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My family are threatening to kick me out.
My parents are going through severe financial difficulties. I'm a student still at home at 21 as I can't afford to move out. I recently reconnected with my ex boyfriend whom my parents and brother disagree of. We had a big verbal fall out and broke up months ago. He was a big drinker but quit almost a year ago in order to save our relationship. He says he loves me and I love him. My family found out about this and have threatened that if I so much as befriend my ex I'll be kicked out, and that I've somehow betrayed them all. I seen my brothers messages to his girlfriend and they're quite abusive towards me. My family stalked and followed me to his house. They've become increasingly paranoid and I feel vulnerable and bullied by their behaviour. Should I try to move out? I can't stay any longer. It's constant verbal abuse and I'm not even sure what for any more. I always try to keep the peace but they are taking it too far telling me who to hang out with and even following me. Please advise me as I'm so shocked by their abusive words. I want my boyfriend back but don't want to lose my family, even though they're being cruel through their own problems. It's like they blame me and him for their own difficulties.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
It is unfortunate but when you live at home and are being financially supported by your parents you must abide by their rules regardless of how rude, obnoxious or abusive they may be.
I do agree with you that some of the problems you are suffering are ones of transference where as they are making problems for you so they can ignore their own. This would fall under the heading of obnoxious and abusive though there is not much you can do about it.
I would prefer to tell you to stick it out and finish school then move out. It sounds like this may not be possible for you to do and maintain your sanity. At the very least you should feel safe rather than vulnerable and bullied in your own home regardless of who is paying the rent.
Therefore my suggestion would be to find an apartment you can afford. If you need to drop out of school to get a job do so and go to school at night to finish your schooling and get your degree.
You are an adult now and your parents should give you the respect of an adult. You are not the cause of their problems and it is unfair the transfer their problems to you. The best thing for you to do is to disassociate yourself to the extent you can as soon as you can.
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Yeah i would also have to agree with the other posters here. If you can move out with someone you trust that will still allow you to finish school and what not then i would do it. you shouldnt have to put up with that and your parents should give you more credit that you can make you own choices when it comes to people. theres just some things that kids have to learn and they have to sometimes feel it and or get "hurt" a little along the way in order to fully understand.
im sure you feel hurt that they cant even trust you to make your own judgments. i would have told them that long ago. if this guy has never hit you, or abused you then theres no reason why they have the right to not trust him. I also think stalking you isnt ok either even if its family, its your life and they have to give you some room to breathe and grow as a person.
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Unfortunately if you are living under your parent's roof and they are supporting you financially you have to live by their rules or move out. From what you have said here about your ex boyfriend being a "big drinker" it is understandable that your family would have concerns. Is it possible what you are viewing as cruelty and abuse could just be your family's way of trying to protect you? One of the most difficult things a parent ever has to face is knowing they couldn't save their child from making an awful mistake with their future. I realize you don't feel like this relationship is a mistak, but they do. Has your ex apologized or tried to make amends with your family? Has he proved himself to them that he stopped drinking and changed his life? I am quite sure they don't trust him, but trust is something you have to earn. If he is serious about having a relationship with you then he needs to be a man and step up to the plate and try to mend the relationship with your parents. It is not right for him to stay in the background and let you go to battle for him! If indeed this man is sincere and he does care about you then he wouldn't put you in the position of having to choose between him and your family. If he does come forward and give it his best shot to make it right with your family and they still won't accept him then you will have to choose but keep in mind it could create a permanent rift between you and your family. If you decide to do this make sure he's worth it! Good luck!
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If you want to move out and if you can afford to move out, then go for it. I know what it is like to be stuck living with an abusive family, but I stay because I cannot afford it. I also am like you - a simple pig dreaming of a life with her frog. If you can afford it, move out. Having some space away from your family might actually improve your relationship with them. If not, hang in there and save some money.
Your favourite oinker,
Miss Piggy
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