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Am I overreacting?
I've known this guy for 3 years now, we were friends first and now we're dating. We've always liked each other and always had a spark. Problem is he has a baby mama. He has a 5 year old child with her and sees the kid once a week. He told her about me and everyone he knows, knows that I'm his girlfriend. Here's what I don't like: He usually sees the child with the baby mama. Like they'll both go to the arcade or both go out with the kid. This bothers me, am I wrong for feeling this way? I'm having suspicions he might be cheating although he hasn't done anything to make me feel this way and I have trust issues from previous relationships. What should I do?
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You should talk to him about it, and if you are still concerned, you should stop dating him.
Let's be perfectly honest: assuming he is not cheating it is AWESOME that he, the kid, and the kid's mother can all spend time together without murdering each other. That's a much better example for young child than just being dropped off by two parents who can barely stand to speak to each other.
This behaviour might be a example of this guy being very mature and a great dad. Or it might be an example of him feeling like an utterly incompetent parent and not wanting to be alone with the kid... Really, who knows.
But the idea that this means he's cheating is a bit bizarre. There are a lot of more likely explanations.
In the end, if you don't trust your boyfriend to be loyal then you shouldn't be with him, but first, talk about why it is he chooses to live this way.
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Yeah you're over reacting a bit.
You're dating a guy who has a child. Which means that child has a mother and it's a package deal.
I think it's good that he can spend time with both of them. They can be civil and spend time with their child. You've probably seen exes that have kids together that can't even stand to see each other. Which puts the child in a tough situation.
So you'll have to put your feelings aside in this situation because she will always be in his life. It's good for the child that they all hang out together. There's nothing wrong with it.
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ok first off, lets not punish another guy for what the guys in the past have done to you, its not fair to him and you could be self-sabotaging your relationship with him.
Secondly, im sure their broken up for a reason and why would she be ok with being with him if she knows hes with you now? try to put feelings aside here and think logically.
Ask yourself "as a person do you think his baby mama would lower herself after having broken up with him to carry on something KNOWING full well hes also with you?" has she met you? have you gotten any vibes off her that are off?
He could be still doing things with her and the kid because they want to try to provide the kid with a sense of normalcy in family still and that they both love him equally and that hes not just a dead beat father because they are no longer together anymore. As long as their trips are strictly about the kid and nothing more then theres nothing wrong with that. What MIGHT be a good idea though (if shes ok with it and they truly have no feelings for each other anymore) that he bring you along sometimes. It would be ok though if you were there sometimes and acted like "a friend" of his.
While you are there though it would be best if you wernt publicly affectionate with each other though just so it doesnt confuse the kid. the kid is young and if it is both their first child then thats always going to be something special that they will share with each other no matter who comes and goes from their lives.
they still created a person together and their mutual love for that little person will always be something they have in common and thats something you have to make sure you can come to terms with or else its time to move on with someone else that doesnt have a kid.
If you truly feel you have grounds to believe that he still has some remaining feelings for her then you need to talk to him about it. start collecting info like things he says in your mind for later. Does he ever talk about why he broke up with her? or do you have to bring it up first? does he ever talk about being frustrated with her? or talk about "why it would never work"? things like that coming from a guy that broke up with her for a good REASON should tell you alot about how he feels.
How does he act when he comes back from his visits with her? do you ever ask him how it went and what they did? (your allowed to ask since you "care about him and just want him to have a good time and make his son happy") see?
you have some pull here you just need to learn how to use it. If you act like your happy for him that hes spending time with his child and trying to make things work so that he can do whats best for him then he will let his guard down and be more open to talking about things because he wont fear that youll get mad or be unhappy about something he did.
have you ever heard of killing someone with kindness? try it. show him why hes with you and not with her anymore, try to act happy when hes planned to go see them and ask if you should pick up dinner if he will be home in time, or if he'll be eating out? try to act like your trying to please him because what your actually doing is getting information.
Most people arent likely to be mean if you start off with a good kind nature, offering to pick up dinner before he gets back so you can eat together, or saying "oh but i was planning on us doing this or that on that day?"
make it look like your trying to work around his visits with his son, and mention that your making an effort here but that you need him to meet you halfway on this and tell you whats going on with certain things. ; )
he'll be more inclined think that he wont be able to get anything past you because your working so hard to maintain the relationship so cheating would probably not be the best idea because you come off as being "really on top of your stuff" here.
make it look like you want whats best for the kid too, and that you want to be involved because you care, and youll get even closer and once you can spend more time with them too going out places youll be able to get a better read on whats going on if your really that suspicious. most people cant carry on a secret relationship under such circumstances and theyll either snap and just tell you because they think youll eventually find out anyway or youll catch them really doing something.
good luck ; )
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