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My boyfriend pushes me to go further
All right so me and my boyfriend having been dateing for about a month now. We have kissed and I let him feel me up while we were making out. Now though it seems he "hints" toward wanting to do more. Like when he is touching my chest, he will move his hand down and kinda linger on my belt. I know what he wants and he knows I want to take things slow, but I feel guilty when he doesn't get what he wants(my past b/f's made me think we had to do things). I eventually give in and end up feeling like s*** afterwards. How can I tell him no and stick with it? My self-esteem is not that high do to past experiences. I am always the one who has to say no. He has never said no, or "well we don't have to".
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
He told you he loved you on the second date? What the hell? And you guys are in your 20's? This sounds like high school stuff.
Listen, even if you guys had knockdown drag out sex on your first date you still wouldn't be a slut. "Slut" is such an outmoded and sexist word. Do what you want and to hell with what anyone else thinks.
Now if you think this guy is playing you then that's different.
In any event, it is your life and your body. Take control of it. Have your own agenda and don't be persuaded by the pleas or cant of others because they not only aren't you but they will head for the heels if the shit hits the fan and leave you holding the bag. If sex that early in the relationship isn't your thing then don't do it. Again, you gotta be you.
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you just have to stick with to your guns. you need to know that he is with you cause he cares about you not just about the sex. once you know that you really love him and he loves you then you will be ready to take the next step in your relationship
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My ex bf did the same thing to me- on a lower scale because we're only 14. While we were making out he would slip his hand down my shirt... I was completely uncomfortable with it but I let him do it because I would feel bad saying no. However, now I truly regret letting him do that because I wasn't comfortable with it. I ended up breaking up with him because he couldn't seem to keep his hand out of my shirt. If the guy you're dating does not respect your boundaries, you need to end it. Be assertive- say "I don't want to go any farther than this yet. I'm not ready. If you continue I won't want to be with you any longer." If he listens, then that's great and you can go farther whenever you feel ready. If he still won't listen, you need to break up with him. If a guy can't respect you and your boundaries, he isn't worth it.
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Dump him
If someone can't respect you then you shouldn't be dating them in the first place, Sure your self esteem may not be high but you need to find the balls to put your self respect before HIM. Never let someone push or pressure you into doing something. Pressuring someone is NOT love and it certainly isn't respecting the other half. If he pressures you, Leave him. If he makes you feel guilty again..Leave him.
Now on another note: You need to work on your confidence. If someone pressures you then you need to learn to say "No" and say it in a stern manner where you get your point across. Don't let people walk all over you. If he dumps you because you won't let him do more then you should realize he wasn't the one for you and he's nothing but an asshole who didn't deserve you in the first place.
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You have asked two questions. Lets deal with saying no first.
Anyone, man or women has the right to say no, especially when it comes to sex. You should not feel guilty in saying no. While sex is a beautiful thing between two consenting adults, the operative word her is CONSENTING.
If you are in any way forces or coerced in to having sex that is the same as being raped to my mind. If you have said no and your boyfriend continues to push you or puts you in such a position that the only alternative is to give in; that is just about the definition of rape.
What you have to do is have a conversation with your boyfriend, while sitting apart, that you are not ready to have sex with him. It does not matter if you are a virgin or non-virgin and if he knows this or not. You are telling him up front you are not ready, this is a NO and he must accept that.
You have to tell him that if he respects you he will stop pushing you to sleep with him. You will let him know when you are ready when and if that time comes. If he is unable to respect and accept what you are saying then he doesn't respect you and the relation ship cannot and will not move forward.
His only answer can be that he understands and will abide by what you have said. Any other answer you point to the door and tell him it has been nice knowing him and stand firm as he is not in love with you he lusts for you. Which brings us to question two.
There is such a thing as love at first sight. It is rare but it does happen. It happened with me and my wife. With us we spoke to each other by phone for nearly 6 months before we met. We worked together but at different office's. Then I had the opportunity to work at her office for a week. I knew she would be the girl I married when I first set eyes on her and we did marry 8 months later. I believe are experience is rare and only happened be cause we really knew each other so well from talking to each other for so long. We will be married 41 years next July.
Teenage buys confuse lust and love. Puberty hard wire teenage boys to seek out sex to relieve the sexual tension they have from the hormonal build up building within them.
If you boyfriend is of your same age I would expect him to be well past the stage where he confuses lust and love. Which means one of two things. First he could actually feel he loves you; or two he feels that telling you he loves you is the fast way into the bedroom with you. Not knowing your boyfriend I cant advice you here.
What I can tell you that your desire to go slowly is the best way to find out if his love for you is real or if it is lust. Stick to your principals and you will never go wrong.
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Hello :)
I'll deal with the 'I love you things first'. The problem with this is, he was probably lying. Either that, or he doesn't know what love is. Love doesn't kick in after a couple of dates. It takes years! Now that's is love. Lust, or liking someone a lot has no boundaries. I think (to be honest) from where I'm standing, he must have said it to get one step closer to having sex.
But you have the power to say no, if you don't want to! You're perfectly within your right to do so! And if he cannot accept that, or forces you, then he is not right for you. You should not have to settle for someone like this for whatever reason.
But do explain that you don't want to, and that you're not ready for that.
Good luck, and I hope I helped :)
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