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I found out my Dad has been watching Porn, should I tell my mom?
My parents have been married for 31 years. My Dad is a jerk, cheated on my mom several times early in the marriage, was an alcoholic & is now just plain mean to my mom. He treates her like a slave. My dad has been going outside on the patio, smoking cigars & playing online poker/games for over 2 years now. Just recently my sister & I were sitting on the sofa watching TV. She turned around & saw that my dad had a small window up with porn on it. My mom is a Christian & they both go to church. I KNOW she wont be okay with this especially because she meets all of his "physical needs" when every he wants. I have been very convicted about this & think I should tell her. Please give me your advice. Thanks.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Your mom probably does know, or at the very least, it wouldn't surprise her to know. Ask yourself what you hope will happen by telling her? What will she do? Leave your Dad? Make him stop? Probably not... she's been there after all this time, she's probably not going anywhere. If you feel like you have to tell her, just because you need to ask her about it and why she puts up with it, fine. But if you are thinking its going to change how she deals with your dad, you're probably going to be disappointed. If you have any kind of relationship with your dad, and you are not afraid of him in some way, tell HIM what you saw, and that it creeped you out. But telling mom probably won't change things at all. Sounds like you should be start making plans now to get out of that house and on your own as soon as you are able or old enough. Sounds like a whole bunch of stress that is unfair, and that you don't need.
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I am old enough to be your grandfather, so I am going to offer some grandfatherly advice to you.
Should you decide to tell you mother about your fathers pornography habit, you will probably be telling her something she already knows and reconciled with. You parents religious convictions may not be in total sync but they have been married for 31 years. I'm fairly certain your fathers viewing of pornography on the Internet in video's or reading magazines such as Playboy is not something he just started. It is something that you just learned about that he is doing.
You obviously are acutely aware of you mothers religious convictions toward pornography and may have your own convictions on pornography. Your father obviously does not stand by the same convictions you and your mother have; this is not wrong on his part. Most pornography is legal to view and possess. So there is nothing wrong with this either.
What is wrong and something you have to come to terms with for yourself is do you wish to force your morality on your father. This of course would mean you agree with your mother that viewing porn is an affront to god.
As I said; I believe your mother after 31 years of marriage already knows of your fathers viewing of pornography and decided not to force her morality on him. As long as he view in private and does not force your mother to view this with him she may have decided to look the other way on this issue. For to force her morality on your father is also an affront
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The bottom line here is: there's nothing unethical, immoral, or condemning about pornography, nor is your father cheating on your mother through it. I respect the fact that you hold firmly to certain morals, but we're all hardwired to want and desire sex (as it's apart of evolution, to procreate, etc.) And these feelings have nothing to do with the lack of love/respect you seem to think he has for your mother.
How you view your parents relationship and most importantly, how they view it, and how relationships (let alone a 31-year-marriage) work are not the same thing. You need to realize that you're not apart of the situation.
Furthermore, I think the core issue in this is how you feel about the existing relationship between your parents. In which case, you need to discuss how you feel with them in a constructive, positive way. Revealing what you believe to be as some form of adultery to your mother isn't that, certainly.
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Don't get involved
You stated your parents have been married for 31 years, I'm sure your mother is well aware that your father may be looking at porn. This isn't anything new, A lot of men look at porn, Even married men/couples. Your father may have made mistakes early on in the marriage but him looking at porn isn't really something to jump on to rat him out about he isn't doing anything harmful he is being a typical man. If your mother feels that she isn't meeting his sexual needs this is up to your mother to discuss with your father. Technically, This really should be the least of your worries as this is something that is between your mother and father. If your father were cheating on your mother and talking to other woman...That would be a little bit of a different story. For now, Worry about yourself
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I fail to see how it's any of your business.
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Tell your mom if that is what you feel is best but remember what could happen she may shrug it off, she may become upset and finally decide to leave your father there are many outcomes that could occur.
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