A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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i am 16 years old and my cousin is 15 almost 16. we were at my other cousins birthday party, who had turned 16. and we were drinking and things, and my cousin was talking to his guy justin. justin is 18 years old and has a gf who is away at college. my cousin really likes him, my family and i do not!! but she was completely ossified to the point where she was starting to black out, and they were kissing and things and i kept my eye on them. i went into the garage for about 10 mins without checking on them, so i finally decided to check on them, and they walked out the gate, i grabbed my friend john and chased after them because they were heading towards his truck. and my cousin was telling my younger cousin that she wanted to have sex with him. so obviously they went to go have sex. but we chased after them and i freaked out on justin. i promised my cousin if he came back id take her to talk to him. i also promised my brother that if he came back i would call him. justin came back i called my bro, i took my cuz to talk him. my brother and i freaked out on him and kicked him out of the party. my cousin was hysterically crying and was so mad at me. but shes almost over it now. but i was wrong to make him leave when noone wanted him there except for her? he has a girlfriend..and he always uses girls for sex. he tried talking to me in september and i was like no. not happening, i dont/didnt like him at all. plus, shes only had sex once in her life. just tell me...was i wrong? everyone i ask tells me i had every right too to do what i did because i dont want her getting hurt, or pregnant, or being a slut, or getting a profile. (link)
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No, you did not do the wrong thing stopping a guy from having sex with your black out drunk cousin. That's exactly what you should do in a situation like that.
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I have definitely asked this question before, but I need some advice and reassurance as well.
I am sixteen, and I am a junior in high school. My boyfriend is a senior, and we have known each other for a long time, since I was a freshman, but he and I have been dating for six months. Our relationship is absolutely fantastic! We have a good communication and stable trust, and we get along pretty well. We barely ever fight and the conversation is always flowing. And on top of that, he is respectful, patient, funny, and always goes out of his way just for me. It's like I have the perfect guy.
I'm going to dwell a little personally and say I have been in a series of bad relationship after bad relationship. A lot of the guys that hurt me cheated on me, used me, and played so many games with my head. I was very naive and childish. Eventually, I started to stay single for a while, and that's when I started falling for my boyfriend. But anyways, I have always been a little insecure and sensitive. I get a bit upset when I am offended, a little too much. I used to close my boyfriend out and not talk at all, and he'd eventually pry it out of me, but I grew out of it, realizing he cared. But lately, I have been more neurotic than usual. I get pissed over little things, and I take it out on him and get very sensitive. I feel so horrible afterwards because I feel like a bad girlfriend that doesn't deserve the awesome guy she has. He does everything in his power to make me happy yet I continue to be stiff and quiet and snappy when I get upset or something over his jokes or actions I find mean. I hate this feeling and I almost broke up with him today because I feel like he deserves better.
He told me he loves me and he signed up for this, and "by god" he will "fight" for me no matter what. He really wants to get me through this but I am scared I am too down to look past it. (link)
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Lord, the self esteem issues...
Relationships are not about what someone deserves. That's a stupid concept. Relationships are about who you want to be with and who you can enjoy being around. It sounds like he enjoys being around you.
You need to communicate more with him. Talk to him about how you feel when you're not snappy. Let him inside your head, trust him with your insecurities. Tell him what you just told us if you haven't already. Talk to him about what sets you off, and let him talk to you about why he means no harm, why his teasing is all in good fun and meant to show you that he cares and that the little things don't matter to him.
You also need to agree on some kind of touch phrases. These are things that he can say when you're getting upset that will let you stop, take a breath, and calm down. Plenty of people have issues with controlling emotions, especially anger and hurt, and if you talk to him you could find a way for him to help you calm down.
Plan this out. Have things he can tell you when he thinks you're getting too upset or when you're getting catty. Have things you can say to him that let him know you need space for a minute. When you feel like you're getting upset, take a second and if you have to leave the room. Take some deep breaths, calm down, tell yourself "I'm not going to be angry". Then, once you've calmed down, immediately go talk to him about it. If you have to step out more than once in a conversation, do so. Do what you need to keep calm so you can control your own behavior and not build up momentum and just turn into an angry person who can't stop herself from taking things out on him.
