i need some opinions from others: My friend wants me to make her pregnant since her fiance hasn't been able to.
Question Posted Friday May 3 2013, 1:47 pm
so my friend of 14 years(she's 22, i'm 19), is trying to have a baby with her fiance, but he isnt able to "make good swimmers"(best way i can think to put it) and so she turns to me and asks for mine, since we've been friends since like, grade school. being a good friend, i think that i'd just donate, BUT here's where my question comes in. she wants to have in naturally, so like intercourse. she's talked it with her fiance and so have i, and he's totally fine with it, but i feel kinda...awkward. should i go through with it? cuz she says i'm her only choice for it
You'll want to check your state and make sure that you've got the proper forms filled out ahead of time if you decide to go through with this. You don't want to end up in a situation where they have problems and you end up getting dragged in as the legally unprotected father.
It's understandable you'd feel awkward. Knocking up your friend's fiance isn't exactly within the normal bounds of a friendship. If you're her only choice you could do a normal sperm donation and tell her that's the only way you'll do it. If they're truly serious about having kids, well doing it properly through a sperm bank is a cost they should be willing to bear.
If you do end up sleeping with her make sure you figure it all out ahead of time. I mean, is your friend going to be in the room or waiting out in the living room or something? Keep in mind that some couples will have sex for months before they conceive. You'd need to be seeing her pretty regularly. A normal couple who is trying to conceive might chart ovulation and have sex once a day from like three days before up until her period starts every month (in addition to whatever regular sex) when actively trying to have a baby together.
And, do you guys want to enjoy each other? Do you want to just, well, mount up and finish as fast as possible? Do you kind of need it to be more than just business like? What about the two of them? Which would she perfer? Which would your friend? Is their relationship capable of handling a situation where you come over and make passionate love to his wife every day for a week one week out of the month? Can you both manage that without developing an emotional attachment to each other? Trying to make a baby is a pretty intimate experience, and if you like her enough to enjoy knocking her up you're not going to be done having sex with her when she gets pregnant. How are you going to handle that?
adviceman49 answered Saturday May 4 2013, 1:02 pm: It's funny to see this question on here for many years ago I was in the same position as you are now. I was asked to donate my sperm to very good friends of mine.
The husband and I were like brothers from other mothers. He and his wife and me and my wife were all very good friends. We had children and they were unable too. We felt bad for them and were willing to do most anything to help them. Since he and I looked very much a like the thought of my sperm being donated would produce a child that would look like them.
Turning them down was the hardest thing I ever did. We have remained friends as close as ever. When I explained my reasoning they understood.
First: doing so would almost certainly ended our friendship something I felt and they also agreed neither of would ever want.
Second: was how I felt being called Uncle by a child that was actually mine. Yes my wife and I were to be the godparents and we were to be the child's guardian in the event anything happened to our friends. Still the child would know us as Aunt and Uncle.
Last, we also discussed how to go about donating. Natural insemination was the best choice as it didn't involve doctors or a lot of money. We went as far as to discus that his wife, who no one would kick out of bed, would spend the time she is most fertile together in a hotel having three days of sex.
As much as I might have enjoyed three days of sex with his wife, even with my wife's permission it is still cheating on our spouses. This is were our friendship would be most vulnerable.
venesaw10 answered Saturday May 4 2013, 11:09 am: people have different motives. Are you sure they just dont want you for some other purpose if you get what i mean...if she wants a kid she could adopt. There are millions of children who need a parent. Think wisely before you act because this could ruin you. [ venesaw10's advice column | Ask venesaw10 A Question ]
Zane answered Friday May 3 2013, 11:07 pm: There is something fishy here...
You are not her only option, There are plenty of fertality clinics that have many options even adoption.
You don't just make a baby for whatever reason it may be. As long as you have been friends for, This sounds real bad. You need to understand that this kid wouldn't be yours. It is only yours through sperm as the agreement would be to give a child. This child will not know you as a father. Another worry, if for whatever reason her and her fiance split..
God only knows if she will come after you for child support.
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