Got a problem with a relationship? -a family member? Are you carrying around a secret that you just have to tell someone or you'll burst? Do you wish you had an outside opinion? Are you a guy who needs a woman's perspective? AskAuntEmma offers skilled, ethical and helpful advice about whatever you're struggling with. She's perceptive and easy to talk to. She'll help you identify the problem and offer straight-forward advice. Or, she'll just listen. She'll respect you and your choice. The rest is up to you. 1-888-693-8437 ext. 05238037
Gender: Female
Occupation: Former professional therapist
Member Since: June 10, 2016
Answers: 28
Last Update: December 20, 2016
Visitors: 3501
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I am 27 and I like a guy that goes with me to the college I go to but he I 40 years old is he to old for me? Would it me me sound desperate if I asked him out? (link)
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The age difference is a problem and could be a challenge but as with all relationships, that is only one of many MANY factors. You don't provide any others. There's a difference between getting to know him better and getting into a full blown relationship. Think carefully about that but asking someone to coffee isn't a bad thing. Be cautious and be open to other kinds of "associations."
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im girl 17,i told my classmate(boy) who is also my crush in the concrete i gave him a note, saying i like him..two days later, i asked him to talk about it bc he didnt give any respond and i wanted to how he feels ,during school,i asked him if we could go and talk somewhere private , he said it is nice that i told him about my feelings for him,he also told me that he know how hard it must´ve been for me to hide my feelings from him.then he said he doesnt have time for relationship bc he has activites besides school (he plays guitar, he dances)and also he told me he firstly wants to develop more spiritually..(if that makes sense) bc we go to catholic church ,and then he hugged me saying that we should continue to be friends and then i deleted him from my friends on fb during summer holidays bc i was always checking if he is online.now is new school year and he found out i removed him from my friends on fb, and he texted me why i did that, and if he did something wrong he is sorry , i told him i did it bc it hurts me and that i dont want to be friends, and he said it´s ok, i thought it would hurt less, but it hurts me more ,now i ignore him bc i dont know how to act to him..he sent me friend request on fb but i didnt accept it yet..he was good friend to me before i told him about my feelings..please help me should i be his friend again or not? if yes what should i tell him,why i suddenly accepted his friend request on fb,and also today is his birthday, should i wish him happy birthday even i removed him from my friends??..thanks for help :) (link)
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He doesn't want the same thing you want. It will be easier for you, for your self-esteem and for you to be able to get over him if you cut off all communication with him and move on. He doesn't want to be rejected as a friend because he feels guilty for saying no but that's what he wanted to say. Accept that he doesn't want what you want and don't take it personally. That's lesson number at your age and it's a big one! Time to move on.
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im 22yrs will turn 23 next june. i am an average guy to the core.. like really average that goes or my looks to spirit. still living with my parents because no balls to move out. i attempted college but couldn't even finish the first year. i want to do IT or Cyber security i do find that interesting. but im not that smart or rather i know im very lazy just not willing to care enough to try my best. though i took 4 attempts at college and the last term i attend i couldn't handle it so i just stopped showing up. so i failed and my gpa went from 3.0 to 1.4. i dont think i can get financial aid anymore because of it... my parents cant help but want to help as much they can. i cant do that to them my father works 75-80hrs a week and my mother works 40 i have two little sister age 16 and 10... with that said yeah we are not poor but live a hard life. my parents never take time for themselves and i feel like worthless son... i love them so much. i attempted to work and help and college ... but all that i failed at....i really gave an effort but i work or go to college for few months then i feel so much pressure .. fear... anxiety that i cant take it and i quit. i have friends who are doing good now and try to help but i dont want that...i wanna be independent but i dont know how i can be. most of the time i rather be left alone i dont always like to hang with my friends i rather be on my room.. yeah iknow in my comfort zone...pathetic.
things i want ...
i wanna get my BS but dont know how i can pay for it. cant do much with a $9hr wage. only jobs i can get are with that pay rate.
