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Q: Hello!
As the headline says, im trying to be a better man, and being able to do some self defense is never bad idea. I heared that some martial arts are tied with some sort of philosophy and through it teaching other things for life then just "beating people" (because beating people is NOT my desire in the first place). I will be most grateful if you give me any suggestions i could follow.
Thank you!
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Yes, it's true that there is some philosophy behind martial arts. It's less about fighting people and more about building character, spiritually and mentally. It also revolves around finding your center.
Before you become bruce lee though, it's imperative that you incorporate meditation into your life. Maybe 2-3 times a week, find a quiet place at home, or at cliffs overlooking the ocean, or anywhere you feel you may find serenity. Sit quietly for 10-15 minutes and reflect on your life. Succumb to good energies and release the bad ones you feel might be holding you back. Relax, Breathe, deeply. Through each session of meditation, you'll discover your true auras and you will praise them.
Here are some types of martial arts to look into that should build self development:
- Aikido
- Genseiryu
- Judo
- Jujustsu
- Kenpo
- Kyudo
- Shindo jinen ryu
- Shorinji Kempo
- Taido
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Q: Hi,
I'm usually pretty good at giving advice, but this I can't help myself with. I'm 13 and I just got transferred to a new place. I've been here for two months now. As many people here are teens they love to act all grown up and I'm not comfortable with the kind of things they do and the language they use, so I'm not friends with anyone, I tried to adjust and get used to them but without a friend I just can't manage. I'm kind of shy but I can make friends easily, but no one is like me (a little kiddish and crazy) everyone loves to act all grown up. I'm having a tough time making friends, please give me some advice on how I can adjust or I'll end up a lonely girl who talks to herself
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If I'm correct, you're a freshman in high school now, right? Well, that's alright if you are. Starting new things can be scary and stressful sometimes... But it's only a matter of adjusting to it, and making sure it fits with you and your life.
Here's the key to making friends with anyone at anytime in your life: Don't change who you are so you could try and fit in with others. You should always be yourself, otherwise, you'll feel awkward not being you and it'll be even more stressful--cause once you change one part of you, you'll be changing everything else from that point on. Instead, find a friend that has a similar personality to yours, someone funny, honest, easygoing, and friendly. Usually, it's not hard to find one. I say, give it two weeks tops and start with one friend. Maybe find someone in one of your classes that you think you'd like to get to know better. When you start with one friend, chances are--you'll find even more friends from there. Maybe 20, 50, or 100.
When I first entered high school, I was also shy and didn't say much... But after a few days, I met a girl who was really friendly to me. So friendly that she asked me to come have lunch with her and the rest of her friends. We all became close after that and we even stayed friends for the remainder of those four years.
You may feel the need to grow up fast when you're around people who are like that... But don't act like them if it doesn't make you feel comfortable. The time will come when you are ready to make that change yourself. It's just a part of life.
Make the best of being young, real talk. Be happy, do what you love, be yourself, and go out and make more friends if you feel you're up to it.
Good Luck! =]
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Q: hi hope you can help me i'm a 15 year old male i'm a devout christian i love god with all my heart and i wanna be a better christian and devote my life to god i want to help people to get closer to god i wantto start to spread god's word i'm a bit nervous not sure where to start but i want to start talkinhg to people about god maybe start with people that i know not sure how do i go about it?
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I think the best way to begin life as a Christian/Catholic is to be baptized at your church. Going every Sunday, and thanking God for his blessings and for forgiveness is a must for all Christians--as this will shape your faith in to its best form. Thank God for every day that you get to live and make the best of, for all your loved ones in your life, and for your strength.
Above all, always be open with him. He's always listening, wherever you are, whether you're having a good day or bad day. Speak from the heart. If there's anyone who won't stop loving you--it's God himself.
Ask, and you shall receive.
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Q: ive been pretty depressed for a while... i got my first bf in feb. 2014 and we broke up last week. also my frinds started fighting and hating eachother. i lost my only 5 frinds that i had made since 1rst grade. i started getting bad grades on my report cards and im getting made fun of for it. im just 10 years old but i cut myself and hav suicidal thoughts... please give me advice.
