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My Stepfather hates my fiance
Sorry that it would be long. But please have patience reading this. I am 25. I met this guy when I had my vacation in Europe last year. We fell in love with each other and spent 3 months almost together. When I went back to my homeland, I just found out that I am pregnant. When my stepfather learned about it, he was really mad and said really hurtful words towards me and my fiance. I accepted everything. Good thing my stepfather lives in different country, so we just talk thru email. He's mad that I got pregnant without having savings yet same with my fiance and because my fiance is a Moslim. He is really a good guy, responsible, loving and the sweetest guy Ive ever met. My stepfather hates Moslims, he's very judgemental and really strict. He paid for me since I was 11 until before I got pregnant. That's why he is really controlling towards me. I don't think that he really sees me as a daughter, I think more of an investment. There was a time too that he had bad intention towards me, he touched my breast few years back. It didn't happen again after I confronted him about it. But I just don't feel really comfortable everytime my stepfather is around.
I gave birth to a healthy cute baby girl and he's still mad. When my fiance and I decided to get married next year, my stepfather really disagrees. He is the most negative person on earth. Since I got pregnant, until now, he sends email to my mother about his negativity towards me and my fiance, it stresses my mum already. I understand that he wants me to marry a guy who has savings and an own house but my fiance is doing his best for me and our daughter. We are planning to bring me and our daughter in his country when everything is stable already. He talks like my fiance is a criminal or something, as if he knows him. But he just saw him one time. What really insulted me is when my stepfather asked me thru email "are you that cheap?" I never felt insulted my whole life. I told him I'm not gonna read his emails anymore. And that I don't feel like he sees me as a daughter. You wouldn't tell your daughter, are you that cheap? I respect the man but I have enough. He cant control me my whole life and I want to decide for myself. Im gonna choose on whom to marry, not him.
I just want how you guys think about this. At the end of the day, of course, I'll still stick on my decision. Thanks in advance.
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Well I beleave that you did a great job standing up for yourself and at the end of the day all that matters is what you think of yourself and not of what your stepfather thinks .. I can tell that you are very strong and you don't give up and that's very good (: hope this lighten up your day!
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I really applaud you for standing up for yourself and your family. You made the right decision. But it's going to be hard explaining to your daughter why she doesn't see grandma and grandpa. So you should just let your step-dad know that he is missing out on his step-granddaughter. And tell him life is too short to be a bitter and surly old man. But congrats on your husband and on your daughter.
~Andrew~
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You are an adult, You can make your own choices in your life with or without your stepfathers approval. If he is going to disrespect you and your fiance then he is probably going to do the same in front of your daughter also. Some people never get a grip on reality, Reality is you are making your decisions in life and he is unhappy about it.
If you want to move, Then move. Make sure this is what you want and always have a plan B encase all else fails you. God forbid, but things do not always go as planned. In the meantime, You could try writing your stepfather a letter to how his negativity has taken an effect on you. In this letter you could state that you are sorry he disapproves of the choices you made but you are going to continue to go on with our without him. You could also explain that you will keep your email opened and if he ever decides to come around then to email you but all rude emails will not be replied too. Be stern and lay down the ground rules. Sometimes in certain cases we need to have control over a situation and in this case you are in control of your own life not him.
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There isn't much to say.
You've already made a decision, and a good one at that, so stick to it. :]
You're an adult, and your stepfather doesn't have the right to tell you how to live your life. Maybe to advise you, yes, but seeing as though he is a little discriminatory I probably would take it with a grain of salt.
If your fiance is a nice man which I'm assuming he is, and since you have a child together -- marrying would be a good option. You both can be together, and make sure your child gets the both of you in her life. And you don't want to let a good man slip you by.
:)
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Your stepfather has no right to judge you or who you love and sounds to me he's allowing racism effect his judgement. However, it sounds to me like your stepfather is just a bad man to begin with, especially if he touched you. The best thing you could do for yourself and your child is cut him out of your life. Block contact with him in real life, over the internet, ect. At the end of the day its your life and your daughters life but be very careful. You mentioned your fiance bringing you to his country when everything is stable? Is he from one of the middle eastern countries that are in turmoil right now? You may want to talk to him about moving to where you are or to another country and starting a new life together, this is a dangerous world we live in.
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Honestly your stepfather has problems. Looking at your child in a sexual manner is not acceptable, at ALL. Do your best to distance yourself from him. I know you said that he paid for your upbringing but he sounds like an awful man. It's your life and when it comes down to it, your happiness is all that matters. You can definitely raise your daughter in a great and loving family atmosphere and I wish the best for you. Honestly, look at teen mothers who accidentally get pregnant just like you. They struggled and got through it, and so can you. However, lucky for you, you're even more mature and have more knowledge under your belt. I hope you do well in your life and just love your child.
Hope this helps!
xx
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