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So tired of this!!!!
I'm 19 and my bf is 24 and we have a 10 month old kid together. We have roommates that live with us so our son sleeps in our room in his crib. Me and my boyfriend hardly ever have sex and he said he doesn't really care for it n that its just not important to him. I want sex pretty much every day but I would settle for once a week I guess. He doesn't even make me feel wanted. He isn't very touchy feely I'm the one that usually initiates the kissing or touching. He doesn't like to cuddle or hold each other we sleep on our own sides of the bed and I feel like were an old married couple that no longer even have any interest in sex. I'm driving myself crazy here!!! I got birth control because he had said we don't really have sex because he doesn't wanna get me pregnant again and I got that last month and since then we have only had sex once. How do I make him wanna have sex more. Y is he being like this? Please help me!!!
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There is definitely a problem here but it is NOT sex. Lack of sexual desire is only a symptom of the real problem. It is not normal for a 24 year old to say he doesn't care for sex or that it isn't important. I would be inclined to agree with the others about the sleeping arrangements but I can't help but feel like there is a LOT more going on here. He doesn't want to cuddle, you have to initiate kissing or touching and he does not want to have sex with you so I am guessing he has a problem with YOU. It not only sounds like he has a problem but I think it is big problem. Maybe he is blaming you for ending up in this situation and is feeling resentful. He may feel like you trapped him into this relationship, but you can mark my words he is looking for a way out! He has already withdrawn from you sexually and emotionally, the only thing left is to remove himself physically. The two of you need to get the roommates out of the house, ask a relative to babysit and sit down for a long heart to heart talk about what is really wrong. If he does open up to you (and from what you are describing it may be too late for him to reach that level of intimacy with you)please listen to what he has to say, even if isn't pretty. I don't want to scare you but when you say he is acting like he doesn't want you.... he isn't acting! I have been around long enough to know, this guy is ready to bolt! The only hope you have of fixing this to to get him to talk it out. I would recommend couples counseling if possible. I think right now you are hanging on by a thread and that thread is your son. Whatever you do, let him vent. Please don't scream, yell, accuse, point fingers, place blame, plead or beg. Just be quiet and let him talk. I am guessing there is a volcano of emotion buried under all this coldness. He needs to be heard. I realize you are only 19 but you can't possibly believe "making him want sex more" is going to make all this go away! Maybe your lack of empathy for his feelings is a big turn off as well. If you really care for this man, stop worrying about how often YOU need sex and try to help him deal with whatever eating him up! I hope you are able to work this out, especially for your son's sake. Good luck!
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Tell him that even if it is not important to him, sex is important to you and he should make an effort out of love. Suggest planning date nights where you set the mood for sex. Ask the roommates for some privacy. Tell your boyfriend to shower and wear something nice the way he would if your relationship were just starting out. Getting ready for the date will make him think about the sex that is to come. As for you, wear something even more fabulous than what he is wearing (Remember, never let your frog outdress you!). Have dinner, candles, the works. After dinner, do something that will stimulate both of you. For example, massage one another, or simply hold each other naked. Then, see what happens.
I bet I know what will happen ;)
Miss Piggy
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The first thing you need to do is get rid of the roommates so the baby is not in the same room as you. At 10 mos. old the baby should be sleeping in his own room.
Now to answer your question I can only guess at the answer. I would guess that your pregnancy was not planned. He is doing the right thing by staying with you and supporting you and the baby. He is probably not ready to have another child and he may have not been ready for this one.
Having an unplanned child can be a real libido killer for a male his age. Now the fact that a pregnancy happened is a much his fault as yours since he could have taken precautions to prevent a pregnancy and worn a condom which are over 85% effective in preventing a pregnancy.
He may feel trapped having to stay at home when he could be out whooping it up with his friends. This is very possible and if so he blames you even though he is as much at fault as your are. Even though some of what he is mad about missing you are right there beside him climbing the walls to give him.
Yes he very well could be being a little childish about this. Then again even at the young age of 19 and being a mom you are more mature than his 24 years in many ways. what you need to do is as I said first get rid of the roommates so you can have a little privacy not only in the bedroom but in your own home.
You're looking for more sex. He is most likely looking for excitement and spontaneity. You can't have that because your sex, cuddling or foreplay has to take place in the bedroom almost on a plan, with the baby right next to you.
Most importantly than any of the above as that is all a guess, is you two have to talk, to have a serious conversation about life now and the future. You need to know exactly how he feels and he about how you feel about this relationship. Does he feel trapped because of the baby. Is he doing the right thing, as it is called, be cause he feels the moral obligation to do so. What does he see as a future for you and him and the baby. The same from you.
This is important for do you really want someone who is only with you out of a moral obligation. What type of a father will that be for your son? What type of home will you be able to make for him? These are important question.
From a legal standpoint the father is financially responsible for the child until he is 18. This may be the better option for all concerned with 2 lawyers working out the details and a judge making it a lawful order. The you each go your separate ways, he pays his child support and has his visitation if he wants.
This is far better than frustration building up to the point where someone gets abused or worse and someone ends up in jail.
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