You have to fight that stiff and quiet and snappy thing. You have to choose to open up, to give yourself the time you need to calm down and then as soon as you can go to him. Also, never be afraid to apologize and admit fault. Apology, confession, and resolution are the tools you use to break down walls and build them into bridges.
Go forth and build.
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17)F. i lost my virginity to a guy id known a couple weeks when i was 14, he was 19. we had sex just that once. i had a relationship with an 18yr old when i was 15 sex was a big part in the relationship. also 15, i got intimate with a 30yr old married guy with kids :( we did not have sex. }6yrs old 20yr old bf, sex almost 3+ times a day, we lived together. i went clubbing at 16 and went home with a guy i met. found out after sex he was 30 TT'. i had a 17yr old bf this year, we had sex once. and now i have (link)
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First off, don't use the word slut anymore. It's a sexist label meant to shame women for their natural sexual desires.
Craving sex is normal, especially for teenagers. Puberty is a difficult time for most people, their urges sometimes exceed their capacity for adult self control.
As to the rest, honestly your question is just a list of experiences with no emotional or mental context. If you'd like to talk in more detail drop me a question and answer a few questions in the process.
- Describe the relationships with boyfriends, how you interacted with each other and what a day with the two of you was usually like
- Describe the night you went home with the married guy. How did that happen? What was the interaction like
- Describe the process that leads you to decide to have sex with someone. Do you think about it alot? Do you just go with your desires and not think at all?
- Explain why you think guys just want to sleep with you. What about their actions makes you think that? How do guys behave around you? How do they treat you?
- Tell me what you want, what you think you'd like to have so far as relationships or sex go. What is your ideal situation? Why is it ideal?
If you don't want to answer all that, you don't have to, but as it stands your question doesn't have nearly enough information for me to feel like I could offer advice of any kind, I don't know a thing about what's going on in your head. If you do send me a question, give me all the detail you can, the more I know the better my answer.
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I'm pretty sure I already know what you're going to answer because I read your column and I know you give honest concise, smart but sometimes painful advice. But I figure I'd ask anyway because I value your opinion.
I have been with my boyfriend for 11 months now and I have had the most amazing times of my life with him and his friends. He was the sweetest, most amazing and understanding guy when we met, I thought I had hit the jackpot...until he got depression. Our relationship deteriorated since the summer and has now reached a point where I was considering leaving him because I did not know why he was acting the way he was. He was injured in march but has learned how to cope with it and if he stays in the gym he barely feels the pain anymore (back issue). It was hard, through his injury, he was changing into someone else. A person with no empathy that didn't seem to care what I said or how hurt I was by his behavior. I stayed with him during that time partly because I deeply loved who he was before the injury and hoped with time he would be that again, but mostly because I was too weak at the time to leave him and felt guilty because he was hurt and every time I steered the discussion into wanting to leave he professed his love and did everything to get me to stay. Everything except what was needed. To tell me the truth. Because while his back pain has for the most part subsides, his behavior has only gotten worse. He has since summer quit everything he was doing, stopped talking to his friends and would basically only go out with them because I wanted to, and then have a terrible time. He also started being closed off and mean towards me, impatient, would always make me feel bad whenever I did something he did not think was smart. His friends have noticed his behavior too. The other day I was at the point where I broke up with him, and only then did he finally break down.
I told him he was going to end up alone if he didn't change and he told me everything. How hes lost interest in everything, he gets angry instantly, hes always tired, he tries to go out (were only 20) and immediately wants to go home.
When I met him he was experimenting with ecstasy but in a completely recreational and non addictive way and I didn't think anything of it because all of his friends did too. But he now tells me the only reason he did that was because they brought him to a normal level, while everyone else was at a whole different level, and he stopped because he felt like he was living a lie. He says he never remembers a time when he actually felt happy his whole life. He cried to me that it is so hard for him to admit that the happy person I met was a lie. He is severely depressed now, and it was triggered by his injury, but he also admits that the drugs made it so much worse than it was before. I didn't know what to say. I feel heartbroken, like I've fallen in love with a lie. But if he says he actually felt normal when we met, I want to believe that's what he would be like if he didn't have depression. I told him and he agreed he needs to get help but I don't know what to do because I love everything we have experienced the past year together but he was so different before and I'm starting to be afraid that it was all a lie and the real him is how he is now. I want to think its the depression making him act this way and I am willing to stick it out to help him get through it but it puts a serious toll on me. It hurts when you love someone that is in so much pain they cant properly love you back. So there it is....I just don't know anymore. It's easy to leave an asshole. How can you leave someone that is depressed and begging you to stay and telling you they truly are the person you fell in love with and will be again..... (link)
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Alright. Long, difficult, complex question. Let's begin.
