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Me and My Mom
I'm 14 and a female.. I asked a question about 2 months ago about me not sure if I should go to Mexico or not, and well I did go. It was an unforgettable experience. unfortunately my grandmother passed away and my mom and I have been having issues since then. I've always had this anger towards my mom. I try to let it go but the thought of what she did/does makes me sick. A few years back i was a lot younger and my older sister caught her sexting on webcam with a man. I was too young to really be upset but a few months ago she left her phone in my room and she left to the store and I also did something I shouldn't have. I snooped through her phone and saw she was sexting and had pictures of a man's area.. I haven't told her anything, my sister back then did but I didnt want to create the tension that they created before i thought i'd just forget about it but i didnt. its been making us fight so much i get angry for the smallest thing, how can i make ourb relationship better?
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Well you already know you shouldn't have gone through her phone.
Cheating isn't right, but you don't know the whole story so you can't hold things like this against her.
Honestly, you should let her do what she wants because she is an adult. I mean you haven't done anything anyways since you found this out a few months ago right?
My mom cheated on my dad several times within this past year. Of course I was upset, but I didn't let that ruin our relationship because it's not between me and her. It's between her and my dad. It's not your place to hold this against her. I do agree that you have every right to be upset.
So you also want to make your relationship better? I think you should talk to her and let it all out. Tell her what you did, you're sorry but you want to know what's going on. You are partially involved in this because cheating can ruin families, but remember, you don't know what's going on and you're not fully aware of what can be going on in the situation.
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My condolences on the passing of your grandmother.
It appears to me you have a twofold hurt going on right now. The passing of your grandmother and finding information out about your mother that you feel is cheating. Both hurts are something you are having a problem dealing with.
You know and have said it was wrong of you to be snooping through your moms phone so we won't go there.
There is a big difference between sexting and having an extramarital affair. Is sexting cheating? It could be depending on the circumstances surrounding the sexting.
Being 14 you may not understand fully what an adult sex life is like especially for married couples. It is very possible dad is aware of moms sexting, if so this is not cheating if he approves of it. Married couple do things to spice up their sex lives that their children may not understand and frankly is none of their business. Which may be why your mom got mad at your sister. Not that she was cheating but because your sister found out something she wasn't supposed to know.
Another reason mom may be doing so is even though she and your dad may have an active sex life. Mom may not feel as desirable as she did before she was married. It is generally referred to as a mid life crisis. When this happens, and it can happen to both sexes, some will cheat on their spouse, some will have plastic surgery and in males they go out and buy fancy sports cars.
In this case yes mom is in a way cheating on your dad but it is somewhat of a benign form as actual intercourse I assume is not happening.
What is your role in all this. Absolutely nothing. You have learned something you should not know anything about. It is not like you saw mom coming out of a motel room with another man. Telling mom you were snooping through her phone will only injure your relationship more.
If you want to better your relationship what you should do. What the adult thing to do is to sit down with mom and ask her how the two of you can have a better relationship.
Part of your problem is puberty. Puberty does tend to make teenagers quick tempered. During your conversation with mom you could acknowledge that. You could also tell her you understand that there are medications your doctor might prescribe, mood stabilizers, to help you through this period. If she wants you would be willing to discuss this with her and your doctor. If your were to take then it would be only for a year or so.
Most importantly is to find out what sets mom off and for mom to find out what sets you off. Then to find ways to eliminate those factors from daily routines.
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Your mother is a grown woman, She has her rights.
You were wrong for going through her phone without her consent. You may not approve of what your mother is doing, but you had no right to invade her privacy.
Reverse this for a moment, Would you want your mother invading in on your personal life? She may be interested in someone, If she is, Who cares. Your mother is old enough to live her life as she pleases. As long as it's not illegal or any harm to you, You should stay out of it.
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I can see how it would create tension. A loved one passing away, along with your mom doing things that you don't understand. It would be a confusing time for a 14 year old.
First of all, your mother is an adult. She has the ability to decide whether or not she's going to share herself with another person. Instead of snooping through her stuff and harboring this resentment, maybe you should bring it up. I know you are 14, it's been drilled in to your brain that sexting is bad. And for you it would be because you're a minor. If ever someone younger than 18 was sexting, it would be considered distribution of child pornography. But for your mom, she is an adult woman with needs, including sexual needs, just like any other human. Technology these days has a part in relationships now that are, to some people, considered normal. Talk to her about her love life, ask her questions if you don't understand something.
Second, your grandmother passed away. (I'm not sure if it was your grandmother on your mom or dad's side) If her mother has died, she is probably hurting greatly. When my mom died, I was an absolute wreck. I was moody and irritable and got in fights with a lot of people that I love. My family nearly fell apart. Perhaps she's holding in some emotions, that maybe she doesn't share with you because she might not think you want to know or wouldn't understand.
My policy on nearly everything, is up front honesty. Always share what you are feeling. Bottling up thoughts, feelings, and emotions is never good. You think about things for too long, draw your own conclusions, which may or may not be right. If you want to make your relationship better, you need to talk to your mom. Be completely honest about how you feel about everything. You may find out that she has some of the same feelings that you do.
Hope all goes well.
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