i wanna move out. so my parents have one less kid to worry about and feed even tho its 22yrs old.
have my BS use it to get decent job.. i dont need a a lot of money i just want a comfortable life where i can help myself and my parents.
with alll this in my head i still dont know where to start what to do .. how to do it .. how to pay for college..can i get over my laziness or my anxiety and get my head out of my a@@ and get to work?
hate on this... tell me i am a loser or give me advise anything is appreciated. (link)
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Sounds like you want people to tell you you're a loser. But why do that when you are more successful than anyone at doing that. I am not going to tell you to think positively, as that is just a foolish platitude. You need to see the connection between the negative why you talk about and see yourself and using that as an excuse to continue in the same way. if you keep labeling yourself as lazy, you will continue to live up to that characterization.
You do seem to have a genuine concern for your parents and their well-being. That's a good quality. So, if you won't get off the dime for yourself, do it for them, until you can work up to doing it for you.
As for paying for college, go to a local or community college and discuss that with them. They are much more qualified to know what assistance is available. Gather information and stop worrying about the end result. Just get going in the process.
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Hello, I'm freaking out and don't know what to do. I'm completely out of money and overdrafted by -$10 in my account.
I'm a college student who just moved off to college less than a month ago and found a new job three weeks ago. It turned out though that in the first two weeks my job didn't give me very many hours as I was training so I only wound up with about $110 for the first week and haven't been paid yet for this last week and won't be paid for this week until next Thursday or later.
My issue is that I have a car payment and car insurance which totals about $425 together and my car insurance was taken out this morning, which is what overdrafted me.
I even sold a watch that I loved to make money ($80) but I sold it online and now I won't get paid for it until the buyer gets it and accepts it, but who knows when that will be when I just shipped it today.
My car payment ($316) is due on the 26th and though I have a grace period I have no idea how I'm going to be able to make this!!!
Fortunately, because I am a college student I at least have a meal plan so I can depend on that for food during the week. However, I have no money for food on the weekends or anything else I might need. I'm also 100 miles behind on an oil change in my car so I don't even feel safe driving it and it needs a synthetic change which is $60! I don't know what to do, I feel like everything is a giant disaster right now!
I can't ask my mom or dad for money because they don't have any to spare and I'm stuck on campus without any friends since I'm new here.
Please help me with some ideas!
(link)
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How about taking that car and driving with Uber or Lyft? I hear they pay quickly. There are day laborers that get paid by the day. I would call your creditors as soon as possible and work out a plan with them. Ignoring them is the worst thing you can do. Then, when you get it under control, make a budget and see if you can afford that car. If not, sell it and get a cheaper one. At 316.00 a month, that sounds like a pretty expensive car for someone with little to no money. Best of luck to you in getting this worked out.
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How would you feel if your significant other said that your approval means the world to me ?
For example:
your significant other asks your opinion on something
Then you give your honest opinion and say you approve of it
And then your significant other says "thank, your approval means the world to me"
What does it mean when someone says that ? And how would you feel if someone said it to you? (link)
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It could just be a highly emotional expression which is a bit over the top. You can't decide what it means when "someone" says that. You have to know WHO is saying it and something about them!!! It's never automatic what someone means. IT's your job to find out, ask, and decide. IF your significant other is being very literal, s/he may be putting too much stock in your opinion. How does this square with the rest of your relationship? Are you the one who is always leading? Is she passive?
As for how I would feel: IF they were just saying it as an expression, I would think it was over the top. IF they were serious and being literal, I would be a bit cautious. I don't want to be around people who don't have their own opinions and who don't have their own personalities. Otherwise, it's co-dependent city!
