stargirl51's advice column

askstargirl51

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: I don't want to be the type of person who gets bored. Only boring people get bored. What's a way to always be entertaining? I feel so outcasted and wasted when I see other people living it up & I'm sitting here wondering how it's done.

Not just boring people get bored. Entertaining people get bored too.

Why not just get up and go out?

Walk around. Explore your neighborhood (if it's safe enough, of course). Explore your city. make sure to go with a buddy or something though. To be safe and all.

You'd be surprised at where your own two feet can take you.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: sorry if any of you get disgusted.
i had sex on saturday.. by monday i started to find blood coming out of.. there.. but not bright red or pink just a faded red color.. its been going on till today.. should i be worried? its not my period because it's not as heavy as it would be, and im not expecting it till aug. 3rd or so.. what could this be? implantation bleeding? something serious? thanks in advance.

It could be this:

If he was fingering you, he might've scratched along the uterine wall. The tissue there is very thin so if a guy has long nails (or jagged fingernails), he could make a scratch and that could induce bleeding. Usually, it stops within the day. If it's until today, it might be because he hit a major vein.

But if the bleeding has continued until NOW, you should seek your health professional IMMEDIATELY. Just to be on the safe side, you know? Talk with your doctor about it.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: 13 yr old
female

like i think guyz are intimadated by me cause im pretty and nice and fun. Like, i know tons of guyz who like me (or show signs that they do) and then neva ask me out. I like this guy and me and him became really close as friends and i heard him talkin about taking me to the dance and then he neva asked me to the dance and he didnt ask me to dance at the dance! But, when i saw him at the dance he was all depressed and stared out the window the WHOLE time! So, idk what to do and yah. SO how do i get guyz not to be imtimadated by me and how do i get this guy to ask me out cause i am SOO not asking him out! But one more question: Should the guy or the girl always make the first move? and should the guy always ask out the girl?
PLEASE ANSWER ALL OF MY QUESTIONS!!! THANKS!

Very few guys are confident enough to actually approach a girl to ask a guy out at your age. Unfortunately, it might take a while before guys actually start to actively ask girls out.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a girl making the first move. It shows that you're confident and makes it possible for some guys to gather the courage to ask you out later on.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: I remember there used to be courses (like which classes you are taking on facebook) did they delete that? Where do I go to fill in my courses so that it would show up on my profile thanks

Go to Applications and there should be a search box that says "Search Applications" I think I know the application you're talking about. It's now called Courses 2.0 I think.

Cheers,
stargirl

Q: okay, i've known this guys since i was like two, and now i'm foureen, so quite a long time! but 5 five years ago i started to get a crush on him, i realise i was only nine, but since then the crush has been on and off. but recently i thought it was off, but then i seem to dream about him all the time, and we flirt all the time... so my question is, if you dream about a guy, does it mean you like them? hmmm... x

If he appears in your dream, he could be a representation for something else as dreams sometimes do that. It depends on the context of your dream.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: 14/F

Advicenators,

I have a month until school starts
& i hav an hour or two every day to lay out
Just be outside, swim, read magazines, etc.

I was wondering, when is the best time of day to get tan? Is tanning oil a good or bad idea? Any tips? How long should i stay in the sun? How long does it take to get your face tan?

Thanks in advance

You might also keep in mind that while tanning gives a desirable skin tone, it could be endangering skin health later on down the road.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: okay, i know what it is, but what does S & M actually stand for? x

Sado -
Comes actually from the Marquis de Sade. It DOES NOT mean sexual. Sado is short for sadism which means "deriving pleasure from inflicting pain on others"

Masochism -
Comes from Leopold von Sacher-Masoch. It means "pleasure from receiving pain."

