Hello, everyone! My name is Natalie, and my favorite thing to do is explore the complexities of the human experience and mind. The philosophies and situations of others are fascinating to me, so I'm very open minded. I am a pacifist, writer, singer, introvert, actress, and thinker. I have the most experience in aiding people with depression, social anxiety, and confusion with sexuality or gender, but I'm open and willing to answer any questions you throw my way. My goal here is to always be genuine, kind, and gentle because I believe that the well being of other human beings does not improve with tough love or false friendship. It improves with love and understanding. I look forward to talking to all of you wonderful people :)
Website: One Love
Gender: Female
Location: Colorado
Age: 17
Member Since: March 13, 2015
Answers: 3
Last Update: March 14, 2015
Visitors: 888
Main Categories:
Mental health
Love Life
Abusive Relationships
View All
|
| |
|
Hi. Okay, so I have other friends too besides my bestie of besties. So, I have Jamie, my #1 sister, but I also have like 2 other best friends. But it's SOOOO hard for me to hang out with my other friends because Jamje always gets butt hurt and pissed off. Then she ignores me and says stuff like "maybe they should be your new best friend" or "you never hang out with me anymore" when I'm like, ALWAYS with her... it's been going on for quite a while and I just want to have fun with everyone without losing friends along the way... HELP!!! (link)
| |
It sounds like your best friend has some separation anxiety. Maybe she has watched other people in her life walk out on her, and now she's paranoid that you will too. This is not healthy, but it would make sense. If you can, talk to her about this in a calm fashion (maybe write her a letter if that's easier). Try not to be accusatory, just tell your side of the story and how you've been feeling lately. Maybe tell her you'd like to be friends with everyone, and you'd like for her to be friends with them too. Ask her about what's going on in her personal life and try to understand any situation she describes to you. Put yourself in her shoes, but don't let her walk all over you either. If she really doesn't listen to you, you might have to reconsider your friendship with her. I really hate to say it, because it's a really hard thing to do, but sometimes people grow apart. And that's ok. Over time, friendships tend to fall apart a little bit, and that's natural. I'm not saying that you should want to stop being her friend or that it's easy to give up a friendship, but sometimes it's healthy. If she is smothering you, that's not fair.
|
|
Hi! I'm a 15 year old biological girl and I'm having a bit of an identity crisis. I think that I might be transgender. Some days I feel so feminine and I go to school it frilly shirts and hair ribbons but some days I take clothes from my brothers closet. I love my long hair, but somedays it disgusts me and I tuck it into a cap. My identity changes and I don't know what I want. I know what I want. I know that there's genderfluid people and people without genders but I want to pick one. I feel like if I had to pick girl or boy I'd be cutting a part of myself off... What do I do? (link)
|
Why hello there! :) My name is Natalie, and I have been involved in several youth programs which support LGBT youth. The first thing I will say to you is to try not to stress too much (I realize that's easier said than done). If you aren't sure about your gender now, that is perfectly okay. You are not obliged to choose a gender immediately, you don't owe that to anyone. For now, go with the flow. Try to find a way to be okay with feeling more boyish some days and more girlish others, because it's totally natural and you aren't alone. It sounds like you'd like to pick a certain gender for yourself (male or female from the sound of it), and that's totally cool. Label yourself however you feel most comfortable and confident. Also remember, however, that gender is fluid. Don't panic if the label you choose begins to feel off or not right again. You are in charge of who you are, and you always have the power and the right to alter it.
Try seeking professional help. I don't know where you're from, but there is most likely a youth program for LGBT kids somewhere near your area. Do not be afraid to reach out to these types of programs, because they really are there to help and you can most likely find others there who have gone through (or are currently going through) situations similar to yours. Therapy is also a great option when you are going through an identity crisis. Also, when you're ready, discuss this with a friend or family member. The empathy of others can really help mental stability through all of this.
