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I miss my mom....
Hi! Im Gracie and Im 13 years old. I have an older brother named Matt(16) and a twin sister called (Lissa). Our dad is a single parent. Hes 36, he and my mom had kids really young. Hes 2 years older than mom. Dad says my mom had depression, I think it was Post Partnum depression. Anyway, My mom left a few months after we were born. Me and Lissa were 8 wks early so we had to stay in the hospital longer than most babies. Mom left a few months after we got out. The thing is, Ive been feelin a little upset lately and Ive been thinkin about my mom alot. I love my dad, he's the best dad in the world but I really wish my mom were around. Dad doesnt get things like boys and periods and hair and make-up. Its embarassing when I have to talk to my friends mom about periods and what to take for pain and its kinda annoying when I have to come on this website and ask people I dont even know about things that my mom should have been here to tell me (although I am grateful for the advice everyone here on advicenators give me, I didnt mean to be offensive guys). I just see other girls with their moms hanging out or going to school stuff and its not fair. Everyone tells me that I shouldnt get upset about something I cant change, but I cant help it. I try to get over it but I cant. Its stupid but I miss my mom even though I never got to know her. I guess I want to know how to stop feeling so bad about my mom, and how to get over it? Ive spent my whole life thinking about my mom and how great it would be if she came home and how awesome it would be to have a mom around like all my friends do. But Im soo sick of thinking about stuff that'll never happen but I STILL cant stop wondering, why did she leave? Why didnt she love me enough to stay? I really wanna forget about it, and stop caring because If she cared about me at all she would be here,right? Anyway, sorry for rambling and venting soo much, I sound pathetic lol. Any advice?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
First, your situation is not uncommon. So you definitely aren't alone. Your feelings are justifiable and understandable.
Your mom almost certainly didn't leave because of you, but some personal issue she had that she felt crippled her ability to be a good parent to you. My brother has kids who are in a boat similar to yours. She was a drug addict when my brother kicked her out the door and she was and still is in no shape to contest custody.
As hard as it is, you need to step back and say that things apparently worked out pretty well for you even with the separation from your mother. There are a lot of boys who have single parent mothers who can't answer or get boy problems or the way boys look at things.
Not to mention that, as corny as it may strike you, that half the planet deals with far worse things daily than you will ever see. So while it may sound weird to say this, you should be kind of grateful that you had a dad willing to step up to the plate and do what's right. And the simpler and more down to earth you look at things the better, I think.
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First I want to say you must be a very strong and bright young girl to reach out to others for advice about this. You are supposed to feel the way you do. Your a 13 year old going through a lot of changes. The first step to accepting thIs is to deal with your feeling write about it or talk to a friend you need to get out how you feel. Maybe try talking to your dad so he can realize his baby girls are getting older and there are certain things he needs to talk with you about. And don't rush your healing process your not going to wake up one day and not care. Eventually you will come to terms with your mom not being there and you and your father will be closer for it. And know that with a lot of things in life a fathers advice is best
Xoxo truly blunt
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Hi Gracie; Just remember one thing we are always here for you when and if you need us. I don't think any of us mind answering questions such as the ones you have written to us. This is why we are here.
I can't tell you why your mom walked away from you and the rest of your family. One reason I can think of is it may be as you said mom and dad were very young when they had you. It happens in some families and sometimes it is the dad and not the mom. It happened to my sister, her husband left and I became both the Uncle and substitute dad when need by my niece's.
It is entirely normal for you to miss your mom and to wonder what she would be like. What would not be normal is for you or your brothers and sisters to blame yourselves for mom leaving. You have to remember that there was nothing that you or they did or didn't do to cause mom to leave.
It is also okay to be upset or even to be mad at her for not being here to help you through your teenage years. Just as long as you don't let this become something you fixate on as again you did nothing to cause her to leave.
It is also understandable that you would be embarrassed going to a friends mother to ask certain questions of. Is there not an Aunt or grandmother or even a female cousin you could ask these questions of.
I think you need someone to talk too. Someone other than a friends mom. Someone who will keep your confidence and help you work through some of the frustrations you have. I feel it would be good for you if you talked with a therapist. Your 13 and legally entitled to medical confidentiality so you can talk freely with the therapist and not have anything you say get back to anyone without your permission.
Talk to your dad about finding you a therapist, preferably a female therapist. If for some reason you may find it hard to ask your dad straight out. Go see your family doctor. Show him/her what you wrote us and have the doctor tell dad you need to see a therapist.
Gracie, you are not sick and you are not crazy. You have some issues that you would benefit by talking with someone who is not involved in your situation and can help you come to terms with what is bothering you.
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I am not exactly in your shoes but let me explain something...
I am adopted, I have the most wonderful Mother in the world but sometimes I do wonder about my biological mother.
Sometimes instead of dwelling on what is not in your life you should try and appreciate the things that are. There could be many reasons to why your mother left, Your father told you she had depression and I'm going to assume that is only the tip of it. Your father loves you, He stuck by you and took care of you. Your FATHER is what should be what you look forward too everyday. You don't miss your mother, You miss and want a mother in your life and that is okay. You shouldn't be embarrassed about talking to your friends mothers about what you are going through, All women go through it and it is better to talk to them rather than to talk to nobody.
Anyway, Besides the adoption thing.....I don't have a father in my life. I often think about my father and wonder what it would be like if he were around but you know what?.....I think about my Mother and how she is always there for me and I couldn't possibly want anything else in my life. I know it's hard, You are a teenager going through changes in your life and are experiencing things that your father really can't explain too you but what I am trying to say is that you aren't alone. Try and talk to Dad, If not then talk to your friends Mom she is better than nobody.
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nono, you dont sound pathetic at all ! anybody in your position would feel the same way. and i cant say that i know how you feel, but i understand why you feel the way you do.
have you ever thought about talking to a therapist ? maybe a counselor in your school ? sometimes, talking to a professional really helps with what you have to deal with because what youre going through is not easy.
but you have to remember how many people in your life love and care about you. you have your dad, your brother, your siser, your friends.. a lot of people care about you. and i know it sucks that your mom just up and left your family, but you still have a family and thats not going to change.
i also know it sucks to have to ask about your personal stuff with people you dont know or people who dont really know you.. maybe you could talk to an aunt you have or a grandma. but if you dont have those people in your life either, you always have your friends, and your friend's moms and your dad. you ALWAYS have them. even though it might not be who you want, but theyre always going to be here for you.
you just have to look on the bright side. you have your health, your family, love, friends, the future... you cant dwell on the past. yes, your mom left.. but she left for her own reasons, you have to be stronger than she was. show everyone how strong you are, because you ARE strong.
youll never forget what happened, and that your mom left.. but you can use that memory to strenghten you instead of weaken you. let it be the motivation to not be like your mom, and to help yourself. talk to people. vent. see a therapist, and everything will get better. time is key.
maybe write about how you feel [poems, stories, songs.. etc] or sing, or draw.. anything to get your feelings out. involve yourself in a sport or a hobby, maybe even volunteer work to busy yourself with. hang out with your friends. just try to be happy and occupy your brain :] youll be okay, i promise.
i hope i helped ! good luck and if you need anything else, feel free to inbox me, xxo.
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