cheers,
stargirl

Q: Okay so, my best friend since birth, lives right next to me, we're inseperable. And she was datinga complete jerk. Total ass. I hate him so much, and I always will. He was cheating on her last year, and she didn't believe me, then he came clean and apologized and said "she's the only girl for him" well, He got her pregnant, and its right before Senior year.
We start school september third and she just found out she's pregnant like, a week ago. I havn't talked to her at all, because we got into a huge fight. She doesn't have much of a mom, she hasn't seen her in almost 8 years. So I'll admit sometimes I take her mom's place.
I feel horrible, because I told her all the things she shouldn't have done and everything and that she's only 18 and I knew this would happen and she never listened to me. And she wants to keep her baby. Also, her "boyfriend" told her he'd be there for her, but he's not talking to her and she has no idea where he is.
So he bailed but she won't see it! I feel like she needs me, and I feel bad, but she was screaming at me. So I yelled at her. And then she got morning sickness, and I could see how sick she seemed. How can I help her? What should I say? I miss my best friend, and I don't know how to apologize. What happens when your pregnant? Please Help!

She might've been screaming at you because she's so scared about what she's going to do. With no maternal figure, she probably has 0 support. That's one thing you can do.

Another thing you can do (this ties into support for her) is help her through the process of having a kid. Take her to the doctor, get a check up. If she doesn't have health insurance, try going to a local Planned Parenthood center. They'll provide all the information you need to help her through it.

Since this is the first trimester, she won't really show yet. Morning sickness, tenderness, mood swings, she'll feel all that. She'll need to keep off her feet. She'll also need to eat healthy. Meaning as little to no caffeine as possible and little to no junk food.

She should also use this time to try to get things in order for her baby. Because that baby is going to be the star of her life once it's born.

Just let her know that you CAN go through school with a pregnancy. You CAN work at the same time with a pregnancy. Just make sure things are clear with the counselor or principal that she may need to leave a bit towards the end of the school year.

But right now, the best thing you can do to help your friend is to take her to a doctor or Planned Parenthood so that she could have a healthy term.

I hope all that helped.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: I'm 15. I hate being around my family because they always make me feel like I'm not good enough, I do everything wrong and all they do is yell at me. I live with my Dad and my step-mom. I have for 4 years sience step-dad started getting way too abusive. I don't know what to do. I am on anti-depressents and they were working for awhile but now thath the stress at home started getting worse and so did the yelling, all I do is cry. Please help?

A good way to avoid family time is to be involved in WAY more school activities like after school clubs and such. It's good in making you feel good, especially when you find clubs that suit your own interests.

Another good thing about being involved with school stuff is that it looks great on your college application.

All this is a good stand in until you leave for college. This is actually a great incentive to go to college. You could live at the dorms. Or if you can't afford that, you could just stay and "study" during the majority of your time there.
cheers,
stargirl

Q: 15/F
For five months i've been dating this guy, and all has gone well!
He's really respectful, and sweet, and it seemed he really liked me for me.
About two weeks ago, we started making out on a daily basis.
Which is fine, because i really love him, and i love kissing him and stuff. But lateley everytime i try talking to him, or want to have fun, making out is all he wants to do.
Now, i said this before, i love making out with him, but i want to do other things too sometimes you know?
Yesterday, he brought me in the garage so we could do nothing BUT make out.
Theres more to realationships and love then just making out.
I know hes really into me and i know he loves me, but what are some very slight hints i can give him that will indicate that i want to do something else when i dont feel like making out?
Dont say change the subject because it never works, i tried it.
He'll just say "You're so pretty"
or
"You're so cute"
and then he'll kiss me.
what do i do?

Or you could just dump his sorry rear.

It's not love. It's hormones.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: ok so my bf is amazing...he just doesn't see me as sexy as he should. He has the beg respect for me but other "sexy girls" attract his attention. Im seeing him this weekend and I just want him to think of me in a whole new sexy way without losing the respect. I want him to think "Damn! I've never see this in her!"

Is that possible and how? Thanks :)

-mandaaa 16

There are PLENTY of ways to be sexy but still keep your dignity.

Dress in clothes that play up your assets and play down the things you're not so confident about.

Take up a bellydancing class. Installs confidence galore and is a very respectful ancient tradition.