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I met a guy on deviant art who was 20 (I'm 13 but I turn 14 on January 7th) and we started talking. I never had my age or name up on my profile. Or how I looked like. So he didn't know how old I was or any of that. He saw my art, though and thought I was so great. He had a fan fiction series he was writing and I suggested he made a Wattpad account for it. So he did. And we chatted on there more. One day I suggested he added a cover to his fan fiction and he said he wasn't too good at making covers so I offered to draw one for him. I finished it within a week (I think). He loved it and even told me I did so well, he kinda wanted to give me virtual kisses because of it. I was kinda shocked and didn't know how to respond at first. Then I replied- "That's cute. *virtual kisses* 😘" He did the same. Ever since, we'd been giving each other virtual kisses and I was had been so into him while we were talking as friends so I went along with it. Later on, we got pretty close and I lived it. However, one day I was just looking around at his profile and I saw it. He was 20 effing years old. I didn't know what to do because I was already so into him and thought my age could scare him off. But I ignored it for a while. Months later (and quite recently) he asked me how old I was and my hear freaking SINKED. I freaked out big time and didn't know what to say. I was thinking "Should I tell him my real age?" "What if he never talks to me again?" "What's gonna happen?" Eventually, I freaked out and told him I was 15, thinking it would freak him out a little less (again, I'm 13). His reaction wasn't really good at first but he said he'd wait for me and he thinks I'm turning 18 in 2019 but I'm really turning 18 in 2020. So instead of 3 years, he'd have to wait 5 years for me to turn 18. It's almost been a month since then and I'm in love with this guy. I know how he looks, how he sounds, and everything. He has a YouTube channel as well but anyways yeah. We've been texting on Kik for awhile now. But idk what to do, PLEASE HELP. WE'VE BEEN FLIRTING A LOT AND WE ARE SUPPOSED TO MEET EACH OTHER ONE DAY. IM SCARED HOW HE'LL REACT AND THAT HE'LL STOP TALKING TO ME!!! HELP!!!!!
I don't even CARE if he doesn't want a relationship. Just having him still talk to me will be enough. (link)
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Dear You,
So sorry if it took me a while to get back to you. I am delighted that you decided to write. My answer is not likely to please you but it will be honest. I know you think you are in love with this guy but you don't know him. "Virtual" anything isn't real. It's "Virtual!" In addition to that, you are very young and in experienced about real love. Some of us take a lifetime to understand that and others of us never do! You MUST slow yourself down and stop thinking you know this guy. He could be 47! He could be a woman! I know, I know, he has a website etc. but REAL relationships require REAL one on one time looking someone in the eye. Not even Skype is the same. Building trust is a long process and many people have trouble with that at any age. You are playing with fire! You MUST be honest with him and tell him how old you are. You MUST have enough respect for yourself not to be so desperate just to talk to him that you are willing to lie!!! You have a great deal of time and growing to do as it relates to romantic relationships. I know, right now, it feels as if you can't possibly wait and you have to have it NOW. You don't and you shouldn't. You need to move slowly into the dating arena WHEN YOU'RE READY! with people your own age. There are many stages to growing to healthy adulthood. This is a major speed bump and it's not a good one! Tell him your age. DO NOT get involved with him and recognize the difference between "virtual" and REAL. Remember: VIRTUAL is NOT real! Holding someone's real hand and looking them in the eye and a lot more is what's real. The very best to you. Aunt Emma
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I'm 14 years old, and I got my first phone when I was 12. I had secretly been going on a chatroom every night on my phone without my mom knowing. On there, I met a man who was 22 at the time and we chatted a bit- nothing sexual or romantic- but then we started talking every single night and we'd talk until the wee hours of the morning. I realized I had developed a crush on him and he said he kind of liked me like that too. By then we had been talking for a few months. So then he said he felt wrong and creepy about it and didn't want to talk anymore because he was afraid he was going to become a pedophile, but I loved talking to him, so I talked him into staying. That happened a few more times until I became 14 and I think he felt a little better about it. But now, I am realizing I'm just dragging him down. We never do anything sexual or inappropriate but we do like each other romantically and nothing can ever come of it. I would never meet with a stranger I met online so even when I'm grown up, nothing could happen. He's a great friend and I feel like I could tell him anything, but I don't know if I should stop talking to him. Is it wrong that we're talking? Is it unnatural and disgusting? He's one of my best feiends, so I want to do what's best for him and me. (link)
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Let me know if I have this straight. You're too cautious to EVER meet someone in person that you met online but you're not cautious about talking to the person on the phone month after month? There's nothing wrong with meeting people in person that you met online, as that is how you turn a "virtual" relationship into a real one. It also challenges the person who may be lying to you about who they are on the phone. Do not misunderstand! I am not suggesting that you meet this guy in person. You shouldn't. You should stop talking to him altogether. There's something very off about his motives here. It's inappropriate and more than a little suspect. Find people your own age and stop toying with adults. You need to develop experience dealing with REAL people in REAL situations. That means seeing them in person, making eye contact and dealing with them in a straight-forward fashion. You have a lot of growing to do. Enjoy the journey and leave this guy alone.
