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Mixed emotions are killing me;
Im 17/f , & I will be 18 in Nov. Michael is 16 & will be 17 in Oct. He is the youngest guy I have dated. We have been dating for 4 months. He's my first serious relationship I have had since my ex Thomas in 06'. When he first asked me out, I said yes, but I felt like I made the wrong decision cause I was scared of what people would think of him cause he isn't the cutest thing in the world, but he's sweet. I gave him a chance, cause I didn't want to be shallow & miss out on a good guy. After 2 months, I told Michael that I had an ex (Thomas) coming over to see my family cause he was really close to them, & Michael didn't care at all; he trusts me. Thomas & I sat in his truck just bringing up our past, & it brought back a lot of memories. He said he still loved me, & that when im 18 he was going to ask me back out, cause he is 21 & his parents weren't okay with the age difference. He was aware about my new boyfriend. We didn't do anything, NOT EVEN HUG. After he left, I started having mixed emotions about if i wanted to be with Michael or not, so I talked to him about it, & explained how I felt to him; days went by & I had a feeling inside me that I felt guilty, but I had nothing to feel guilty over. I finally broke up with him; I felt happier; but than again I felt as if something was missing. When I left him, he cried & was very hurt; we talked & got back together cause we both thought it was Thomas's presents that I was feeling this way; and we also thought that it was the fact that we barely hung out with each other. So we started hanging out alot more & the mixed emotions went away. We had sex once a couple of weeks later. Ever since then we have been fine until Friday; I told him I wasn't in love with him but I do love him; he said he was in love with me. My mixed emotions are coming back. I brought it to his attention again, & he says its cause Im on my period, cause last mixed emotions happen while I was on my period also. I feel as if our relationship is boring. We have tried new things, but our relationship doesn't get any better to me. When we hang its like we are bestfriends, but I know I like him as more. Looks aren't everything, hes a good guy which makes me like him more.We use to be able to talk on the phone for hours, & now I dont like talking to him any longer than maybe 10 minutes on the phone cause he irritates me. The littlest things he does gets on my nerves, & I don't understand why. I use to love to kiss him, but now I don't. I have no problem cuddling with him, but its only when I want too. I dont want to hurt him, cause he has treated me the best that I have ever been treated & he had a rough past where people would just walk out of his life & I dont want to be like that. Sometimes I find him immature, even though he really isn't. He just doesn't think before he speaks. He has tried to change himself to keep me, but I dont want him being something he's not. I know its not lust, cause we aren't all over each other, & I dont like doing sexual things with him. I just really don't know what to do.I've been thinking that maybe it's the fact that I like the idea of having a boyfriend, but Im not too sure. I don't want to break up with him, and than regret it, but I dont want to stay with him just to get him more attached to me and than hurt him more. Its like when I break up with him, I feel heartbroken & I want him back, but when I take him back, I dont want to be with him. Im lost, and confused.
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Wow, um... that's a lot of stuff on your mind. Okay first I'm sorry to say that it seems that the two of you are just not meant to be with each other. You can't help how you feel and you don't need to suffer and stay with guy if he makes you uncomfortable. It would probably be a good thing first to just tell him that you need some space so you can have time to sort out your mixed feelings. Then once that is done. Get you self together and have the courage to sit him down and tell him that it just isn't working out and it never will. Yea.. he will be hurt and if you say that you feel hurt as well, well, it isn't the end of the world. You and him both will live and move on in life. You are both very young and still have much to explore. So all the things that you r telling me is saying that you might as face it and tell him that the two of you can't be because it's not right to stay with someone when you feel nothing for that person. Oh, but tell him that you don't mind about being friends it helps makes things a little easier. It should all blow over and then you can do what you wanna do. GOOD LUCK!!!
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This is crazy because I have been through this exact same scenario. What I did was wrote down all the good and bad qualities about both relationships. I suggest comparing the two and pray (to whatever higher power you believe in) and sit on it. Take some time for yourself and see what is best for you. I have the problem that whenever I date someone long enough I start to get annoyed of little silly things they do. I then have to realize my own mistakes and it helps me see what i'm dwelling on isn't all that important. I say this as well "is this something that will change? is this something that i can't stand? or am i being too picky?". If you answer these questions, it will help you see either that this person isn't compatible with you or you are being difficult. When you leave someone its hard because there is a period where you miss that person and the joy they brought to you. you need to always remind yourself why you broke up with them in the first place. When you take them back all the joy is there but the negative things bubble to the top and that's what you tend to dwell on. when/if you break up with him remember why you did it and keep your ground. Its hard but time will heal. hope this helps.
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Hey.
You shouldn't had sex with him if you dont like him. that will get you more attached to each other. You're feeling that he's immature because he's maybe younger than you. If you're not too confident about your relationship, just tell him what you feel and dont worry about feeling heartbroken. ITS NORMAL. it will go away in a few days or weeks. Maybe you love Thomas and thats whats leading you to being irritated by Michael.
You gave michael a chance and its ok if you broke up. Hope I helped.
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It really sounds to me, I hate to say, that you are hung up on your ex. That is not completely a bad thing. I had this guy, I dated him for a year and six months. We broke up and I dated this other guy. It was ok at first, but I was always thinking about my ex the entire time. It was like your experience, tried everything to make the emotions go away, but they never did. I finally broke up with him and tried things again with my ex. We are together as I type this, and have been together going on a year and a half. (almost three years altogether). We are very happy, so maybe try things out with your ex again and if you still have mixed emotions then its time to take a break from both of them all together until you figure out what you want. But you never know, maybe those emotions towards your ex are there for a reason. (:
Hope I helped.
---Taylor
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you are really confused but it sounds like you and him are just not meant to be. he and you are better as bestfriends then boyfriend girlfriend. thats why you feel so heartbroken you dont want to loose him completely but you dont want that much attachement from having a relationship. or just the fact that you hurt someone hurts you and you dont want him to feel that way because you know his past about people walking out on him. its not your responsibility to keep him happy your young and so is he your not happy and you need to date someone that you want to date and love then just being in a relationship and floating on by with life. your not going to be with him forever and if you dont have strong feelings now then when will you? it just doesnt grow on you. i think when you start dating someone its because both people really like eachother and you sorta just went in it just to give him a chance. this isnt fair to you and just because his feelings will be hurt for a little while doesnt mean you have to feel bad and go back with him. just think its not fair to him to be so in love with you and you just having i love him as a person. just tell him you know i see you more than a best friend to me then a boyfriend and i dont find it fair that im doing this to you. i care about you but your just not the one for me we are still young and i know theres someone better out thier for you and me. and i dont want you to change for me because that just isnt right. im really sorry. and thats all you have to say. if you want to break up with him which sounds like you do to me. i hope i helped you out if not let me know im happy to revise my answer for you.
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I cant tell you what's in your heart, so this is a hard question to answer. I suggest taking a break, for at least 2 weeks. Cut all contact. See if you miss him. It may just be that you like having a boyfriend or have gotten attatched to him as a friend. After the break, take him back as a friend and see if that fulfills you. You'll yearn for him if you really want to be with him. And make sure you are thinking of HIM, and not just having someone, not just physical contact or someone to talk to.
Good luck,
-Abby
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