First, before was not a lie. My wife was in a car accident a little over a year go. What followed was three months of hell, she became completely unsympathetic and treated me like shit. I had to repeatedly drag her behavior in front of her while being irreproachable myself to convince her that she was in fact acting like a complete asshole.
She recovered, things got better, and we're fine now. Injuries and trauma have real effects on emotions.
Next, your responsibility. In reality, you have none. Sticking with someone who is a fucked up mess and helping them get better or waiting for them to get better is a personal choice that only you can make. Only you can decide if it's time to walk, if you can't take it, or if you want to keep trying.
But you should be aware that sacrificing your mental health and happiness to stick by him is not going to do either of you any good in the long run. He has to be able to meet enough of your needs right now that staying is not a burden beyond your abilities to bear. Again, something only you can honestly evaluate.
Just remember that you aren't Jesus and you shouldn't expect yourself to be. You have limits, and it is not selfish to stop before you are pushed past them. You have just as much a right to be happy as he does, and just as much a responsibility to do what YOU have to do to ensure YOUR OWN happiness as he has to fight for his own and to try to get better.
I will say, though, don't leave conditionally. Don't say "straighten up and we can get back together". If you have to leave, just say "I can't be with you anymore" and follow it with "I've been waiting long enough, I can't just continue to wait for you, whether we're together or apart". That's not saying you can't decide that you want to be with him and him with you later if he gets his shit together, but you don't create that conditional so that he gets better to get you back. He has to want to improve for his own sake. That decision you keep to yourself until it's time to make it.
Last, depression is a self perpetuating condition, in fact over time it grows worse if left untreated. He needs real professional help, he needs it now. If that means getting family involved, get family involved. Whatever has to be done to get him into a therapist on a regular basis.
You can't fix him, he has to fix himself. Whether or not you stick it out, that will not change. But if you want to be there while he is fixing himself, if the toll is something you are ready, willing and _able_ to bear, then you are free to make that choice.
I cannot advise you one way or the other. I don't know you, him, or the situation. All I can tell you is that you should not sacrifice yourself for him, and that it's better to end things before it gets pushed to the point where you hate each other.
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what i have to do my boyfriend is having a child from his school mate but he said i love you & also he wants this child but i cannot live without him (link)
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Run. Like. Hell. You will regret it if you don't.
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I have been taking YAZ birth control pills for a long time and I heard a commercial for a lawyer saying that YAZ has BAD side effects and can even kill you! They said if you have ever taken it to call their law firm and talk to an attorney right away because there is a "class action" lawsuit against YAZ!
I didn't get the phone number or website because I was so in shock and I haven't seen the commercial again so can anyone tell me who I should call about getting legal help? And what good is legal assistance if I am dead? Can you really die from taking birth control pills? They said blood clots and cancer and stuff. :(
I am scared! Help!
Signed terrified yaz user!
(link)
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http://lmgtfy.com/?q=yaz+birth+control+lawsuit
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were to buy a chia pet
(link)
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I saw a display of them at my local wal mart, so that's a pretty safe bet. Ask their outdoors section people. Hardware stores or other places with garden sections are a pretty safe bet too. When in doubt, google it, I'm sure there are a myriad of places you can order online.
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Hi witty, its annashae!
I haven't talked to you in a couple months. Just want to let you know your advice is working for me and I am taking it. I am doing alot better than i was the last time we talked and it is because of your advice.
I dont know where to even begin, but guy in chem is just a friend now. And i think its best he stays that, and eng tutor just turned awkward and didnt work out. He offered being friends and i said thats fine but i kinda just let that fade and stopped going to him.
