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boyfriend hinting at a threesome
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months and I'm very much in love with him.. he has been fantizising about seeing a girl with me.. I'm not at all about a "threesome" he hasn't said it out but he hints bout it turns him on to see another with me... I'm scared if he's wanting to be with someone else or he just doesn't love me or respect me.
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If he truly loves you, then he will lay off all these hints. Many do like three some sex, so it's very possible that he thinks you feel the same way about it. Ask him if he's happy with you. It'll take a lot of courage, but you need to get the truth right out of his own mouth. And pay attention, because if he feels you won't like his answer, he will lie to you. So watch closely. I know you are in love with him, but if he's just using you to get sex, then he doesn't really love you. It's better to get the truth, then do something you might later regret.
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Every young man fantasizes about having a threesome or some type of group sex. This does not mean you have to do this for him. When it comes to sex I have one very firm piece of advice that I give.
Sex is something that has to be Consensual BETWEEN THE TWO ADULT PARTIES. The operative words her are adults and consensual. If either party objects then it is not done. NO MEANS NO AND STOP MEANS STOP. Once either of those words are spoken if the act is forced or continues it is RAPE. It is really that simple.
Sex is a beautiful thin and to be beautiful it must be consensual. Unfortunately for young men love is very often confused with lust. For women sex and lust are not synonymous. Sex is the most intimate act two people can do together. More so for the female since it is her body that ultimately is invaded by the male to complete the act.
My belief is what happens in the bedroom is never weird or strange provided both individuals consent to what ever it is you so, You do not want to do a threesome. You have said or should say no that is the end of the discussion. If he continues to press you to do this then he is committing sexual harassment; which is illegal and he can face a serious charge for doing so should you press it.
I cannot say why he wants this other than as I said to begin with. Should he say something like you need to do this to prove you love me or I will find someone else to do this with me, or words to that effect. Then I think you will have your answer. No matter what do not do anything sexually you are not comfortable with.
I will tell you this; if he is pressing you to do this or else. Well you know the answer. HE is also not the right guy. I don't know how old you are but I do know this. As my mother said to me on many an occasion. There are plenty of fish in the see. Just go fishing again and you will eventually catch the one that is right for you.
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If he's saying it would turn him on to see you with another girl, thats no hint but a very obvious statement. Who's to say what is going to be a turn on a person sexually. And the same be a turn off for others. Its high time you both sat down and had a very in depth talk about sex. If you're having sex with him, then its a very important conversation. Each of you share what you currently do that you find hot, discuss any fantasys that either of you may have and let the other know if you'd be willing to do a particular one or not. Another important thing is libido. How often or how little a partner desires sex. You both need to be in agreement on all situations regarding sex or he isn't the right partner for you.
It is unfair of either of you to expect the other to change who they are to please the other. The bets thing is to find someone that is your sexual match. Sometimes a fantasy is just that, a fantasy and isn't quite as great as imagined when in real life. He can imagine all he wants, view girl on girl videos or photos if you are okay with shouldn't think of asking you to do something you don't want to and anything that is so important to him, you shouldn't be asking him to drop and forget, which means you'd be at a stalemate. These kinds of things are the kind of stuff easy to come to a compromise without one or the other feeling uncomfortable and only half heartedly going through the motions, being disgusted with themselves or resentful towards their partner. So have a talk. Don't wait for him to bring it up.
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Some guys just find that hot for some reason, even though I find that quite disgusting. If that bothers you, tell him. Don't stand down to something like that. Clearly he may not respect you, so if you don't want to do that, then tell him that flat out, even if he only "hints."
Hope this helps~
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I totally understand your hurt - my ex-boyfriend was obsessed with having a threesome and it really hurt my feelings. I took it to mean that he wanted to sleep with other girls, and that I wasn't enough for him.
He explained that it wasn't about wanting to have sex with other people, it was just a sexual fantasy like any other - some people like having sex in public places, some people like trying out all sorts of... interesting positions. Some people enjoy reenacting scenes from 50 Shades of Gray. Whatever floats your boat.
Apparently, threesomes float your boyfriends boat. He isn't using the threesome as an excuse to sleep with someone else - in fact, YOU are a pretty important component of his fantasy threesome. After all, he doesn't want to sleep with two random girls. You're part of the equation!
The thing is, men and women see sex differently. I'm sure you've heard that men tend to view sex as a purely physical act, while women view sex as a form of bonding. Of course, this isn't true for everyone, but I'm willing to bet that this is the case for you and your boyfriend. It is totally understandable that the thought of a threesome upsets you - I felt very hurt when my ex would ask. But it's important to know that it is not a sign that he doesn't love you.
Perhaps the bigger problem is that he continually hints at having a threesome when it upsets you. Does he know that it upsets you, or have you two not talked it out? I think that you need to sit down with him and tell him that it not only hurts you that he wants a threesome, but that it also hurts you that he continually hints at it. Of course, it may not be fair to him to say that he can never ask - he should be able to communicate his desires to you. But constantly hinting at it isn't okay if it hurts your feelings.
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