Learn to improve your confidence. If anything, it will definitely make his head turn.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: I am a guy who Crossdresses uses Tampons I dont think im Gay mabee bisexual because i think about doing things with guys but only if forced to do it . I am very submmisive to girls and like girls who will boss me around and make me do what they want.no matter what it is or how humiliating it might be. My guess is that i would like to be a slave to a girl who want everything done for her.
My qustion is how messed up is this or is this something that a lot of guys do and think about
thank you
Sissy Melissa

Sissy Melissa,

No, it's not messed up. Actually it's a very common secretive fantasy for many men to be dominated. For a lot, it releases them from being the aggressor in day to day life

Cheers,
stargirl

Q: ok i'm 10 and i'm 5'0 i weigh,140 pounds does ney one have a soulotoin for this thx! i mean lyke looseing weight

My advice:

Eat healthy. Exercise.

And worry about your weight in a decade. Because it's going to fluctuate and (who knows) even out during your teenager years.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: 15/f

I know that I've had depression since I was in 4th/5th grade. My mom has found some pieces of paper with writing that said something about suicide. I've talked to her about it. She still refuses to believe me and try to help me. I'm pretty much alone. I'm banned from my best friend, who is the only person I actually talk to, so I can't talk to her except every other day for like 20min.

I really don't know what to do. I'm always thinking of suicide and hurting myself. I shut myself off from people at times just so that I won't feel anything. I can't go talk to a counselor or a doctor because my parents will be pissed off at me for "going behind their backs" and "embarrassing them". I don't know what to do. I've tried talking, I've tried writing, I've tried exercising, etc. Nothings working anymore.

Have you tried meditating?

Yes, I'm serious.

To be able to shut the world away and look deep inside of yourself. It allows you to soul search and find the true root of your depression.

It could very well be bipolar disorder or even biological depression.

Another thing to try is to disregard what your parents' reaction will be like and GO to a counselor. Not a school counselor. Like a real counselor. Almost all universities offer a psychological health department. They usually offer a free first consultation and will call the proper authorities if things are really that bad.

Your mom could just be in true denial. It might be therapeutic for you both to go after the first session by yourself. Maybe it'll really get to her when she hears it from a professional.

I hope this reaches you in time.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: I've recently went into a relationship not long ago. I've met this really wonderful guy and he's really a very nice person.

He goes to the same school as me but the sad thing is, our timetables are very different, and we can only meet up at most once a week. Don't tell me to meet him on weekends cos both of us will be too busy catching up on our homework.

I keep thinking and missing him when he's not around me. And it's getting bad because I'm missing sleep over him. Today I actually cried on the phone when I talked to him because I really miss him so much. He told me that I shouldn't tire myself like that. And that it's not healthy for me to go on this way. He told me that I should focus on my work when I have to. I asked him if he thinks of me when he's busy and he said "honestly, no. Because I know I have to be focused". I was so hurt when he said that.

And the thing is, when I get to see him face to face, I tend not to cherish the time we have together and I just waste it away by being shy and stupid.

I really miss him and I can only get to meet him next wednesday. I need help in dealing with me missing him. It's not healthy for me to go on like this. I really don't know who to turn to and I don't wanna keep bothering my friends about this. Please..I feel terrible. I really miss him and I need to learn how to get over this without making him feel like I'm getting all sticky and immature.

Have you tried keeping on correspondence with him? Like daily emails? Or video chatting?

Another thing you might want to look into is just how much you miss him. Yes, it's normal to miss but not so much that you lose sleep over it or have your entire world surround him. Take up some hobbies or go out with friends. Because if this is left unchecked, it might spiral into a more serious issue such as extreme dependency.

Cheers,
stargirl

Q: I read something online about a girl wearing a dress without panties and sitting across from a guy on the train and then lifting up her leg so he could see her "parts" and teasing him and touching herself and stuff

i was just wondering, is that like dangerous? or just playful fun?