As soon as i stopped going to tutoring one random day this random guy i saw around alot in the library came up to me and introduced himself said hes been waiting for me to be alone so he could approach me. We hit it off right away. But we moved so quick into a relationship, no we have not had sex but we just had are one month the othr day.
Its just so amazing, my frown has finally been turned upside down. This guy out of nowhr just appeared into my life, and i really am falling for him. Wer so alike in what we like too and we dont have an age gap! He makes me laugh, feel special, and have fun, and i dont know he cares about me, and i like that bout him alot. I do care bout him too as well, and im serious about falling for him. I keep tryna deny tht i like him more than a crush im not sure why. Its crazy i thought a guy would never like me in that way ever and its happening to me now! its so crazy how amazing this feels, and how amazing being around him feels.
But yes i have begun to move on from my past thanks to your words.. and i mean that! i woulda been in the same slum as i was before.
I wanted to fill you in on whats been going on, i hope you care! god i cant stop smiling. Btw he texts me everyday, and we talk for hours whn he does, we see each othr everyday too is tht bad? cause we dont hangout alot because weeknds are so busy for him cause he only works weekends???
Cant wait for you to respond!
Annashae,
P.S hope your doing welll with the wife! (link)
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It's good to hear that things are looking up for you.
I'd wager a guess that the "trying to deny your feelings" thing is self defense. You're still a little scared of being hurt, of liking him more than he likes you, so you're holding back just a little.
It's not unhealthy. Most people work that way to some degree, I know I do (did).
Don't worry too much about what your relationship is supposed to be like. Every relationship has a different dynamic. Every relationship I've personally had has had a different dynamic, because no two people interact in exactly the same ways and no two people will interact exactly the same way with you. Talking every day isn't bad at all if that's what you both want, what's important here is that you both get what you need. If one of you needs space, you communicate about it and compromise on it and work it out. If you don't need space you smother each other (in a good way) and just have at it.
Just keep a positive outlook. Positive attracts positive and encourages positive. When two people like each other the things you screw up matter less and the things you get right matter more, so just get as much right as you can and the rest will work itself out.
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I was at a church camp with my 1 friend. We were praying and suddenly a girl falls to the floor and speaks words no one could understand. And then my friend fel down and did the same. Some people were freacked out but so weren't it seemed normale. Al I want to know is...is it all true (link)
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Generally speaking it's attention and approval seeking behavior. The girl falls to the floor and suddenly people think she's special because in a gathering that's all about God she's acting like she's been touched by God. Your friend wants attention and approval too so she does the same thing.
It's basically taking advantage of a situation where people will be hesitant to call you out for doing something to get attention because "well what if she _was_ touched by God, that would make us terrible" so they can do it and get attention and know that even if people don't believe what they're doing is real that no one will be willing to voice that opinion for fear of being considered a "doubter".
TLDR: It's all BS.
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Hello ladies! I've been reading some stories about miscarriages and finding out at the first ultra sound the baby isn't viable. My husband and I are so excited for this baby. Our first ultra sound is Dec 19th and these stories are starting to get me worked up. What if my baby isn't developing, what if this or that. I do have menstrual like cramps and i've been told thats the uterus growing and it's pretty frequent so does that mean the baby is still at least growing? Sorry i'm a first time mom and quite scared about everything! (link)
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My wife who is due with our first before April said to tell you not to worry, soon you won't be able to sleep because your little bundle of joy will be kicking you in the bladder all night.
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I am a 20 year old female and I have been sexually inactive for almost a year now. I just recently had sex the other day and I was very sore for a couple days, which I expected, but then I had sex a couple days later (with the same person) and it hurt. I figured it was because I was still sore, but when I touched my vagina, it felt like it was swollen and it hurt really bad. Also my (vaginal) lips felt very raw and itchy. This is really disgusting me and I don't know what is wrong. Can someone help me please!!! (link)
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Lord, the inexperience of some people.
First, I wouldn't get overly alarmed. Yes, vaginal irritation due purely to rubbing can be an issue. Possible causes range from your new partner being a bit bigger than your ladyparts are used to dealing with to you not being as lubricated as you really should be. The solution to all these problems is some quality lube, I recommend astroglide because literally everyone with a pharmacy carries it and it is (in my opinion) the best stuff out there.