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It looks like your friendships and relationships are old flames that just withered away. Sometimes, we'll lose things... But we'll always gain good things back. Right now, you should focus on finding new/better friends, a good guy to get to know if you're looking to date more, and maybe finding better studying techniques to do better in school. Doing this will surely shape your future into an excellent one. Moreover, it'll make you into the best you could ever be and maybe more. But you've got to step up to the plate and show them what you've got.
Now is the time to explore new horizons, renew your personality, be a better you, and most of all--be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. Your self-confidence and your faith is your lighter. Use it. Your discoveries and your future are your new flames. It's time to light up your happiness and see it glow.
I'm sorry I sound like a fortune cookie right now, but it's always best to think positive--even through the bad times. Because you should already know that following bad times with bad thoughts will only make it worse.
Also, you were blessed with beautiful skin. Why would you want to cut it? You're still young and you have all your life to experience new, great things. As you continue to grow, you will become more and more beautiful. Like a bud into a rose. Then, in time, will you realize that everything is as it should be and that life is truly worth living.
Always here if you need to talk.
Warm wishes!
-Elle
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Q: This guy likes me and keeps talking to me and I want to make sure I'm not accidently flirting with him. Can you tell what not to do? Thanks
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It sounds like you don't have the same feelings for him. Let him know how you feel and tell him you just want to be friends, if that's the case. Don't show any emotions that may intend love or anything related to that idea. Instead, just be a good friend to him.
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Q: So there's this guy I've been crushing on so hard for the past while now. I'm in the US and he's in... Australia (fml). I really like him. Don't know if he sees me the same way. People think I'm crazy. But I was gonna like take it REALLY slow, get to know him a lot then tell him if I still like him as much or even more. Because if you truly like someone and want to be with them, it doesn't matter the distance, how much time you have with them, or how long it'll take to meet them, right? Btw, he said he's going to move to the UK or US when he graduates university. So there's a good chance with that, right?
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I'm guessing you two met online? Just be careful with this guy and make sure he's not really a creepy old man behind a computer. I agree though--if you do really like someone--distance doesn't matter. Sometimes love is really worth waiting for. I also have a penpal myself that I'm hoping to meet one day. Make sure he's honest with you once you get to know each other more--that way it'll make it easier for you to know the real him. A great relationship is built on honesty and communication if you two are hoping to hit it off in the near future.
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Q: 'fingering girl, may have precum on finger, but girl took ipill after the incident....will she be pregnant?
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If she's on birth control--she'll most likely not get pregnant.
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Q: can kissing and fingering causes late periods
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I don't think those two factors apply to late periods. However, there are other causes such as pregnancy, excessive weight loss/gain, eating disorders, increased exercise, emotional stress, types of medications, and others that result in late periods.
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Q: Here's a picture of me: http://i.imgur.com/e2uF7w6.jpg
I have a stupid haircut and i don't look good.
I have no idea what hairstyle would look good for me, but could someone tell me what hairstyle would look best with my face? Every time I've asked this, people have just made fun for how I look; I know I'm ugly, but I just want legitimate advice as to what would look good for me.
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What?? You're hairstyle isn't stupid. It reminds me of Adam Levine from Maroon 5. Lucky for you--you have a proportionally well balanced, oval-shaped face. A very handsome one, if I may say so myself (;
According to fashionbeans.com, an oval shaped face allows maximum versatility, allowing the hair to be styled onto or off the face. It can be worn long or short, but avoid fringes as it'll make your face look rounder. Generally, your face shape suits any hairstyle.
Check it out--the hairstyles for oval-shaped faces are similar to your current one:
http://www.fashionbeans.com/2013/the-right-haircut-for-your-face-shape/
Maybe consider keeping your current hairstyle because I believe it looks great on you. If not, you could always try a virtual hair makeover where you could try on different hairstyles online to see what you find most flattering on yourself. Either way, don't be afraid to spark your creativity!
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Q: My father took everything of value and left us.
My mother is mentally ill and now has no insurance(so she's off her pills).
