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He didn't get me anything for my birthday
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. Today is my 23rd birthday and he didn't even get me anything. I don't even want much just something to feel special but no. We have a long distance relationship and I had a party Saturday that he wasn't able to come to because he couldn't afford the 500$ ticket but he was able to go out that night and spend over 100$ on drinks. He told me he feels like an awful boyfriend but then today on my birthday he tells me he's going to the casino on Thursday... So I'm guessing he doesn't feel that awful. On his birthday I made a huge deal I sent him a care package, visited him, and bought dinner and some other things for dessert. But he can't even send a card or anything. Am I just over thinking this and being a brat? Or is it time to rethink my involvement in this one sided relationship
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You are not overthinking it at all. And i'm going to assume you are in a military relationship from what I read (me too, wooooo Milsos!!!) And you are not being a brat my birthday is in welp less than two weeks and I don't expect to hear a happy birthday or recieve a present because that's not only how my s/o is but with the long distance thing sometimes s/o's just don't show us the appreciation or attention we need and crave because we are so far apart from each other. and as Adviceman said this happens a lot, this is why people get lonely in long distance relationships. this is why there is so much cheating stereotypes in military relationships. BECAUSE it's so common for one person to kind of forget the other sometimes. and even in some situations both people sort of forget about the other sometimes. I honestly think you should say something to him, don't hold it back because communication emotionally is so important when you are in a military relationship because half the time you aren't even sure how your S/O feels about anything because they have to keep up this guard and distance.
I really do hope everything works out for you. and something I've learned as a military girlfriend we go through some things and some emotions that no one who hasn't been in our position will ever understand so stay strong.
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Dump him.....why are you wasting your time with him when he obviously doesn't waste his time on you?! Girl, better start realizing you deserve more than that. Don't settle for crap!
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You already know this is a one sided relationship so I am guessing you don't think very much of yourself. I am also guessing you think this kind of guy is all you can get or all you deserve. If you believe that then you will always have a man who treats you this way whether it is this one or not. I read two sentences of your question and figured out this guy is a bum and not good enough for you to give him the time of day, much less elaborate birthday gifts! Do you really want a self centered jerk who can't even take a moment of his time to send you a birthday card? Please, please what ever you do get some counseling, invest in some self help books but please break this pattern in your life before you really get dumped on! You deserve a LOT better than somebody like this!
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No you are not over thing this. This is the problem with long distance relationships. You're not there so you're out of sight and easily put out of mind. In long distance romances it is easy for one or both parties to become lonely and look for companionship. That companionship turns into a relationship which turns into a romance. It was never meant to happen but it does. GI's face it all the time and this is why they receive "Dear John letters."
He realized it was your birthday and did nothing. He is either selfish, self centered or does not have the interest in this relationship that you have. My suggestion is you rethink this relationship as this may be his way of getting you to agree to end it for he may have found someone close to home to play with. I could be wrong but I also could be right.
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No you're not overthinking it at all. If my boyfriend did that, my feelings would be hurt.
I'd definitely speak up about this. I mean he doesn't have to go all out for your birthday but he should at least do something. He needs to put in the effort.
You don't need to fight with him or anything, just straight up tell him that you need the effort and it made you feel like crap that he didn't do anything for you for your birthday.
If things don't change, then your relationship is one sided and you deserve better.
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You aren't over thinking or being a brat.
However, if your relationship is feeling one-sided, the first thing you have to do is speak up. If he said he felt awful, and you said anything like "It's okay baby." then you aren't helping either of you.
It's a thing a lot of women do - a thing we are encouraged to do - not speak up when our partner genuinely hurt us.
If my partner did what yours did and then said he felt like an awful boyfriend, my response would be "Good. I'm glad to know you regret this 'cause you really screwed up and I'm angry and hurt!"
It's scary to have a fight. It's scary to stand up for what you want and risk someone else saying no. But you have to do it or you end up sticking it out with someone who either doesn't know what you want, doesn't care, or can't give it to you (or, all the above).
If you bring this up, directly, you might find that what he really wants is out of this relationship and that he is just too much a of a shitty little coward to be honest with you, but you can still be the bigger, better person and be honest with him: He fucked up. You didn't need him to buy you diamonds, but you needed some basic respect and he didn't even show that.
Get mad. If you need someone's persmission, you have mine. Get mad. It's the truth, and it's the only thing that is going to help you let him know what the standards are. If he can't, or doesn't want to met the most basic standard of "put a little bit of effort in on my birthday" then dump him.
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No you are not being a brat or over thinking this and you have every right to feel that the relationship is all one sides, Before you start considering whether to end your relationship or not i would raise the issue you have within the relationship with him and explain how you feel that you make the effort and that you feel he doesn't make the effort and see what he has to say. You never know he may have a surprise for you as its your birthday. I also think that the long distance is putting some pressure on your relationship as i can relate to this. But you will be able to decide whether you should carry on with this relationship or whether to end it by what he has to say when you raise the issues you are having in this relationship. And on the money side of thing maybe he has a good explanation as to why hes going to a casino when he told you he had no money, but on the other side him going out and spending only £100 and not being able to afford the £500 ticket to your party is a big difference in the price so maybe he had enough to go out but just not enough to get to your birthday, i would speak with him before you make any decisions that you may later regret. I hope this has helped x
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