Give yourself a few days to get un-swollen before you give things a shot again.
Second, if it isn't an issue which can be solved by lubrication the next most likely culprit would be perhaps a yeast infection. Go ahead and pull up google and search yeast infection and learn more, because it's something just about every woman has to deal with at least once in her life, so you might as well be prepared even if that's not the problem now.
Third, shower before sex, just in case. That goes for both of you.
Fourth, if it persists for a week make an appointment with your gyno and go get tested, just in case.
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How can I get a Victoria's Secret model body? I am 16 and want to be in better shape. I weigh 164 and I am 5'6. I don't really like to run but I love to dance and will try new things. I want to lose 40 pounds before the summer. Is that possible? (link)
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Go swimming.
Not float around the pool, dive off the diving board, play some pool games swimming. Find an Olympic style pool and go out three to five days a week and swim laps for an hour or two.
Swimming is one of lowest impact exercises you can do, and one of the best calorie burners. It's a fully body exercise which helps with the burning of more as opposed to say running which primarily works on the lower body.
In addition, try to cut sugars from your diet. Cut some starches too where you can. Wheat bread instead of white, less potato and more pasta (pasta is a healthier starch) and try to add green veggies and fruits to your diet to fill in where you cut other things. The key here is balance. You don't want to do some stupid shit like atkins where you cut carbs entirely and eat tons of protein, you want a little of everything in the right portions. A small serving of meat with some pasta or a little potato (that isn't doused in butter or sour cream or cheese)and some green veggies is better than cutting any of these things out entirely in favor of the others.
Cut sugars wherever possible. Soft drinks are a big killer, but just about anything with high fructose corn syrup is a recipe for disaster when you want to lose weight.
And here's the catch. You are the weight you are because your lifestyle causes your body to maintain that weight. Dropping your weight isn't just about dieting to get it off. When you stop exercising or start eating a ton of bad stuff again you will go right back. It's about finding a balance where you can maintain a lower weight.
This is also why crash diets or exercising until you cannot move until the weight is off are a bad idea. Depriving yourself will just make you want to cheat, hate your diet, and want to be lazy. Instead, modify your lifestyle by adding exercise you can maintain permanently, and cut some of the things that aren't good out.
You will drift down. Slow weight loss is by far healthier because it happens when you adjust your lifestyle for the better and your weight goes away not because you starve yourself or abuse yourself through exercise but because your lifestyle causes your body to simply adjust to a lower weight.
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24/f, my boyfriend is 23/m.
Please don't think I'm ungrateful, it's just that I'm... not used to being treated well, or being appreciated.
I've been in two abusive relationships, one right after the other. My last ex liked to buy me things out of the blue, but somehow always held it against me (e.g. "I got you [blank] and you didn't [blank]! How could you be so ungrateful?"). The guy before him never gave me anything without getting or wanting something in return.
My current boyfriend is beyond wonderful. He somehow treats me like a princess and an equal; we don't play mind games with one another, and I really trust him, which is surprising, given my history. He loves to get me little things to make me smile. For instance, he picked up on me feeling kinda down one day, so he showed up after work with a stuffed animal, saying he thought I could use a fuzzy pick-me-up. I know, "why the heck would anyone complain about that?" But that's part of my confusion...
I feel so... strange about taking presents from him. He talks about all these things he wants to give me, and it's sweet, but it's not practical.
It also frustrates me a little, because while he's living with his parents, working part time, and able to spend his money however he likes, I'm living on my own; I have a cat to take care of, I'm working full time, have medical problems, and can barely pay my own bills. There's so much I want to do for him; so much I want to give him, but I can't. He understands perfectly, so far, but I guess I'm a little afraid he'll start holding it against me, or something.
I haven't mentioned any of this to him yet... I'm not really sure if I should, or how to do so.
What should I do about this? Should I even do/say anything? Or is it time for me to shut up and enjoy a healthy, happy relationship? Is this part of a healthy relationship? After my ridiculous past and boyfriends from hell, I'm not sure I know anymore.
Help a girl out? :) (link)
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Communicate.
