 dollars on the table depending on the quality of the service and the size of the bill. Generally I wont leave a tip of more than 50 anywhere but then I occasionally see some pretty large bills.
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so, i was just wonderig, if it is possible to be in love at age 13? i know it sounds like a stupid question. but is that possible? since 13 is such a young age. (link)
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How to describe this.
When I was 13 I was in love with my girlfriend at the time. She was sweet, we loved being around each other, she made me laugh. I thought that my love for her was the biggest thing I would ever feel.
A few years later I was with someone else. I knew her, her laugh, her smile, I could close my eyes and see hers. If my love for this girl was an ocean, then my love for my first had been a bucket.
As you grow as a person, and grow into an adult, you slowly gain more and more access to stronger emotions. The bonds you form now will not be as deep as the bonds you will be capable of forming later, but that does not mean that they are not real.
Another way to look at it.
Previous girlfriends and I had been together for up to a year. My current and I hit three years in less than a month. Think about your relationships. It feels like you love them more and more as time goes on, right?
Same thing for me. I love her a bit more every day. Think about how much I love her after 3 years compared to other girlfriends who were a year? Ive had time to fall that much deeper.
And when you get this deep, then you cant look at the way you feel about someone after a month the same way. Previous girlfriends I told them I loved them after a month. I did love them, but not as much as I was capable of loving.
Now, if I were to end up single and start dating again, I imagine it could take 6 months or more before I said the words "I love you". Because I understand now how far in I can fall for someone and I will compare other relationships to that and hold back until I get somewhere near that point.
Its possible to be in love at 13. But put simply, the love is not the deepest love you are capable of. It takes time to find out how deep you can go.
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what are some games like catch phrase or taboo where you have to be interactive and on teams. i can think of a few, but i want more ideas. any help? (link)
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Cranium.
Best.Game.Ever.
Its a huge mix. It has trivia, spelling, history, charades, taboo, pictionary, etc. The last time we played someone had to silently act in such a way that I would guess he was "tofu"
We didnt get it, but damn was it funny watching him try.
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Who is this guy and what exactly does he do? The only thing people ever say about him are sentences similar to these...
"Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognises the element of surprise"
When Chuck Norris jumps in the ocean he doesn't get wet, the ocean gets Chuck Norris'd
CHUCK NORRIS DOES NOT WEAR A CONDOM
because
THERE IS NO PROTECTION FROM CHUCK NORRIS. (link)
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Chuck Norris would be God, but he wouldn't want to be known as a less powerful being.
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how do i tell my girlfriends that she needs to shave down there without being really mean. she can be kinda sensitive about that kinda stuff. help please. (link)
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Ahh, and you can see the ladies ringing in below.
First things first. If you approach this from a "I shouldnt be asking" standpoint and act guilty when you say it, shes of course going to scent that theres something wrong and be upset about it.
Step one: Act like it isnt a big deal.
Because it isnt. Its grooming. Anyone with half a brain and a decent sex life knows its because you find someone who is all about pleasing you. That has to be a two way streak, partners should always be willing to try things out to make the other partner happy within reasonable bounds of comfort.
If she wanted you to trim you should be equally willing.
Step two: the ask.
Be naked with her. Give her a nice rubdown. Make a few comments about how soft she is. Girls are soft, smooth, and sexy. Let her know you notice this. Rub a hand up her thigh and comment again on how smooth she is. Run your hand up higher to places with a little hair and say something like "I wonder how smooth you could be here"
Step three: The actual request.
Ok. Asking her to shave with a razor regularly is going to be hell for her and you. Razorburn kills sex drives and the 5 o'clock shadow downstairs is even worse (yay sandpaper =/). But you want her nice and neat.
Solution is a beard trimmer. Those can cut her down to about a 1/4 inch or less, prevents ingrown hairs, and leaves her with a patch that is short enough to have the hair be soft and long enough not to be scratchy.
Hell, go so far as to buy the beard trimmer (like 15 bucks at wal-mart or target or CVS) to prepare.
Approach this whole thing with an air of curiosity. You arent "asking her to change because you dont like the way she is" you are "asking her if you can try something out because you've never been with a girl who was trimmed like that and you want to know what its like"
The best wishes of guys everywhere go with you. Tame the jungle. ;-)
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ok so a week ago my parents called and said they need me to find them a place and "prepare it a little" my dad use to never say no all we had to do is ask for the money and since we always felt bad and considered whether we needed it or not that much we kind of grew responsible about finances not to mention sensitive when asking him. now my dad uses that as weapon. and if i do ask i go through a horrible guilt trip....
so anyway as expected i wasted all my allowence AND went SOOOO overboard with my credit card that now i am 3000 dollars in debt and i need to pay it off. i have no source of income but him and he wont let me work (long story) and i can't ask him coz he'll say i wasted money on unnecessary things... how do i budget this? minimum payment is 60 bux. and in total i get 1500 a month for food expenses clothe gas books supplies leisure and the rest of my college needs... what do i do? with them living so close by i don't know how to budget my way out of this with out feeling choked. i have a 200 obligation for my gym monthly and 40 hair treatment... how to i manage the rest of this? please help?
(link)
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Start cancelling bills if you can. No more hair treatments or gym membership.
You're at college. You can find a part time job without telling him. Unless you live at home or something.
Oh, and pay more than the minimum payment. That will barely cover your interest every month, the money will just sit there while the company makes money off of you.
Also, consider telling your father. A debt like that does not need to just sit there. Either get a job or consider talking to him, or else start cutting everything that isnt an absolute neccesity (basically everything but phone, food, maybe gas, and school supplies) and pay this off as fast as humanly possible.
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