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How Do I Make Myself Better?
15/f
I know that I've had depression since I was in 4th/5th grade. My mom has found some pieces of paper with writing that said something about suicide. I've talked to her about it. She still refuses to believe me and try to help me. I'm pretty much alone. I'm banned from my best friend, who is the only person I actually talk to, so I can't talk to her except every other day for like 20min.
I really don't know what to do. I'm always thinking of suicide and hurting myself. I shut myself off from people at times just so that I won't feel anything. I can't go talk to a counselor or a doctor because my parents will be pissed off at me for "going behind their backs" and "embarrassing them". I don't know what to do. I've tried talking, I've tried writing, I've tried exercising, etc. Nothings working anymore.
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Have you tried meditating?
Yes, I'm serious.
To be able to shut the world away and look deep inside of yourself. It allows you to soul search and find the true root of your depression.
It could very well be bipolar disorder or even biological depression.
Another thing to try is to disregard what your parents' reaction will be like and GO to a counselor. Not a school counselor. Like a real counselor. Almost all universities offer a psychological health department. They usually offer a free first consultation and will call the proper authorities if things are really that bad.
Your mom could just be in true denial. It might be therapeutic for you both to go after the first session by yourself. Maybe it'll really get to her when she hears it from a professional.
I hope this reaches you in time.
cheers,
stargirl
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