Part of it is, he just doesn't understand. He's never had to worry about making rent, or paying for utilities, or choosing between the phone and cable bill.
Part of it is he hasn't been through what you've been through and has a hard time empathizing.
Bring it up. You said you trust him, so share. Let him know that sometimes your needs aren't rational, but that doesn't make them any less something you need, and what you need from him right now is to feel like an equal part of the relationship. Something which is made difficult by the gifts.
Tell him that showing up with a smile on his face is more than enough right now. Tell him that things like the bear make you uncomfortable and make sure to emphasize that it is not his fault, that it really has nothing to do with him, but that right now you're still messed up and insecure enough that you just need a little compromise on this issue.
Send the message "what I need for you is for you to be here, and to love me, and that's what you give me. Everything else is fluff, so just be with me and let me be ridiculous when I need to be" or something similar.
This is your mental issue, really, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve some accommodation. Explain your history with gifts and resentment and just tell him that you can't help your reaction.
Also, consider seeing a therapist. Realistically he should be able to give you a teddy bear without it upsetting you. And make some compromises too. Let him talk about what he wants to get you, it's his clumsy way of expressing how he feels about you, and you have to give a little to get a little. It should be ok, but it isn't, so try to find some middle ground where you can cope and he doesn't push too hard in ways that upset you.
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19/f. my boyfriend is 20. we've been together for 2 yrs. I'm currently falling for another man who i work with. We've known each other for about 6 months... This man makes me feel better about myself than my boyfriend does... I am not and never will be a cheater but I do talk to the man from work on a regular basis. Lately my boyfriend and my relationship has been on the rocks and I'm getting extremely sick of him and I'm irritated with everything he does. I know he can see it. But I know he doesn't want to lose me. I'm not sure what to do about how i feel. Advice....please? (link)
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You're 19. If it's not working and you want someone else, it's not working and you want someone else. Break up and go have dinner with the co-worker.
You're young, if you're smart there's a pretty low chance you'd be marrying either of these guys, so do the honorable thing and end the bad relationship before you hate each other and try something new that isn't a mess of bullshit you're sick of dealing with.
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why can't a guy text a girl without being a total creep? Every guy that texts me either want to have phone sex with me or talks about sex in general and asks me personal questions about my sex life. I'm a virgin. I plan on waiting atleast until I find the right person. I don't want to have phone sex with some random. I know the guys that are texting me, like they go to my school but I never talk to them in person. Why can't a guy just be friends with a girl? I'm 17 btw if that matter. I know that's all guys think about at that age but seriously how can they expect to get any if they're that creepy? I want a guy best friend, why is that so hard to find?!?! (link)
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Men are stupid. I say this as a guy myself. Maybe 10-15% of guys are both intelligent and aware enough to get social interaction, social cues, and what "tact" means early on.
The rest send you texts like that because they're giant children gleefully seeking sex like 6 year olds hunting for their favorite toy in a store. Some of them will never grow up, and will grow to hate women and likely die alone. Some of them will grow up and realize how stupid they are/have been and will fix it. Some of them will meet a girl who tolerates it/is a child too and they will be forced through the trials of being immature in a relationship to grow up.
Ninja's shotgun theory is more common in college. While some of them might be doing that in high school, the greater number simply do not know that shit like what you're getting is inappropriate. I've seen guys who actively want a romantic relationship try that approach because they don't know what the hell they're actually doing and don't see a problem with being stupidly forward.
Guy best friend...good luck. Rahzie's pretty much right. Most guys will interpret your desire for friendship as desire for more and constantly hope you miraculously decide they're worth sleeping with, even if they say they're fine with being just friends. They call this "Friend Zoning" and it basically means that a guy will be your friend and do things with/for you hoping it inspires you to sex, and that he's probably far too chickenshit to actually make his desires known.
Tell guys who are creepy that they're creepy. Point out "that's inappropriate, immature, and makes you incredibly unattractive to women" when guys think it's alright to ask personal questions and make sexual innuendos. And be clear in your intentions and expectations.
You can't really do much about the "nice guy". That's the guy above who gets friendzoned, often they will (if confronted) tell you that they aren't interested while going home and being angry that you don't see "the great guy right in front of you" and fall madly in love with them. This guy is often difficult to distinguish from a normal friend, watch out for excessive chivalry and volunteering to do things for you when outside a relationship.