My sister is a major suck up to our mother(Favorite child).
Were stuck in an Extended Stay hotel and,its sucking up all the income we have.We have tried all "free" places for medicine and help.But our income is too high,but its not enough for us to live on.
I barely make $150 a week from my job and, its considered part time.I'm at my job all day from 10AM to 4PM and,they don't consider it full time.So because of the time and all the work,I can't get a 2nd job.We have no car,so we take the public city bus everywhere(which is $1.50 there and back per person).
My problem is my mother.She's always been an mental abuser and only to me.She says that "I'll never be anything","I'll never go to college,and even if I did I'd fail it","Ill never be anything in life,or have a husband let alone a boyfriend"... That was just this week.
She said that to me because I told her to "hold on one moment" while I was filling up water bottles,and she wanted me to look for a phone number for her.It only took 2 minutes and I couldn't look away or I'd have water on the floor.
My sister is a major suck up to our mother.She sides with her even when moms wrong.She won't stick up for anyone and can't even keep a job that long.she keeps calling out at work and lying to them about why.I tell her to quit it and I get screamed at by mom (mom encourages her to call out).
Right now I got no friends,because I don't have time.I got no other family to go to,and right now mother plans on leaving with my sister.They plan to go to grandma's and I can't come.she made that clear.Were all old enough to be on our own,but we weren't ever encouraged or pushed to go on our own.Our mother was one of those ones that did everything for you,even when you didn't want her to (tried getting her to stop,but that only made her mad and she'd guilt me into letting her).
So where do I go?Do I leave my job and beg my deadbeat dad to go,live with him in another state?
Or do I take my chances on the street?If I do that I lose everything I own.
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This is a tough situation because you're in a place in your life where you could use the extra support from the ones you love. Pretty much your family. The number one thing you have to remember right now is--it's your own life your living right now. It's always been that way. You're going to enter adulthood fast and with this situation, it's all up to you to take charge. I say do it! Apply to college because no one can ever take your education away from you! Don't quit your job because it might be hard to find another one! You should find your own apartment so you don't have to live with an abusive, negative family anymore. I'm sorry about your parents by the way... You really are in a tough spot.
Don't let anyone ever tell you what you can or can't do! Only YOU can determine what YOU are capable of. If your family isn't going to support you--summon your own support for yourself and always be strong! Being independent is a great thing and takes the weight off your shoulders of having to look out for others. What ever you do, don't give up to fight for independency and your own life! I suggest you move out as soon as you can so you can get yourself together and become a better person! You will find friends and a significant other who will understand you in due time. All you've gotta do is believe in yourself! Believe you can do this! Good Luck!
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Q: You answered my question about making a job change recently. After initially accepting the offer, I recanted and turned it down. Later that day the HR Manager left me a voicemail stating management really liked me and wanted to sweeten the offer. I called this morning. Instead of making an offer, she asked me what it would take to get me to come. I gave her a number that was 6% more than what Iwas offered, but still well within the stated salary range. She later sent an email saying she gave the proposal to management and that they were going to pursue other candidates. They didn't even make a counter offer, and said they really didn't think I wanted the job. I thought it was bizarre.
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If it's a career that makes you happy that will make you financially stable--I say go for it!
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Q: Dear Vikki
I'm 24 and from South Africa. I have been in a relationship for almost 7 months now and before that we were only friends. I love him a lot and care about him a lot, but at times I feel that my insecurities gets in the way and it ends up in us having an argument about something small and stupid. See we have a long distance relationship at the moment and it is mostly when he cannot have decent conversation at night because his busy and then I start thinking "maybe he doesn't want to talk to me" , "maybe he doesn't find me interesting anymore and he will leave me for someone else" and I do know that he cares for me a lot and that he loves me and as soon as I think I have these feelings under control, it creeps in again. I don't want to lose him, because I was insecure and clingy. I never was like this in the beginning. I was cheated on before and most of the times it is when I'm away from him, when we are together, I don't have it and because of this it makes things hard for me. I care about people real fast and they can actually hurt me with words. How do I get past this? How can I get past my insecurities and not be clingy when I feel like these emotions are creeping in? I'm not jealous when it comes to being his girlfriends, because I know what type of guy he is. I know he will never cheat on me, but because I don't always see myself as beautiful, I'm sometimes afraid he will leave me for someone more beautiful than me. The guy that cheated on me used to say to me, that I shouldn't think that someone can love me, because there feelings will change. I was so deeply hurt.