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I am 18/F
I have been feeling kind of off emotionally/mentally for about 5 months
In the past couple weeks it has gotten much worse. I cry nearly every day. I feel lonely a lot unless I am with my friends. I am a Christian but I don't really know if I am anymore.... like I believe but I don't act on my belief. I always want to be alone in my room when at home but then get unbearably lonely.
Yesterday, I was home alone and had a breakdown that scared me a lot. I was working on packing because I am going to university, but I really didn't feel like packing. My room was a disaster so I went to sit in the living room with my laptop. While sitting there, I got this sudden wave of negative emotions. I wanted to scream, and tried to, but couldn't. I subconsciously started digging my thumbnail into my arm, and by the time I noticed I had almost drawn blood. I suddenly realized that I was very tempted to do that over and over. By that point I was crying and shaking. I was terrified that I would hurt myself badly or break something.
I eventually texted a friend and asked if I could go to her house because I was afraid of what would happen if I was alone for 3 more hours. (I didn't tell her that, I just asked if I could go over) she asked if I was okay and I just told her I was lonely and bored. I wish I had told her more but I hate talking about my feelings. I have been feeling off for months and never told anyone. And now I am going to university and won't see my friends for months
I don't know what to do with myself
Also, this is not the first time I have done that with my thumbnail, but usually I don't go far enough to bleed. Also occasionally I will scratch myself(in a very small area) until the skin is raw enough that it will scab over later.
I don't know what I am asking but maybe someone can figure out what I need. (link)
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There's no doubt that you are in emotional distress. The compulsion to harm yourself and/or cause yourself pain is common among people who are suffering from anxiety and depression and are trying to release some of their pain through physical harm. You mentioned that you tried to scream but you couldn't so you tried to evoke a response through self-harm. It is irresponsible for total strangers to try and diagnose you but it's clear that you need to reach out for professional help. There are counselors at Universities. That might be a good place to start. Do not be afraid to keep looking until you find a good therapist/counselor in whom you can trust and feel safe to talk about what is bothering you. Not wanting to do talk about your feelings is precisely why you need to. If it'll be a while before you leave, then reach out now. It's important.
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Went through our phone records and there were 100 text messages all hours of the day til late at night between my husband and his female coworker. I confronted him and at first he said he had no idea who it was. I googled the number and knew who it was. I asked if I could see the messages
and he deleted them. Even the ones he got today.
I told him that looks bad..she's just a friend he says. They just talk about work stuff. He is usually sweet to me and as I tried to make my point he called me an effing B. He has never said anything like that to me in 13 years. I feel catatonic with shock..please give me advice. (link)
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Sorry about what you're going through. Unlike another answer, I don't think it is certain that he's having an affair but I wouldn't be surprised either. What seems certain is that he is hiding something. People who have something to hide are usually doing something wrong. If you can't trust him, you don't have a relationship. Unfortunately, this is a long process now that you have discovered that at the very least, he has been emotionally unfaithful to you. Try to get him to come clean and then decide what to do next. If you can no longer trust him, you have no relationship.