Other than that, just remember that life is simple in the end. You are here to be alive and to experience the world. You are going to get through this and it will not ruin your life. You are not strange, you are not a freak, you are merely a human being. Do not let others tell you differently. You are wonderful. Stay strong, my friend!
|
|
Hi! I'm a 15 year old girl and I'm super insecure. I know that that's normal throughout puberty and just in general but I feel like my insecure-ness goes beyond what is considered "normal". First if all, I compare my self to every girl I see. Every. Single. One. I look at the little curves of their bodies and what bones stick out where and the shape of their feet and compare it to myself. If I see a girl (whether it be at the store, in a picture, on social media, etc) who isn't considered traditionally "pretty" because maybe she's a little or a lot overweight or has a crooked nose or smeared makeup, I'll try to find similarities between me and her and stare at her for half an hour and continue to compare us to back up my opinion that I'm ugly. Occasionally, I'll get so concerned with my appearance that I'll give myself panic attacks (keep in mind that I usually only get panic attacks from OCD or Social Anxiety). I spend hours in front of the mirror trying on tight-fitting clothes and picking out my imperfections (like the little bulge of my stomach, or the relative flatness of my chest, or my "thunder thighs"). I'll get up close and be disgusted by my pores and pimples and the bump in my nose. I feel like I'm not worthy of having a boyfriend or girlfriend and often wonder why my friends hang out with someone as fat as me and always feel like they're embarrassed to be seen with me. They've never said anything like that but my mind knows that they're thinking it. Why do I feel like this about myself? How do I stop hating myself? (link)
|
I feel you, girl. I'm a 17 year old female, and I know how incredibly difficult it is not to compare yourself to others. We are taught from a very young age that we must live up to a certain set of standards, or else we are not "good enough." For example, as women we are constantly bombarded with images of the "ideal body type" in advertisements and social media. Society tells us that we must be skinny in order to be pretty, and a constant flow of propaganda that reinforces this ridiculous notion is beaten into our brains every single day. Thus, you are most definitely not weird or insane for feeling the need to obsess over your body image. It is what you have been taught to do.
However, that does not mean it's healthy. Obsession over body image can lead to eating disorders or depression. I realize that it is MUCH easier said than done for me to advise you to love yourself rather than fix yourself. It is NOT an easy thing to do to change your opinion of yourself, and it is going to take time. It is certainly wise to seek help from a professional or someone you trust, such as a counselor, therapist, family member, friend, teacher, coach, or role model. You'll probably be surprised at people's willingness to try and help you.
Then again, it is up to YOU in the end to change your viewpoint of yourself. No one else is going to do that for you, although they CAN offer very valuable support along the way. If you are self-conscious about your weight, it might help you to start working out or eating a little better. The feeling of actively being healthy can rid some of the negative thoughts of your body from your head. I realize that this can be tricky to do (lack of motivation and time are often the biggest obstacles for me in moments when I feel I need to exercise). In order to motivate yourself, you might create a reward system (i.e. you run for 10 minutes, you get to watch one episode of your favorite TV show), find a workout buddy, or find a way to keep track of what you eat (there are apps for this, or you could just keep a journal).
When you are self conscious about your body, it is important to take the appropriate steps in order for you to feel good about your body image, but be careful, because it is easy to become even more angry with yourself when you're obsessed with working toward a goal. We were raised to believe that happiness lies in the achievement of goals. It doesn't. At all. Goal achieving does bring short term satisfaction, but after you achieve a goal you are often left wondering "Well, what now?" You are now once again left searching for another way to make yourself happy, rather than experiencing the continuation of a happy feeling. In order to be happy not only AFTER you've achieved your body image and mental health goals, but WHILE you are working toward them, you must find some sort of way to make peace with yourself, even if it's just a small part of you. Look inside, think about your good qualities and ask yourself how you can use them to create something. For instance, if you're great at baking, try to get into the habit of baking whenever you feel particularly down about yourself. Battling the feeling of self loathing with active practice in a field you love can improve your mental health, because it is satisfying to feel accomplished in a moment where you previously felt you couldn't do anything. Sometimes the world will make you feel like you suck, and in those moments, you've got to remind yourself of the little things that you ARE good at and embrace them.
Remember to stay healthy and notice the little beautiful things in life. Look for the light, do not wallow in the dark. You are beautiful, and you are always enough. Stay strong.
Love,
Natalie
|
|