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My Best Friend Is Going To Be Very Angry With Me If I Break Up With My Guy
I am dating a guy at the moment. We are together for nine months , but I don't feel the way I felt for him in the begining.I just don't love him anymore.He loves me a lot.If I break up with him now , a blame is clearly on me.My best friend is always really serious about relationships and she want me and my boyfriend to be together.I didn't tell her anything yet.I am in a break with my boyfriend.I have no idea about what i should do now.What do i tell him?What do I tell my best friend?Please Help!
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You have to tell your boyfriend that you feel that the relationship just isn't working for you, and that you feel it's necessary to end it rather than keep up sort of pretence. You know that he loves you but you cannot return such a strong emotion anymore. Embrace the 'blame' you mention. Tell him it IS about you, it's your 'fault' if you like and it's not a reflection on him. This should stall any scene where he might offer to change, or try harder etc. It is nearly impossible to argue rationally or meaningfully with someone who accepts full personal responsibility for their actions. Like a guilty plea in law needs no case for the defence. It's a bit of psychological play-acting possibly but if it does the job more cleanly and kindly...it's a good thing. Try the same rationale with your friend. Make the explanation match what you told him. And tell her this is also being 'serious about relationships'....by recognising and accepting when one is over. You'll do the right thing I reckon.
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Is she really a true friend if she gets mad at you for something like that? Your love life is none of her business.
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Well first of all, there is no blame on you. There should be no blame on either one of you. It's not your fault that you're not feeling the chemistry.
It's fine that your friend is serious about relationships. But it doesn't seem like she understands relationships if she's going to get angry if a couple she likes breaks up. You guys have been together long enough to know each other pretty well, to figure out if the chemistry is still there even after the first couple months of dating, to know if you guys are a good match or not.
So what you should tell your friend is that the chemistry just isn't there for you anymore. You've just realized you guys aren't a good match. Your personalities don't click and you're just not feeling it anymore. Tell her that it would be wrong of you to stay in a relationship where you're just not interested. It wouldn't be fair to him.
As for what you tell him. You talk to him face to face. Tell him the truth. Tell him that you don't feel the same anymore. No matter how you put it, it will hurt him so just be honest. You don't have to be mean or unkind. Just be gentle and truthful. Tell him that he's still an awesome guy but you realized you two are not a good match together.
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There is such a thing as dating for the right reasons and breaking up for the right reasons.
How you live your life and who you date or don't date should never be the choice of anyone else, including your friend. For her to expect to have control over what you do in your life is wrong. Somewhere along the line you may have spoiled her by doing whatever she wishes all the time, never what you wanted.
Let her get angry. And you tell her that your life is yours to live and to have control over and you are not going to give control of your life to someone else to dictate what you should or shouldn't do. Your decisions are yours only to make whether they end up in a loss or gain, a mistake or a blessing.
If you dont feel the same way about your guy as you did in the beginning, what you felt in the beginning may not have been chemistry with him but new relationship energy which lasts a month to a couple of months and in rare cases up to a year.
What is your reason for dating? Make sure you are clear on that. Just looking for companionship? Wanting to fit the norm and be part of a couple? Doing it cus its the thing to do? Or are you checking out guys to see which one might come close to being someone you could live the rest of your life with, someone to fall in love with, someone to love, support and uphold you.
Dating has become more of a social event than a tool to discovering things about a person to see if they would make that right life partner. Your friend does not understand dating if she thinks that you commit yourself life long to the first guy who shows interest in you, no matter if there is no chemistry and you don't have things in common.
So if you want to break up, it should be because you have finally realized that you and he are not a good match. You've actually given it a good amount of time to see if it worked instead of giving up too early. But at this point in time, continueing to stay with him is pointless.
You could mention that what you thought was attraction and chemistry with him was in fact not that because it wore off. What you felt was new relationship energy instead.Here's what wikipedia has to say
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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New relationship energy (often abbreviated as NRE) is a state of mind experienced at the beginning of most significant sexual and romantic relationships, typically involving heightened emotional and sexual receptivity and excitement. It begins with the earliest attractions, grows into full force when mutuality is established, and slowly fades over months to years. It carries an implication of contrast with the feelings involved with "old" or an ongoing relationship.
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I see two options here; 1) talk it over with him and say it just isn't working for you anymore, and you're sorry - then tell your friend and just say that the relationship wasn't right for you, and does she want you to be unhappy? Or 2) Say you're not feeling it anymore, but ask him to break up with you because otherwise your frowns is going to be really mad. If Je breaks up with you, its not your fault. You could always wait and see if he breaks up with you, but that's probably not a good idea. Either way, don't stay unhappy. Hope this helped :) and good luck!
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