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my 4 year old is absolutely out of control. HELP ME!!!!
my 4 year old is for lack of a better term a terrible child. he randomly screams loudly for no reason, he tries to steal things when we go ANYWHERE, he abuses our animals, his baby (7 month old) brother and me. my husband and i argue everyday over my son and his bad behavior is getting to be a problem in our marriage. he lies for no reason about things he doesnt have to lie about. he calls me names, curses at me and hits me in the face. he refuses to listen and almost always does the opposite of what is told or asked of him. we have tried everything. he gets verbal warnings, time outs, toys or favorite things taken away, soap in his mouth, even spankings. its embarrassing to take him places and im afraid that if his terrible behavior continues in public and at school CPS will become involved and i love him despite his actions.
P.S. my husband and i dont curse at one other and there is absolutely no abuse in our home where can those things be coming from?
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He maybe acting out for maybe attention or it could be ADHD possibly. I'm not a doctor so I'm not sure. I know a friend of mine had trouble with her daughter and she was trying to find the answers. Maybe the best thing is to go to the doctor and find out his opinion on the matter. It's better to get to the root of the problem now that have these problems as he gets older. You definitely don't want this behavior to continue to his teenage years. So try going to the doctor or maybe a therapist and see if there is a behavioral problem he has or something. Good luck and hang in there!
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Perhaps he has ADHD, go to the doctors, but you must take control over this child. Tell him he can't have this and he can't have that. The one thing a child hates it to be deprived of attention so send him to his room be persistant. Don't let him have anything keep his telly and DVDs, games sweets take it all away and give it to him only when he is good. Let him throw a fit but you stay calm and persistant work with your husband to do this not against him. Talk to your husband and reach an understanding about what it is you would like to do about your sons behavior hope I helped.
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Response: Keep trying, your son has only you to fight for him.
Sometimes it takes time to find the right doctors. Not all doctors are willing to go looking for the pickle in the hearing barrel. Where I live it is not far from the Children's National Medical Center in Washington, DC. This is a great Hospital which specializes in pediatric medicine. There are other Children's Hospitals through out the country but this one is the top rated.
You should try giving them a call and speak with the head of the psychiatry department about your child. It maybe possible that they will agree to review his medical records and make some recommendations about treatment. They may also suggest you bring your son to them.
One of the nice things about children's is that once your child is a patient he is a patient for life. They will follow him for life. If you can't afford to pay, well they have ways of handling that so you don't have to. Just as they will find away to get you and him to DC if you can't afford it.
Give them a call and see if they can help. There is also St. Jude's another wonderful Children's Hospital. As I suspect that with your son the problem is the pickle and you need to find doctors that are most adept at looking past the norm to find the pickle.
I agree very much with the first paragraph of Zane's answer and to some extent the second paragraph. Putting soap in a child's mouth is viewed as child abuse and could cause child protective services to step in if someone was to report you.
While parenting classes are always a good thing they are not fully the answer to your problem. There is something bothering your son that he cannot verbalize to you in a form you or any of us can understand So he acts upon acts out what he is feeling.
While I am not a doctor I have seen this type of behavior before in grandchildren of friends of mine. In some children they were diagnosed with extreme AD/HD, one or two were diagnosed with a form of Autism.
If your son was my grandson I would be urging you to find a new pediatrician to take him too. One who has not seen him before who would have no preconceived notions as to what in the past he has thought and would look for what I call the pickle in the herring barrel. The pickle in the herring barrel is most likely going to be found as the problem your son cannot tell you is bothering him.
Also talk to the new pediatrician about having your son evaluated by a pediatric psychologist or psychiatrist. Your son is at the age that both AD/HD and certain forms Autism can show up. Both are treatable if properly diagnosed.
Your son is not a terrible child. He is hurting and trying to tell you something in the only manner he knows. Don't give up on him and label him. Fight for him until you get a diagnoses as to what is bothering him. There is something physically hurting him and he needs you and your husband to fight for him.
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look Mrs. I'm going tell you the straight truth.. You don't need to talk a class.. your not a bad parent what You need to do its start popping him on his hand that thing away, don't buy him every little thing if he cry's good that means its working.. i know it could be heart breaking to see your baby boy cry but trust me a if You do it everything will be good.. its not child abuses its call discipline.. trust me it will help..
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If you think of this child as terrible than you're doing him more harm than good. He will pick up on that attitude from you and start acting and accepting it himself. Always approach from love even when he's at his worse.
The trouble may be something psychiatric when it comes to all the lying, abusing animals, hitting his parents and cursing. You're not at fault because you've done damned near everything you know to rectify it.
Spanking him accomplishes nothing and sends the wrong message that you can hit him but he can't hit himself. The soap in the mouth combined with spanking can to others make you look like you've abused him when you haven't.
You do have every right to be concerned about his interaction with other children and kindergarten or preschool. I doubt anyone there has abused him but you do need to think if anyone else has or taught him this behavior. Is he acting out abuse in life done outside the house. If the answer is no than you have to do the following: Take him to a doctor perhaps a psychologist or psychiatrist if needed for professional help if a pediatrician can't iron this out.
Will CPS be involved? Hardly, most doctors, nurses can tell in an instant if you have abused a child or if someone else has. I don't see based on your letter neglect or abuse but I do see frustrated parents with a child out of control that likely needs professional help. That's where you're at with this issue I would have to believe.
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EDIT: I did give you advice, I told you to try and see a pediatrician, I'm sorry if it pissed you off that I told you to try and take parenting classes but from the way you are handling it I don't think it would really be a bad idea.
Your son could have development behavior problems, You and your husband should seek help from a family therapist. You could also make an appointment to see a pediatrician. Your child is not a terrible child, He needs someone to address proper behavior and help him cope properly. Putting soap in his mouth and spanking a child can be classified as child abuse, Although you may not see it that way it isn't proper punishment for a child.
I would suggest you and your husband take some parenting classes it may help you understand how to deal with children that throw temper tantrums. No child is perfect, Every child has their days where they act out just like us adults do. CPS will not only take your son away but also evaluate you and your husband. If they do decide to take your son away you can also expect them to take away your other child as well and they usually only get involved if someone suspects abuse or some type of neglect.
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