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Insecurities gone too far
Hi! I'm a 15 year old girl and I'm super insecure. I know that that's normal throughout puberty and just in general but I feel like my insecure-ness goes beyond what is considered "normal". First if all, I compare my self to every girl I see. Every. Single. One. I look at the little curves of their bodies and what bones stick out where and the shape of their feet and compare it to myself. If I see a girl (whether it be at the store, in a picture, on social media, etc) who isn't considered traditionally "pretty" because maybe she's a little or a lot overweight or has a crooked nose or smeared makeup, I'll try to find similarities between me and her and stare at her for half an hour and continue to compare us to back up my opinion that I'm ugly. Occasionally, I'll get so concerned with my appearance that I'll give myself panic attacks (keep in mind that I usually only get panic attacks from OCD or Social Anxiety). I spend hours in front of the mirror trying on tight-fitting clothes and picking out my imperfections (like the little bulge of my stomach, or the relative flatness of my chest, or my "thunder thighs"). I'll get up close and be disgusted by my pores and pimples and the bump in my nose. I feel like I'm not worthy of having a boyfriend or girlfriend and often wonder why my friends hang out with someone as fat as me and always feel like they're embarrassed to be seen with me. They've never said anything like that but my mind knows that they're thinking it. Why do I feel like this about myself? How do I stop hating myself?
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I feel you, girl. I'm a 17 year old female, and I know how incredibly difficult it is not to compare yourself to others. We are taught from a very young age that we must live up to a certain set of standards, or else we are not "good enough." For example, as women we are constantly bombarded with images of the "ideal body type" in advertisements and social media. Society tells us that we must be skinny in order to be pretty, and a constant flow of propaganda that reinforces this ridiculous notion is beaten into our brains every single day. Thus, you are most definitely not weird or insane for feeling the need to obsess over your body image. It is what you have been taught to do.
However, that does not mean it's healthy. Obsession over body image can lead to eating disorders or depression. I realize that it is MUCH easier said than done for me to advise you to love yourself rather than fix yourself. It is NOT an easy thing to do to change your opinion of yourself, and it is going to take time. It is certainly wise to seek help from a professional or someone you trust, such as a counselor, therapist, family member, friend, teacher, coach, or role model. You'll probably be surprised at people's willingness to try and help you.
Then again, it is up to YOU in the end to change your viewpoint of yourself. No one else is going to do that for you, although they CAN offer very valuable support along the way. If you are self-conscious about your weight, it might help you to start working out or eating a little better. The feeling of actively being healthy can rid some of the negative thoughts of your body from your head. I realize that this can be tricky to do (lack of motivation and time are often the biggest obstacles for me in moments when I feel I need to exercise). In order to motivate yourself, you might create a reward system (i.e. you run for 10 minutes, you get to watch one episode of your favorite TV show), find a workout buddy, or find a way to keep track of what you eat (there are apps for this, or you could just keep a journal).
When you are self conscious about your body, it is important to take the appropriate steps in order for you to feel good about your body image, but be careful, because it is easy to become even more angry with yourself when you're obsessed with working toward a goal. We were raised to believe that happiness lies in the achievement of goals. It doesn't. At all. Goal achieving does bring short term satisfaction, but after you achieve a goal you are often left wondering "Well, what now?" You are now once again left searching for another way to make yourself happy, rather than experiencing the continuation of a happy feeling. In order to be happy not only AFTER you've achieved your body image and mental health goals, but WHILE you are working toward them, you must find some sort of way to make peace with yourself, even if it's just a small part of you. Look inside, think about your good qualities and ask yourself how you can use them to create something. For instance, if you're great at baking, try to get into the habit of baking whenever you feel particularly down about yourself. Battling the feeling of self loathing with active practice in a field you love can improve your mental health, because it is satisfying to feel accomplished in a moment where you previously felt you couldn't do anything. Sometimes the world will make you feel like you suck, and in those moments, you've got to remind yourself of the little things that you ARE good at and embrace them.
Remember to stay healthy and notice the little beautiful things in life. Look for the light, do not wallow in the dark. You are beautiful, and you are always enough. Stay strong.
Love,
Natalie
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ok it sounds like you really need some counseling here. It IS very natural at your age to compare, we all do it even through adulthood to some degree but what your talking about sounds way too extreme.
You have to try to love yourself BECAUSE of your imperfections, you are unique and NOT like everyone else and thats what makes each and every person on this earth special to some degree and different. Imagine if we were all the SAME. how gross would that be?? lol.
you need to speak to your school counselor and tell them how your feeling and that your feeling really conflicted about some things and need to talk to someone. they will understand and if they cant help you they will point you in the right direction.
good luck ; )
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