Is there any advice you can give me? Guess I'm just looking for someone to talk to that I don't know personally!
Thanks!
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Hi there. 7 months, huh? That sounds long and eventful! Whenever you feel insecure about yourself, I'd like for you to remember this quote: "You must learn to love and accept yourself before anyone else can." I don't know who you are, but I respect you because at least you can look into yourself and determine your weaknesses and strengths. It takes a lot of heart to step forward and admit deep feelings like this... That's a good start! I'm sure you are beautiful, intelligent, outgoing, and nice! You must know and believe that you are all these things to get past your insecurities! If others can't accept you for you--screw them! Go find people who will accept you! Always remind yourself, "I am beautiful and outgoing, and I love myself!" Once your boyfriend see's that you show self-respect and love, he will most likely do the same. Everyone loves and person who loves him/herself.
I completely understand your pain of feeling deeply hurt after being cheated on--as it's something we all have to go through... But you must use that as a learning experience and as something that will add on to your strength and self-love! Forget about your insecurities and such, and try to focus more on what you think makes you beautiful and amazing! Everything will be okay! Good Luck!
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Q: Earlier this year one of my guy friends had a bad breakup with his girlfriend and she started dating one of his friends. He turned emo and started cutting himself. He became atheist and more reserved. He had so much hatred to his ex-girlfriend(my friend)and his friend(also my friend)I helped him through it and got him to stop cutting, become Christian, and become more comfortable with people and also to forgive them both and he is now friends with both of them again. He is a completely changed person now. But he seems to have a bit of an obsession with me.He asked me out but I sadly rejected him because I felt nothing for him. I only did the things I did because he was my friend and I hated seeing him that way. He now has a new girlfriend but he acts like he doesn't like her. He says things about her that he think is weird and awkward. He flirts ALOT when we talk over facebook but the thing is I feel extremely guilty. I feel like im making him cheat. Ruining his relationship. Ive told him countless times that I only want us to be friends but he acts like he forgets that. He says im flirting with him when im just joking around with him. He says "I love you" but I try to take it in a friendly way because he says it to all of his lady friends in a brother-siter kind of way. He says things like im his "future wife" but adds "lol" just to seem like he's joking. He constantly reminds me of the things ive done for him when he was at his lowest point. Thanking me millions of times.He calls me beautiful. He gets jealous easily but he tells me things about his girlfriend and other girls to make me jealous. He has done many attempts to get me to fall for him. Extreme attempts that it almost ruined our friendship. Besides the flirting he is a very nice person(obnoxious at times)but very sweet. He has given me many gifts such as food he has cooked (he cooks a lot)and flowers and teddy bears (before he started dating) He told me he was giving me these things for "appreciation for what I have done" and if I didnt accept them, he made me. He is my best friend. He is very protective and defends me if someone is bullying me. He is very caring. He asks how my day was and sometimes good morning messages. He makes it his job to message me everyday and is always the first to start a convo. We will talk for hours on end just about silly things and joke around a lot. He comes to me when he needs someone to talk to and is going trough something and I do the same for him. He says that he will always be there for me if i need anything. He just the bestest friend you could ever ask for. I just feel like im taking advantage of him. Im trying hard to make our friendship work because I don't want to lose him. But he is constantly testing it. He tells me he's not over me even if he has a girlfriend. He treats me like I am his which I have told him to stop but he wont. Nearly everyone in the school knows of his crush on me. He tags me in posts on Facebook that say things like "Tag the most beautiful girl you know" or "tag a girl that you think is adorable" I just don't know what to do anymore! How can I save our friendship?! He was not always like this. Thank you for reading! I know it was long! :(
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If you're really serious that you have no feelings for him except a friendship that you never want to give up--you need to sit down with him and explain how you feel. Tell him straight forward that you don't like or want him as boyfriend but just as a close friend. Reassure him and tell him that you'll always be there for him as well. "Through thick and thin". If he really valued your friendship, he would accept it and would maintain being great friends with you. You sound like a very loyal person and someone who deserves loyal friends as well.
