|
My mom doesn't approve of my friends
14/f
I am very annoyed with my mom right now because she is not letting me socialize with people I like. I'm a pretty normal person, but over the past year I have become good friends with this neat arty girl who looks very different from everyone else. She dyes her hair and dresses weirdly, but she is exceptionally nice and interesting and would never do anything bad or weird. She is completed anti-drugs, an I have told my mom thiis. My mom let's me hang out with her sometimes, but she invited me to sleep over the other night. I asked my mom, and she flipped out at me telling me that I should get friends that are more "mainstream" and that this girl is a weirdo and there's no way I can sleep there. You know, I would respect her using her authority to tell me I couldn't sleep over, but tw fact that she went on about normality and all of this superficial crap about her appearance (she's the sweetest girl, my mom knows this) made me really resent my mom. She then told me that I have to "stick with the tennis girls" (I was on my high school tennis team) who happen to be quite annoying, most of them, and just kept going on about how I needed to "get back in with them." I wanted to just say to her that she has no right to pick my friends for me and that they were MY friends, not hers. Her superficially bothers me so much! The ironic thing is I just wrote an essay for english on me overcoming that friend's differences and dismissing my reputation. Haha. Worked for me, but now my mom is holding me back. Also, my other friend who I met this year asked me if I wanted to hang out and my mom told me no, I had to find more mainstream friends. But she doesnt even know this girl! Ahhh! And then she started talking about how this girl was moving things too fast. Well, I've been talking to this girl three times a day eery day for the past two months, so I think I know her well enough. SHOULDN'T I BE ALLOWED TO PICK MY OWN STUPID FRIENDS?!?!?! I mean as long as they aren't dangerous. But in these cases, my mom isn't worried about danger. She's worried about my reputation, which I don't give a shit about. It's so annoying. I want to scream and cry. No one else has this issue.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I'd bring out the big guns. Words like "prejudiced" and "ignorant".
You are right and she is wrong. Maybe get her to read the essay, definitely don't just drop this. You can't force her to let you stay over, but you can keep being friends with your friend and I'd explain things so that she understands you'd be at her place if your mother weren't being stupid and superficial.
Meet stubbornness with stubbornness. Look your mom in the eye and tell her that she cannot pick your friends, and that just because she thinks something doesn't mean you are going to think it too. Tell her that your reputation is your business and that nothing she thinks or does is going to change who you are, or how people see you. Tell her that you make your reputation by being who you are and that she can not want to accept it all she wants but it's not going to change the fact that you aren't any more "mainstream" at heart than the friends you choose and tell her point blank that she already has failed at "making" you into the person she thinks you should be.
Call her prejudiced. Call her superficial. Be honest with her, show her a little disdain, a little contempt. Ask her if she's aware that "thinking someone doesn't look right and that you shouldn't associate with them" is the foundation of racism and hatred when people are more than just afraid of differences as she is. Ask her who else she doesn't like because of their appearances.
Or not. I can be a pretty snide person when confronted with ignorance, I find it incredibly contemptible. It's up to you if you want to be ugly about it or just calm and matter of fact. But you should make her listen to you no matter what. And tell her to keep her mouth shut. You can phrase that nicely too, something like "I want you to listen to everything I have to say and not interrupt me before I'm finished" if you think that'll get through, but don't let her steamroll over you with her opinions before you air yours.
]
MY RULES, MY HOUSE! I remember when my parents gave me the same type of speech and I of course pushed back with a similar response. Listen, you can't please everyone in your life right now. Friends, parents and the list goes on and on. One thing to remember is that you have to set your own trends at your own time. You are at a point that you are even using the word "WEIRD" when you refer to your friend. Is that right! YOU WROTE "She dyes her hair and dresses weirdly." At your age you should choose your friends wisely. Watch people, learn from people but keep them at arms length. Why? All that glitters is not gold. Chin up, you have years to go and you will meet a million people. But you will only make a few TRUE FRIENDS!
]
I'm going to give you the quickest answer I can give for this type of question.
You're either in 8th or 9th grade..and I want to say you're in 8th because in 9th grade/high school you see more people like this. Well..there is nothing wrong with this girl..she's very orginal and she's sounds to be a leader rather than a follower.
Chances are when you're mother was younger..she dressed in some funk fashion her friends parents didn't approve of.. so ask your mom wasn't she one of those people?
Its not as if this girl is going to have you dye your hair and get all funky.. this is the thing about popularity..the correct popular people have friends in every type of group in high school. If she czan let you hang out with her..there is no reason why you can't stay over. By the way you say it by taking every day 3 times a day for 2 months..sounds to me as if you're gaining a best friend. Try suggesting this girl comes over and sleep over...maybe your mother will open up a little more.. talk to your mother..and maybe suggest what I had said in this current paragraph.
]
More Questions: |