|
In need of some serious advice
Hi everyone, id appreciate that if the person reading this would understand my points of views, my decisions and to try to understand how I think. Me and this guy really hit it off, we've been good friends for about 4 months and 2 of those months we started dating. We had intense chemistry, it was insane..we'd talk about how weird it is that we both feel so strongly about one another in such little time and how were shocked that we got close so easily. Now i know that some people believe that 2 months isnt a long time, and your right its not but this expirence taught me that no matter how little time you had with someone, sometimes 2 months can have more of an impact on both your lives than 2 years. What happened was that he was really affectinate and loving in the begining of our relationship, then he randomly stopped calling or being as sweet with me. I wont get into details because i dont feel its neccasary, he just randomly called me asking me to meet him cause he wanted to talk, so i said okay and went then he tells me he isnt happy, he feels like we arent sweet with eachther anymore Ofcourse i let him know that its his fault, and that im the one whos always trying to be cute and call and do and say sweet things but he never budges (which is completely true) so then i asked him this : I was like, "Do you love me, or do you just have some feelings for me, because i really do love you, a lot" then he was like "Look i have feelings for you for sure, but im not crazy about you, i think your more inlove with me than i am with you thats for sure" Honesty is the best policy, and i dont blame him for being honest, HOWEVER i am not the kind of girl that can be with someone that i love more or care for more, someone who believes he has the upper hand in the relationship ( and he has shown me that he thinks he does in many ways) so i ended it, i told him that i dont deserve that and that i should be loved in the same amount in return, why should i love someone any less? and why should he be with someone that he wants to feel more for? it makes no sense to me. Our break up wasnt terrible, we were both sad. But i made sure he knew that my dignity was above everything else and that no matter how much i love him, ill always love myself enough to walk away from anything that i feel isnt fair to me. He contacted me after a few days (4 to be exact) asking how i was, i said i was fine and he said he was great and the conversation just ended. You guys, i am so inlove with him i cant even explain, i dont know what to do or how to act anymore, i dont even know what hes thinking or have an idea about it, im really hurt and would love some guidance, please tell me what i should do? do you think him seeing how strong i am and independent will make him think twice ? Thank you all for reading this and please no harsh judgement :)
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
So you did what was right for you. Breaking up is always going to hurt, whether you were dating for a month or for 5 years, it will hurt a lot.
Him seeing how strong and independent might make him regret it, but he can't help that. You can't keep hoping to get back together with him.
The reason you guys broke up wasn't because of an unhealthy relationship or a problem going on. It was because he didn't feel the same as you did, he can't change that no matter how hard he tries. So you just need to let go and do your best to let him go.
So what you do now is to keep yourself busy, go out with friends, meet new people and try new things. It's going to hurt for awhile, it's going to be really hard but you have to do what you have to do.
]
Honestly, no judgement intended but I really don't think anyone can fall in love in a short of time period as you too have been together. It's called "infatuation" which can feel like "love" when in fact it's not. If you two are broken up you need to just let him go and date other people. It may feel like your world is in crumbles right now but it's really not. There's TONS of other guys waiting to meet such a sweet compassionate person such yourself that you actually WILL fall in love with. Or who knows?? Maybe this guy is the "one." my boyfriend and I didn't talk to each other for six years, he was my first boyfriend, first kiss, and first date (dated each other for six mths and then broke up) but now we've been together for 3 years and I truly do believe he is the one and I love him SO very much. I am a true believer in the saying "If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." So if your really love him, let him go, he just may come back and it will be better then ever before! Much love!
xoxo,
dottie4
]
The definition of being broken up, is not knowing what the other person is thinking, or feeling, or doing any more.
The truth is, you aren't feeling strong right now, and putting on a show to try and make him think or feel a certain way about you will inevitably make you feel weaker and more depressed.
There is just no rational reason to believe that anything you do know is going to make his feelings stronger for you than when you were together (and it's very unlikely to make him think of you the way you want him too anyways.)
The best thing you can do is recognize that, and accept that he didn't feel for you what you felt for him. You also need to accept that being broken up means not knowing what is going through his head now. Finally, you need to remind yourself that nothing you do is going to magically alter his feelings in any specific way.
I know it's hard to just stop worrying about what another person is thinking or feeling, but that is what is you need to do. Instead of obsessing over the things you can't know and can't control (his thoughts and feelings) pay special attention to the things you can: Your feelings and thoughts.
Distract yourself and take care of yourself. It's okay to be hurt, but focusing on someone other than yourself will only prolong that hurt needlessly. Avoid contact with him, because he can't offer you what you need right now. He is the problem, and he cannot be part of the solution. Time, some gentle work, and a lot of self respect and self care will make the hurt fade, but that is all things you need to do, and as much as the heartbreak may have begun the hurt, ending it has nothing at all to do with him.
]
I understand how someone can meet and fall in love in such a short period of time. My wife and I will be married 43 years come July. We met fell in love and married in less than six months. Everyone that knew us said it will never work. Most of their marriages with the exception of 2 haven't and they dated for years. So yes it is possible to meet and fall hopelessly for someone in a short period of time.
Being strong and independent is not a bad quality especially when it is attached to someone who is also soft and loving when it is appropriate to be soft and loving. There are some Neanderthals out there still who find strong independent women a turn off. These men are a bad choice for any women as they want to control their wife's or girlfriends and tend to be abusive as well. I see or saw in what you wrote, "someone who believes he has the upper hand in the relationship," this person gives me every indication he could be a controller.
A controlling person, male or female, cannot have a good relationship with anyone who has a strong self-respect and is an independent person. The problem is that even in relationships opposites do attract and equals tend to push away. This is somewhat of your situation.
What he sees in you is someone who may be stronger than him and that may be something he cannot deal with. Not every male is like that, most are not. You do not need to change or weaken yourself to attract a mate. You would hate yourself for doing so and your relationship(s) will eventually fail.
As for this guy; I know you have fallen for him, that you have some chemistry together. In my opinion based strictly on what you have written. Let him go he is probably the wrong guy for you. Stay true to yourself and your principals and you will be a much happier person for it.
]
I admired your braveness. I agree to what you did. The truth is we have different preferences in love. some, like you and your man prefer someone who loves you more than themselves. I am glad that you are not one of those girls who are too martyr that they forget to love themselves and in the end being left without anything. Keep it up, I know how you feels. You love him too much, yes but remember, love could fade in time.
]
More Questions: |