Find a gay dude. At 17, the easiest way to make male friends is gay guys who simply aren't interested in having sex with you. Being guys themselves they can help you figure out the rest of us.
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Okay, I have windows XP, xbox 360. I have free city wireless internet, no router/modem. I wanted to know if there is a way to bridge the connection from my pc to my 360 using an ethernet cable. (link)
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Yeah it's actually pretty easy. You need a crossover cable. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethernet_crossover_cable
Once you have a crossover cable you simply have to go into your internet options and bridge between your wireless connection and the Ethernet connection to share internet, and your computer should at that point act like a router. You will have to have your computer on to get internet through the xbox, but other than that it's all good. Cheaper than investing in a wireless adapter for xbox. But it also might be slower, the bridge is a software bridge, not a hardware bridge. Doing lots of stuff on your computer or using the internet on both could slow them both down a good bit (like say playing a game on the computer and using netflix at the same time on the xbox). Depends on your setup for that one.
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20/f
Okay so I have a boyfriend, we've been together for a while and I love him very deeply. We plan on getting married once I'm finished with college. My problem is, I think I may be addicted to porn. I am so horny every day, and feel the urge to masturbate. This has been going on since I was 13. I go through phases where I won't look at it for months, but ever since this past September, I look at it almost every day. My boyfriend and I have an amazing sex life, and have sex often. But I STILL feel the constant urge to watch porn. I know it can't physically harm me, but is this healthy? Or normal? (link)
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Yeah, it's pretty normal. Consensus among mature and secure relationships is that if it doesn't affect the sex life, have at it. Sometimes you have a fantasy your significant other isn't into, sometimes your sex drive outstrips them by a wide margin, sometimes you just like porn and masturbation. If your boyfriend doesn't have a problem with it you shouldn't either. And if he does it should be because you prefer porn to him. When it's just an addition to a healthy sex life no one should care.
In this case no one means you.
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Hey Im 16 and a senior in highschool. I met this guy in an interschool competition. He's the same age but is a senior in some other school. We started talking after the competition and became good friends. We have gone out on three dates till now. And yeah, we have kissed each other and made out a little. We cannot resist each other at all. And hence the makeouts were a mutual desicion. I am falling for him. But the problem is that even though he says he is falling for me, he keeps on telling me he cannot date me cause he's a bad guy and he cares for me too too much to hurt me. He says he is not one of those dateable guys who will love their girl completely and he might find a new girl and dump me.That would hurt me and he doesnt want to do that! He hasnt had a past record of cheating or anything it's just that he tells me he wants to be sure before he asks a girl out that he will be completely loyal to her and not flirt around with other girls. He also liked this girl a year back and he says he feels guilty that he got over her and fell for me! But when we meet we actually act like we are dating, cause he gets me stuff, he tells me he loves me, we hold hands. we actually act like a couple in love. we also talk all the time. I dont know what to do. Because I really want to be with him. But cant figure out how to make him ask me out? and if he is really a bad guy? HELP.
xx
Tanvi. (link)
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I can think of two explanations off hand.
The first is that he's playing some kind of stupid nonsensical game. Pretending to be a bad boy to make himself more interesting or something. That's exactly what "I'm not one of those datable guys, I'll find a new girl and dump you and I care too much about you to hurt you" sounds like.
The second explanation would be damaged goods. That he's just fucked up in the head and has no idea how to interact with people and has self image issues because someone taught him he's unlovable or something.
Neither option bodes well. The only solution I really have for you is to ask him why alot. Try to get him to talk about why he thinks he'd leave, why he says he's not datable, and what he thinks relationships are that he doesn't want to be in one with you. Maybe you'll figure him out, maybe you won't like what you find if you do, but as things stand he's too distant and cryptic for you to devote much of your attention or affection to.
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My elder sister is 24 years sexy girl and i m a 21 yrs old bachelor guy, who desperately wanted to make love with her, but never dared to tell/ propose her. I dont know its right or wrong, but i really wanted to have sex with her all through my life.She is getting married next year.
