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My mom read my phone
What should I do?
My mom took my phone while I pretended to sleep and when she gave it back I quickly checked all the recent "view history" and she friggin read all my texts and emails. This bitch pisses me off and I hate how she has to snoop around and read my personal things; where the hell is the privacy these days...
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Unfortunately the world is not always a fair place and democracy is not always available to teenagers.
Examples of where democracy does not thrive are in school and at home. Both at home and in school your right to privacy is extremely limited. In school your First, Second, Fourth and Fifth Amendment rights are severely compromised.
The school can and does limit what you say, see and write as well as when and where you can assemble, First Amendment. By both Federal and State Laws you cannot bring a gun onto school grounds, a good thing and Second Amendment. Your school property such as you locker can be searched at anytime, Fourth Amendment. You can be questioned by teachers or principals for wrong doing without benefit of parent or lawyer present at any time for wrongdoing, Fifth Amendment.
At home the same First, second, and Fourth amendment rights do not apply where your parents are concerned. They are responsible for you health, safety and welfare. They can search your room, your computer, your phone, you and anything else the feel is needed to keep you safe. They can control where you go and what you do and say. Your parents can even give consent to law enforcement to search your room.
Your Fifth Amendment rights remain intact. Police can not question you without a lawyer and or a parent present until you reach the age of consent at which time you can give up that right.
The only true right to privacy you have is one to privacy when dressing, bathing or other bathroom necessities.
So the short answer to your question is: Until you are 18 you have little if any rights.
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Does she pay for your phone bills? Did she get you the phone?
I think you're overreacting. Even though it wasn't right of her to go through your texts and emails, she can and she is your mother. You don't exactly "deserve" privacy when you're a minor living under her roof.
What should you do?
Talk to her. Tell her you don't feel comfortable with her checking your things and to ask you next time.
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Does she pay for the phone?
Are you a minor living in her house?
If either (or both) is true, you don't actually have privacy unless she gives it you.
Obviously, it's good parenting to give your children a degree of privacy and respect for their personal things and correspondence, but parents also have a moral obligation (under the law, seriously) to keep their children from doing things that illegal or even harmful to themselves.
I don't think your mother should read your all your emails and texts, but it's difficult to argue that she has no right to do so - if you are a minor living in her home, she can do it, even if it's not very nice.
Truth is, young people have way more privacy these days then they every had in the past, both protected in the law, and in practice in most families.
If you don't want your mom to read your phone, pay for it yourself and put a lock on it. If you don't want to do that, talk to her about it, but frankly, you shouldn't demand ABSOLUTE privacy. I'm an adult and when I live in my parents home I understand that I am forgoing a certain degree of privacy - but my mother and I have a deal - she only invades my space when she is concerned I might harm myself or someone else. Since that is our agreement, she has never had to invade my privacy since I was a young teen (and when she did it then, she was right too: I was in danger.)
Talk to your mom, but do it with an understanding that although you might feel you deserve privacy - you may not realistically get all the privacy you desire while you are a dependant living at home. Even if you aren't actually a minor, your parents will aways be your parents, so long as you live at home you will answer to them.
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The honest truth of the matter is that as long as you are under age, and the parents are still responsible for guiding your behavior, a parent has a right to have good open communication with their teen, and a teen willingly sharing information, and following their guidelines. If you react in person to her as you did in text her, then I can see where she would lose trust in you.
However, I would say the only thing she did wrong if you are not being cooperative, is to sneak around to look at your cell messages. What she should have done is ask you to hand over the phone and in front of you tell you that since she is not satisfied with your non communication with her, she will now proceed to read your texts and messages in an attempt to get a grip on whatever part of your life you are keeping secret.
Parents may have a good idea on proper behavior for a teen, and others may be unreasonable and unrealistic. If that is your case, may I suggest you get a job, buy your own phone and pay your own phone bill...its a good learning part to personal independance while still living at home and is not going to hurt you at all.
That way, you can and will have the right to lock out your phone because it is your personal property you bought with your own money.
I know it may sound like I am too suspicious of you. But I raised 3 daughters. I knew all of their friends who would come over often, they were like adopted daughters to me and I have them even today as facebook friends. If they wanted to hang out at the mall, I dropped them off, they were at the meeting place when it was time to pick them up. When anyone got picked on, bullied, or teased or hated a teacher, etc...I would ask how theyre day was and they would share their fears, torments and highlights. So I was able to hug and love them and see what I could give on advice on how to deal with a kid that picked on her. I remember on one occasion in grade school actually walking with my daughter and the kid in question home so I could meeet his mom. I let her know that both my daughter and her son were being unkind to each other, and it was bothering the daughter enough to complain every day about it. She was a great neighbor, her and I became friends. As the kids observed us getting along, they began to play and become friends. Later at school they were getting teased now by others saying that they were boyfriend and girlfriend. LOL The thing I am trying to share is that there was open communication established at a young age..I made the time to be there. I went to the daughters and asked how they were doing, didnt wait for them to come to me cus kids usually wont at first. I don't know if your mom did that for you. If she never did, its not too late but you're older now and will have to take some responsibility for teaching mom how to go about it if she happens to be clueless. In a few cases, sometimes the child has more smarts in life than the parent. But they arand given an ultimatum that you begin to be open and share things with her that are easily verified in person by her so she can build trust again, or she still the parent so treat them respectfully.
In my case, I brought up dating in high school and told the daughters that no matter what age they were, if there was a guy interested in them, to have him come hang out with her at our house. No guy ever took up our offer. They were allowed to have sex while in their teen and under age. I just told them to come to me if that was the case and we'd go get birth control... Not any of the 3 ever dated or had sex while in high school..
These may be things that mom is concerned about. She may be backwards and not hip or up to date and really the hippa law protects young girls so their parents don't have to know anything they may be doing concerning their reproductive system.
As a result, as adults, if a daughter still has an issue come up like one being dumped by boyfrined and cant stop being depressed, she called to ask for advice how to get over it. I told her. She went instead to a counselor who told her the exact same things so she came back and told me that I really do know what i am talking about.
Hon, I would hope that whatever happened to cause a rift between you and mom could be repaired.
You will find days ahead in your life as an adult where even though the decision is ultimately yours to make, you will find it helpful to use someone who knows you well, as a sounding board, to give you insight and tips that you may not yet have considered so that when you finally do make your decision, its from a stand point of being fully informed so you will have no regrets later.
first step is both you and mom needing to come out and open with each other and then asking for and giving forgiveness where needed. If you have more to share to clarify whats going on here, like maybe mom has a history of mental illness and needs to see a dr... well you know... just go to my column and write to me at my message box.
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Have you got something to hide??
I bet its the same mom you just called a bitch who bought the phone and is paying for you to use it? She owns the phone if this is the case. Of course she can look through it.
I mean, you could make sure you lock it around her. There's not much you can do if she saw anything unfortunately.
Perhaps spending less time on your phone in front of her will give her the impression there's nothing going on/you have nothing to hide.
You asked what should I do? I think you should put a lock on your phone. Explain to her that although you love your phone and you appreciate she got it for you, you value your independence and feel like she doesn't trust you with it. This should stop her in her tracks. Just be nice with it and don't go calling your own mother a bitch.
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