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Why does my mom refuse to go vegan, while repeatedly insinuating that I have an eating disorder because I eat a lot of fruits and veggies?
She's obese and trying to lose weight. I was obese 1 year ago, before I went vegan. Now, for the first time in my life since age 11 or 12, I'm finally a normal weight once more. My mom used to tell me to eat more veggies and now she'll talk to me about orthorexia or say to me in front of others that veganism is like bulimia (i'm not sure she even knows what bulimia is) when I say I love whole, REAL foods now. i used to be addicted to so much junk food in the past. my health was a mess. i had signs of diabetes and atherosclerosis as a teenager. now my blood test results are great. i don't get why my mom tries to negate this and is so opposed to go vegan to help her own health. she thinks it would be crazy to live without chicken or fish. that's what i thought before i tried out veganism and found it was a lot easier than it seemed, especially when you learn how unhealthy and bad for the environment animal agriculture is. it's just frustrating, and yes she can do whatever in her life, but she wants good health without doing what's required to get there, despite seeing proof in front of her eyes of the power of vegan nutrition (link)
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Guess what? You get to be in charge of what you put in your body and she gets to be in charge of what she puts in hers! You don't get to be in control of that. Stop trying to change her. No matter how much you "care" your advice-giving in this situation only makes you sound "holier-than-thou." Learn to accept that other people have free will and will not always do what you want them to! Even the advice I"m giving you now is up to you to take or not take! That's a big lesson. Learn it sooner rather than later.
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This weekend I have a soccer tornament on the beach. My teammates and their families will be there. On Monday I started my period. I didn't tell my mom because normally I don't and I thought it may end by the weekend. It hasn't and we will be swimming and going on water rides. How do I ask my mom what to do ? I know I can't go in with out a tampon but I don't think she's knows I know that. I need to tell her soon but I don't know how to. (link)
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I completely disagree with the other answer. You need to learn how to communicate and you can use this as a great opportunity. Do not hide or avoid it. This is a normal part of growing up for a girl. Find a time (soon!) when your mother isn't distracted and tell her you think you started your period. Tell her you have some questions. This is a great opportunity to learn how to be direct and to say what's on your mind!
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I just recently started my first job after college, nearly two months ago.
One thing that I have noticed is that while my bosses have excellent verbal communication skills, their written communication skills are terrible. I respect them a great deal, BUT the content that they write is absolutely horrendous. This is mainly because they are from India and English is not their first language.
There are a ton of spelling mistakes and terribly written content. I think that this could impact sales.
One of my bosses, the VP of Marketing gave me a case study, telling me to make suggestions on which content to add. While none of the diagrams or flow charts are terrible, the content is terribly written and would not sit well with a U.S. client. (link)
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Sounds like you have found an excellent way to offer your help. The key is to offer it without being accusatory or insulting. If you do it right, you might find yourself in a new position, assisting your bosses in their written communication. If it helps sales, it helps you professionally. Go for it!
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My life has always been tough, more downs than ups. Never married, no kids. I had a good job. I had a best friend, an only friend of over 40 years. Then I found a girlfriend. As far as kids, well, that boat had sailed. We were both in our 50's. But then, catastrophe hit. The economy went bust, and I lost my job. About this same time my friend died. My girlfriend dumped me. I lost my home, and became homeless. I attempted suicide but the police interfered. here in Illinois, once people like me are out of the hospital, they put you in a nursing home. After you're more coherent, they put ya in State run housing. I get counseling and therapy as part of the deal. But the councilors want me to accept things and move on. I can't. Jerry was my only friend. I still can't get Jill outta my head. I'm absolutely alone, no friends, no family. I want to die so badly I can taste it. I don't know what to do. (link)
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Evidently, the counseling you're getting is not adequate to help you address your depression and suicidal thoughts. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You need really good, professional help. I know things are rotten right now, but you can't change them if you give up.
