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humorist-workshop
Relationship/ and career help,
F/16
Okay i will be going into college in 2 years, and i Really want to study for a field agent, but my boyfriend doesn't agree with me. He wants me to have a job where i can spend some time with him, and our future kids. He says i need to find a job where i'm going to have time for him, and be able to spend time with the kids, not a job that i will probably never be home, or always have to travel places and blah, blah, blah. We are planning to get married and have children, but anyways. I really want to become a field agent, and i don't know if i should look for another career to satisfy him, what should i do, i don't want him feeling sad ???. : /
Thanks very much-
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If you want kids, then you will want another career to satisfy *you*.
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This would be a completely different answer if you were older.
But you're only 16, why would you change your plans for a guy you might not even be with when you go to college? Not everything is guaranteed.
When you get older, you'll see where your priorities are. If you really want the career of a field agent, or if you want to settle down and have a family.
Keep doing what you're doing. Do what you want to do, not what your boyfriend wants you to do.
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Statistically speaking your current boyfriend at 16 years of age will not be your boyfriend once the two of you go off to college. That is simply the facts of life.
Statistics aside for the moment. If you were to compromise your goals in life to satisfy anyone not just your boyfriend. It could also be to satisfy your parents, you will probably feel unfulfilled in life and that will lead to hard feelings later in life.
I know a gentleman who wanted to be a doctor, his parents thought he should be an engineer so he could take over his fathers business some day. He became an engineer and when his father retired he sold the business, went back to school at the ripe old age of 50 to become a doctor. He became a doctor and practiced well into his late 80's.
He said he followed his teachings rather than his heart or to disappoint his parents. He was miserable as an engineer even though he was good at it. Is this what you would want for you. To settle for a second best career just because your current boyfriend wants to keep you home barefoot and pregnant?
You can always change careers down the road if your life goals change. Maybe in 10 or 15 years staying home barefoot and pregnant is what you want from life. You would have tried and hopefully been successful at being a field agent. With the proper education for that career you can transition to one that will allow you to stay home.
Never compromise your goals to satisfy someone else's needs for you. Your current boyfriend by making this type of demand on you now is showing every possibility that when he gets older he will be very controlling.
You don't need or want someone who is going to try and control every aspect of your life. You are getting a picture today of what life with him will be like in the future. My advice is you reevaluate your relationship with him. Controllers never change. You may wish to find someone who will value you as a person and respect you as a women. This is a man who will value the time you have for him and will be waiting for you when you come home.
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Dump him.
You are sixteen and your boyfriend is telling you that the career you are passionate about wont leave enough time for HIM.
He's not 'sad' that you want a demanding and interesting career - he's a spoiled brat who thinks his wife should be his next mommy - not his equal who he builds a life with based on mutual respect and understanding, but his constant servant.
I'm sorry, there is no other description for his behavoir: He's acting like an asshole.
You have a decade or more to figure out your life/work balance. You should study what you are passionate about and take it from there. You'll discover more careers that suit your interests and talents. You might not become a field agent - you may find something else along those lines that is a better fit for you and your life.
HOWEVER, the fact that he is dictating to you now what that should be makes him an immature, controlling prick. What other decisions does he feel entitled to make for you? Will he decide where you live? When you go out and when don't? When you have children and how many? What will you be allowed to decide? What you cook for dinner for him and what kind of vacuum to buy?
Your boyfriend has straight up told you that in his vision of your life together YOU serve HIM (and the kids) and that your passions and interests must always come second to that service. It's not okay, it's not realistic of him, it's disrespectful, and it's not loving.
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You're 16. That's far to young to be planning ahead about kids etc-you know it NEVER goes exactly as planned?
Your boyfriend seems very controlling. 100% do what you want, not what he wants.
If he can't accept that, then tough, you're better off with someone who loves you and respects you with what you want to do.
You know, relationships that are formed in teenage years seldom succeed to adulthood. Not trying to get you upset, but just a though for you. What if you quit college and then split up for another reason? You'll be without the guy, AND your dream job.
I'm sorry, but it's your life, and you are metaphorically blind if you think your boyfriend can be this bossy. Its like a mini dictatorship!
If he feels sad that you have chosen to do a course that makes you happy, then honestly he's not worth it! But hey...if he loves you he may come round to the idea.
Also 'he wants me to get a job where I can spend some time with him'. You don't have to be an economist to know how terrible the job market is at the moment. You accept what ever you can-part time work is scarce!
Follow your own career desires-because you are your own person-your not joint to another person, and your not obliged to do as he says to maintain the status quo. In love decisions are made on emotions, which is why I'm trying to help you step back and make a balanced choice.
Whichever you choose, good luck :)
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Wow....
If you aren't planning on College until you are 18 why are you worrying so much about it now?
Also for the heads up, It is unlikely you two will be together in 2 years, I am not saying you won't be but realistically you both are only 16.
Also, Would you seriously put YOUR plans on hold over some guy?.. This would be the biggest mistake you could possibly make. YOU should always come first, You only live once and no guy is worth that. And kids? Really? You are 16! Focus on achool then worry about College in another year or so but for now enjoy being a teenager and stop talking about kids.
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