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Q: Im the kind of girl that has more guy friends then girl friends because i feel that make less drama and overall are more fun to hang out with. You dont get judged and you rarely have to worry about them talking crap behind your back. The downside is that out of all the guy friends i have they try there very hardest to make me jealous. Its not in my nature to be jealous hearted. Whenever someone (whether its my friends or anyone) has accomplished something or is doing great in life i will be the first one to be happy for them. But i have noticed that some of them of them try to change that. I overheard that they "swap ideas" like dating other girls just so i can be jealous and eventually be with them or begin to like them. It hurts. It Really it does. The worst part is that i cant do anything about it. They make sly remarks like for instance that i didnt seem thrilled when they told me that one of them were dating my best friend. Not to mentioned i was over joyed and hugged them both and glad because my friend had just gotten over a terrible heartbreak. One that i was helping her through. One even asked me if they want them to break up with there girlfriend and im just taken aback by it. Im just wondering if this some kind of sick joke. It seems like i have to constantly prove that i dont want more than a friendship with some of them. Im worried about acting in a certain way just so they wont take it as if im not happy for them. Im just frustrated and dont know what to do :(
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Hey, I know how you feel. I grew up with two brothers so I used to get along with more of my guy friends than girls. The fact of the matter is--boys will be boys. Nothing can change that. What you need to do is keep a strong heart and mind around them. Show them that you're not an easy pushover and that you're a tough chick. Most importantly, always portray self respect. As long as you respect yourself, everyone around you will eventually do the same. Jealousy is a natural human feeling... But we don't like to show a single trace of that because we feel like it's a sign of weakness; therefore, we conceal it. All you've gotta do is build a solid mind with clarity and strength. It's mind over matter. Always be loyal and understanding to your friends--because a lot of them will learn to do the same with you. Also, they'll think highly of you and they won't be able to spot a single trace of weakness within you. Be happy and think positive!
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Q: i liked this girl i started dating who i thought was an innocent girl. in fact i didn't even try to kiss her until the third date because of how innocent i thought she was. well the thing is after i kissed her and don't ask me why we started talking about sexual experiences ( i thought she had practically none so what did i have to fear). well i found out she is what is known as a virgin slut or virgin whore, a girl who is still a virgin but has kissed around 40 guys and had blown off 4 guys just because she was horny and returning the favor after they had sucked her off.
i feel a little disgusted with the horny attitude with random guys in the past and don't know what i should think.
anyway, she is leaving the country for a year so we broke up but still talk as friends. we only kissed so i didn't even get blown off myself but she is going to do some religion studies outside the country, meaning no more sex life for at least that year (no kissing, no nothing). the thing is she went to Aruba as her last opportunity to party and i hate the feeling i get when i think about the certainty of she kissing at least a couple of guys a night (which really doesn't bother me that much)and the possibility of she sucking a guy off just because she is horny (that one does bother me).
i know this inst exactly a question but i need counsel from someone.
thanks in advance.
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If you feel uncertain about her, talk to her about it and tell her everything that you feel. If what she says affects you in a negative way, chances are--you're better off finding another girl that could make you happy. If she keeps on going down on guys like that--she'll have a high chance of getting an STD. I'm sure you wouldn't want her to give that to you... Especially after the amount of guys that she's been with. You need to find a girl who makes better choices about her life and her body. Most importantly, find a girl who will make you truly happy. Every single person on this earth deserves to be happy.