You may need to be on medication if you aren't already. You apparently need a new approach. Many people have been through some of the losses you are experiencing and there is a way out. I can't give you all the answers but I can only urge you not to give up until you find them. The courage that it takes to turn things around will be worth the struggle. You'll be able to look back and see how far you've come. As long as you are living, you have the ability to learn new ways to cope and make a fresh start. Go out and get the book, "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl. That is a great place to start.
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I admire the thought of being the calmest person ever. Like whatever usually makes a person angry, I could be absolutely, totally calm about. And when I talk to people, I want to always be calm. When things go wrong, I want to always be calm. When someone insults or yells at me, I want to always be calm.
I already do subliminals and they're helping a lot, but I want to know more on how to be super calm. I want to be known as the girl who's always super calm. (link)
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I’d love to know why this is so important to you. Do you tend to have a bad temper or do you just want to create an image for other people? Being calm all the time may sound great but you might find that you are suppressing your feelings instead of handling them. When people do a lot of this, they sometimes end up “blowing up” eventually. It is a healthier goal to acknowledge and understand your feelings but not let them "run" you. That is much easier said than done. Many people act calm but are just covering up their intense feelings. Having feelings of all types is part of being human. It's how you manage them that helps you to be calmer.
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I went on a school trip to the cinema but i think no-one was allowed to stay during the credits because the whole class began walking out as soon as the credits started rolling, and i found it very disrespectful, because the movie's not technically over until the credits have rolled (link)
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You disagree with some people who are not interested in the final credits. To call it disrespectful is a bit much. Some people watch the credits if they loved the movie. Most don't have a clue who the people are who are named. It's a personal choice. In your case, you were with a group that chose to leave. You can always mention it later but the real lesson here is not to think everyone has to agree with you. That's what free choice is all about. When you tolerate others' choices, it protects your own as well.
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I have two cats and rescued two more so now i have four cats in a tiny one bedroom apartment. Giving any of them away is not an option because of the 'trauma' they have experienced. Sometimes I don't even want to come home anymore because of all the fighting and growling. It is non stop so I'm always drained and angry now. Any advice on how I can make this work in such a small space? (link)
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Who says you can't find homes for some of them? They've probably been through worse than a home change. To think you don't have that option is silly. Besides, don't you think they are
suffering too? You owe them a happy human! Nothing wrong with fostering an animal until you find them the right loving home. Animals are a lot more resilient than you think. Take care of you and you'll be a better caretaker to them.
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Hey there. I'm a 21 year old female and I have struggled with bulimia off and on for about 4 years. It started when I got to college and used it as a way to deal with stress. I was dating a guy at the time and he was the only one who realized that I had a problem because I was mostly bulimic with anorexic periods mixed in so it was pretty easy to hide and I got very good at it. Leaning on my boyfriend and only my boyfriend made me very dependent on him. I should have seeked help much earlier on but refused to admit that it was a real problem until after we broke up. In a way I think this issue was part of our breakup. I have never been in counseling but I confused in my doctor and he will often put me on a very mild dose of Prozac when I'm going through a stressful time because my bulimia only really surfaces when I am stressed out even though I work out every day and do other stress management practices, I suffer from pretty intense anxiety and I really like the months that I'm on the Prozac but don't like being dependent on medicine. I'm not sure all of this is relevant. I suppose I just don't want to get any responses that urge counseling or other suggestions related to the bulimia because it is not really what I'm asking here.
My problem is I have been with my current boyfriend for quite some time now and he is the love of my life. But I keep these issues from him. Granted, the majority of our relationship I have had it under control and been completely free of bingeing and purging. I have been starting to struggle recently and have told my two closest friends and discussed starting on the medication again. And I feel guilty. Like I'm lying to him by not telling him what's going on. It's a deeply personal issue and I am so scared to tell him and have it ruin our relationship like the last one. And I know I know, if it's truly meant to be he should be able to work with me/support me blah blah I know this... But it's so difficult to work up the courage to tell him. It's the worst thing about myself and I don't talk about it anyone, ever, anymore besides my doctor or to let my friends know I'm back on medication (my doctor said this is a safe thing to do for antidepressants). I guess I'm asking if this is something that I truly need to tell him... and if it is, how? Because I physically don't feel able.