I have attempted to kiss her one day when we both were in bed, where i pressed her breasts and tried to seduce her, but it was not a successful attempt as she protested and got rid of my hold, since then talked to me for last two weeks....
PLZ suggest me some way by which i can achieve her....
(link)
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Women are not achievements you creepy bastard.
Everyone else covered the issues inherent in incest, but let me address something else. Removing your sister from the picture entirely, no other women is going to want you either, because you view women as objects you just have to go through some robotic series of interactions with to get what you want. That you made your sister a sex object is even more fucked up, but the fact that women in general are apparently there (in your mind) to serve your sexual desires is it's own bag of stupid, ignorant, and misogynist.
Stop going after your sister. She's engaged, happy, and all you stand to do is fuck up your family with your selfish desires. But more than that, stop looking at women like they're video games you can just press the right button combo or cheat code to unlock sex with.
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14/f
I am very annoyed with my mom right now because she is not letting me socialize with people I like. I'm a pretty normal person, but over the past year I have become good friends with this neat arty girl who looks very different from everyone else. She dyes her hair and dresses weirdly, but she is exceptionally nice and interesting and would never do anything bad or weird. She is completed anti-drugs, an I have told my mom thiis. My mom let's me hang out with her sometimes, but she invited me to sleep over the other night. I asked my mom, and she flipped out at me telling me that I should get friends that are more "mainstream" and that this girl is a weirdo and there's no way I can sleep there. You know, I would respect her using her authority to tell me I couldn't sleep over, but tw fact that she went on about normality and all of this superficial crap about her appearance (she's the sweetest girl, my mom knows this) made me really resent my mom. She then told me that I have to "stick with the tennis girls" (I was on my high school tennis team) who happen to be quite annoying, most of them, and just kept going on about how I needed to "get back in with them." I wanted to just say to her that she has no right to pick my friends for me and that they were MY friends, not hers. Her superficially bothers me so much! The ironic thing is I just wrote an essay for english on me overcoming that friend's differences and dismissing my reputation. Haha. Worked for me, but now my mom is holding me back. Also, my other friend who I met this year asked me if I wanted to hang out and my mom told me no, I had to find more mainstream friends. But she doesnt even know this girl! Ahhh! And then she started talking about how this girl was moving things too fast. Well, I've been talking to this girl three times a day eery day for the past two months, so I think I know her well enough. SHOULDN'T I BE ALLOWED TO PICK MY OWN STUPID FRIENDS?!?!?! I mean as long as they aren't dangerous. But in these cases, my mom isn't worried about danger. She's worried about my reputation, which I don't give a shit about. It's so annoying. I want to scream and cry. No one else has this issue. (link)
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I'd bring out the big guns. Words like "prejudiced" and "ignorant".
You are right and she is wrong. Maybe get her to read the essay, definitely don't just drop this. You can't force her to let you stay over, but you can keep being friends with your friend and I'd explain things so that she understands you'd be at her place if your mother weren't being stupid and superficial.
Meet stubbornness with stubbornness. Look your mom in the eye and tell her that she cannot pick your friends, and that just because she thinks something doesn't mean you are going to think it too. Tell her that your reputation is your business and that nothing she thinks or does is going to change who you are, or how people see you. Tell her that you make your reputation by being who you are and that she can not want to accept it all she wants but it's not going to change the fact that you aren't any more "mainstream" at heart than the friends you choose and tell her point blank that she already has failed at "making" you into the person she thinks you should be.
Call her prejudiced. Call her superficial. Be honest with her, show her a little disdain, a little contempt. Ask her if she's aware that "thinking someone doesn't look right and that you shouldn't associate with them" is the foundation of racism and hatred when people are more than just afraid of differences as she is. Ask her who else she doesn't like because of their appearances.
Or not. I can be a pretty snide person when confronted with ignorance, I find it incredibly contemptible. It's up to you if you want to be ugly about it or just calm and matter of fact. But you should make her listen to you no matter what. And tell her to keep her mouth shut. You can phrase that nicely too, something like "I want you to listen to everything I have to say and not interrupt me before I'm finished" if you think that'll get through, but don't let her steamroll over you with her opinions before you air yours.
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