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Q: I'm Male, 19 years old. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 16 months. We're both virgins. Lately, since I started working, I've had the temptation to just go out and cheat. I'm always super horny and fantasizing about doing stuff with other girls. I love my girlfriend and I feel super guilty for wanting to cheat. We never really do anything besides kiss. I don't want to pressure her into doing anything she doesn't want, and I don't pressure her. But she'll do stuff that hints that she wants to do something, then doesn't do it. Like sometimes we'll be sitting and she'll grab me and/or stroke me for a few seconds then stop. Sometimes she'll put my hand on her crotch so I could rub, but we never go any further. I work at a busy place in nyc, so I'm always seeing and meeting nice attractive girls. I always fantasize on my train commute too. Like everyday. Sometimes I even wonder about calling an escort, but I don't want to mess up.
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If you really love her... You'll show her. Making love is a natural part of being in a relationship where emotions run high. If you caress and cater to her I'm sure she would love to do the same for you. Crack out the spice rack and try out new things with your relationship. Remember, if you two really do love and care for each other--you'll spend the time at making your relationship work. Cheating is not the way to go. Karma will just gnaw at you so show her the true gentleman that you are. Good Luck!
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Q: I am 25 years old and I am a female and I had oral sex for thefirst time ever I have ner fone anything sexual before nowb in my life and I am a virgin . I knowbyou proble dodon't get a lot of women who are old as I am who are virgins asking about stds on this site but iam terrified that I might have aids when I didn't even have intercourse. We were both naked and he ate me out and I sucked his dick and he gingered me could I get aids from letting this guy that I have known since I was 16 do this to me . I know this may make .e sound like a whore but we was only dating a week before he wanted to have sex and I said didn't want to have sex so we decided on oral sex . I am so scared because the other day I was in the shower and I noticed 3 little bumps inside my vagiana and I also have a boil that's kind of grey looking sorry if this is to grafic but I wanted to give you complete detail of what's going on with me so you could answer my question properly. I talked to my cousin about my situation and she said that I needed to go see a gbyon and get tested for aids and other stds . I am so scared. Please help . I made an appointment gor the 10th of my next month and iam absolutely terrified because I don't know what to they are going to do. How do they check for aids is it s blood test or do they actually have to check down there ? Will they tell anyone if I have aids . Please help me. Thank you so much.
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Alright, please calm down because everything will be okay. You are not a whore! Don't ever think of yourself that way! Sexual intercourse is just a part of being human. The absolute best thing to do is to schedule an appointment with your OBGYN so that he/she can give you the proper examination to determine if you have AIDS. All healthcare professionals must abide by a policy called HIPAA, which is an agreement to maintain patient confidentiality so you don't have to worry about them telling anyone else about your health, except for you. I understand you are afraid, my dear... But you will be okay as long as you follow up with your appointment.
If you'd like to read more about the specialities of an ObGyn, you can visit this site:
OBGYN.net
Also, if you'd like to read more about AIDS/HIV, you can also look for it on webmd.com
Good Luck and I hope your OBGYN/Doctor will provide you with the best healthcare possible!
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Q: I'm a freshman , and I've been searching online for good colleges and i just need someone who attended or have seen CUNY : Brooklyn College to tell me is it good or bad ? , and does it have Computer Science ?
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Hello there! I'm sorry but I've never attended CUNY Brooklyn College because I'm living in another area. According to my research, however, I discovered that it does offer a Computer and Information Science program. I also checked yelp.com to see what type of reviews it received any many of them were mixed. Some good, some bad. You should go on yelp to read the reviews yourself to determine if it is the college you'd like to attend.
Here is the official school site link:
brooklyn.cuny.edu
As well as the review link:
http://www.yelp.com/biz/brooklyn-college-brooklyn
A college education is the way to go! Proud of ya! Good luck with your future endeavors!
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Q: Once I have anal sex and it didn't slipper to my vagina, am I still a virgin? (Stressed)
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To lose your virginity, you need to follow to rules. Normal sex usually involves the penis and the vagina. Not anal. I believe that you are still a virgin.
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Q: I've been in a relationship with a girl from overseas for almost two years. I'm a 26 y/o guy, and she's 24. She came with me here about a year and a half ago. I treat her well, romance her, buy her roses, bake her cakes, take her out when I have time, tell her that she's beautiful, help her look for work, and a lot with English.
