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I need advice
Hello All, for the past few years I have stood up to my mother and sister. I have helped raised my nephews for years now. They are finally grown and they live on their own now because I won't allow them to live with me anymore. They have done everything you can think of in the past. Examples: robbery, stolen been disrespectful, stabbed one another, brought a gun in my home etc. My mother and sister think I am just being selfish and mean. One works and the other one doesn't my mother supports him totally so much that she can't support herself. I support her I have given her four of my cars in the past. I don't allow them to come over to my home and take advantage of me and my children. I use to cook Sunday dinner I have stopped that as of this past weekend. My oldest nephew recently came and stole food out of my freezer and my mom had the nerve to call me selfish. It's not that I just can't be apart of the enabling anymore. She pays a car note for him and he doesn't work or go to school but, she doesn't have a car. Oh, forgot to mention that Child Welfare took my sisters boys and placed them with me years ago. I am just wondering am I wrong for wanting to live my own life now and putting space between my family and I.
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Enabling, Oh how I hate that word! I don't care what you do, when you help someone, you are not enabling them. You are either doing the right thing for them, or the wrong thing for them. When you step in and give them something, you change their life, their path, their fate. A persons choices directly effects their lives and no one has an obligation to help anyone, much less help those who continually make bad decisions. You are not looking at dreamers here, dreamers are not lost causes, they are needed in this world. You are dealing with people who are being controlled by the Human animal, not the spiritual Being. You are being dragged down to the animal level by them, make sure that you are the spiritual Being using the animal to help you do what you have to do. Whether you have heard this principle or not, you understand it. Don't finance bad and cloak it in good intentions. Be well dear spirit.
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No I don't think your being selfish and in fact you are in a manner you're enabling your nephews. The oldest nephew the one who stole from your freezer.
You told your nephews they were no longer welcome in your home. In stealing from your freezer he committed an act of burglary and theft of food. This is a crime, tough love says you report this to the police. This time it was you, next time it may be someone else and someone gets hurt. The other nephew is committing elder abuse living off your mother when she is not able to support herself because she is supporting him.
This too is a crime, report him and either have mom take the car for herself or give it back to the bank. She should also kick him out of her house. If he is capable of getting a job then let him work. By having his Aunt or grandmother forced, in a manner of speaking, to support him, this is elder abuse no matter how young she may be.
You sound like a good person. You have been raising someone else's children and once again you are called upon to raise someone else's children. Your nephews thanks for parenting them is to steal from you and your mother. No, you report the thefts and elder abuse. You decide if you wish to continue raising your sisters children or ask Child welfare to place then in foster care. That is not being selfish. You deserve a life of your own. You live an honest life and with that comes certain benefits of life, you have more than earned the right to enjoy them.
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I think you did what was best. You're not being selfish at all.
I have two older brothers who are in their 30's right now. They did ridiculous, terrible things and eventually my dad kicked them out when they were old enough. My mom thought my dad just hated them but they needed to learn that they couldn't do those things and they need to be more respectful.
They did learn, and everyone knows that he did what was best.
One went to a program to get some help and the other got a job and got a life.
So, you did what you could. It's their job to grow up.
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You are not wrong at all. Seems to me you have done more than your share to help. Instead of being respectful of you and what you have done they steal from you & treat you bad? No way, you did what you could. Walk away knowing that & live your own life.
You have 2 kids who do not need the influence of any of these people. Its sad & it will be hard to do I'm sure, but walk away & don't look back.
Good luck to you. Thank you for trying to help your family. Someone needs to tell you that! You did what you could. Now is time for you & your kids to enjoy yourself without the drama from the rest of your family. :)
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