It could really be either or. Couple of factors go into that though:

1) Public Transit. Not the cleanest place. Can pick up all sorts of disgusting bacteria and such.

2) Dangerous because you never know who is interested.

3) Possibly playful fun because that's just who that person is. Maybe they like to tease.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: my girlfriend has not had her period for awhile. she has to take birthcontrol pills to have her period. i want to give her a creampie but dont know if she can get pregnet. CAN SHE GET PREGNET?

Um...DUH.

First off, birth control pills are only 99% effective. There's still that real pesky 1% lingering. She can still get pregnant even on the BC pills.

Second, is SHE ok with you giving her a creampie? (Which, by the way, is a rather disgusting term that should be reserved for porn sites) This is VERY important because if SHE'S not comfortable with the idea, technically she has evidence for rape. It's a messy business.

Chances are, you both aren't ready for her to be pregnant. So until then, creampies are hot on the web. But can be rather gross in real life.

Q: i'll try to make this short as possible! :
i'm 14/f.
there's this guy; we'll name him jon.
lol well.
i talked to this guy A LOT during the summer and we got really close; i've never seen him in person tho because we always got busy right when we wanted to hang out. well one night in the summer he decided to tell me something that i guess just shocked me. that he had sex last year and it was a mistake and he was being really sweet and was like i can't stand it if your mad at me and so on...
well after that we just kinda stopped talking.
a few weeks ago he txt me again and we just started "flirtin" all over again. wats really weird is he's had sex and i haven't even kissed a guy ; but he thinks i've gone farther like not sex but like ya. anyway. he's one of the sweetest guys i've met well talked to. then last night he said "whats the dirty-est thing you've ever done with a guy?" and i'm just like "well thats my business what about you?" and he said "hand job and i fingered a girl. idk he said he'd never do any of that stuff again unless he REALLY loved the girl. idk i believe him but ugh its just driving me nuts because i'm falling for him i don't think i should be! help
sorry its long :/

To be honest, it sounds VERY fishy. Even if that's just two conversations.

Don't take this word for word because I might be wrong: But it really sounds like he wants some sympathy nookie.

You should get yourself away from this guy. Or at least cool it down to a platonic relationship because the next thing he might count on is for you to fall in love with him. And right after that, he could just outrightly ask for sex. Given that he's told you that he would never do those things unless he "REALLY loved the girl" he would assume that you think he's in love with you so you might let him do it.

Very fishy indeed.

Cheers,
stargirl

Q: if you go out with someone, as in not blind dates, but going out because you like each other, does that mean you become boyfriend and girlfriend?

No. You can go on multiple dates with the person, but it doesn't automatically mean a relationship until one of you says so.

Q: Hi. I'm an 18/f. I've been dating my boyfriend, Joe (also 18 years old), for 4 months now, and I can honestly say I've never been happier. Even though he's 5 states away for college, he still comes to town at every chance available and I talk to him everyday over the phone, through MSN messenger, and through text messages. He came here for my senior prom and we spent 2 weeks together in March.. it's been magical.

We've fought and have had our bad days (or weeks, sometimes), before, but we always work things out openly and honestly with each other. He's the first person in a long line of loser guys to actually make me feel like I'm worth everything.

I've told my friends that I've had thoughts about ending up with Joe in the long-term, like us getting married and all. They think I'm crazy. Am I? Am I being completely irrational for daydreaming about wedding bells?

Also- I'm not in any rush to get married- I want to finish college and get my own place and everything before I make any committments to anyone. So I'm not after a ring just to get married young. I can wait. But I can't see myself being happy with anyone but him.

Advice? Thanks darlings.

Haha. You're not crazy.

Really.

There are plenty of us that see wedding bells before our counterparts do. And because you're at such a young age, it might make heads turn a bit more. It's perfectly ok and rational to daydream about wedding bells and what the caterer would serve.

Just keep the more imminent goals in focus. Because they're going to happen a lot sooner than a wedding.

Cheers,
stargirl