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Cheating?
Went through our phone records and there were 100 text messages all hours of the day til late at night between my husband and his female coworker. I confronted him and at first he said he had no idea who it was. I googled the number and knew who it was. I asked if I could see the messages
and he deleted them. Even the ones he got today.
I told him that looks bad..she's just a friend he says. They just talk about work stuff. He is usually sweet to me and as I tried to make my point he called me an effing B. He has never said anything like that to me in 13 years. I feel catatonic with shock..please give me advice.
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If it walks like a duck, talk duckish, and doing all the quacking and whatnot... Well you've got yourself a good ole Duckie... I am a stranger writing to you on my phone screen. My advice to you isn't going to be on some scientific proven level... I don't know you or your husband... I won't write that he's a cheater... And I won't write that he isn't. Based off of what you've written , there seems to be something other than the ordinary going on. And work affairs happen way to often... I'm not one of those ppl who can guess the actual percentage of work affairs... I've just seen it happen a lot. While being married, there's certain boundaries you don't cross... Which he completely crossed... It could be an emotional affair... Which is highly unlikely, since he's in direct contact with her on a daily basis... Being work colleagues and all... I'm quite sure your women's intuition is at full force, you clearly know whether he's screwing around on you or not... You just need that confirmation from an outside source.. Trust is the foundation of a relationship, and it seems to me that yours is crumbling. This is the time to decide whether you want to spend your life, checking your hubby's phone... Or do you want to exist within a peaceful environment...self love honey!!! I hope you've embodied enough of it to walk away if need be... so the question is he unfaithful? Hmmmm, I can't tell you that Hun... But, I can say, he isn't exactly faithful...
~peace and blessings~
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Sorry about what you're going through. Unlike another answer, I don't think it is certain that he's having an affair but I wouldn't be surprised either. What seems certain is that he is hiding something. People who have something to hide are usually doing something wrong. If you can't trust him, you don't have a relationship. Unfortunately, this is a long process now that you have discovered that at the very least, he has been emotionally unfaithful to you. Try to get him to come clean and then decide what to do next. If you can no longer trust him, you have no relationship.
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Is your husband cheating on you? Not in the full sense of the word cheating. Yes he is having an affair of sorts with this coworker though it is not a sexual one if all it amounts to is texting or sexting as the case may be.
You caught him red handed so of course he is going to be defensive and the B word comes out. This could just be a case of the 7 year itch (6 years late) that may have past on its own if you had not discovered it. It also could be a prelude to more.
What do you know about the coworker. Is she married? Is she younger than you? Does she have a reputation in the office of having office affairs? You need to know these things before you make any decision on how to proceed.
You need to ask yourself some questions as well. What if anything has changed over the years? After 13 years of marriage we tend to get comfortable with each other and frankly take each other for granted.
Things we did we don't do any more. Love making happens on a set schedule usually around the children's schedule. No more sexy nightwear no spontaneity. Little things tend to bug you both. Do you see this in your marriage. This is not your fault or his it happens we just get comfortable with each other it happens in all marriages. What she may be offering is some of the excitement that was in your marriage when you first married. He may be infatuated by the excitement that has turned to comfort in your marriage.
What I believe you need to do is talk with him. I will not use the word confront him because that is argumentative and you need to have a discussion not an argument. He has been caught having an affair of sorts, not the worst type of an affair and not cheating as in a sexual affair. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the worst type of an affair this one rates about 3 at this time.
You need to ask him and he needs to explain what he gets out of this texting with this coworker. He needs to admit it's not all about work and there is more to it. Of course this texting needs to stop and he needs to keep his relationship with this woman at work at on a professional level only.
At this point if he has not had sexual relations with this woman I believe this marriage is salvageable. Once you have this discussion and you find out the why of his reason. I would suggest seeing a good marriage counselor to discuss whatever may have come between you and put it behind you. Of course you will need to learn to trust him again; can you do that?
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