|
My best friend gets all butt hurt whenever I chill with anyone besides her!
Hi. Okay, so I have other friends too besides my bestie of besties. So, I have Jamie, my #1 sister, but I also have like 2 other best friends. But it's SOOOO hard for me to hang out with my other friends because Jamje always gets butt hurt and pissed off. Then she ignores me and says stuff like "maybe they should be your new best friend" or "you never hang out with me anymore" when I'm like, ALWAYS with her... it's been going on for quite a while and I just want to have fun with everyone without losing friends along the way... HELP!!!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Hellooo,
Ok, so firstly, You really need to talk to Jamie. A similar thing happened to me last year and I let it get waaayy out of hand, so find a free lunchtime or break, or arrange to meet somewhere with her asap.
Make sure you choose somewhere quite quiet and private such as at the bottom of the school field, to do the talking.
Then, you need to tell her how you feel, in the nicest way possible. Explain to her that its normal to have more than one friend and that she is still your best friend forever, no matter what. Explain to her how it makes you feel when she ignores you and reassure her that if she ever feels upset then she can always talk to you.
Try to Make the conversation as relaxed as possible and if all goes well, then it should end with a hug.
I hope this helps xxx
Lauren
]
it seems as if Jamie needs re assurance. it's never ok to treat your friend like you own them. maybe when you hang out with other people she feels as if you would forget about her. there is some thing you can do to fix this first is to re assure her. you don't want it to seem like your attacking her or anything so you can do something along the lines of telling her she is a great best friend and you know that even though you hang out with other people you two will always be best friend. or something like that. another option is to talk to her straight up again you don't want it to seem like your attacking her but you also want to get your point across. if you do any of this and she just gets mad at you or waves you off and continue to do these thing I'm sorry to tell you but she may not be as good of a friend as you thought but if you two are as close as you say you are hopefully she doesn't do this... best of luck to you
]
I agree with the other poster and also that she wants you all to herself, and is treating you like a piece of property and thats not ever ok.
Its OK to have more then one best friend, because no one single person can REALLYYYY be your everything in life, thats just not how life works. Teens and youngsters seem to think it is like that but its not, and if your around each other TOO MUCH youll get tired of one another and start fighting all the time and im sure neither of you wants that either. (you might also mention that to her)
She might also be envious of you or certain aspects about your personality she wishes she had but doesnt (LIKE the ability to be friends with lots of different types of people) and she might be treating you badly because of it.
tell her that people have lots of different types of friends through out life and thats ok, its normal to grow in and out of people sometimes. You both also have lives that you need to live separately as well and you need to live yours, with or without her, so she either needs to jump on the normal wagon or your going to be forced to have to move on without her, and just tell her that youll always care for her but that its not fair to expect you to ONLY hang out with just HER all the time.
if shes saying shes just acting this way because she doesnt like this or that person then tell her "well im sure you have friends that i might not like too but you dont see me attacking you over it do you? why?? because im OK with you having other friends"
You see, we all have certain people in our lives that we work harder or lesser to keep in our lives for one reason or another. for example, you might have a friend that your best friend "doesnt like" for some reason, but YOU like her because theres something about her personality or maybe its her creativeness, thoughtfulness, or welcoming positive attitude that attracts you to her. Where as all your friend sees is a threat to her friendship with you and refuses to see that she too can be friends with her if she wants and so she picks at her personally and finds petty things about her to complain about when really thats not what it is at all. this is called an "agenda" or "motives" to hate someone from the start and it comes off as judging and mean when in reality shes just jealous of something about her or you or that you might have something more special with her then your bestie does with you.
If you want to try to make her feel better you could even offer to invite her to go places and hang out with you and that other friend. Tell her that you want to show her that its ok to have more then one really good friend, and encourage her to find other friends as well, be happy for her when she tells you she met someone new and they had a good time somewhere. this could be an attempt to make YOU jealous but if you just act happy, then her attempts will fail and she will either give up and stop acting like this or she wont understand why her methods of sabotaging your feelings arent working. ; )
girls can be very jealous creatures, so keep an eye out with this friend of yours from this point on for a while until you feel she can be trusted fully. just dont tell her that.
good luck!
]
It sounds like your best friend has some separation anxiety. Maybe she has watched other people in her life walk out on her, and now she's paranoid that you will too. This is not healthy, but it would make sense. If you can, talk to her about this in a calm fashion (maybe write her a letter if that's easier). Try not to be accusatory, just tell your side of the story and how you've been feeling lately. Maybe tell her you'd like to be friends with everyone, and you'd like for her to be friends with them too. Ask her about what's going on in her personal life and try to understand any situation she describes to you. Put yourself in her shoes, but don't let her walk all over you either. If she really doesn't listen to you, you might have to reconsider your friendship with her. I really hate to say it, because it's a really hard thing to do, but sometimes people grow apart. And that's ok. Over time, friendships tend to fall apart a little bit, and that's natural. I'm not saying that you should want to stop being her friend or that it's easy to give up a friendship, but sometimes it's healthy. If she is smothering you, that's not fair.
]
More Questions: |