Last year she started acting funny and talking about a guy, and I found out she cheated on me by looking at her phone, and reading her emails (Not saying this was right, just that I did it). I confronted her, but I never really felt she thought what she did was wrong. I promised not to look at her stuff again.
For the half year since then she's been using her phone a ton, and hiding it from me. Lately she has been getting calls and messages from the guy she cheated with on me again, so often that even though she doesn't want me to know, it's inevitable that I would see at some point. She gets pissed off over trivial things, she's stuck to her phone 24/7, we hardly ever have sex anymore, and sometimes I don't feel like she even wants to be here.
So I gave her time, and everything just felt kind of wrong. I broke my promise and checked up on her. She's still cheating on me, and things never really stopped. She tells me she's faithful, nothing has happened, and she loves me, but I know she's lying.
Recently she got offered her dream job in my country, and the contract process is happening fairly quickly. She's staying here on a Partner visa with me, and we live together. If I break up with her, she either has to leave within a month, or become illegal. Apart from that, it will obviously make my life more hellish for that month than it already is living with a person who you know is lying to you with a straight face, while making out with another guy. I know that she is planning to stay with me for the two years it will take for her to gain permanent residence, and then leave me for the guy she is cheating on me with.
In my country, you can only ever sponsor two people to be partners, and if your first partner is granted PR, the length your second one has to wait grows to 5 years, rather than just 2.
I don't know how to handle breaking up with her, and what to say to who, when. I don't want to be taken advantage of, or have my name smeared by this. Breaking up with her before she gets PR will pretty much destroy her whole life as she knows it. She quit her job to come here with me, which is kind of a black spot on her employment history in her home country. I feel angry and upset about what she has done to our relationship, but I'm still battling feelings of love for her, and I don't want to see her broken. I wish everything I know about what's happened could be a lie, but I know it's not, so I have to deal with it.
To complicate things, accepting the job involves costly medical and security checks for her, and may mean we consider moving. I'm at university, and I only just found this out, right before the exam period. I really don't want to think about this before exams, and I definitely don't want to break up with her just before my first exam, so I am putting it off, but I feel so guilty for "supporting" her through the process of getting checks and references for this job that I know will be difficult if not impossible for her to keep.
What would you do?
What should I tell her? The truth? Or that I've fallen out of love, but don't know why? Or that one of her friends told me the truth?
How do I deal with the stress of living together with this oblivious lying girl who tells me she loves me?
What should I do to handle the resistance that I'm likely to have to breaking up with her? She won't want to break up with me, because she wants PR.
Can you tell me some steps and the order in which I might do them?
Any other general advice about the situation that I haven't asked a specific question about is more than welcome.
Thanks in advance.
-Troubled
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Dear "Troubled",
It's sounds to me like this is a one-sided relationship. As if you're the only one putting everything into the relationship while she is not. You say you treat her well, romance her, buy her roses, bake her cakes, take her out, tell her she's beautiful, and helped her find a job as well as learn English--but has she done any of that for you? It's the little things that count in love that make it worthwhile. It also takes two to create a great, healthy relationship... But in this, I only see one. Why are you still around her? You should move on and find true happiness... Whether it'd be starting a new life on your own or with another woman. Life is too short to stay unhappy and frustrated my friend. Love is supposed to make you happy and true to one another. I can only sense coldness and pain from your story.
It is best that you tell her how you really feel--otherwise, she will treat you a like a doormat and will feel welcome to step on you whenever she feels like it. Do not let others step on you. You're only human and you deserve to make rightful decisions about your life and happiness just as everyone else. I understand that there may be a part of you--deep inside somewhere that still somehow truly loves her... But what about you? What about the love you deserve? What about the happiness you deserve? Don't take any of that for granted... Otherwise you'll just feel inferior for the rest of your life and you'll lack the confidence to succeed for yourself...
Please, go on and find true happiness. I may not know you... But I don't want to see a good person like you get hurt.
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bio
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Advice Column -Closed-
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Info
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Member Since: July 29, 2009 Answers: 52 Last Update: September 2, 2015 Visitors: 5733
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