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how can i get my husband off my back
my husband works and i stay at home. he says there is no reason why the house should not be clean and laundry be done etc... he refuses to help in any way says he pays all the bills and
i am responsible for everything else. if its not done, i really get yelled at and im about to have a nervous breakdown
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Well it seems to me you are a grown woman not a kid. He shouldn't be yelling at you, im pretty sure you can hear well. If he gets mad that you are not cleaning all that you need to clean what would he do if it was something more serious ? Maybe you should think about that before trying to make a future with him.
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I have a feeling there is more to this story than what you have written.
I do agree with your husband that if all you do is sit around the house all day and watch television then you are not doing your fair share. Now if children, especially young children are involved the dynamics changes considerably.
Infants require a lot of attention, still there is time while they are sleeping to straighten up a little. Of course during this time it gives you a chance to sleep as well to make up for your missing sleep. If this is the case you husband could be more tolerant and clean up after himself as well.
If you are a soccer mom then your husband may have somewhat of a reasonable complaint. There should be enough time while the children are at school for you to clean, do the grocery shopping, pay the bills & other things needed to do if you and prepare nice meals for the family. You also have the right and most likely the need for some outside activities. These activities should not be so all encompassing as to come before the needs of your family.
If any of what I have written is more to the point then the first thing you and your husband need to do is to sit down and discuss just what is the problem. If the problem is child car then he needs to know just what that entails and how much time it takes of you. Ask him to spend his day off taking care of the infant(s) or being the soccer mom. Walking a mile in your shoes can be very eye opening for him.
If it is your outside activities that are keeping you from taking care of your housework then you might possibly benefit from some time management classes. Most community colleges or high schools offer these types of classes.
Since I am disabled and my wife works I tried to help out by doing some of the house work. I made up a schedule where I cleaned a room a day and since I like to cook and I'm good at it ,I also tried preparing meals making a weekly menu. Unfortunately it took a toll on my injuries and I was unable to complete a task that I started which actually made more work for my wife. It was a good schedule and would have worked if my injuries would have allowed. I settled for making the least amount of mess for my wife to clean up after. I straighten up the bedroom and the living room each day as these are the two rooms I am the worst offender at messing. You could try getting your husband to do the same if child care is the problem.
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Well, I can't say I disagree with him.
If you don't work then he you should be doing the household work, The guy works, pays the bills and puts food on the table.
Maybe it's not right for him to yell about it but on the hand when one person in the house hold works it can be pretty stressful when the other sits at home all day. If you put your fair share into the chores at least you are doing your part and showing some support.
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We dont really no the whole situation. How messy could the house be? Do you clean at all? I mean we need to no more detail.
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I agree with him that if he is working and you are not, then you should be doing the bulk of the housework. It makes sense. However he should not be yelling at you about it.
Is there a reason you are not doing it? If it is too much to get done in one day then you need to explain this to him and discuss sharing the responsibilities or getting a cleaner. Maybe list out your tasks for the day and your time schedule so you can prove that there really isn't enough time get everything done.
However if you are simply not doing it because you don't feel like it then you should probably start. He works all day and is probably stressed out by the time he gets home - and no-one likes to come home to an untidy house.
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