Any suggestions appreciated. (link)
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In relationships there aren't a lot of "have to's." The relationship itself is completely voluntary. I know what you mean....you want to know if you "should" tell him in the service of a healthier more honest relationship. The answer to that question is yes. But how and when you tell him presents a lot more choices. You are also stating, and it's quite understandable, that you are afraid to tell him for fear that he might think less of you or that he won't be as supportive as you might hope. That's why tough things like this test the mettle of relationships. This is what I would call a high-stakes conversation but one that you are completely capable of having. First, make sure that you pick a time when he is relaxed and not distracted. Maybe tell him over dinner. Second, let him know how hard it is for you to tell him. Third, you need not overwhelm him with a lot of detail. Let him take the lead in the questions he asks. Finally, it's perfectly wise to wait until you feel you have a stronger handle on it. Only you can determine when the best time is. There's no rush, but eventually, this is a conversation that you need to have. One more thing, when you muster up the courage to have a tough conversation like this, it gives your partner more permission to do the same. You might find that he starts to share with you on a deeper level as well. Best of luck with your recovery and with your communication.
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Okay this is a long one and i just need to let this out so if i get no help that's okay but.....
(12 female) Okay so my family is generally happy and we have some good times together but i am not happy, I am very young so its not like i can just leave and i never want to loose contact with my family. But I don't get along with my sister (I do want to say i have a short temper and i hate when my siblings call me out on something,and when i am mad i tend to whisper hurtful things under my breath or yell or even sometimes lay a hand on people just to let out my anger and i have tried to get better but i always go back... And i don't know what else to do.)anyways i don't get along with my sister and we tend to argue a lot. she is only 14. She thinks she can boss me around or tell me what to do because she is a year older than me. I am turning 13 soon. I purposely agitate her so i can get back at her for stuff, but it really makes me sad and mad when she threatens my life. She says stuff like "i'm going to stab you" or "i'm going to choke you" and "i'm going to kill you". I have told her to stop and she keeps doing it. I already feel me and my sisters relationship were going downhill when my sister moved in. Ever since then, they share secrets with each other but not with me, and they use codes for everything and they don't tell me anything and it makes me feel like i don't belong in their sister group. Whenever we are out in public, They try to push me away from their friends but their are no kids ,y age group that go to the places we go to. And me and my brother never get along like never. He does little stuff that pisses me off . so whenever he does something to me,and i retaliate, i am the only one who get in trouble.I always get yelled at and i always get punished. I dont know what to do. I like my home i just dont feel comfortable in my house i kinda feel like i am being attacked. That might be a little exaggerant, but i know i am annoying but i still feel like my respect in this house has shrivled like a grape turned raisin
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Let's see.....On the positive side, you seem beyond your years in being able to own up to your own behavior. There a people a lot older than you and even adults who are unable to acknowledge when they're doing things to provoke others or just "asking for trouble." I think you know that you do things to provoke your sister and ANY kind of hitting or violence is unacceptable and will only get you more of the same. That said, you don't mention a thing about your parents. Are either of them (or whomever you live with) people you can talk to privately. If they are reasonable people, you can tell them how you want to improve but that you are feeling threatened, put down and left out. That's a lot to deal with for someone your age. That's what parents are supposed to be for--to help you grow and help you work out conflicts just like this. That doesn't mean you have the kind of parents with whom you an do that. What you need is a mentor to sort of navigate this time in your life. Find someone wise and in whom you trust. Answers to these kinds of broad family issues can't all be given in a letter like this. Oh! And by the way, a sister who is threatening your life is totally out of bounds and needs to be addresses by an adult. So, I say again, where are your parents?
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Hi I'm Jay, so I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 months now, he's 18 and I'm 16 and I don't know if it's me but I just have a small feeling my boyfriend is little bit too controlling. He always tells me that I'm a child and that I act grown and if i joke around and say he's a child too he gets a bit defensive and claims he's not a child and that's he's grown. Whenever I might express something or do something he doesn't do or agree with he tells me i need to get it together, and i feel it's like his line for me like he tells me this more than he says he loves me but i know he does, and he says it as if i dont have my life in one piece and i do and for some reason he finds it necessary to tell me that more than once weekly that i dont have it together. I dont know if that's considered controlling at all. But another thing when it comes to us like having sex or anything sexual he likes it when i call him daddy and i don't really mind it, but sometimes when he asks me to do something and i say no he'll be like i seem to be forgetting who daddy is in the relationship and that its not me it's him. I feel like he shouldn't bring that into everyday things because i feel like he's using it over me in the wrong way and situations. So is he controlling or am I overreacting? Any advice is helpful. (link)
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He is clearly dominating and controlling. Despite some of the commenters here, this is not typical. Do not lump them all together. You sound young and you ARE young and have much to learn and experience about men. What are you doing having sex? And with someone whom you're not even sure what he's about? That is a good reason to delay having sex until you are more mature and can judge these things for yourself and more clearly. It will also give you a chance to build your self-esteem so you'll know when someone is trying to push you around and disrespect you. Unless you like a controlling, dominating kind of a guy, RUN!
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I am a girl, currently in Grade 12, and I have had a crush on this one guy in my grade since halfway through first semester grade 9.
He is really cute, and he loves singing and history. He is really funny, but can also be quite serious. He tends to be quite loud in class(he is in no way shy), but he is so sweet and kind and honest that the teachers rarely get mad at him.
I am quite(extremely...) shy when in a group setting, but one on one I tend to open up a bit. However, I only ever see this guy in class, in choir, and when our two friend groups (occasionally) hang out together.
He is always hanging around with this one group of girls, but he would never date any of them, so I know that's not an issue. The problem is that he's always with them. I get along well with all of them, a couple are even sort of my friends, but it would be awkward for me to just join their group when they are talking or whatever. I have in the past, like if they are in my class and my regular friends aren't but its just a little awkward...anyways yeah I feel too awkward to get closer to him that way.
He jokes around a lot, and when we are in a small group of people together, he sometimes/often teases me more than the other people in the group. In class the other day, he came over to talk to me, and he asked me about why I had been late for class that morning. He has done similar things a number of times in the past.
Also, just to point out, he is straight. I know this for sure. The girls he hangs out with have been his friends for years, they are like sisters to him...
Another problem- I am scared to tell my friends I like him. I told them a couple years ago, but they laughed and told me we would make a really awkward couple (probably because I'm 5'9", and at the time he was super skinny and like 5'3", but he's grown since then). I would love to have their support, but we don't really talk about guys much, and I feel like I've been lying to them for years about this guy..not that I ever lied...I just didn't speak up...
Also, casual out-of-school meetings are difficult because he lives in a different city than I do, although we go to the same school (it's a private school). I can't just casually invite him to do something with me like randomly on a Saturday because he lives like a 45 minute drive away..
I guess what I want to know is: do I have any chance with him? and how do I got about getting that chance? (link)
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I"m delighted that you decided to ask me a question.
Well, of course you have a chance!! But no one can tell you how much of one. Only you can find that out by continuing to develop your friendship/relationship with him. Keep upping the ante by deepening the conversation about other topics. What he thinks, how he feels. And share those things with him to the extent you are comfortable. Listen to learn more about him. There's much you don't know, like why he doesn't date. Not saying that is a problem but I bet there are some interesting reasons. Your friendship can grow into more but first you have to develop the friendship. As you get to know him, you'll see if you still like him as much as you did before. Be open to whatever comes and remember, there are other guys out there too!
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